Fallen From Grace
by August Shaffer
Summary: Jacob Black returns to town as Father Jacob. Bella knows it's a sin to tempt a man of the cloth but she can't resist! Can Jake resist the tempting Bella?  This a story I am reposting per requests
1. Prologue: Father Jacob's Confession

_**Disclaimer: I don't profit financially but your replies definitely reward me.**_

_**A/N: Okay, so I want to tell you that as this story progresses there will be some changes in the plot and a few added scenes never before read in the original version of this story! Back when I first wrote this story I was extremely scared of offending someone's religion by writing this but after so much support I finally finished it. I rushed through it, however, so now I'm going to take the time to write it the way it deserved to be written. Thank you to those who are returning and also to those giving it a first time read. **_

Prologue:

I stared at the rosary in the palm of my hand. I was supposed to be praying for guidance from his holy father. I was supposed to be considering what was right and what was wrong. I was expected to make a decision soon.

A decision that could not only alternate my life here on earth but possibly the verdict on my soul once I left this world behind me. Was I truly listening to my heart and to my heavenly father? Or was this just Satan's way of tempting me away from my true calling?

How was I expected to know the answers to these questions? I was after all just a mortal man. I knew I was guilty of committing many sins these last few months. I also knew I had no one to blame but myself. I should have been stronger. I should've held onto my faith and honored my vows.

Yet I could not find it in my heart to regret those bittersweet moments I spent in her company. I knew we had been wicked for what we had done. I knew we were going against everything I had held so high in my heart and my soul. Yet I wasn't strong enough for the both of us.

I know that Bella doesn't believe she did anything wrong and I have prayed to you God to forgive her despite her resistance to understand it was wrong no matter what our hearts felt.

Bella, my sweet vixen. The girl, no the woman, has grown up to be someone I never imagined I would look at with such need and desire. I never wanted to look at her like that. I wanted to keep her pure in my heart and my mind. I wanted to see all of her dreams come true for her but I feared I am not the one to help her accomplish those goals.

Oh God, how did this happen to me? I was always good and loyal to you and our cause. I was always faithful to you and to my brothers. How did this one woman come back into my life and turn it completely upside down? How did I let go of my beliefs so easily just to touch her flesh? How was it possible that out of all the women I had encountered in the ten years I trained and studied that this one led me astray?

What do I do God? Do I walk away from everything that I had sweated, sacrificed, and loved more than anything in this world to be a part of just to stand by her side and to be able to call her mine?

How do you know which path you should take? I know that Father Michael believes that if look within I will find the answers. I have looked within and all I still find is confusion. I can see myself happy on either path. I could live out the rest of my days working to get out your word Father or I could be the man she desires and needs in her life. The choice is just too damn unbearable to make.

I am angry that I have to choose at all. I know it is greedy and selfish for me to continue my life in this church while my body longs for her touch. I know I can't keep performing this sin against you with her. It's not fair to you or to her.

Either way I feel as if I will be condemned to hell. If I walk away from you Father will I lose my place in heaven by your side? If I walk away from her will my heart ever truly be in this church or will it always long for her? How can I give you all of me when there is a big part of me now in her?

How did I let this happen to me? How did I slip away from such pure love as you have shown me?

Father, I have sinned against you. What do I do? What do YOU want me to do? God, where is your voice? What can't I feel your presence?

Have I've already lost my place in this church? Have you already turned against me? No, that's impossible my God wouldn't ever abandon me even if I have left the flock. Forgive me father! I'm a weak man.

I have done the unthinkable and fallen from grace for the love of one woman who I would trade my soul to keep.


	2. Returning Home

_Disclaimer: I do not own nor profit from these characters. _

_Rating: PG_

_Note: Bella is younger than Jacob by about 4 yrs just so you know. Hope you enjoy this and keep in mind I am not catholic so if I make any errors please forgive me. Xoxo August _

_Chapter 1:Returning Home_

_I was not having a good day at all. I woke up late, had less than five minutes of hot water when I got in the shower, and was a half an hour late for work. Thank God my boss is also my best friend or I would have been fired a long time ago. The last few months I have had nothing but pure bad luck. I couldn't figure out what I had done exactly to piss off God these days. _

_I just couldn't seem to get back on track. I used to have a rather normal routine life but these days it has been in total chaos. I knew that a small portion of the craziness was to be blamed on the fact that my ex-boyfriend, Hunter was seeing someone new. I knew I was being a shit for being so upset and jealous over his new relationship. I mean, hell, I was the one who dump him. I was the one who pushed him away when I knew he was becoming serious about the two of us. _

_My own father pointed out that fact several times over the past month when he drop by to see me at work or at my house. He would remind me that I couldn't hide out in my house forever. I had to move forward. I had to act like it didn't hurt my ego when I saw Hunter with Alyssa Newton. Alyssa was Mike's cousin from Texas who moved to Washington after her mother passed away and she had no family ties to keep her in Texas. _

_In her defense she did seem like a nice girl. She was also adjusting quite well in our small knitted community. The Newton's were a well known family here in Forks. They own a few small businesses and Mike's dad use to be the Mayor until he retired last year. Over all they were a nice family. _

_I wanted so badly to hate them both but I couldn't. I mean, Alyssa had no clue that Hunter and I had dated for nearly two years since I returned home from college. Hunter Paxton also had family connections in Forks. He moved here a few weeks before I returned home. He was the cousin of one of my old High School colleagues, Emmett Hale. I had always enjoyed Emmett's company but sometimes he was too hyper for my taste so we never hook up. One of my girlfriends, Rosalie was blessed to fall in love with him instead and recently they were married. _

_When I broke up with Hunter ,Emmett made it clear to me that he was not happy with my decision. He also let me know that I would regret dumping Hunter someday. I had of course just laughed and agreed with him. I figured he was just trying to stick up for his cousin. _

_Now looking back I know Emmett was right. I did regret it. Okay, if I am honest with myself I would have to say I regret that he is with someone else. I knew in my heart that he was getting to that stage where he was going to propose to me soon. I think marriage is great. I think it is wonderful for other people. It's just not where I am in my life. I want to enjoy the freedom of my twenties. _

_I knew I was an enigma to my girlfriends. They couldn't understand why I would dump a guy when I suspected he would propose to me. It was too complicated to explain to girls who were born and raised to believe once you turn eighteen you needed to start finding your future husband. I just wanted to live life and enjoy it to the fullest. I didn't want something that bound me to just one person. I wanted to spread my wings and go and do what I wanted, when I wanted. _

_I shook my serious, depressing, thoughts from my head as I prepared to lock up before I left work. I work with Alice Cullen. My very best friend in the whole wide world. She is the owner of Happy Endings Wedding Coordinator. She helps her clients pick out everything for their wedding day. She also tries to go to each wedding to assure that everything was in place the way the client had requested. If she couldn't make it then I was forced to go to the event. Most of the time I just took the pictures. _

_My career as a photographer started out as a hobby. I would take a few shots here and there. Before I knew it I was getting all sorts of personal requests from friends and their friends and so forth. When Alice opened up her business she asked me if I would offer my photography skills to her clients who were always trying to find a good photographer for their weddings. Since I was in need of a job I agreed. I made a good living. I was able to buy my first house. My dad was not too pleased about that. He enjoyed me being back home with him. I was constantly reminding him that I was now 24 yrs old and it would look pretty damn lame if I still lived at home. He understood but hated it. I made him a deal that at least once a week we would hook up for dinner so we could catch up on how we were both doing. It appeased him. _

"_Bella." I heard a male voice call out to me as I turned the key to lock the front door. _

_I turned to see who was calling out my name. _

_I was a bit surprised to see Seth Clearwater walking across the street. The boy had grown massively over the last few years. He was also drop dead gorgeous. I had to constantly remind myself he was barely twenty one. Then there was the fact that my father was recently dating his mother so if things got serious this hot young beef cake could be my future step brother. _

"_Hey Seth." I smiled warmly at him as he approached me. The boy definitely had the cutest smile ever with those two dimples in his cheeks. _

"_How was your day at work?" He asked as he stared up at the large sign above our head. _

"_Normal. How about you?" I ask knowing that he had just started a new job down at the community center. He was in charge of social events. Since he was young most of the teens could relate to him and he was still cool enough to know what sort of stuff kids were into. _

"_It was fun. I got a surprise today." His eyes widened with a glimmer of mischief. _

"_Really." I frown as I waited for him to tell me what that surprise consisted of. _

"_Yep." He nodded his head enthusiastically. _

"_Okay spill." I rolled my eyes and slip my hands in my back pockets. _

"_A old friend of Forks has returned." He said excitedly. _

_I cocked an eye brow trying to think of who had left Forks in the past few years. Several faces and names popped in my head. _

"_I don't know." I shrug my shoulders trying to act like it was of no importance to me. I knew if I acted curious that Seth would make me play the damn guessing game. I hate that. _

"_Come on." Seth urged. _

"_I'm really hungry Seth. I just want to go home and eat." My stomach must have heard me because a second later it began to growl loudly. _

"_Okay, fine. Do you remember Jacob Black?" He ask as his eyes widened and his smile was spread so far across his face that it reminded me of the joker on Batman. _

_I stood there frozen. My heart pounded erratically against my chest. Jacob Black. A name that I once worshiped. Jacob Black was my very first crush. He is four years older than me. So when I was a freshman and he was a Senior I seriously stalked him my entire freshman year. Our parents are close friends. Well they were until my mother divorced my father and moved away. Then his mother passed away. It was a horrible year in our lives. I was eight years old and he was twelve. We helped each other grieve in our own ways. _

_Jacob understood that my pain differed from his. His mother didn't want to leave him. She fought so hard against her disease. My mother couldn't get out of Forks soon enough. She naturally ask me to join her but I had refused. I liked Forks and I didn't want to move away from my friends and my father. _

_Although Renee and I are much closer now we were not those first few years after she left us. Jacob had become my new babysitter of sorts. When Charlie had to work late Billy would send over Rachel and Jacob would tag along. We would hang out just the three of us. It was fun. It had made the long nights more bearable. _

_Then Jacob hit puberty and had less time for me or his sister. The girls flocked to him like crazy. He grew so fast and began to work out while playing on the football team. He was so fucking gorgeous it was unreal. _

_I blinked as I looked at Seth for a moment. It suddenly dawn on me how similar Jake and Seth were. It made sense now why Seth made my heart skip a beat when he was near me. I never fantasized about Seth the way I did about Jake. It was those fantasies that I first discover how to touch myself. _

_I know most girls would never admit that they pleasure themselves from time to time but hey a girl had to do what a girl had to do in order to find some sort of sexual release. Especially since Charlie wouldn't let me date until I was sixteen. I didn't get my first kiss until I reached that age. Charlie was the chief of police so he had a strong personality that often frightened the potential boyfriends away. _

_So yep, Jacob Black, was the guy that got me so horny that I found myself slipping my fingers underneath my cotton panties for the first time. I had felt guilty the first few times but eventually it became such a habit that I lost that fear of knowing that God saw all and knew all. _

_I was often excited at the prospect of going to bed at night. I knew that once the lights were turned off and I was snug underneath my blankets that I had the freedom to close my eyes and imagine all sorts of erotic fantasies while my fingers worked its magic on my tender nub until I cried out from my sweet release. _

_I knew that Jacob Black had no clue how he had affected me. In fact I made it a point to never let him know. _

_Jacob had decided in his Sophomore year to start taking classes toward becoming a priest. At first I thought he was just doing it to get attention or it was his way of still dealing with the loss of his mother. When he graduated he went straight to Seminary College. He told me that he felt in his heart that God needed him. He wanted to be the man that God deserved of him. _

_I had hoped that he would grow out of the phase but he didn't. He continued until he became a priest. It was a travesty. A man that gorgeous that had so much sex appeal in him and then gave it all up to be a celibate priest. It was a fucking nightmare to all the girls who hoped and wished for just one night with him. _

_I had cried for months after he left. My father was totally confused and oblivious to the six months of depression I had sunk into after Jacob's departure. _

_Now Seth was standing before me letting me know that he was back in Forks. I knew without asking that he was still a priest but hey I had to ask anyways. _

"_Is he still a priest?" I gulp hard. _

"_Yep. He is going to be helping out Father Michael at the church and assisting at the community center with the young adults." Seth exclaimed proudly. _

"_That is just marvelous." I hoped he did not pick up on the sarcastic tone of my voice. _

_I know I should be happy that he is doing what makes him happy. He was living a honorable and very noble role in our Catholic Church. Still, I had hoped deep down that one day he would return and tell all of us horny women that he had changed his mind and would love to donate his body to our cause. Oh well, a girl could always dream. _

"_I know right. Mom will be so pleased to hear he will be at church." Seth explained as he continue to smile madly. _

"_Yeah. Okay well, I need to run. Stomach still hungry." I patted it as I began to walk away from him. _

"_Are you coming over for dinner this Friday?" Seth ask. _

"_Yep." I nodded my head as I continue to walk across the small parking lot toward my car. _

_Charlie had requested that I join them for dinner this Friday. I had a worried feeling that my dad's bachelor days were coming to an end. He was quite smitten by Sue. She was a sweet woman. I had a lot of respect for her. It was also cool that Leah and I were good friends as well. So if our parents did join up we would become step sisters. _

_As I drove toward my house I couldn't seem to get Jacob Black's image out of my head. I strolled into the house and pulled out a microwave dinner. Throwing the box aside, I slip the food in the microwave and set the time. _

_Leaning against the countertop I found myself remembering all the silly and yet exciting fantasies that I use to have about Jacob Black. Not once in all of those fantasies did I allow myself to imagine him in a priest attire. It just seem too damn sinful. The microwave buzzed letting me know that my simple meal was ready to be consumed. _

_I sat at the table trying to enjoy my lasagna but all I could think about was what it would feel like to have Jacob Black in my bed for one long, steamy, and sweaty night. _

_JPOV: _

"_Father Jacob we are so excited to have you here with us. I am positive that the community will be just as pleased as I am." Father Michael announced as he patted Jacob on the back. _

_Jacob just smiled sincerely at Father Michael. _

"_Yes, well, it is good to be close to my family again. It makes visiting with them easier." I confessed. It had been several years since I had come home for a visit. I knew my father was disappointed in my lack of visits and Rachel had missed me like crazy. It was hard to explain to them how the church worked. I couldn't simply just leave when I wanted. I had so many responsibilities. I had other people whose souls counted on me to be there to counsel and guide them. _

_I was also constantly in training. I had so much to learn. Even after completing my seminary college degree I had more to learn from within the walls of my church. Father Michael was to be my sixth mentor since I began this journey. I was constantly looking up to these men who had abstain from the outside world for over twenty years or more. I was amazed at how they never regretted their decision to cut off the outside world. _

_Whenever I began to doubt if this was the right calling I would pray for answers. Sometimes I would stay on my knees for days until I found my faith and my strength returning to me. I knew this was the right place for me. I loved my God. I loved my church. I loved helping others through difficult moments in their lives. I felt so honored when I was able to see someone through a rough patch. I was never more happier than when I watched God's people raise above the evil that was in this world. _

_Yes, this was my calling. This was where I was meant to be. Still, I had moments of weakness. I had moments where I wondered if I would ever be good enough. Not always was I able to see people rise above their grief, anger, or the evil of the world. I had also been trained to assist at funerals as well. It hurt to watch those I had worked with or their loved ones and see that death still came for them. I knew it was part of life. I knew that death had to come for us all eventually but it always brought me back to the death of my mother. I would recall the anger that had filled my soul. I would struggle against the sinking misery I would slip into when I watched as a child bawled by his or her mother's graveside. _

_I knew that God loved us all and I also knew that he called back people before we were ready to let them leave our lives. I knew it was God's will. I knew he had a reason for everything but it still hurt like hell. _

"_I'm sure it will. I know I have not seen your father in here for quite sometime now." Father Michael admitted to me. _

"_Yeah, he is still not pleased with my choice." I explained as I lowered my eyes to the floor. _

_My father said that although he loved God he didn't believe that it was fair of him to take me away from them. As far as my father was concerned I had already died in his eyes. I was no longer the boy who went fishing with him, played football in the backyard , or the boy who admired his father and listened entirely to his advice. I often found myself wondering if my father was jealous of my faith in God's word. I think he felt like he couldn't compete against it. It was ridiculous. Billy Black was my biological father. He was the man who raised me to be such a strong person. I would always love him. _

"_I see. I had hoped he would come around eventually. It will work out. Maybe having you closer so you can spend some time with him might ease some of his suffering." Father Michael advised as he patted me on the back. _

"_I hope so. I hate to think that he loves God less because I am here." I confided. _

"_I do not doubt Billy's love for God one bit. I think he just longs for the son you use to be. He will come around. I just know it." Father Michael showered me with a tender smile and then began to lead me to my new room. _

_The rooms were always the same. Plain. Bare walls besides the crucifix of Jesus. I did not mind the simplicity of my room. When I lived at home I had a room about the same size of this one. I did not own many material things even then. It was not because I did not want them but because we could not afford much. _

_I had learn to be humble from a early age. Yeah, material things were not something I envied. _

"_Well I know the parishioners will be excited to see you here. I know the community center is pleased that you will be assisting them as well. I'm afraid as one man I have not been able to spread myself too much. You will be welcomed here Father Jacob. " Father Michael stated as he showed me to the kitchen where we proceeded to make our evening meal together. I chose a can of chicken noodle soup while he chose the beef. We sat at the small wooded table saying our prayers before we consumed our meal. _

"_I have a calendar in the office so you can see what is planned for each day here. We have a couple of weddings plan this month. I will need your help making sure that everything is in order. So far we have no funerals planned. I hope we keep it that way." He chuckled lightly. _

"_I agree." I laugh quietly. _

"_Many of your former classmates have settled down in the area. You should find some joy in visiting with them I imagine." Father Michael said. _

"_Yeah, I guess so." I didn't want to explain to Father Michael that I lost many of my closer friends once I began down my path of becoming a priest in High School. They look at me like a freak of nature. My guy friends couldn't understand how I would walk away from a piece off ass when it was jumping all over me. I would explain that a woman should hold onto her virtue. They thought I was gay. It had hurt like hell to stay strong and hold onto my beliefs. I had refused to prove my manhood to these hormonal teens boys. I was a man. Sure, I had thoughts of women. I saw their beauty. I had needs. I refused to let them take control of me and cause a young girl to condem her soul for a few moments of lust. _

_Over the years it had grown harder to resist that type of temptation. Many nights I would wake up from a sexual dream that would cause me to stroke myself until I found release from the pain. I would pray afterwards for forgiveness. I knew it was a natural thing to do. I knew from some of my studies that God would rather have me masturbate than to go out and perform the sexual deed that would condemn me in his eyes. _

_I might be a priest but underneath this black covered outfit I was a mortal man. I was made of flesh. The flesh had desires that often made people weak, stupid, and careless. I had won the battle over my flesh many times. I learn to look at these beautiful women as creatures of God. Future angels to the lord almighty. I would never tarnish something that pure. _

"_I think I will go for a walk." I left the solstice of the church to take a stroll down memory lane. _

_I knew when I returned here not all my memories would be good ones. I knew where there was bad there was also good in this world. _

_I came across the park. My heart froze for a moment. I began to remember my mother pushing me on these very swings. She was a beautiful woman. She also loved God as much as I do. I knew she was by his side and I knew she was proud of me. _

_I glanced around the park as other memories began to flood my head. Then I saw one that struck me as hilarious. I found myself laughing out loud. _

_Bella Swan. How long had it been since I saw her last? Ten years? God, time had gone by so quickly. I wondered if she still lived here in Forks? Would she even remember me? I smiled. I would never forget her. _


	3. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

FFG: Chapter Two: Guess Who's Coming to Dinner

BPOV:

The week seem to fly by until I found myself remembering it was Friday and I was expected to meet my dad at Sue's for dinner. I was still not sure how I felt about this sudden change in our weekly dinner date. I mean, he gets to see her every day why do I have to share my one evening with him? I knew I was sounding childish instead of the grown woman I was suppose to be.

I knew I just mainly dreaded watching them share those silly looks that happy couples often have when they are deliriously in love. My love life or the lack of one these days were starting to bug me a bit. I had to watch as Hunter and Alyssa walked hand in hand to lunch the other day. Alyssa worked at the newspaper as the secretary where Hunter worked as a journalist. It just plain sucked! I guess it was bound to happen between them since they worked together but it sucked ass as far as I was concern.

I smiled as I watch Leah drive up in front of the shop. I assumed she was here to remind me about tonight's dinner date with our parents. Figures they would send her after me. They knew that Leah and I were close and that I was totally scared to death of Leah. She put me in a headlock once and made me eat all my broccoli. I cried so hard afterward that I threw it up. This had only irritated Leah more. I was about ten and she was thirteen. Rachel and Jacob had to go out of town with their father and Charlie had to work late so they had suggested Leah to help watch me. Whenever Charlie informed me that Leah was coming over I would run to the fridge and throw away all the vegetables I hated. Charlie found it humorous at the time. I seriously thought she had some serious anger issues even back then.

"Hey Bella." Leah smiled as she walked into the shop.

"Hey Leah." I nodded as I stared hard at her. It suddenly occurred to me that Leah had dated Jacob. Funny. Not sure why that had suddenly occurred to me after all these years. Perhaps Seth's warning me of his reappearance into town was starting to bring back old memories that I thought were long gone.

"We are on for dinner." She stated as she wrapped her arms around her chest and glanced nervously around the store.

"Yep." I nodded my head and laughed inwardly. It was so obvious that Leah was totally nervous around the wedding stuff. Like me she was not in no hurry to settle down.

"What?" She snorted toward me as she began to fidget.

"You know the stuff in here is not contagious." I made a snappy remark. I was enjoying her uneasy look. It made me feel powerful toward her for a change.

"Whatever!" She rolled her eyes as she turn to walk toward the door.

"Seven right?" I called out.

"Yeah." She replied while walking out.

I hurried to close up so I had time to go and change. I had worked on two appointments today and one of them I was outside the entire time. I felt sweaty still. A quick shower and some decent comfortable clothes I could make it just in time so I was not tardy for once.

I had decided to wear a pair of my favorite jeans that fit me snugly with a soft blue cardigan. I left my hair in curls but pulled my sides up in a barrette. I knew my dad liked it when I wore my hair down. He said I was too young to be pulling it up in a bun. I had to explain that when I was taking pictures sometimes it was necessary to keep my hair out of my face so I could see better.

I drove up to beautiful two story home that Harry Clearwater had helped his own father build by hand. It was such a tragedy that Sue and her children had lost such a good man. Although I was happy that Charlie was in love with Sue I still missed Harry like crazy. He was after all one of my dad's closest friends. Charlie almost didn't ask Sue out because he still felt like she was Harry's wife despite being dead for three years. It was Billy who told Charlie that it was time for him to move forward and Sue as well. He also hinted that he knew Sue was starting to crush on him since he came by weekly to check on them and help out at the house anytime she needed it. I don't honestly think my dad and Sue would have ever hook up if Harry was still around but he was no longer here and so it made sense to me that they would fall in love this way.

Charlie had taken over Harry's role swiftly where Seth was concern. Charlie adored me but I could tell that he had always wanted a son to go fishing and hunting with. When Jacob was around he often hung out with the guys. So it made since after he left and Seth was getting older that he replaced Jacob in the men's lives. I had noticed on more than one occasion that Billy would look at Seth and his eyes would water up. I knew that Billy had not been pleased with Jacob's choice to leave and become a priest.

He never spoke negatively about it in front of me but I sense it all the same when Jacob's name was brought up. I also noticed how he had kept Jacob's room the way it had been when he left as if he was hoping Jacob would return to it as the young man he once had been. We all knew it would not happen but like Billy I also had hoped on more than one occasion that Jacob would wake up and become the man we all dreamed about.

I walked up the porch and knock on the door. I knew Sue hated when I did that but it was not my home and I wasn't about to suddenly become arrogant enough to act like it was.

Seth greeted me at the door.

"You made it. Oh hell look she is even ten minutes early. I think you might have set a record Bella." Seth teased me as I flipped him off and walked briskly past him. Seth might be easy on the eyes but he still reminded me that he was more like the little brother I had grown accustom too.

"We are in here." I heard Sue called from the kitchen as I walked through the house finding the kitchen with ease. When I strolled in I saw Leah frowning at the table top trying to place the silverware in it's proper place on the table. I wanted to laugh but it occurred to me that the table was totally decorated in all of Sue's finest things. The table cloth, centerpiece flowers, candles, her best china, and silverware. What the hell was going on exactly? Was tonight the night that Charlie and Sue would announced their engagement? I mean as far as I knew Charlie had not proposed yet.

I frowned at Leah hoping she might enlighten me but she just shrugged her shoulders as she curse under her breathe.

"Do you need any help?" I offered.

"Yes, can you get that peach pie out of the oven for me." Sue replied as she tossed the salad.

Now I was seriously worried. Peach Pie? She always served cheesecake or chocolate cake both of Charlie's favorites. What was up with the peach pie? I couldn't recall eating that particular pie with anyone in this household.

I grab the mittens and pulled it out. It spelled delicious. I loved peach pie and use to make it all the time. In fact I use to cook all the time for Charlie and I until I left for college. I didn't have much time to cook nor did I have the proper appliances to cook. When I return home and bought my first house I only had myself to serve so cooking was still not as important to me. When Charlie came over I would cook up something fast for the both of us. I couldn't even remember the last time I baked a cake.

"Where's Charlie?" I ask as I sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon over the crust. I used to do this on my pie to give it that something extra.

"He is on his way. He had to pick up something before he got here." Sue answered with her back still toward me.

I glanced over at Leah wondering if she had any ideal why everything look so special? She had just finish with the silverware and looked suspiciously at her mother's backside.

I noticed that Leah was wearing a brown skirt that reach mid length on her long legs and a nice black button up blouse. She wore some black flats. Now I was starting to really grow concerned. Why was she dressed up? She normally wore jeans and a t-shirt like myself.

"Sue what is going on?" I decided to ask as the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach grew worse by the second. I didn't like surprises. In fact I hated them and anyone who knew me knew better than to try and throw one on me.

"Nothing Bella. Charlie and I thought it would be nice to spend a evening with all of you kids." She answered as she glanced at me quickly. I caught a sparkle in her eyes before she turn back around.

I walk out of the kitchen and proceeded to locate Seth. I hoped he had a clue about what was going on. I found him sitting in his room at his computer desk wearing a big smile on his face.

"Are you looking at porn?" I teased as I tapped on the door frame.

"Hell no! My mom would shoot me." Seth replied with a serious look on his face that made me laugh. He was seriously such a mommy's boy. I feared for his future wife.

"So what is going on tonight?" I ask as I glanced down toward the kitchen.

"I'm not totally sure." Seth replied as he began to type on the computer.

"Okay what part are you not sure about?" I ask hoping he would give me some sort of hint of what lied ahead.

"Uh…like…none of it." He laugh slowly as he shut off the computer.

"Great. I hate surprises." I warn him as I rubbed my neck. I could feel a headache slowly approaching.

"I can tell." Seth walk around me and push my hand free as he rubbed my neck. It felt so good that I began to moaned softly.

"Well, you have some serious tension. You need to get laid." He joked as he continue to rub it with just enough pressure that I felt the pain subsiding.

"From your mouth to God's ears." I replied with a chuckle.

"Why are you not dating anyone?" Seth ask he moved his hands from my neck to my shoulders.

"Haven't found anyone to date." I replied honestly.

"I'm sure there are plenty of guys that would kill to date you." Seth stated.

"Yeah, well they are not lining up at my door." I stepped away from his hands as I heard Charlie's truck pull up in the gravel driveway.

I walked to the window and pulled the blind apart as I look to see what Charlie had to pick up exactly. It was then that I saw that Charlie had a passenger with him. I couldn't see who exactly it was because it was growing dark. My heart did a flip flop. This could not be good. Whoever it was that Charlie had picked up Sue thought they were important enough to make dinner extra special.

"Let's go see who the surprise is!" Seth cried out like a child expecting Santa to be at the door. I rolled my eyes as I walked out behind him.

JPOV:

The drive to the Clearwaters house made my heart fill with joy. I had almost forgotten just how beautiful the scenery was. The trees, the flowers, everything about it was as God intended it to be. This was one of those places that people had not been able to exploit or change to fit their own needs. Forks was seriously one of those rare communities that tried to keep everything as natural as it was intended to be.

I had been a bit nervous about this sudden request for dinner with Sue and her family. After all I still hadn't been out to see my own father yet. I knew that confrontation would not be a happy one. From what Father Michael had revealed my father was still quite disappointed in my decision to become a priest. I knew eventually I had to take the first step and go to him.

When Charlie came to pick me up I was a bit thrown for a loop. I learned very little from Charlie about how everyone was doing here. He was never one to rattle on about town gossip. All I knew from him that he was now dating Sue. She had asked him to bring me to her house after he got off of work.

I had already had the chance to see Seth since I arrived. He was working at the community center where I was expected to help out quite a bit so Father Michael could work mainly on the churches needs. I enjoyed the work. I liked working with the youth. It was sort of my calling. I was still young enough to remember the anguish, disappointments, and the pain of being a kid. I also understood where they were coming from when they question their faith in the Lord. Terrible things happen even to those who were too innocent to understand.

Seth had grown up to be quite a young man. Although he had lost his father several years ago to a sudden heart attack he still seem to be full of joy and happiness. I knew now that Charlie obviously had stepped in to Harry's shoes and was helping raise Seth to become the sort of man that Harry would have been proud of.

It had not occurred to me to ask about Bella until we pulled up into the familiar driveway. I was sure that Charlie would tell me all about her once we sat to eat our meal. I knew how proud Charlie was of his only child. When we were growing up Bella rarely got into any trouble. If she did it was usually something minor. Charlie was a lucky parent that he had a child he rarely had to punish. Then it hit me that I left home when she was just becoming a teenager. I had no ideal how those clumsy years had been for her. In fact she would be a grown woman now. She might even be married with a child. I felt the pit of my stomach clench as the image of her carrying a child on her hip hit me out of the blue. It just seem strange to think of the skinny legged girl with braces and a tendency to have bruises from head to toe could have grown up to become someone's wife. I knew it was bound to happen. Everyone has to grow up even if I was not here to watch it or be apart of it.

Seth stood by the door as he wore a silly smirk on his face.

"Hey Charlie." Seth nodded with a tender smile toward Charlie.

"Hey dude." Charlie replied trying to sound hip. Seth and I shared an amused smile as I shook his hand.

"So you're the surprise." Seth rolled his eyes in a playful fashion.

"I'm a surprise? To whom?" I ask nervously hoping Billy was not also in the house. This was not the right place for us to have our first meeting since I returned.

I was suddenly feeling a bit uneasy.

"No the girls were wondering what was up with Mom." Seth replied as I followed Charlie to the Clearwater's kitchen. I glanced around and saw that very little had changed in the house since I last stood in it.

It then hit me like a lightning bolt. Leah. Leah was the last girl I had dated before I had converted to my celibate days. Leah who was wild, beautiful, and full of life whose heart I broke into a million pieces when I had to inform her that I was not going to sleep with her. She had been so humiliated. It had not been my intention to humiliate her but to show her how much respect I had held for her and her virtue. Leah of course saw it as pure rejection no matter how much I begged her to listen to my reasoning. When I announced that I was studying to become a priest she just gave me a go to hell look and barely spoke to me the rest of my time at Fork High. I knew she had begun to date another guy who was not as concern about her soul or her vows to God. I was just relieved to learn she did not get pregnant by the jerk. It was clear to me that he only wanted to be with Leah for one thing and she was happily providing it and letting me know about it.

My eyes landed on Sue first. She looked the same. Images of my mother and Sue began to flood my head. My mother and Sue were inseparable when they were kids. I gulped hard as I push those memories from my mind. I wanted to enjoy my time here this evening and memories of my mother would only cause me to feel awkward. I was a guest in their home and I needed to show my gratitude for being invited.

"Oh Jacob you have grown!" Sue cried out as she walked over and pulled me into her arms. The hug was so sweet that I felt tears stinging the back of my eyes. Yeah, Sue was as close as I was going to get to my mother and it hurt like hell even after all these years. I hugged her back before she released me and glanced over me from head to toe.

"You look amazing." She smiled proudly.

"You look about ten years younger. Could Charlie be the culprit creating this fountain of youth on you?" I teased as I smiled warmly at Charlie who just laugh under his breathe.

"Hardly." She laughed as she wink slyly at Charlie.

I could tell they were closer than I had originally suspected. I wondered when we would be posting their wedding day on our calendar.

"Where are those girls?" Sue ask as she suddenly became aware we were missing people.

I wondered why I kept hearing the word "girls" instead of girl. I knew that Sue only had one daughter.

Leah walked in on cue and stop abruptly as her eyes landed on me. She had changed so much. Her long hair was now cut short in a bob cut. It made her look more grown up. Her smile began to fade as she took in my presence in her home.

"Jacob?" She frowned at me.

"Yes Leah it's me." I smiled politely . I prayed to God that she did not go off on one of her rants. She was famous for throwing the worse fits.

"Wow. You look….older." She lean in and gave me a quick hug with little contact. I was relieved to see that she was not going to demand her mother to throw me out of their home.

"Older?" I replied as I slipped my hands into the back pockets of my jeans. I had decided on wearing casual clothing on the lower half. I still wore my black shirt with my white collar. I wanted to present myself as a priest but at the same time as a man who lived among the rest of the world.

"Not older as in OLD but you know. The last time I saw you, you were barely eighteen and scrawny." She chuckled as she smiled softly at me.

I was pleased to see that Leah had grown into a calmer woman. Then suddenly I felt the room tilt around me as Bella Swan walk into the room wearing a nervous smile on her face. Our eyes locked. I felt as if all the air in my lungs had vanished. She was not the little fourteen year old girl that I had left behind. I saw that she no longer wore braces and her legs were definitely no longer skinny. I had to assume that she was also not as bruised as she used to be. The girl I remembered had constantly tripped over her own two feet.

Her hair was darker and longer than I remembered. Her eyes were still a soft shade of blue. She seem to be just as surprised as I was as we stood staring at one another with out saying a word. My heart was racing and my head was fuzzy. She was beautiful. She changed the most out of all the people I had left behind so far. I felt the palms of my hands suddenly wet with sweat. What was wrong with me? Why was she affecting me like this? Why did I suddenly feel a incredible need to run my hands through her hair to know if it felt as soft as it looked? What was wrong with me?

"Bella?" I finally manage to find my voice.

She blinked a few times before like me she was able to find her voice.

"Jacob." She licked her lips as she pressed her lips together in a tight smile.

Why did she look as if it was painful to see me? Had I done something to make her feel uncomfortable?

"I must say you are no longer the little girl I use to help Rachel baby-sit." I didn't know what else to say. I felt a strange uncertainty to express how thrilled and odd it felt to stand before the grown version of her.

"Nope. I grew up." Bella smiled tenderly as her eyes glanced over at Charlie who smiled proudly back at her.

"Yep, they all grew up while you were away." Charlie announced as he gave me a knowing look.

"Let's eat I'm starving." Seth announced as he rub his stomach.

"Jacob, I'm sorry Father Jacob you can sit here." Sue pointed to the spot where Harry use to sit.

"Sure." I agreed as I felt the honor of what she was bestowing on me.

Everyone grabbed a seat leaving Bella to sit in the only empty seat which was next to me. Seth was on the other side of me.

"Seth Clearwater take your hand away from those rolls." Sue ordered in a stern voice.

"Father Jacob will say prayer. Then you may eat." She playfully scolded her son.

I found myself smiling at each of them as they all lowered their heads. All eyes were closed except Bella who was staring at the table with a bewildered look on her face. I wondered what was going through her head? I had seen tons of beautiful women over the years so why seeing her after all these years did my body react so strongly? I prayed to the lord to bless our food and to give our thanks for the many blessings he had bestowed on us. When we all raised our heads back up I vowed to myself that I wouldn't show Bella any extra attention. It just wouldn't look right if I did.

Luckily she seemed to be keeping her attention on the meal and hardly spoke at all making it much easier on me and I felt tremendous relief knowing that the good lord had heard my prayers.


	4. Dirty Dreams

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Twilight/I do not profit from them. The storyline is my creation from my scary/perverted mind.

A/N: Thanks for joining and please keep in mind if any of this offends you, do not continue to read.

Chapter Three:Dirty Dreams

BPOV:

I could not believe my eyes. Jacob Black was standing in front of me. He had grown several inches taller since I saw him last. His body was still built like a roman god. It was sickening to think that all of that gorgeous hunk of a man was wasted. I watch as he seem to be staring at me with shock. I was not sure if this was a good thing or bad? When he finally spoke I was relieved to hear that he was just as thrown by the changes in me as I was with him.

When everyone sat at the table I found myself having nowhere to sit except beside him. I stared down at my plate as he said the meal prayer. I knew I was supposed to close my eyes but I was still too stunned to think straight.

The man, no Father Jacob, was hotter than I remembered. My panties were already dampening just from being in the same room as him. I knew this had to be a sin to think of a man in cloth in such a sexual way but I could not stop myself. Maybe when I went to confessions I could confess to my desire to wanting to fuck Father Jacob senseless. Yeah, that would just sound great to a priest hearing a confession that a woman wanted to screw one of them. God, what was wrong with me?

I had to go out on a date and fast. I was so sexually deprived that I was now lusting over a freaking priest. My dad would die of shame if he could hear my thoughts right now. Yeah, he would definitely lock me up in a cell. It might be a padded one at that.

I was relieved when Leah handed me a bowl of food. I was putting food on my plate and not even considering what it was exactly. I was still trying to focus on the fact that the one man I had always desired above all others was sitting next to me and he was unattainable. He was so unattainable it wasn't even funny.

"So Bella what have you been up too?" Jacob asks curiously as he flashed me a sweet smile.

I felt my thighs clench tightly together. The boy who grew up to be even more sexier as a man still had that award winning smile that always made my private parts tingle.

"I…umm…I went to college and then came back here." I tried to speak with an even tone although my heart was beating against my chest so hard I was sure that I had some sort of a mini stroke.

"What did you major in?" He continued to ask about me. I was so damn wishing someone else would speak for me since it was hard to think straight while my stomach was raveled in knots.

"Business. I am actually um…doing photography at the moment." I hoped I was making sense. My ears were ringing and my head felt quite blurry with him so close to me. I kept my eyes down at my plate while I spoke to him. I hoped no one else at the table noticed how odd I was acting.

"Wow. Photography, uh. Do you own your own business?" He asks as he slips the spoon full of potatoes in his mouth. I watch as he licked the spoon. I bit down on the tip of my tongue. The pain helps me focus.

"No. I actually work for Alice Cullen. She is a wedding coordinator and I do pictures for her clients." I rambled as I pick up my glass of soda and sipped on it. My throat felt so parch.

"Why don't you have your own business?" He asks as he placed another spoonful of potatoes in his mouth. I watch as his tongue darted out between his lips to lick a little smidge of potatoes from them. I gulped hard. I turn my head away for a moment as I caught my breath. The man had no clue of the severe affect he was having on me.

I wondered for a moment what it would be like to lick those full lips. Would they feel as soft as they looked? I glanced at Leah with envy. She had definitely gotten a chance to kiss his lips in the past before he threw away his life to becoming a priest. Damn I hated her. Damn her.

"Bella?" Jake frown at me as I turn back to face him with a bewildered look.

"Uh, what?" I swallowed hard as I realized that I had got so caught up in my thoughts that I forgot his original question.

"Your own business?" He reminded me.

"Oh. Well, I started out doing the photo thing as a hobby and it turn out people really liked my photos so I did a few sittings until Alice offered me a job as her very own personal photographer for her small business." I replied trying to sound mature and professional. I glanced around the table and saw that everyone was staring at me with a strange look on their faces. No doubt they were wondering what the hell was wrong me tonight.

"That sounds interesting." He answered as he glanced around the table.

We look at one another for a brief moment before he began to talk to everyone else around the table. I was so relieved the attention was off of me. I felt Leah kick me under the table but I refused to look at her. I knew she was probably lusting after Father Jacob as much as I was. I did not want her to see just how badly I wanted him. She would give me all kinds of hell about later.

After dinner Sue served Jacob some peach pie. I declined. I just wanted to leave as soon as possible. It wasn't that I did not like seeing Jacob after all this time but it was causing me to feel a little boxed in. I could not understand why being in the same room with him was having such a strange effect on me. He was just a man. Okay, he was a drop dead gorgeous make me want to scream at the top of my lungs kind of man. Still, I had been around tons of cute and even sexy guys since Jacob. I hated feeling so perverted. I mean who lusts after a priest? None of my friends that I knew of had ever spoken of such a fantasy. I had to be the freak. The odd ball.

Charlie's phone rang and he walks out of the kitchen to take the call. A few minutes later he returns to say he had to leave right away. Something about a small fire out at the Watson's place. He was afraid old man Watson had gone off on one of his drinking binges and set the place a blazing. I assumed that Jacob would ride along with him since he was his ride here but instead good old Charlie turn to me for assistance.

"Hey Bella can you give Jacob a ride back to town. I mean you only live about ten minutes from the church." He suggested.

I felt my mouth open wide and I was pretty sure my jaw dropped to my feet. Why me Lord? I am trying to be a good girl here and not lust after one of your disciples and here you are putting the man in my vehicle. Why are you putting this much temptation in my path? You know my weakness.

"Sure." I closed my mouth and obediently nodded my head.

I felt Leah kick me again. This time I turn and glared at her. She was really starting to piss me off with the damn kicking.

"What?" I hissed as I stared hard at her.

"I need help with the dishes." She nodded her head toward the kitchen area. I got up and followed her.

Jacob and Seth were discussing things pertaining to the community center when I left the room.

"What is wrong with you?" She demanded with her hands on her hips.

"Nothing." I rolled my eyes. "I don't like being kicked. This is not fourth grade."

"Well you could have fooled me. You were acting so damn bashful with Jacob that I thought perhaps you still had that damn crush on him." Leah stared at me with a cocky grin on her face.

My stomach sunk to the ground. How did she know about my crush on Jacob? I never revealed that to anyone! I felt my whole body go cold as ice as I glared furiously at her.

"What crush?" I demanded.

"Oh come on Bella. When you guys were kids you tag behind Jacob all the time. You would smile and pretty much kiss his ass anytime he was near you." Leah huffed with a disgusted look on her face.

"I don't know what the hell you are talking about." I declared as I placed my hands on my hips.

"Please. Whatever Bella. " Leah snap at me as she began washing the dishes.

"I can't believe you. I hardly look at him." I defended myself.

"Exactly. That is how I knew. Honey the man is drop dead fine. I could not stop myself from adoring his good attributes. So when you refused to look at him I knew you were thinking of more than just how cute he was." She began her explanation.

"It's okay Bella that you find him handsome. You just need to keep in mind he is a PRIEST not a man. He is no longer looking for a sexual partner or hell even a future wife. He is married to the church now. Nothing will change his mind from that." Leah continued.

"Look Leah I don't need a damn lecture from you. Yeah I think he is very handsome but I swear to you that was as far as my thoughts went on the subject." I was grinding my teeth at this point. I hated when Leah was smarter than me. I hated how she could read me like a book. It just sucked big time. I rarely ever had leverage over her. She was constantly figuring out things about me. I hated how easy it was to read me.

"Okay. Just saying." Leah sighed heavily as she began to slip dishes into the sink.

"Bella." Seth called out as he walked into the kitchen.

"Yeah," I turn to smile warmly at him. I prayed that he was not aware of my interest in Jacob as well. Unlike Leah he would be very disappointed in me.

"When you're done with dishes Father Jacob needs that ride." Seth replied casually.

"Okay." I snap at him. He looks at me with a hurt expression.

"Sorry. I need to help Leah first." I strolled over to the sink and began to assist Leah with the dishes. I was thankful that neither of us spoke another word while we finished our chore.

"I really appreciate you giving me a ride back to town." Jacob stated politely.

I smiled back at him hoping that my nervousness around him didn't show. I had walked him up to the church doors.

"No problem." I answered.

"I am really impressed with how well you have grown up." Jacob stated as his eyes lock with mine.

"Thanks." I chewed on the corner of my lip.

"I am glad to be back. I just wish…well…I guess I wish it had not taken so long to get here." Jake replied sadly.

"It's not like you could have put in for a job here before now, right?" I ask curiously.

"Exactly. I mean there were no openings available here until recently. I was more than happy to come when they requested it of me." He answered with a slight smile.

"Do you do everything they ask of you?" I couldn't help but wonder how he could stand to be so obedient all the time.

"Pretty much." He chuckled softly.

"I don't have that kind of will power. I mean sure I did what was expected of me from Charlie but every once awhile I made mistakes or acted out rebelliously." I knew I sounded lame but it was true. I could not spend my life being perfect the way he was expected to be.

"It's easy when you love God as much as I do. I know that there is a heavenly blessing waiting for me when I leave this world." He explained with a crooked smile.

"What if you're not a priest or a nun? I mean should I not expect the same reward?" I knew I was sounding bitter but it didn't seem fair that he was expected to be better than most people in order to receive a reward that would come to all of us in due time.

"Sure. I just…well…it's hard to explain." He ran his hand through his hair giving me a confused look.

"I understand." I really didn't but I could see he was having a difficult time trying to explain it to me.

"Really? Because sometimes I don't." He admitted.

"Seriously?" I was thrown by that response.

"I don't know. I just know that I enjoy what I do. I know that each day I get up I have a reason to wake up. I mean God is supposed to shine through me. I am supposed to be an example to others." He continued to try and convince me why he enjoyed being a priest. I wasn't sure if he was ever going to convince me that giving up sex and marriage and future children was ever a good thing.

"Well I should be going." I was about to wave goodbye when his arms wrap around me. I felt like I was melting in his strong arms. He smelled like ivory soap and summer rain. It was an incredible mixture. I wanted him to hold me in his arms forever. How many times in the past when I was younger did I imagine him holding me like this? At least a million.

His arms released me as he stared into my eyes. I swallowed hard. I thought he might actually kiss me when he caressed my face with his hand and then took a step back.

"You're a remarkable young woman Bella. Someday you will make a man so happy and blessed to have you in his life." He replied in a deep husky voice.

I wanted to scream at him. "Be that man Jacob." But I knew it would fall on deaf ears.

"Thanks." It was the only thing that I could say without revealing how I truly felt toward him.

I turn and walk away as fast as my feet would take me. I slipped in the car and saw that he was still standing there on the doorstep watching me as I drove away.

It had been a freaky ass night. Seeing Jacob after all these years and then having him hold me in his arms was just too much for me to handle. I knew that when I went to bed tonight I was definitely going to have one of those incredible and now extremely sinful fantasies of Father Jacob.

JPOV:

I took a quick shower before I prepared myself for my nightly prayers and slipped in between my sheets.

I laid in the darkness thinking of all the things I needed to do the following day when my mind wander off to Bella.

She had grown up so much in the past ten years. I wasn't sure if I was pleased or disappointed that she had not found the right man to settle down with and start a family. I had picked up on the fact that she did not seem to like to discuss her personal life.

When she started to leave I don't know what came over me when I pulled her into my arms. I had only meant it to be a friendly hug from one friend to another but when I inhale her I smelt the sweetest scent of vanilla and honey in her hair. It seems to intoxicate me. She felt so warm and curvy. When I looked into her eyes I saw such pain and confusion. She was definitely lost in this world. For all purposes she appeared to have it all together but I sensed that she was truly hurting and confused within. When I reach out to touch her face I felt a tingling sensation course through my fingertips to my wrist and up into my arm. Her skin was so soft. She continued to smile at me but her eyes well they were saying something entirely different. If I didn't know better I would have wondered if she found me attractive somehow. I knew it was a ridiculous and even a vain thought but something about her eyes had made me feel so much a man rather than the priest I am.

When she walked away I felt myself longing to call out to her so that we could spend more time together. Once again I was reacting in an improper way. What the hell was going on with me? Bella was a beautiful young woman who deserves much happiness. I could not give her the things in life that she would want. In fact I could not be anything other than a friend and mentor to her from this point on. So why did I feel so disappointed when she left? Why did I long to touch her face and hold her in my arms?

I knew that this was what we called lust. I could not lust after Bella. It was a mortal sin. I said a few extra prayers before I finally found sleep take me over.

**I was standing in the forest staring up at the sky. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and not a cloud could be seen. I heard a sound. Turning to my left I saw Bella. She was smiling at me as she walked toward me in a white robe. I was frowning at her. Why was she wearing a white robe? It was too pretty of a day to be wearing a robe. **

**She stood in front of me continuing to smile at me. **

"**I knew you would come." She spoke to me in a deep sensual voice. **

"**Of course I would come for you." I felt my heart racing as my hands lifted up and cupped both sides of her face. **

"**I thought I would never feel this way again." She spoke as she licked her lips. **

**I found myself staring at the two pink lips that seem to beacon me to come closer to them. **

"**I know how you feel." I agreed as I licked my lips and lean into kiss her. They were smooth and silky. Our lips pressed together. I heard her moan as her tongue slip out pushing my lips apart. **

**I heard a small voice in the back of my head warning me that this was wrong. I was not supposed to encourage this sort of behavior from her but I could not stop myself. My lips parted as her tongue slip into my mouth. Our tongues dance against one another. I felt my hands slip from her face to wrap around her neck as I push my tongue further into her mouth. I heard her soft moans slip between her lips. **

**Her hands began to roam up and down my chest. I wanted to feel her hands all over me. I knew it was wrong but I didn't care. **

**Her hands wrap around to my back pulling our bodies close together. Our chests were pressed against each other. I could feel her heart beating as our kiss deepened. My hands slid down the sides of her arms until they ended on her waist. I gripped them hard as push my pelvis up against her. I was rock hard. I watched as her eyes flew open staring up at me with shock. I wasn't sure if she wanted to stop or if she was enjoying what I was doing to her? **

"**Bella." I released her mouth as I gave her a moment to consider what we were doing. She smiled happily up at me. **

"**Please Jacob show me how a woman should be touch." She stated softly as her hands roamed down to my hard shaft. I jump slightly. It had been so long since a woman had touched me there. **

**I smiled wickedly down at her as I began to untie the robe. Her eyes never wavered. I knew she wanted this as much as I did. My heart was racing. My stomach was in knots. My head was spinning out of control. Warning bells were going off. I knew what I was doing was a sin. I knew that this woman did not deserve to lose her virtue due to my lustful needs but yet I could not stop myself. **

**I push the robe open to expose her sweet delicious body before my eyes. With gentle ease I push the robe off of her shoulders. It slips off and landed in a heap around her feet. Out in the forest underneath the beautiful sky my Bella stood naked before me. **

"**Do you think that God would approve of this?" Bella asks me as she licks her lips a few times. **

**I stand frozen. Why would she ask me such a thing? She knows that God does not approve of what I am about to do with her? Was this a test? Was she Satan in disguise? The sky turns from beautiful to suddenly dark. Lighting shoots across the sky. Thunder booms loudly. **

**I look at Bella but she is no longer there. Instead all I see is her robe on the ground. **

"**Bella. Bella?" I began to call out for her. She does not answer back. **

**I fall to my knees as I lift up her robe and inhale her sweet scent still on it. **

"**What have I done?" I cry out to the sky as the cloud above me bursts open and rain begins to pour furiously on top of me. **

My chest is heaving as I open my eyes to the semi darken room. I sit up in the bed. I feel a pain in the center of my legs. Looking down I see the nice little tent my dream has created. I growl out angrily. Masturbation is a sin in the sense that you are pleasuring yourself. It is considered a misuse of the sex organ. Still, the pain is too much to handle. Reaching under the blanket I stroke myself a few times hoping it will ease some of the discomfort but instead I find myself remembering how Bella's body had looked naked in my dream and a few minutes later I release a load of cum into my sheets.

Guilt washes over me but I remind myself that I am still a man after all. I get up and try to clean up my mess so that our maid does not discover it later when she cleans up. Glancing at the clock by the bed I realize that it is only six am. I can't go back to sleep after that. I spot my jogging shoes. Slipping into a plain pair of black sweats and my shoes I decide a morning run might help clear my thoughts and help me release this sudden sexual tension that has built up in me ever since my eyes landed on Bella Swan.


	5. Thou Shalt Not Covet

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything Twilight related. I only created the "naughty" Father Jacob as my own. LOL.

Rating: Mature: Sexual Scenes, language.

A/N: I'm reposting this story as I make a few changes to as I go along. The ending will be entirely different than the original. I was pressured and over loaded at the time I originally worked on this story. I wanted to re-create it in away that I felt satisfied. Hope you guys who are re-reading it enjoy it as much a the first round. xoxo August

FFG: Chapter 4:

BPOV:

I was trying to wake up as my alarm rang rudely next to my head. I hit the snooze button. I had ten more minutes to rest before it would go off again. I yawned as I stretch my arms above my head. Opening my eyes I stared up at the semi lighted ceiling. It was only six o'clock in the morning and I didn't have to be in at work until noon. I didn't want to sleep in too late. I wanted to get a chance to go jogging this morning, pay my bills and maybe get a late breakfast at the diner before I had to go into work.

I was still a bit tired. I didn't think I would ever go to sleep last night. When I got home after dropping off Father Jacob I was still feeling tingly and horny as hell. I had tried everything to help me fall asleep. I took a long hot bubble bath, listened to soft music and even had a couple of glasses of wine but once I crawled in between the cool sheets of my bed I was still yearning for something that I couldn't have.

I caved in to my needs and pulled out the little beast I had purchased while I was in college. I knew that it was a sin to fantasize about a man of the cloth and please oneself but I would rather commit that sin then to sleep with every good looking guy who cast a smile at me. I was a woman after all. I had needs. Although I had plenty of men who would help ease my suffering I just could not endure the thought of being a slut just to ease the pain.

I wasn't prude by any means. I had my share of lovers. However I was far more particular about who I took to bed. The first time had been quite special to me. I was preparing to leave for college when I came across Paul. Yeah, Paul reminded me of Jacob. They had also been close friends growing up. So when I noticed that Paul was checking me out I decided he was as close as I was going to get to Jacob. I flirted. I teased. We began to date. He was incredibly sexy as hell. Two weeks before I had to leave we did the deed. It hurt like hell the first time. Paul was a pretty well-endowed, young man.

I was, by no means fooling myself. I knew that Paul was just a stepping stone into womanhood. I think it hurt him to discover that I had not shared the same intense feelings he had for me. I had hoped that while I was away at college he would find someone new. It seems to go that way until I returned home.

Luckily I had hooked up with Hunter before he could make a play for me. I knew he was disappointed in my decision. He showed up one night after Hunter had left my place. He informed me that I was making a big mistake by dating a guy like Hunter. I tried to appease him and tell him that he might be right but it was my decision to make. I asked him why he wasn't dating someone and he could only tell me that he still hadn't found the right girl.

I was relieved when he finally left that night. I had not been visited by him since then. We ran into each other from time to time but he just said hi in passing nothing more than that. I knew it was unfair for me to have used him like I did. After all it wasn't his fault he wasn't Jacob. If he knew that while we made love when my eyes were closed all I saw was Jacob's face it would have killed him. Paul was a proud man. He was also a very attentive lover. If I had to be honest with myself I would have to say that I hadn't been with a lover as good as Paul. He had skills that most didn't have.

Still, I was not in love with Paul. I knew now that Paul felt something for me that I couldn't return. Now Jacob was back. No, Father Jacob was back. The Jacob I had loved and desired was lost to me now. I would never know what it would be like to be held in his arms, to be kissed by his lips, to feel his big cock buried between my thighs. I would never know what he would taste like in my mouth. I would never know if we were as compatible as lovers as we had been as friends. It sucked big time!

Climbing out of bed I slipped on my usual jogging attire. A dark blue spandex top with matching pants. Slipping into my shoes I pulled my hair back into a pony tail. Washing my face to get all the sleep out of my eyes I quickly brushed my teeth.

Walking into the kitchen I set my coffee pot to brew me a fresh cup of coffee for when I returned in a half an hour. Grabbing my iPod and my keys I locked up. Standing on my lawn I stretched for a few minutes before I began my normal jogging trail.

I clipped my keys on my pants and turn the music up so I could zone out while I did my two mile run. It was funny how when jogging I was more graceful then when I walked. It was sad but true. I had the worst luck and was well known for my clumsy nature. I was getting into the song I was listening too when suddenly I saw another jogger coming around the path. It was unusual to see someone else jogging this early in the morning, especially on a weekday. During the weekends it was always crowded.

I saw dark hair and a tall form. Then as he came closer to view I realized it was Father Jacob. My heart pounded unmercifully. It was hard enough trying to keep my breath at a pace to keep my chest from burning so badly that I couldn't run. Yet seeing him coming down the path I felt as if my lungs were on fire. The pit of my stomach began to churn and twist. It hurt like hell. Why was he here? See, another fine example of my bad luck. I was trying to release some of the stress that I had bottled up from his hug last night and now here he was running toward me. I saw his eyes light up as we drew closer. I also saw something else in them. Was he freaked out like me by seeing each other like this? Was it possible that he was disappointed to find someone else running this morning? After all jogging was a great way to clear your head.

Father Jacob had definitely been keeping his lean muscular body fit over the years. I wondered if this was how he did it.

"Bella." He slowed his jog down and began to jog slowly in front of me.

I was doing the same thing. I knew if I stopped abruptly my muscles would tighten up.

"Hey." I pulled out the ear plugs as I smiled politely at him.

"Do you do this every morning?" He asks as he began to slow down even more.

"Pretty much." I admitted.

"Wow, don't remember you as being athletic." He laughed gently.

"Lord, I'm not. My junior year of High School I dated a guy who was on the track team. He introduced me to jogging. I discovered I could jog better than I could walk." I explained as I chuckled under my breath.

"Oh yeah you were one clumsy little girl." He laughed loudly as he began to remember some of my most embarrassing moments that he had witness. My cheeks were bright pink. I could feel the heat rushing into them. I just hoped he thought it was due to my jogging.

"Yeah, but no more." I rolled my eyes slightly.

"True. You definitely grew up." Jacob replied as he gulped hard and then I swear he bit down on his lip as he stared at my body in the tight outfit.

I knew I was just probably wishing that what I saw in his eyes was lust but I could have sworn that when his eyes finally came back up to my face that he was struggling with something.

"You know Father Jacob I am a fully grown woman. I should come to confession soon. I have been a very naughty girl." I licked my lips as I stared at his plump mouth and watch as his own cheeks turned red like mine.

"You, naughty?" He gulped hard.

"Yeah, I know this is not the appropriate place to confess this with you being in normal clothes and all." I paused as I watch him suddenly stop jogging. He looks like he was quite curious to learn what I was confessing too.

"Go on." He licked his lips as he stared deep into my eyes.

"I haven't been to confession in some time now." I confessed as I batted my eyelashes. I knew he thought I was going to reveal something dirtier than that. The look on his face was priceless. He seriously thought I would confide something intimate and personal to him.

"Oh." He flashes me a smile that said he was going to get even with me later for that sick joke I had played on him.

"Yeah, I go to church but I always skip confession. I guess I don't feel like I have done anything wrong enough confess." I shrug my shoulders casually as I continue to tease him.

"Trust me Bella we all do things we need to confess to." He warned me as he licked his full lips. I felt my hands tremble and my stomach was doing severe somersaults. I couldn't stop looking at his lips.

"Uhuh. What about priests? Do they commit sins?" I knew I was pushing my luck pretending to act as if I was not aware of the flirting I was doing with him. This alone deserved a confession.

"Sure. We are after all men underneath our robes and collars." He looks at me with a serious expression. I suddenly felt awkward. Was he admitting something to me? Or was I once again hoping for something that I absolutely knew was impossible?

"So who do you confess too?" I asked before I could close my mouth shut.

"To another priest or to God. I won't stand here and tell you Bella that I am a perfect person. I am not. I will tell you that I try hard to be as perfect as humanly possible." He took a step back as he continued to stare at me but now he appeared to be nervous.

"I see." It was all I could think of to say. I suddenly felt bad. Here I was teasing a priest about whether or not he ever acted naughty. If my dad ever got wind of this, he would be pissed off at me. He had a lot of respect for priests. I was raised better than this.

"I'm sorry Father Jacob. I was just teasing you. I know no one is as perfect as God." I suddenly felt like I was five years old and was waiting on someone to spank me for my blunt rudeness.

"It's okay Bella. I knew you were just curious." He replied softly as I lifted my head up to look into his eyes. God, those eyes were so beautiful to look at. It just didn't seem fair that God had taken the closest thing to perfection away from me.

"Good." I smiled but I knew it didn't reach my eyes.

"I should get back to jogging." I turned my head to look back at the path I was on.

"Bella, I hope you do come to confession. After all we all need redemption." He reached out and squeezed my hand gently. I knew that once again it was just a friendly gesture but it made me excited in such a dirty way that I knew I would have to confess to the way his touch always left me longing for something that was just purely sinful.

"Thanks." I pulled my hand away and began to jog in the opposite direction. I knew I was over reacting to his kindness and it bothered the hell out of me. Why was he back now? Why did he have to come home looking so damn good? I hated this feeling of rejection that he always manage to stir up inside of me. I knew it was not intentional on his part but it still made me feel like that ugly duckling in the past who worshipped Jacob. That young girl who adored, loved, and wanted him to see her for the woman she was becoming. It was never going to happen to me. Even if Jacob did finally open his eyes and see the woman I truly was he would never break his vow of celibacy. Not for me, not for any woman.

JPOV:

I had hoped a morning jog would clear my head from the lustful thoughts I had about Bella. It had seemed to be doing the trick until I saw her running toward me. I wondered if this was some sort of test from God himself. I mean here I was wanting to escape these powerful feelings that she had opened up in me. I wanted to focus on what was good in my life. I wanted to focus on my love for God but instead I found myself once again standing face to face with the one temptation that I was struggling against.

As we talked and she made the comment about being dirty I felt my heart leap excitedly. I knew it was a horrible thing to do but I was deeply curious as to what degree that Bella was speaking about being dirty. I mean the girl had a sexy body. The outfit she wore left little to the imagination. I was having a hard time not popping a woody in my snug sweat pants. When she began to question whether or not I sinned I felt my body tremble inwardly. I wanted to admit that there were moments like this with her when I longed for the touch of a woman. I knew it would give her the wrong view of priests in general and definitely lead her down the wrong path about me. Sure, I found her sexually attractive but I would never act out on these feelings. I couldn't do that to God or to Bella. It wouldn't be fair to tease her and then drop her on her ass once I came back to my senses.

When I reached out to give her a hand a comforting squeeze I felt once again the tiny sparks fly between our hands. What was that all about? Why was it when I touch Bella I felt the strange sensation I had never felt with another woman?

We use to be friends and nothing more. I always looked at Bella like a little sister while we grew up together. Now after all these years I saw her in a different light. She had grown up and seems to be in control of her life. I still sensed she was struggling with something. I knew we were not as close as we once were and it stung my ego that she did not trust me enough to confide in me. Then I reminded myself I had left her. She didn't know me anymore. Hell, as I watched her lovely backside as she jogged away I realized I didn't know this Bella. This woman was a stranger to me.

Maybe that was the factor that made her so desirable to me. It made sense. She was a mystery to me. I was curious to learn how this Bella worked. Was she still the same sweet girl who adored Shakespeare? Did she still cry when she watched sappy movies? Did she ever fall in love? Who was her first kiss with? Why was it a girl as lovely and mature as Bella didn't have a man in her life? It didn't make sense to me.

I realized I wasn't going to get my answers from Bella herself. No, if my memory served me right she didn't like to reveal her personal thoughts with just anyone. She was far more private than that. I realized that there were only two people she might have confided in. Alice Cullen, her new employer and as I recalled closest friend in High School and maybe Leah. The two of them seemed close at dinner the other night. They were also almost step sisters. I wasn't sure which of the two would be easier to get to confide to me about such personal information regarding Bella.

I just knew that something was bothering Bella and as her once close friend, and priest, I wanted to help her with the problem. I had to make up for all the years I had left her. I wanted her to see she could trust me. I knew the priest outfit often scared people away from me. They feared my judgment of them. I often had to remind them that I did not judge. That was God's job, not mine.

BPOV:

I made it home and ran straight to my room. Pulling out my work clothes I raced to the shower. Turning on the hot water I slipped off my sweaty clothes and kicked them to the side. Stepping into the shower I moaned as the hot water stung my body. I pick up the soap and lather it up on my rag and began to wash my neck and then made my way to my breasts. I felt my nipples harden underneath the thin cloth. Before I knew it I was picturing Father Jacob's eyes on my body as I pinched them hard. I was quivering with pleasure. Taking the rag I washed my stomach and lower back and then found my hand between my legs. My girly parts were tingling. Dropping the wash cloth I slipped my fingers in between the soapy lips. Using my middle finger I began to flick my swollen nub. Several times back and forth when I felt the warm juices flow down my thighs.

With my eyes still closed I imagine Father Jacob touching me here. His dark long fingers rubbing my clit as I cum on his hand. I then imagine him slipping to his knees and replacing his finger with his tongue. I felt my stomach muscles clenching as I began my first climax. I couldn't stop the fantasy. I saw him sucking on me and slipping his long lean fingers into my opening as I scream from the pleasure of it all.

Then as always in my fantasies I saw him stroke his large manhood. His hand would glide up and down on himself as he prepared it to fit in me. I would open my legs willingly as he place the tip in the opening. I could feel it pushing against my tight opening. I would feel his lips covering mine as his tongue darts in and out of my mouth. Tasting myself on his lips would drive me over the top and once again another climax hits me hard.

Then with gentle ease he would guide it in further. I would feel every muscle in my body grow tense with anticipation as well as pure pleasure. It was the most incredible feeling I had ever experienced. Lifting my legs up to wrap around his lean waist I would rock back and forth on the large organ that always brought me to the most pleasurable place I had ever wanted to go. Just when I thought nothing else could feel better he would thrust in and out of me with such force that the tip of him was hitting my cervix causing me to bite down on my tongue as the pain and pleasure intertwine into one glorious feeling. My head would feel like it was near to exploding and my hands would cling to every inch of him I could grasp.

His mouth would clamp down on my nipple biting and nibbling so hard that it would leave a mark. I would shout out his name just as we both finally find our mutual release. He would hold me in his arms with my legs still wrapped around him for a few more seconds before he would look into my eyes and tell me that I was the only woman who could make him feel like this.

I cried out as my fingers finished the magic I needed to explode. I stood against the shower wall as I caught my breath. It was always the same fantasy. I was never happier or filled with such pleasure than I was with Jacob in these sinful daydreams.

I finished washing up my body and shaved before I forced myself out of the shower and into my clothes. Sitting at my desk with a fresh cup of coffee I opened up my lap top and began going through my bills. I know that these fantasies of Father Jacob could send me straight to hell someday. I know it is wrong yet if feels so right. I am starting to consider that going to confession might not be such a bad ideal. Just hopefully my confessor is not Father Jacob himself.

Yeah if I did manage to go to confession I just prayed that God would show me a little mercy by not placing Father Jacob in that confessional on that particular day.

I opened my email to check for any news from my mother. She was better about sending emails instead of calling these days.

I saw that one of my unread messages was from Paul. How odd? I couldn't remember giving him my email address. I wondered if he got it off of one of my business cards at Alice's shop. I clicked to open the message.

_Bella, _

_ Hey, I am sure you did not expect me to send you an email after all this time but I needed to talk to you and I know how you hate for me to just show up at your door. I know that if I call you, you would just ignore the call all together. _

_ Bella, I know that our first time together did not mean as much to you as it did to me but I want you to know that as hard as I have tried over the years I can't get you out of my heart. What am I supposed to do? How do I forget the one woman who gave me such a sweet and pure gift as her virginity? How can any woman compare to you? You're beautiful, sweet, funny, smart and compassionate. I tried Bella, I really did. I can't replace you in my life or in my heart. _

_ Sincerely always yours, _

_ Paul. _

I felt the warm tears falling from my eyes. Paul was an amazing guy. Hell, he owns his own business, he works hard, he was respectful, and he was easy on the eyes. Why could I not simply fall in love with him? Why did I have to want something I couldn't have? Why couldn't I feel even an ounce for Paul what I felt for Jacob? Maybe I was sick in the head. Maybe I should see a shrink.

Here was an almost perfect man begging me to love him back while I was practically idolizing a man that would never look at me as the woman I had become or would ever give me the things I desired. It was like Paul was chasing me, I was chasing Jacob and Jacob was always going to choose God over me.

Maybe now was the time to stop fantasizing about Father Jacob and start accepting the reality of my life. Paul was real. Paul was a great guy. Paul loved me. I just prayed that I could be half the woman he thought so highly of.

Wiping away the rest of the tears I told myself that Father Jacob needed to stay out of my head. I was no longer going to consider him as a man. He was no longer a part of my heart. I just prayed that my heart would listen to me as I began to write back to Paul. I asked him to meet me later tonight at a local restaurant. I wanted to sit and talk to him face to face. If he truly wanted to be with me then he would have to understand that marriage was not an option I was ready for. If he wanted any relationship with me at all then he had to follow my rules.

I finished paying my bills then turned off the coffee pot before I made my way to the diner. I was starving. I knew I had enough time to eat a late breakfast before I had to head into the shop. I had two appointments today. After that I was free to get ready to see Paul. All I asked of God today was to keep Father Jacob far away from me until I could convince my heart that Paul was the man I needed and deserved in my life instead of a fantasy that would only leave be broken and alone.

JPOV:

All day I tried so hard to focus on the work that needed my attention. Seth was assisting me with some of the activities we had planned for the school aged kids that came to the center after school. I had also gotten some work done in the office. Apparently we were behind on a few payments. I was going to have to speak to Father Michael about these past due bills. I knew he had been quite busy since the church had not replaced his last assistant who had health issues and passed away over a year ago.

I had thought about trying to hunt down Leah so I could speak to her about Bella. Seth came in earlier than I had expected and when I mention hoping to see Leah today he informed me that she was working in Port Angeles as a Veterinarian. I wondered why she worked there and not here. Seth seems to have read my mind because a second later he explained that Leah didn't agree with the Vet in Forks about putting down stray animals. She felt that they should try to locate them a new home for several months before they put them down. The Vet, Dr. Grady disagreed and told Leah that they could not afford to feed these stray animals for that amount of time. So Leah ended up quitting and went to work with Dr. Call in Port Angeles.

I did not know Alice that well so I was not sure how to approach her about Bella without letting her know that I was actually digging for information. On my way to lunch I caught a sight of Bella walking out of the shop with a young woman dressed in a bride's gown. Out of curiosity I followed them down to the city park. Bella had the bride stand up against the tree and other locations as she began to take pictures. I was impressed at how well Bella handled the young woman. She seemed to be enjoying her job.

I went back to the diner to eat a quick lunch before I was due back to the center. When I walked back to the center I spotted an old friend. Paul was walking out of the florist shop. I was amazed at how much he had also changed in the past ten years. He seems taller or maybe broader than I remembered. He was wearing a big smile while holding a bouquet of wild flowers. They were a pretty assortment. I suspected they were for someone he cared deeply about.

"Paul." I greeted him with a half hug trying not to squish his freshly bought flowers.

"Jacob." He greeted me back.

"I heard a rumor you might be coming back to Forks. Wow, I can't believe you did it." Paul cried out with a happy expression on his face as he stared at the black button up shirt and white collar that I wore for my every day uniform. I usually wore jeans and tennis shoes on days that I knew I would be working with the young kids. It made them more comfortable if wore some normal clothing.

"Are you surprised I came back or that I am still a priest?" I teased him.

"Both." He admitted.

"I was as surprised as you are when they informed me of the opening here and that they thought it would be good for me to return." I replied as I placed my hands in my back pockets.

"Have you seen your father since you've been back? I know he has been missing you like crazy." Paul asked as he gave me a knowing smile.

Everyone that was close to me knew about the disagreement between my father and I about my choice to become a priest.

"No. I need to. I am just settling in at the moment. I am working at the center during the day and assisting Father Michael with mass and other church duties." I knew I was making excuses for why I hadn't gone to see my own father yet. I had practically seen everyone else since I arrived except him. I felt terribly guilty. He deserved a better son than me.

"Well you better go see him soon. It will hurt his feelings if you don't." Paul warns me.

"I will. So are these flowers for your wife or girlfriend?" I asked as I stared down at the flowers and then back at him. He seemed to be glowing with happiness. Some girl had definitely made his day today.

"Honestly they are for an old flame. I finally broke down and told her how much she meant to me and how after all these years I still can't get her out of my head or my heart. She has finally agreed to have dinner with me tonight so we can discuss it." Paul explained with a sheepish grin.

"So you're in love with this girl?" I asked curiously. I had never known Paul to fall in love with a girl. When we were teenagers he usually chose the girls we knew were an easy score. Paul had a way with the ladies. I knew it bothered him that most of the girls flirted with me first until they discovered I was not available in that category. Then they would turn their attention to Paul who was more than willing to make out or screw their brains out.

"I am. When she left to go to college I missed her. Hell I even dated other girls for a while. When she returned home all I could think about was how happy I was to be near her again. Unfortunately she started dating some jerk that I warned her was not the right guy for her. In all the years we have been apart not one woman has come close in comparison to her." Paul informed me. I could see how serious he was about this woman. It had appeared that Paul had finally met the love of his life. I was so thrilled for him.

"I'm truly happy for you both. So it sounds like you might be proposing to her." I winked at him.

His smile faded quickly. His face turns quite serious.

"No! Not that I wouldn't propose to her today if I thought she would say yes. No, Bella doesn't want marriage right now. She made that much perfectly clear when she dumped Hunter. I knew he was growing too close to her and that always makes Bella run." Paul stated in a slow and serious tone.

My pulse raced as I heard him mention the name Bella. Surely Paul was not speaking about my Bella? There was no way in hell that Bella had hooked up with Paul. She was not that kind of girl. She should be dating sweet and wholesome guys. Not wild crazy and hot headed men like Paul.

"Bella?" I muttered as I frown at him.

"Yeah, Bella Swan." His smile was wide and bright as the sun.

I felt like I had just ate a ton of rocks and they were heavy in my stomach. I could not believe that Bella and Paul had once been lovers and now were about to hook up again. It just did not seem reasonable. Yet here he stood with wild flower in his hands and admitting to me that he was crazy in love with her. What was this about her not wanting marriage now? Who was Hunter? I felt sick to my stomach.

The very thought of Bella sexually with anyone made me feel uneasy. I knew she was an adult and sometimes adults sleep around before marriage. It just didn't seem like the thing that Bella would have done. Why was it so hard for me to believe that Bella was not as pure as snow as I always imagined her to be? I had to make my brain accept the fact that Bella was no longer a child but a fully grown woman with all the needs and desires any woman would have. I continued to shake my head in denial.

Bella and Paul? I would never have imagined them as a couple. Who was I kidding I couldn't imagine Bella with any man.

"God I have been away too long." I sighed heavily as my chest tightens up. I wasn't sure if I was having an anxiety attack or a mild heart attack.

"I know." Paul chuckled softly.

"When did you say you two got together?" I asked him as I hoped I didn't sound too curious about their relationship. I didn't want Paul to suspect that I was jealous of anything. If I was honest with myself I knew that a small part of me was indeed jealous. After all Bella had been my girl for so long and hearing that Paul who I truly loved as a friend but would not have wanted to date my sister was with the same girl that I often look at as my little sister. It just seemed too surreal.

"She just graduated when we started dating. We spent the whole summer together before she left for college. She told me that it wasn't fair of me to expect her to not date while she was gone and that I should date as well. So for four years I tried the whole dating thing. When she returned home I had hoped she had finally saw me for the man I had worked so hard to become for her. Instead she started dating some rich guy who moved into town. They broke up a few months ago. From what I got out of Alice, Bella was not happy that he was about to propose to her. Bella isn't one of those girls who is in a rush to get married." Paul willingly gave me a ton of information for my mind to absorb and hopefully later understand.

"Wow Paul. I mean…I don't know how to respond to all of this honestly. I still see her as the young teenager I left behind all those years ago." I answered honestly.

"I know what you mean it was like bam one day I saw her and she had fully developed and she was the most beautiful thing I had laid eyes on. The fact that I took her virginity really blew me away. Oh sorry Father Jacob I'm sure that was a major sin in God's eyes, right?" He looks at me with embarrassment all over his face.

I stood there completely frozen. I was sure my face went as pale as snow. He had taken Bella's virginity? What was she thinking? Why would she give up something that precious to Paul? Didn't she know that she was supposed to give that precious gift to her husband? Why was she so against marriage? Who was this Bella? What had happen to the sweet girl I once knew?

"Yeah it is." I finally manage to respond to his comment. I wanted to hit him square in the face. I wanted to scream at him that he had no right to touch Bella. Not then and not now. I was struggling within myself to remain calm. I had to keep a level head on me. I was no longer Bella's protector. I was just the local priest who was concerned about one of his parishioners. Nothing more. I could not be anything else to Bella than that.

"I'm so sorry Father Jacob but in all honesty she was the one that offered it to me." Paul explained with a sly smile. He playfully punches my arm. I realized that he was looking at me like his old friend and not the priest who I was today.

"Paul, you should consider going to confession." I gulped hard as I continued to fight with my emotions.

"I will." He shook his head in earnest.

"I need to get going. I'm supposed to meet Bella at Little Italy this afternoon." Paul patted me on the arm.

"It was good seeing you man. " Paul waved at me as I waved back. I was still standing on the sidewalk for another ten minutes before I finally manage to get passed the anger, the grief, the confusion and most of all the jealousy that I had felt when Paul informed me of the history he shared with Bella. I realized that there was much that I needed to talk to Bella about and she was definitely going to need to make a few confessions before I felt her soul would could be cleansed.


	6. Arousing Father Jacob

Disclaimer: I don't own nor profit from Twilight or anything related to Twilight. I created "naughty" Father Jacob. He's all mine baby. :)

Rating: MATURE: sexual content, language

A/N: Thank you for the support and encouragement to bring this story back to JBNP and recreating the lustful Father Jacob and Temptress Bella Swan. xoxo A

FFG: Chapter 5: Arousing Father Jacob

BPOV:

After I finished both of my appointments I raced back to the shop to put up my camera and give Alice the money I had received. She kept up with the books. I just took a check from her every week. I knew I could trust her to give me my share of the profits.

"Where are you off in such a hurry?" Alice asked with a sly smile on her face.

"I need to get home to change for a date." I smiled brightly at her.

I watched as her eyes lit up with curiosity.

"With whom?" She said with a slow slur to her voice.

"Paul." I admitted happily.

"Dear Lord Paul, as in Paul who took my sweet Bella's virginity?" She cried out.

I turn bright red. I glanced around the shop hoping there was no clients near by. The girl had a set of lungs on her. It had helped her being on the cheer squad but damn we were in a shop normally full of excited soon to be brides.

"Damn, Alice." I growled as I yanked her back into the office.

"What? No one is here at the moment. I sent Angela on an errand." She giggled as she realized what I was so pissed off about.

"Seriously Alice I don't want everyone to know about my sexual history." I explained as I rolled my eyes at her.

"Trust me it's not that interesting." She shot me a sarcastic grin.

"Haha. Very funny." I knew she was right but I still didn't like her pointing it out.

"So why are you suddenly giving your stalker a chance to date you again?" She asked with concern as she plopped down in her leather chair.

"He is not a stalker." I cried out defensively.

"Honey the man has been watching you like a hawk since you returned home. He is so smitten with you." She placed her hands together and flutter her eyes. I wanted to throw something at her.

"Stop it." I warned her but I found myself smiling in despite the way she was pissing me off.

"So? What gives? Was the beast not enough? " She knew about my little toy safely placed in my drawer next to my bed. After all it was her that introduce me to the ways to ease the pain in between boyfriends. Alice was truly sadistic in her joys of sex.

"Shut up." I threw my hands up in the air. The girl had no sense of decency. Sure we were best friends and we worked together but there was some things I just still didn't feel comfortable discussing even with her.

"Oh dear Lord Bella. I swear every woman in this town owns one. I don't know why you act like it's such a big crime! So moving on why are you dating Paul again?" Her eyes narrow in and I saw the way she was fidgeting with her hands. She was not going to let me leave until I fully explained myself.

"He sent me a beautiful email. He told me that no other girl had been as wonderful as I had been. That he tried to move forward with his life but no one compared to me. You know I can't remember any guy ever telling me that." I thought out loud.

"No shit. Well, honey trust me that man is going to say whatever he can to get back into those tight little pants of yours. He is definitely into you. Just watch your back. A guy like that doesn't let go easily. " She warned me as she sat up in her chair.

"Uh?" I was confused.

"Look, last time you guys broke up you left for college. He couldn't stop that from happening. He knew that Charlie would kick his ass. This time well your both adults and you are not getting any younger. I think he wants to settle down and have some little babies with you." Alice's voice was mixed with seriousness and silliness. It was hard to tell when she was being serious or just blowing smoke up my ass.

"Okay." I laugh nervously.

"Just listen to me Bella. Paul was your first lover. They always have a special place in our hearts. It is a special and once in a lifetime gift. He knows the importance of that gift. Hell if my memory is good as I think it is he got quite a few little cherries before we left town." Alice explained with a sad expression.

"You two?" I look at her in total disbelief.

"Hell no! I just knew of a few cheerleaders he had scored with. Some of them confided in me." She shrug her shoulders.

"That was High School. We are all grown adults now like you just pointed out." I reminded her. It was useless to ponder on the past. It could not be changed. We all made mistakes back then.

"Your right." She finally agreed with me as she placed a big smile on her face.

"Good luck tonight." She wave at me as the phone on her desk began to rang.

I quickly left the shop and drove home to change for my date. I was hoping that Alice's insight was incorrect this time. She had a uncanny way of knowing things.

I curled my hair extra fluffy tonight. I wore a tight black skirt that I knew accented my plump ass. I hated it but Alice always swore up and down that men like it that way. I chose a simple plum top that v-shaped just enough to show a little cleavage. I wore my favorite pair of diamond earrings that Charlie had given me after my High School graduation.

I slipped into my two inch black heels that made my legs look curvier and longer. I was not exactly tall but I wasn't too short either but Paul was tall. I wanted to at least reach his chin.

I was stepping out of my house to go meet Paul when I found a vase of beautiful wild flowers sitting in front of my door. I lifted them up and took the card out.

Bella,

You will always be my special girl.

Yours always, Paul

I went back into the house and placed the flowers on the kitchen table. They were simply gorgeous. I knew they had cost him a few bucks. They reminded me of the beautiful wild flower fields I had found when I return home from school. I had gone off hiking one day when I came across them. I took so many pictures of them. Several were hanging in my hallway. I had never shown anyone that special spot.

I picked up my purse and keys and left. I didn't want to be late. I was nervous as hell. I knew that I shouldn't lead Paul into believing we would be more than dating for now. I was still not sure if this was such a good ideal. After all my feelings still had not changed that much about him. Sure, I was flattered that he cared so much about me. If I was truthful I would have to say that maybe I needed him for the wrong reasons. I was still trying to get past the break up with Hunter, even though it was me who broke up with him, and to push the erotic feelings I had for Father Jacob further from my mind. After all I had chosen Paul originally to help create the fantasy of making love to Jacob seem more real. They were both native americans and their bodies were similar in size and shape. Personality wise they were not even close.

Yeah, maybe if I was with Paul I wouldn't long for Father Jacob as much and I could find away to still be near Father Jacob without later masturbating with him in my mind.

JPOV:

I finished up with my work for the day. Father Michael inform me that he was going to visit with a old friend this evening and would not return til later tonight. I was considering cooking something for me to eat when I remembered my conversation with Paul earlier tonight. I was still not sure why it had hurt me so damn much to hear that Paul had been Bella's first lover. He had taken such a precious gift from her. I knew it was bound to happen someday for Bella but it really irked me none the less. Not everyone had made a vow of celibacy as I had.

I wondered if Bella was aware of how deep Paul's feelings went toward her? Did she feel the same about him? I look at my watch and wondered if they were at Little Italy's yet. I knew it was ridiculously immature of me but I wanted to be there. I wanted to see with my own two eyes the couple that Paul had described to me. I needed to see that Bella was truly the woman that Paul had created in my head. There was no way that my sweet Bella had grown into a vixen.

I picked up my phone and dialed Seth's number. I didn't want to arrive by myself. It might look odd to Paul that I just happen to show up at the same restaurant that he informed me he would be with Bella tonight. I needed it to look like I just casually appeared there.

"Hey are you busy?" I ask with a casual tone.

"Nope. What's up?" He replied.

"I am starving and thought about going to eat some Italian. You want to join me? " I ask trying to make my voice sound calm.

"Sure. I know a good place called Little Italy but it's a bit on the expensive side." He warned me.

"No problem. I got us covered. Pick me up." I hung up the phone and went into my room. I took off the black shirt and collar and slip on a dark navy blue t-shirt with a pair of my jeans. I didn't own much clothing but what I did I made sure it was nice enough. I sprayed some cologne on me before I ran a comb through my hair. I stared at the man in the mirror.

What the hell are you doing Jacob? Why are you acting like your going out on a date? If what Paul said was true Bella was no doubt just as crazy about him as he was for her. So why are you going? What is your sole purpose for going out tonight? Would God want you to do this? I'm not going to have sex with her or do anything inappropriate. I just want to see with my own two eyes that Bella is indeed the right girl for Paul.

I heard a honk outside of my room. Picking up my black leather coat I strolled out hoping I was making the right choice by going out.

The place look very nice and pretty new. I could see why Paul chose to take her here. It was rather romantic. Candles were burning with flowers on each table. Music played softly. There was even a small dance floor where a few couples dance slowly together. I just hoped the food was as good as it was going to cost me. The prices were not cheap.

Seth was talking to me when I finally caught sight of the couple a few tables away from us. The room was half lit so that the candles made a bigger impact. It was harder to see who was in the room with you unless you were pretty close to them.

I squinted my eyes as I sat Paul holding Bella's hand in the center of the table. I could make out that he was smiling. Bella seemed to be doing the same. The waitress came up and took our drink order and placed some rolls on the table. Seth was going on about how great it was to have more variety of food in Forks. I just nodded my head. I was trying hard to look like I was just staring hard at the menu but really I was looking over the top of it where Bella was.

The waitress brought us our drinks and I just ordered some spaghetti. I had really not taken any time to see what else they might offer. Seth ordered lasagna. I turned toward him. I knew I needed to have a conversation with him before he grew suspicious for why I had invited him.

"So how are things at home?" I asked casually as I forced myself to look directly at him.

"Okay. Mom is happy, Leah is …well…she is happy as far as I know." He shrug his shoulders.

"So who is the lucky girl in your life? A guy as good looking and charming as you must have a few lined up." I teased him.

I watched as several expressions crossed his face.

"I have one girl that I kinda like but she doesn't know I exist." Seth confided in me.

"Really." I was curious to know how a girl could not noticed Seth. The waitress was drooling over him when she took our orders. I had caught the attention she had showed me as well but it was equal between us. She look closer to Seth's age and I assumed that was why she began to give him more of it.

"Yeah, she is a senior in High School. I think her parents would disapprove of a older guy dating her." He explained as he placed butter on his roll.

"How old is she?" I ask.

"She is seventeen." Seth answered.

"So there is about a what four years difference?" I did the math in my head.

"Yeah." He bit into the roll.

"So why don't you date someone your own age until she gets older?" I suggested.

"I don't know. I have tried a few times but I can't seem to get her out of my head. She is the sweetest girl I have ever known." He sighed heavily.

I could see that this particular girl had truly stolen his heart. I glanced over at Bella and Paul who were eating their dinner and talking back and forth. I realized that they were the same age as Seth and his girl when they first hooked up. I glared angrily as it hit me that Bella was still a sweet teenager when a four year older Paul slept with her.

"The problem is Seth she is still a young girl. She has no clue about what she wants in life yet. You are a few years older and have already began your path. You need to allow her more time to grow and flourish before you further your relationship. If you guys were to try it now well it would only end badly. She might have plans to go away to college and we both know that long distance relationships rarely ever work out. I wouldn't invest my heart into something that isn't even aware of what real love is yet." I hoped I sounded like I knew what I was talking about. After all I had not been out with many girls before I decided to become a priest. I did know a lot about love. After all I had the greatest love of all with God almighty. Nothing could be as pure and perfect as that love.

"I get that. Bella even told me the same thing when I spoke to her about it. She said that most girls tend to believe that they are expected to find love right away but when they realized the difference between lust and love sometimes it is too late and they are stuck in a marriage that they regret." Seth stated solemnly as he pick up his water and took a long drink.

"Really. Bella said that?" I was amazed to hear her put it so delicately and yet so straight forward. It was true. Most young people think they know what love is but after they take their vows of marriage they discover that it takes far more work than they ever dreamed of. They start to see their spouses in a whole new light. They began to fall out of love when in reality they might have never been there in the first place. Lust was an incredible feeling and it often disguised itself as love. It always reminded me of fools gold. Fools gold look like real gold and felt like real gold but the value of fools gold was far cheaper than real gold. Nothing could replace the real thing. And nothing felt worse than to discover that the gold you thought you found was fake.

"Yep." He sat up in his seat as the cute waitress brought out he food to us. I watched as he finally checked out the young woman. I could see that he found her appealing.

After she left I chuckled at him.

"What?" He looked at me with a set of pink cheeks.

"Lust." I stated as I began to eat my food. I had to admit it was definitely worth the cost. The food was delicious.

I glanced up to catch Paul leading Bella to the dance floor. I watched as Paul placed his hands at her waist. Bella slip her arms around his neck. I hated to admit it but together they did make a striking couple. I spotted the heels that Bella was wearing and had a hard time swallowing my food. I noticed how slender her legs seem and her ass was perfectly shaped for two hands to grab. I knew I was allowing my thoughts to wander to a place that was forbidden but I could not stop myself. Her hair was so long and curly. I curled my hand into a fist as Paul's face went to her neck and her hair covered up what he was doing to her neck. I suspected he was kissing her there. I felt my stomach churn with acid.

I did not like the way he was holding her in his arms. Ididn't like the way she allowed him to touch her so openly in public. Then Paul's head reappeared as he lean in and planted a kiss on her lips. I saw Bella's body tense for a moment before she relaxed in his arms. Was it possible that she didn't feel as strongly about Paul?

Even with the dim lighting and the distance between us I could read her body's reaction to his closeness. She was not sure how far she wanted this dance to go. From the look on Paul's face he was lost in his own world. He was deliriously happy. He either could not see or was ignoring her awkwardness with him.

"Hey is that Bella and Paul?" Seth ask me bringing me out of my serious thoughts.

"Uh. Yeah." I quickly darted my eyes down at my plate. I hoped he did not see my reaction to them dancing together. I knew it would look bad. I was a priest for god sakes not her ex boyfriend.

"Damn. I didn't think she would go out with him again." Seth gave me a worried look.

"Why not?" I hoped he would give me more insight on the couple.

"I don't know. I mean she doesn't confide guy stuff with me but I sensed that he was crazy about her still after she broke up with him. When she came back to town he was constantly calling her or showing up at her house. Hunter had to finally tell him to back off." Seth explained as he look away nervously.

"Who is Hunter?" I swore Bella was going to be the death of me. Paul had mentioned this guys name before.

"He is Emmett Hale's cousin. He dated Bella shortly after she returned home. They were a great couple. I liked him." Seth smiled.

"What happen?" I was hoping my casual questions about her past histories with guys did not come off looking like I was jealous but more concern for a friend.

"He liked her far more than she liked him. Bella is scared of marriage. Which is kinda funny since she works for a bridal coordinator." Seth laughed.

"Yeah that is strange." I had to agree with him.

"So Bella is against marriage?" I was a bit shocked to hear that. I always expected her to be one of those girls that got married right after school.

"She isn't against it she just says she is in no rush for it." Seth clarified.

"Smart girl." I mumbled under my breathe.

I watched as Paul left the dance floor and went around the corner marked restrooms. I watched as she slowly started to make her way back to the table. I knew I was acting impulsively but I stood up and strolled over to her. I reached her before she sat down.

"Bella." I greeted her.

"Father Jacob?" She looked shocked to see me in complete casual clothes.

"I'm having dinner with Seth." I pointed over to the table where Seth sat staring at us both with wide eyes. I knew he was probably wondering why I left so abruptly.

"Oh. That's nice." She smiled softly at me. Then waved at Seth. He waved back.

"Would you care to dance?" What the hell was wrong with me? Why did I ask her that? I had not danced in so long I was sure I still had two left feet.

She look cautiously around the room before she nodded her head in agreement.

I took her hand in mine as I led us to the dance floor. There was only two other couples. I kept her hand in mine as I placed my hand above her waist. I was trying to look like a gentleman even though my thoughts were suddenly filled with lustful images of me with Bella closer in my arms. I could smell her scent over the candles that were lit in the room. I found myself staring into her eyes as she placed her other hand gently on my shoulder. We began to move easily. It was strange but it felt like we had been dancing together for years when in truth it was our first real dance. Not counting the one in my younger high school days when I saw her standing alone by the wall and I had taken pity on her and danced with her. I remembered she had smiled so happily at me that night.

Now she was looking at me with frighten eyes.

"What's wrong?" I whispered to her.

"Nothing." She swallowed hard as she lick her lips.

"Do I dance that terribly?" I laughed.

"NO. You're a great dancer. Just like I remembered." She admitted to recalling the same memory that I had just recalled.

"It's been some time now since I held a woman in my arms and danced with her." I confessed as my eyes darted down to the exposed cleavage that instantly gave me a woody. I knew that luckily my jeans were loose enough that it would not show. As long as I kept her body away from mine she would never be aware of the affect she was having on me.

"I bet it has." She gave me a genuine smile as she cast her eyes around the room again.

"I had almost forgotten how great it feels." I found myself blurting out.

"What feels?" She look at me startled.

"You." I said the word before I could close my mouth shut tight.

"Excuse me?" She stared at me with disbelief.

"You're a beautiful woman Bella. Any man with half a brain would desire you." My mouth continue to ramble while my brain was screaming at me to shut the hell up and walk away before I made such a mess that even I could not repair it.

"I guess you have no brain then." She replied as her eyes widened with shock. It seem that she was sharing the same problem I was having. Did she notice the incredible magnetic pull between us?

"I'm starting to think I don't." I admitted as our faces drew closer. I knew I was going to give myself blue balls after this dance with her but it was worth every second that I was holding her.

"Too bad your not man enough to put it to a test." She cocked an eye brow as she purposely sensually lick her lips.

"Test?" I gulped hard as our bodies were suddenly pressed together far closer than I had intended. I saw her eyes widen when my stiffness touch her pelvis. She gasp for air as her eyes clouded with raw desire.

"Kiss me and tell me you don't feel any desire for me." She offered as her chest heaved heavily.

"I…I…" I heard footsteps approaching behind us and realized that Paul was returning from the restroom. I push her slightly to put some proper space between us. I did not want to give Paul the wrong ideal about our dance even if it was true.

"Father Jacob you got my girl." Paul chuckled as he stood in the middle of us wearing a big silly grin on his face.

"Yeah just dancing with her. We were just talking about old times." I knew my face was flushed but I could not stop it. My body was still tense. I could still feel my desire growing and growing within the pit of my stomach. I did not want to release my hands from her body. It took all the strength in me to release her back to Paul. He didn't seem to pick up on the attraction between Bella and I. I was thankful for that. I guess it was true what they say about love blinding you. Because I was sure anyone else who knew us would have seen the sparks our bodies were creating between us.

"You guys have a great dinner." I gave Bella a tender smile before I forced myself to walk back to the table where Seth sat ordering desert. I was hoping he hadn't paid too close of attention to the scene between Bella and I on the dance floor.

"I hope you don't mind but I ordered us some cheese cake. It is the best here." He declared.

"No. Not at all." I was still struggling with all the emotions that were battling inside of me. I was relieved to see the couple leave a few minutes later. I caught the look and smile Bella flashed me before she strolled out of the door with Paul.

I felt an enormous amount of jealousy engulf me as I wondered if they were going back to her place tonight and just how far they would go. I knew it was none of my business what either of them did. They were after all two grown adults.

When I closed my eyes for a moment I saw an image of Bella naked on top of a bed with her legs wide open. Then Paul covered her body with his. I open my eyes and felt the urgent need to run to the restroom. I wasn't going to keep my delicious dinner in my stomach at this rate. I wasn't definitely going to take a long and well deserved cold shower tonight.


	7. Her Wicked Tongue

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Twilight related. Just created my fantasy of Father Jacob and his Temptress Bella.

Rating: Mature-Sexual scenes, language

A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews. You guys are awesome!

FFG: Chapter 6: Her Wicked Tongue

Father Michael's voice stretched out through the church as he began mass. I sat firmly in the pew next to Paul. It had been a long time since I sat in church with Paul, well, in church period. When I returned from college I barely came to mass. I knew my father had been upset about my lack of appearance at church these days. I glanced down one row and saw him sitting next to Sue staring rather seriously up at Father Michael. He looked like Father Michael was about to announce the arrival of God at any second.

"May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowship of the holy Spirit be with all of you. " Father Michael began.

We all began to speak as our voices boom in the large cathedral.

"Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done and in what I have failed to do. "

Father Michael began to read scripture followed by the gospel. I tried to paid attention to the scripture but I kept getting distracted by Father Jacob who wore a similar outfit as Father Michael. He looked incredibly different than he did last night when he danced so closely to me. I felt my cheeks burn as the memory of his stiff cock pressed against my pelvis pop into my head.

I had definitely felt a hard outline in his jeans last night. Was it just a normal reaction for a man to be close to a woman? Or was it for me? The thought of him getting a woody for me made me squirm slightly in my seat. I could feel the dampness in my panties as I recalled how he commented how any man with half a brain would find me desirable. Did he find me desirable? Is that why he got so excited?

I gulped hard as I tried to keep my attention on Father Michael. I had caught Father Jacob scanning the crowd and when his eyes landed on me I noticed they seem to darken like a sky before a heavy thunderstorm. I wasn't sure how to interpret this.

"Blessed are you, Lord, God of all creation. Through your goodness we have, this bread to offer, which earth has given and human hands have made. It will become for us the bread of life."

We pray. " Holy, holy, holy Lord. God of power and might. Heaven and earth are full of your glory…" I watched as Father Jacob began to move closer to Father Michael. My stomach tingled. Even in that spiritual uniform I could not resist even my own desire of wanting to ravage his sexy body. I was so going to burn in hell for my lustful thoughts.

I knelt down on my knees.

"While they were eating, he took bread, said the blessing, broke it, and gave it to them, and said, "Take and eat; this is my Body."

I watched as Father Michael said the prayer and communion began. When Father Jacob stood before me with the small wafer in between his fingers I lifted my head to look boldly at him like a woman in need of water on a hot July day.. I saw that he was trying so hard not to pay me any more attention than he had the other parishioners. I suddenly felt like horns had popped out of my head.

I opened my mouth wide as he place the small wafer onto my tongue but before he could remove his long fingers I clasped my mouth down and around his fingers. I slowly sucked on his fingers and swirled my tongue around quickly as he gently eased it out of my mouth. He inhaled sharply. I tried to smile as innocently as possible as I began to lick my lips while I chewed. I watched as he closed his eyes and then open them back up taking a step over to the next person. I realized that I was kneeling in a church with many of my friends and family. I had just sucked seductively on the fingers of a priest. I had to get out of here. What was wrong with me? Was I possessed? Seriously I was never this bad before he came home. It was all his fault. He was the one who was creating havoc on my body, my dreams, and my life in general. If Father Jacob had never returned then I would not be kneeling here praying to the God almighty to forgive me for committing about a dozen sins that I had just committed during mass. I wasn't even including the ones before I came here today. The list was limitless.

Once service had ended I practically ran down the aisle to the front doors. I didn't even consider Paul who had met me here this morning. Father Michael was standing outside the doors wearing a big smile as he took my hand and shook it.

"It is so good to see you in service today." Father Michael gave me a wink. It was what I called the wink of guilt. We both knew that I had been missing a lot of masses lately not to mention confessions. If he only knew how bad I was he might throw me down and drench my body with holy water. I was seriously wondering if I should discuss the possibility of a demon entering my body with him. Then I saw Charlie step outside and knew if he could hear my thoughts he would send me to a loony bin.

I was halfway to my car when I heard my name being called out.

I turned with an aggravated smile on my face.

"Are you okay?" Paul ask me with genuine concern.

"Yeah, just a bit ….a slight headache." See now I was telling a bold face lie. I definitely had some serious issues.

"Oh. Can I call you later?" He suggested.

"If I am feeling better I will call you." I knew I was hurting his feelings but I honestly did not know what sort of mood I would be in later. If today continued to go on this damn freaky then it might be wise if he did not talk to me at all.

"Sure. Okay. Hope you get to feeling better." He called out as I closed my car door and sped home.

JPOV:

I hurried with the cleaning. I knew that Father Michael was going to dinner with the Newton's today. I was considering going out to see my father today. When he didn't show up for service I wasn't sure if I was relieved or disappointed.

Then Bella had knelt down for communion and everything changed for me. In that moment when her lips circled around my finger, I felt the velvet texture of her tongue sliding across my finger as it slid out of her mouth, I was afraid I was dreaming wide awake. Then she licked her lips with the most incredible seductive smile on her face. I was still not sure what was reality and what was fantasy until I heard someone cough and it luckily pulled me out of my trance.

What the hell had she been thinking doing that so publicly? Did she think this was some sort of joke? I could loose my job if people thought we were somehow sexually involved. The church did not need this sort of scandal on their hands.

We were no longer children playing jokes on one another. This was serious. I changed into my jeans and slipped on my shoes. I recalled the night before when we had danced so closely together. I had came home later that night and found myself jacking off in the shower and then in the middle of the night I woke up from a dream about Bella which led me to jack off again before I finally manage to sleep. I had to pray for my soul and my sins extra long this morning.

I knew I was flirting with danger when I teased her last night. I knew that it had been wrong of me to let her feel my desire for her. That was the problem. I just didn't think I just reacted. What the hell? I usually have more control than this? I went to confessions only explaining that I found myself having lustful dreams and masturbating. I was not about to tell Father Michael that the dreams I was having was about Bella Swan or that while I masturbated I envisioned her mouth around my hard cock. No sir.

I already knew that once I mentioned masturbation he was probably praying that I wasn't reconsidering my position at this church. He had just advised me to remember that I was still a young man and my body reacted in ways that I had no control over as long as I did not act out any further than that I would be fine. I did fifty hail Mary's before I found my redemption for my sins.

I stood in front of my door contemplating on where to go. I knew I needed to go see my father but I was still struggling with that confrontation. It was stupid that I was so afraid to see him. I knew he loved me despite my life choice I had made.

I wondered what he would say if I told him how I was torn up with these thoughts, feelings and fantasies of Bella. He would probably be pleased. He had told me pretty bluntly that our family name would die out with me. I knew how badly it hurt him that I would never give him grandchildren to carry on the Black name.

I pick up the cell phone and dial his number. I knew I was being a coward by calling him instead of a face to face meeting. The phone rang several times before he finally answered it.

"Hello." His voice was harsh. I wondered if he was having a bad day?

"Hello Dad." I forced the words out of my mouth.

"Jacob?" He ask sounding rather surprised to hear my voice.

"Yes Dad." I bit down on my tongue as I braced myself for a verbal argument to commend.

"I heard you moved back." He stated numbly.

"Yes. I had hoped to see you at church today." I continue to speak in a level tone. I knew how easily he could get riled up.

"Sorry son. I am not at home. I went to visit Rachel and the grandbabies." He explained as I heard the sound of a toddler playing in the background. I felt the pit of my stomach twisting up. I had two nephews that I had only seen once since their birth. I knew I was not exactly the best uncle in the world. It was clear that my Dad wanted to be apart of their lives.

"Oh. How is Rachel doing?" I asked trying to sound calm as possible although my hand was shaking hard.

"Good. Her husband is good to her and these two boys. You ought to see them Jacob. The youngest one, Joseph looks a lot like you." He chuckled.

"Poor kid." I chuckled as well.

"Rachel is calling me to the dinner table. I will give you a call when I return home." His voice changed slightly. I wondered if he was telling me the truth or if he just wanted to get off of the phone with me.

"Sure." I agreed as I heard him hang up. I stared at the screen feeling warm tears sting my eyes.

When would my father accept my choice? Would he ever be proud of me again? Would he ever get over his anger toward me? Would our family stay divided? I knew that Rachel was stuck in the middle of us. On one hand she was proud of me but on the other she hated to watch our Father suffer.

I wiped my eyes roughly as I placed the phone in my pocket. I locked up before I began to walk down the sidewalk. My heart was still reeling with the pain that always occurred after a confrontation with my father.

A few minutes later I found myself standing on Bella's porch knocking on her door. I knew that this was not a good idea but I needed to be around someone. I was still hurting from my father's rejection of me. I also wanted to scold Bella for her scandalous behavior at church.

A few seconds later the door was open and Bella stood before me wearing a pair of short shorts and a tight blue t-shirt. I noticed that she was bare footed. Her hair was pulled up on her head. She look like she was frustrated.

"Father Jacob." She gave me a nervous smile as she glanced up and down the street.

"Bella." I spoke sternly as I step inside uninvited. I didn't care about being polite. I was still upset with her.

"Come in." She glared at me as she closed the door behind us.

"What the hell were you thinking? Why did you do that to me today?" I decided to just be blunt with her for my reasoning to show up unexpectedly.

"What are you talking about?" She looked stunned by my anger toward her. I watched as she walk past me and into the living room area.

"Don't! Don't pretend you always suck on Father Michael's finger when we have communion." I stand with my legs spread and my hands on my hips as I glare at her.

"Oh that!" Her eyes widened and her cheeks began to turn bright red.

"Yeah that!" I shouted.

I saw her flinch. I knew I was being a shit. I knew that most of my anger was really directed at my father and not at her.

"I'm sorry Father Jacob. I don't know what came over me." She looked down at the floor as she covered her chest with her arms.

"I will admit that our dance and the teasing got out of control last night and I will take my share of the blame for that." I decided to give her a little slack. I could see she was truly upset with her own behavior.

"Well you should!" Her head lifted up and I saw fire in her eyes as she began to glare back at me.

"Excuse me?" I was shocked at how she was turning this back around on me.

"If you had never came back none of this would have happen!" She cried out as she stormed past me and into the kitchen. I followed her.

"What do you mean? I am lost now." I demanded as I watched her lean down to open the oven. She grab two mittens and pulled out what smelled like a meatloaf. I could not turn my head as I watched the shorts rise up and expose both of her round ass cheeks. I chewed on my lower lip as I found myself curious what would happen if I placed my hands on them. Would she enjoy it? Would she slap me?

She plop the pan down and threw the mittens aside as she turn toward me. Her hands were on her curvy hips as she look at me with pure anger.

"You told me I was desirable Jacob! You should have known how that would affect me! You…of all people." She cried out as she covered her mouth with her hand.

I was seriously confused at this point. Her chest was heaving. I wanted to reach out and touch her but I knew that it might lead to something that I was not prepared to do.

"What? Of course you are desirable Bella. Look at you. Your beautiful." I complimented her as I leaned back against the kitchen table. My hands were itching to touch her. I wanted to caress her face. I wanted to kiss her smooth neck. I wanted to taste her skin. I wanted to feel her mouth against mine.

"NO!" She shook her head furiously.

"No what?" I exhaled loudly.

"No you don't have a right to tell me that now. I wanted you Jacob to notice me ten years ago. I wanted you to stay here with me. You left me. You never notice that I existed. " She began to blurt out rapidly. I was trying to keep up with her.

"Bella I knew you existed. You were one of my closest friends." I argued.

"Friend. I didn't want to be your damn friend Jacob. I wanted to be your…never mind." She turned away as she covered her face with her hands.

I was starting to see where she was going with this conversation. Bella must have had a crush on me when we were younger and I was totally unaware of it. No wonder she was so nervous around me. She was struggling with her feelings toward me. It made perfect sense now. It also hurt like hell to know that I was causing her so much pain.

"Bella I am so sorry. I didn't know. You were like a little sister to me then." I tried to explain as I took a few steps closer to her.

"Then. What about now Jacob?" She turned to face me. Our faces were barely an inch apart. Her eyes glimmered with tears. I felt lousy. I had caused her to cry. I had came in here so pissed off at my father and confused by her behavior at church and now I was making her upset. What was wrong with me?

"Now. I am a priest Bella. Even if I had feelings for you I could never act on them." I answered honestly as I watch the anguish in her eyes grow.

"I know what you are. I'm not talking to Father Jacob the priest. I am talking to Jacob Black the man." She wiped away the tears as our eyes lock.

I wanted to explain to her how crazy my body had been reacting to her ever since I first saw her. I wanted to tell her how each night I had dreams of her and how I woke up longing to hold her in my arms but I couldn't. It was not only morally wrong but it was also unfair to her.

"I think we both know I find you desirable." I closed my eyes; my face going tight.

Bella placed her hands on my shoulders. My eyes opened slowly. Her breathe felt like a caress. Her voice dropped to pure seduction.

"Show me again." She whispered.

She ran her hands down my arms. Shivers raced through me. I shook my head. She kept up the sensual glide of her hands until she finally took both of my hands in hers and placed them on each side of her hips. I knew I should step away but my fingers gripped her hips tightly. I heard her gasp.

I was furious with her. Why was she doing this to me, to us? She knew that nothing could come of us. We could not share a life together. Hell we could not even fall in love. We were forbidden. Was that the thrill for her?

I was trying to make sense of all of this. Our bodies were pressed against each other like the night before. My cock was hard again. I inhaled sharply as my cock twitched. I knew she felt it when she began to lick her lips and smile victoriously up at me.

I lowered my head. Slowly. My eyes on her.

Why wasn't she stopping this madness?

"This can't be real." I muttered.

"If it's not real then it doesn't matter." She raised her eyebrows.

I took a long, deep breathe, then slid one hand from her hip into her hair cradling her head.

Please forgive me father. I know what I am about to do goes against everything I vowed to you. Please have mercy on me.

I brushed my lips against hers, igniting a fire in the pit of my stomach. She smelled of honey and vanilla with a trace of spearmint. I wanted more of her, wanted to keep tasting her.

I heard a noise in the back of my throat, my fingers sliding from her hair to stroke the skin along her neck.

Shivers broke out , racing along my nerves. The warm sensation turned to red hot lava. The slide of her tongue against mine filled a vast and barren loneliness inside of me. I had not known it had even existed until this moment. I truly missed the human contact between two people.

She dug her fingers into my bicep muscles. I could sense she was aching for more of me. My hand slid over her shoulder blade, down to the curve of her waist to the flare of her hips. The coolness of her bare skin as my fingers slid underneath her shorts to touch her bare skin made me tremble inwardly.

I heard her moaning in my mouth. I felt like I was being consumed by fire. Our bodies tightly pressed together was causing our bodies to heat up as if we had a heating blanket wrapped around us.

I wanted to stay in this kiss forever. I had kissed a few girls in my past but none of them had created this kind of passion in me. None of them made me want to go further. I wanted so badly to throw her down on the kitchen floor and taste every inch of her sweet seductive body but I refrained. This kiss was already a sin.

I pulled away slightly as I stared at her face. Her eyes fluttered before they focused on me. I saw her smile tenderly at me. I could tell that the kiss had affected her like it had me.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I asked her in a low husky voice.

"I think you are the one kissing me." She replied with a cocky tone she cupped my face in her hands and pressed her lips against mine. I knew I should pull away but I could not resist. I could not reject her. I couldn't resist her mouth, her hands and the sound of her voice lure me into a sinful world.

The phone began to ring next to our heads. I gently took her hands off of me as I took a step back. I ran my hands through my hair as I fought to try to regain some of my senses. I watched as she touched her lips where mine had been only moments earlier.

"I won't regret that." Bella informed me with a rebellious face.

"Nor do I." I admitted honestly.

"But …it shouldn't ….it can't happen again." I warned her as I exhaled deeply.

I saw the pain cross her face before it was replace with a calmness.

"Your right." She turned toward the stove and turned the knob.

"The phone?" I looked at the device that had finally broke the spell we were under. It was still ringing.

"To hell with it." She laughed bitterly.

"I should go." I started to walk out of the room when I felt her hand grab my arm and turn me toward her.

"No. I want you to stay and eat with me." She gave me a steady look. I did not think that would be such a good idea after what we had just done. Neither of us had any self control around one another. No it wasn't a wise ideal at all.

"Sure." Yet my mouth apparently did not get the message that my brain was shouting.

I knew this was not going to end well for either of us and yet I sat down at the kitchen table watching quietly as she prepared our meal. I knew in my heart someday when I looked back at this moment I would see where everything suddenly changed for me.


	8. Better Days

Disclaimer: I do not own anything of Twilight or Twilight related.

Rating: Mature-sexual scenes and language

A/N: Thank you guys for the wonderful support and reviews of FFG. xoxo A

FFG: Chapter 7: Better Days

BPOV:

My heart had a unsteady rhythm to it. It was strange. I mean I just kissed Jacob. It was our very first "real" kiss. I should be like screaming at the top of my lungs. I should be doing the crazy dance. Why was I acting so calm like it was the sort of thing I did all the time? Especially when you add in the factor that he is not just "Jacob" anymore but Father Jacob. I got that strange feeling in the pit of my stomach like when you are on top of a roller coaster and you know you're about to go down really fast. Yeah, I definitely had a lot to confess to now.

I had to admit that the kiss was beyond anything I had ever imagined. His mouth fit on mine perfectly. He tasted like my favorite ice cream.Sweet, soothing, and pure sinful.. I could get lost in that mouth of his. His hands were so soothing and sensual as they caressed my body. It was amazing. He was amazing.

"Sit." I demanded. I knew he wanted to rush out of here and go to confession right away. I was not letting him off the hook so easily. After all he could have stopped that kiss at any point.

I began to slice into the meat loaf I had prepared. I had already made some green beans and mashed potatoes before Jacob had arrived uninvited.

I made him a plate and sat it in front of him. Then I made my own as I sat down across from him. I could see the guilt all over his face. I knew if I sat too closely he might freak out on me and run from my house as if I were Satan himself.

It was truly funny to watch him as he said the prayer. I could see that he was having a hard time trying to pretend that we had not just shared our first kiss.I knew he had felt the similar sparks I had felt. I also could see that I was causing him some inner conflict. It was obvious that Father Jacob did not go around kissing his parishioners. Was I the first woman he had kissed since he took his vows? I smiled proudly. I knew I should actually be feeling some serious guilt but I didn't. It was such an ego boost to know that I had tempted a man of the cloth to bend his vows. Okay, I don't usually get my rocks off on seducing priests but Jake wasn't any ordinary priest. The man was too damn gorgeous to vow his life away.

Was it possible that I might get him to do more?

Whoa! Calm down Bella. You are dating Paul after all and Jake here is unobtainable. Sure it was great. Sure it was the best moment in your mostly dull life but let's get a reality check here. You could burn in hell for sleeping with this man. Not to mention the scandal you would cause! Do you really want to shame your family like that?

"This is really good." Father Jacob commented as he ravished the meal I had placed before him.

I couldn't help but wonder if he truly liked the meal or if he was trying to hurry and eat so he could depart?

"Thanks." I smiled softly at him.

"So…how are things with you and Paul?" He asked as his eyes revealed he was still having guilty thoughts.

"Paul and I are doing fine. We are just dating." I decided to be honest with him. After all he was once close friends with Paul. Plus I wanted him to trust me. I couldn't explain it but I felt this incredible need to show Jacob that he could confide in me the way everyone else confides in him.

"Really. So do you like him a lot?" Father Jacob asked as he licked his fork.

I had to consider my answer carefully. After all just a few hours ago I had sucked on Father Jacob's finger and then a hour later kissed him. I did not think he would believe that I was devoted to Paul at least not at this point.

"Sure." I shrugged my shoulders casually.

"Why don't you love him?" He asked as he wiped his mouth clean.

"How do you know that I don't?" I knew my answer was not exactly what he had expected. I could not honestly explain to him why I was unsure of my feelings for Paul with out revealing how I had first dated Paul based on his similarity to Jacob. It would only make him uncomfortable. I was trying to keep us both calm and hands off. I wanted him to feel safe with me.

"Okay. Do you love Paul?" Father Jacob replied as I placed a glass of soda in front of him.

"Not sure how deep my feelings go for him. I am crazy about him. He makes me feel special. He is kind to me. We share a history together. Would I want to spend the rest of my life with him, well I don't know that answer yet." I shrugged my shoulders again as I sat back down in my seat.

"I see. Well, I can tell you that he is crazy about you." Father Jacob confessed.

I looked up at him surprised by his remark. How did he know how Paul felt about me? When did he talk to Paul and why was I brought up in that conversation?

"How would you know that?" I ask.

"I saw him bringing flowers to you. The Paul I once knew never brought flowers to a girl." Father Jacob replied with a soft chuckle.

"Yeah, well people change. As we get older we begin to see the big picture. We realized that we won't live forever. I think Paul has grown into a exceptional man. He works hard and he is a great friend. I honestly can not find any major flaws in him." I answered with a smirk.

"Yet you do no think that you love him. Strange." His eyes looked at me with a dark glare before he turned his eyes back to his plate.

"Look if Charlie has talked to you about trying to encourage me to get married and give him some grandkids then your barking up the wrong tree. I don't see the rush. I am only twenty-four years old my biological clock is still ticking away at a normal pace." I rolled my eyes as I sighed loudly.

"He never spoke to me about that subject." Father Jacob looked amused by my outburst.

"Well…good then." I felt my cheeks burn as I realized that I had gotten so wound up on the subject. It was just the topic of marriage always irked me. Why did everyone think that they had to get married to be complete? Seriously. Someday I wanted it, but not now. Why can't I just live a little? I needed to sow my wild oats before this girl settled down with just one man.

"So marriage will not be brought up by me again." He placed his hand over his heart.

"Good." I smiled despite how aggravated I felt.

"So tell me about college. How was it for you?" Father Jacob picked a safer subject to talk about as we finished our meal together.

It was truly nice to sit and just talk with him like we did when we were younger. I noticed by the end of the meal that this was the first time since he had returned that I had actually relaxed around him. I was truly enjoying spending time with him where I wasn't thinking about ripping his clothes off and licking him from head to toe every five seconds.

We were just Jacob and Bella talking about what we had been up too the past ten years we had been apart. It was interesting to listen to him talk about the missionaries he had gone on and how he helped the sick and the poor. I was amazed at how much he had accomplished in the past ten years. His face glowed as he spoke of his good deeds and some of the more trying moments in his life. I could tell that he was proud of what he had done so far with his life. I envied him. He seemed to know what it was he wanted out of life and he wasn't afraid to roll up his sleeves and do whatever it took to accomplish it.

Sure, I had a pretty good career and I was buying my first house. Over all I was not a complete failure. Still, I knew there was more I could do with my life. As I had informed him earlier in our conversation that I was still young. I still had time.

I started some dish water while he picked up the dishes and brought them to the sink. I noticed that he was suddenly quiet. Earlier we had both rambled back and forth with such ease. Now he seemed awkward with me again.

I slipped the glasses and the silverware in first. I started washing them and set them in the empty side of the sink. I was about to ask him if he had gone to see Billy yet when he suddenly appeared by my side. He turned on the faucet and was rinsing while I washed. It made me recall a old memory of us at my house when we were kids.

When Rachel and Jacob came over we took turns doing the dishes. It was usually Jacob and I who did them because Rachel was the oldest so she was allowed to use the stove and there for she cooked, we washed. It was her rule.

One time Jacob put too much soap in the water and I remembered that I told on him. He picked up a handful of bubbles and blew them in my face. I got angry and kick him in the shin and he chased me all through the house. I managed to get to my room where I closed the door and locked it. It took them nearly two hours to get me to open the door. I was terrified he was going to kick me back. Instead Rachel made me apologize to Jacob who in turn apologized for blowing the bubbles in my face.

"So does it feel strange to be back here?" I ask curiously. I knew that being back in Forks had to bring back some memories for him. I knew that not all of them were perfect. Hell, no one had all perfect memories of their childhood. If they did then they had to be insane or on medication.

"Yes it does. I mean sometimes it feels like home and other times I feel like I am in this new place. So many new buildings, people grew up, and I don't reside in that little red house with my father." He answered as he places the clean dishes in the dish drainer.

"I know how you feel. I mean I was only gone four years but it still seemed a little different when I came home. When I was a kid everything seemed bigger somehow." I replied with a low laugh as I sat the pan in the sink.

"Exactly. Also I never dreamed I would get to work in the very church that had initially inspired me to become a priest." He smiled warmly.

I know it was selfish of me but in that instance I hated that church. It took Jacob away from me.Okay, perhaps the church itself didn't take him away but if it hadn't existed and made itself seem so damn perfect then Jake might have remained here and well, who knows what our relationship would have grown into.

"I'm afraid I was not as excited about you becoming a priest." I admitted as I pulled the plug letting the dirty dish water go down the drain.

"Why not?" He sat the last dish in the dish drainer and took a step back as he unrolled his sleeves and buttoned them up.

"I think we both know why." I was leaning against the sink as I looked at him. I was sure my eyes showed the pain that it had caused me. I was truly in love with him back then. I thought he was going to become my husband someday. I was crushed when that dream was taken away from me.

"Bella, I'm sorry that I was so unaware of your feelings for me back then. I mean I was in a relationship with Leah when I found my calling. I was crazy about her but it wasn't enough. I would have hurt you worse if I had made that decision after we started going out." He explained as he put his hands in his front pockets.

"Leah seems okay now." I thought out loud.

"She wasn't back then. She hated me. She made sure she got that point across." He chuckled bitterly.

"Maybe she was just the wrong girl." I suggested as I gave him a flirty wink.

"Maybe. We won't ever know. I have made my choice." He spoke with a stern voice.

I knew he was trying to remind me of his priesthood and how it was too late for us to act on something that might have been. He was right. It was too late.

"I understand." I knew he did not want to hurt me. My Jacob was always considerate that way.

"Good. Because between you and me Bella, that kiss was amazing. I will remember it forever." His eyes soften as he smiled tenderly at me.

I felt my knees start to wobble. I could not agree more. I also would never forget that kiss. Our first real kiss.

"Me too." I agreed as my stomach fluttered as I swallowed hard.

"I should get going. I have things to do before work tomorrow." He began to walk out of the kitchen. I followed him. When we reached the door I hoped he would give me a hug. Any contact I could receive from him at this point was a blessing. I knew he was afraid of giving me the wrong idea.

"Thank you for dinner. It really was good." He rubbed his stomach.

I laughed at him.

"Anytime you need a home cooked meal you know where I live." I replied hoping I did not sound like I was implying anything more than a meal.

"Yes I do." He took my hand in his. I felt like I would faint. His hands were so warm and smooth.

He placed a tender kiss on the back of my hand. I felt tiny little bubbles of excitement floating around my stomach. As each popped I felt like I was having small climaxes.

"Goodbye, Father Jacob." I whispered as he released my hand and it fell back to my side.

"Goodbye, Bella." He smiled softly at me before turning away and walking out the front door.

After I watch him walk away from my house I closed the door and went to my room. I laid back on the bed staring up at the ceiling. My mind kept replaying the kiss we shared. It brought tears to my eyes.

Jacob was right it was unfair of me to entice him when anything we might do could only bring harm to ourselves and to others. I did not want to bring that sort of shame on him or myself. We were two adults who had no choice but to remain friends.

The tears began to slide down my face. It just did not seem fair to me. God had finally sent Jacob home to me and he was still out of my reach but still touched my heart.

JPOV:

I laid in my bed wondering how things seemed to escalate when I was near Bella. For ten years I had been the king of restraint. Within seconds being near her I could not keep my hands off of her. It was like I had to feel her touch in any form or fashion I could receive it.

The kiss. God, the kiss was out of this universe. I wondered if it was possible that the kiss was so spectacular due to the fact that I had not kissed a woman in over ten years? Was that the reason it felt so magical? Or was it because it was a kiss with Bella?

The girl had grown into a mysterious woman. She could not give me a straight answer when it came to her feelings about Paul. She had gone out to see the world but returned home because she said it felt like the right sort of thing to do. She had a head on her shoulders. She had a great career. She was buying her own home. From all outward appearances she seemed have it all together.

The only problem I was concerned about at the moment was her love life. If I was a smart man I would definitely persuade her in the direction of Paul. He seems to truly care for her. She seems to like him well enough to give them another shot. If Bella was happy in love with Paul then she wouldn't dwell on her past with me. She would find me less desirable perhaps. I did not want her to let Paul go because she thought we had a chance for a future together. It was not going to happen. I had already made my choice and nothing was going to change my mind about it. I was a man of my word.

Still, if I let myself fantasize about what my life might have been like if I had not became a priest I could definitely see myself married to Bella. She would have made a wonderful wife. I could even see us having children together. I closed my eyes as I imagine her abdomen round with a child. I felt myself smiling proudly. It was such a absurd idea yet it did make me feel warm all over. The thought of Bella carrying my son or daughter brought much pride in my heart. Pride. I had to remember pride could lead us down the path of temptation. I have to just shove these thoughts and ridiculous fantasies from my head.

I exhaled loud as I pulled myself out of my daydreaming and reminded myself that I had to keep both feet on the ground. I have to keep a respective view of things. Bella would never be my wife or the mother of my children. I would never have that life with her. Someone else would instead.

I felt my stomach twist at the thought of someone else impregnating her. I knew it was stupid but I truly felt a surge of jealousy flow through me. I knew it was only a matter of time before Bella found the right guy for her. I just hoped I was past these feelings when that day occurred. I wanted to feel happiness for her. I wanted to be her friend and priest. I wanted to help her through her troubled days and her many blessings that I was sure would come her way.

I did not want to be a bitter memory for her. I wanted her to feel secure with me. I wanted her to look at me as a man of God. I decided to try and keep a distance between us for the next few days. Maybe if we stayed apart we would both get past these tempting feelings of lust that we both shared for each other.

Yeah, I would just stay away from her. It would subside. I said another prayer asking God to give me the strength to do what was right and to fight the temptation that Bella stirred in the deepest depths of my soul before I fell asleep.

BPOV:

I was trying to change into my night clothes when my cell phone began to rang. I look at the ID and saw that it was Paul. I felt so guilty. Our date the other night had started out so great. The dance between Jacob and I had caused me to push him away. When we returned back to my house I had gave him a chaste kiss on the cheek before I fled into the house. Then this morning at the end of services I pretty much brushed him off again.

I had to stop being so damn selfish. I had to show Paul that he was special to me. I knew that guys like Paul were not a dime a dozen. He was almost the perfect guy for me. In fact I would have to say he was my number two guy. Jacob would always be the first on my list for perfection.

I answered the phone as I sat down on the bed.

"Hey." I tried to sound happy as I greeted Paul.

"Hey. You sound much better." Paul exclaimed.

"Yeah, I was going to call you but I had a visitor and time got away from me. I just got out of the shower when you called." I explained.

"Oh. Who was the visitor?" He asked curiously. I could sense he was not happy that I had shared the afternoon with someone other than him.

"Father Jacob came by. I had just finished cooking so I had him stay and eat with me." I answered honestly.

"That was awful nice of you." He answered. I did not hear any malice within his tone. I was relieved that he was not going to act all jealous on me. I knew he had quite the temper when he was pushed but for the most part he was a calm guy.

"Well, I have to stay in good with him. After all he is the one who speaks to God. Need all the extra prayers I can get." I laughed but deep within I was not kidding. I had been a naughty girl lately.

"I doubt that. You're a good girl." Paul laughed lightly.

"Trust me Paul I am not perfect." I warned him.

"Honey, no one is." He replied.

"Good, I would hate for you to put me on a pedestal just to learn that I was not worthy enough to even stand by the damn thing." I declared.

"Girl, I swear. Your not nearly as bad as you seem. I will let you go. I just wanted to make sure my girl was okay." He answered with pure sweetness in his tone. I felt my heart pitter patter. He was truly a great guy. Maybe I could learn to love him. I had to admit the sexual chemistry in our relationship was pretty good. I definitely had worse guys. Paul should be the kind of guy that a girl like me dreamed of. I was going to stop resisting him and our relationship and maybe by doing so I would the kind of love that made girls swoon with happiness.

"I'm fine now. Thank you for the flowers and the date." I wasn't sure if I had thanked him the night before. I had been in such a state after feeling Jacob's hard on that I could barely even think straight for hours afterwards.

"No problem Maybe we can do something tomorrow evening?" He suggested.

"Sounds like a date to me." I smiled tenderly.

"Night." I could hear the happiness in his voice.

"Night." I sat the phone down by the bed and prayed that tonight would be dream free. Tomorrow was a new day and I wanted to start it with both eyes wide open and my head clear. The kiss that I had shared with Jacob, no Father Jacob, was the end of our never beginning relationship. It was time for me to give Paul his chance to shine in the sun and warm my heart with love.


	9. Signs or Warnings?

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to it.

Rating: Mature-SEXUAL Content/Language

A/N: Hope you enjoy this chpt. Jake is struggling with his inner turmoil and in the end he succumbs to it. But will Bella continue to let him play with the flames or will she pull herself together in time to prevent them from going too far, especially now that she is slowly giving her heart to Paul?  
>Banner: MIST :)<p>

FFG: Chapter 8:Signs or Warnings?

JPOV:

I woke up realizing that last night was the first night since I met Bella that I did not dream about her. I of course hadn't come across her in the past three days. I was partially relieved she had not been in for confessions or mass for that matter. I also felt guilty. I knew that like me she was trying to put some space between us.

Seth mention that Bella had brought Paul to the family dinner. I knew this was a big step for her. I sensed when we spoke about her relationship with Paul that she was keeping a safe distance between them. I now understood that Bella feared falling in love. I did not know what this fear was based on exactly but it was definitely there.

I wanted her to be happy. I wanted her to find her purpose in life. I wanted so much for he but most of all I wanted to stop these unbearable sense of jealousy that crept up on me when I thought of her and Paul.

Our kiss had changed my view of her. I no longer saw the young girl with scratches on her knees, the one who had her nose buried in a book most days or the young woman who belonged in my parish. Even with time apart I still had a painful longing to be near her, to share one more kiss but I also knew that these desires I was experiencing was from the man, not the priest. I was going to have to pull myself together and remind myself that I made a choice. A choice to give my life over to God. I had no right to want something that would rip me away from the world I had already committed myself to. It wasn't fair to me and definitely not to Bella.

Bella wasn't an angelic woman but she wasn't exactly evil either. She was a feisty and bold young woman who was stubborn and often risky. I admired her very much. She wasn't scared to live her life to the fullest and I was going to be an obstacle that could only cause her unnecessary confusion and pain.

I quivered as the memory of her sucking on my finger during communion hit me hard. Pressing my eyes tight together I heard a deep growl escape from my lips. This torture was slowly killing me. Why couldn't I get past these lustful thoughts? I cared for Bella, that I didn't doubt for a second but I also knew that if I ever acted on these lustful feelings I would send me and Bella both to hell.

I feared I would never go back to being the priest I once was. How could I be a good priest if I could not control my lust for Bella?

What did I have to do to get past this excruciating and trying time in my life? What would it take to help me get past this?

Jumping out of my seat I raced downstairs to the small gym area we had built for the young boys in our community. After working out for a hour I was finally spent and knew that when I fell asleep tonight that I had no control over my dreams but I wasn't going to give up my fight of resisting the one girl who had somehow opened up a deep dark vessel inside of me.

XXXX

Waking up I felt a need to take a walk to the center. I didn't even realize it until I was almost in front of her house that I had unconsciously taken the long way and was now a few feet from Bella's house. I hesitated about taking another step when I heard her door open and her laughter flowing across the wind. I took a few steps forward to get a better view to see what had caused her to laugh when I saw her placing a kiss on Paul's lips. I blinked several times . It was barely seven in the morning and something told me that Paul had spent the night with Bella.

I snuck behind a tree to watch them. I know I totally look like a stalker at this point but I was curious.

Bella stepped out onto the porch wearing only a tank top with another pair of short shorts. She was barefooted. Her hair was a mess. It look like she just crawled out of bed. Paul was laughing as he lean down and kissed her tenderly on the lips.

Bella wrap her arms around his neck as she stood on her tip toes. She seemed to be quite happy and relaxed with him. The two of them seemed to have grown closer in the past three days since I shared a kiss with her.

I felt petty but it stung my ego to think that she could have fallen in love with him so easily after confessing to me that she had longed for me all these years. Why did I feel like I had been betrayed somehow by the both of them? It was stupid. It was ridiculous to feel like this. I had to seriously stop this. This was exactly why I had put some distance between us. I wanted Bella to be happy. If Paul was the guy that could give her that happiness then I was going to keep my mouth closed and walk away.

Pushing myself away from the tree I turned and walked swiftly in the opposite direction from Bella's house.

I was making my way home for the day when I found myself once again on Bella's street. I realized as I came up a few houses from hers. I stopped walking. Should I turn around and go the other way home? This was crazy. Even subconsciously I was finding myself drawn to her. It was as if some higher power kept pushing me toward her. I knew it could not be God's work. No way! He knew about my infatuation with her. He would not approve of these feelings I was having toward Bella. For the most part I felt like it was purely lust I was struggling with.

But then there were moments when I would think about how much I had enjoyed talking to her. We had a good conversation at her house. I also had many fond memories with her. We were good friends as kids. She was always so sweet. She was a good girl. The kind of girl you could bring home to meet your parents.

I began to walk again. I was not going to hide from Bella any longer. It was stupid. After seeing her with Paul this morning I knew I had no reason to fear that she might actually seduce me into her bed. Besides I had to be willing, right. It was not like she was going to handcuff me to her bed.

Suddenly the image of Bella naked, straddling me with a leather crop in her hand while I was handcuffed to a bed popped into my head. I felt the heat in my cheeks as I saw her stroke the crop slowly like she would my cock. She slid the crop down between the valley of her breasts and around each hardened nipple.

Then she would place the tip in her mouth, rolling her tongue around the tip and licking up and down. Looking down at me she would give me a evil smile.

"You wish this was your cock in my mouth, don't you." She would growl as she sucked hard on the tip of the crop.

"Hell yeah." I moaned.

"You wish I would wrap my lips around that huge cock of yours right now, and suck you until you blow your load down my throat don't you?" She moaned and placed the tip of the crop in her mouth again.

I nodded and thrust my hips up to accentuate my desire for her to do just that.

"Nuh, uh, uh" She wagged her finger at me and shook her head. "You were a bad boy, Father Jacob, looks like I may have to punish you for that. You have to understand _I_ am in control, what _I_say goes." She sliced the crop through the air with each word she spoke. The crop making a cracking sound each time.

"I'm sorry Mistress Bella. I will take my punishment like a good boy, I promise" I replied in agreement.

"Mmmm, that's what I like to hear, Father Jacob. You _are_ a good boy so maybe I won't punish you after all." She purred. She then leaned forward and licked my earlobe.

"And if you continue to be a good boy, Father Jacob I might let you put that big, stiff , cock in my mouth. Are you going to be a good boy, Father Jacob?" Her voice was husky and deep with sexual need.

"Uhuh, I'll be a _very_ good boy." I gulped hard as I nodded my head and felt drool sliding down my chin.

"You want to put _this__…"_ She reaches down stroking my exposed cock. "Inside of me?" She asked running her thumb over the head.

Once again I nodded my head as I felt her hands wrap around it. My eyes rolled in the back of my head. I could feel her hands stroking me hard. She is about to milk me all over her soft silky hands when I ….hear a horn honk. Uh?

I blinked my eyes as I woke up from my dirty, day dream.

"Shit." I mumbled as I looked down at the bulge in my pants. One second I was telling myself I had nothing to fear from Bella and the next minute I was imaging us in a dominatrix fuck fest.

I would need to hurry and get home before someone approached me with this bad boy about to explode in my pants.

I took two steps when suddenly Bella appeared in her front lawn. She was walking to her mail box.

She noticed me immediately. She flashed me a sweet smile. I could not see her eyes to know how to interpret her smile.

I continued to walk but at a very slow pace. I had to think of something horrible and soon before I got too close and Bella was aware of my stiff cock once again hard as a brick in my jeans.

I was not trying to sound vain but this bad boy was rather large and it was not like I could hide when I was hard in regular clothes. The robes had enough room in them that no one would be the wiser if I was having a woody in that.

Horrible thought Jacob. Think. Think about Sister Frances and her big hairy mole on her forehead. It always reminded you of a third eye. There you go keeping thinking that way and it will go down before you stand before Bella.

"Father Jacob are you okay?" Bella ask with a deep frown.

"Yeah." I muttered as I tried to produce a smile on my face. It was incredibly hard to do since my cock was only half limp at this point.

"Are you on your way home?" She ask as she flip through her mail.

I was glad that she was not focusing on me while I continue to think of the ugly ass mole.

"Yeah." I muttered again.

Bella look up from the stack of mail in her hand and then gave me a suspicious smile.

"Seriously are you okay?" She chuckled.

"Yeah, definitely okay." I chuckled nervously.

"So have you ate yet? I was about to go heat up some left over stew." She offered.

"Stew, sounds delicious." My stomach growled loudly. We both laugh at the timing of my starving stomach.

"Come on in. I haven't seen you in a few days." She commented as I followed her the house.

I wondered if Paul was coming over to join us? It would make me feel a hell of a lot safer if he did. My cock was still semi hard. It was crazy. Since I had returned to Fork I found my dick had a mind of it's own these days.

"Come on into the kitchen." She ordered as I watch her backside. She was wearing a pair of jeans that emphasized her round curvy backside. I found myself smiling as I watch her hips swaying back and forth in a cute, sexy walk.

"Damn." I mumbled as my cock went back up in full force. This was not a good idea. I should make up some stupid ass excuse and get out of here.

"Sit." She pointed to the chair. Twice now she had ordered me around since I had come across her. It made me consider the possibility of my earlier fantasy having more basis after all. Maybe Bella was the boss in bed after all.

"You look flushed." She stated as she placed a large bowl of steaming stew in front of me. I swallowed hard as I tried to consider what to say back to her. Even Sister Frances big hairy mole was not helping my stiff cock to shrink to normal size.

Bella placed the palm of her hand over my forehead. I felt my cock thrust against the binding material of my jeans. I thought I was going to cum instantly from her touch.

"Father Jacob your sweating. You don't feel too hot. Do you have an upset stomach?" She asked me with genuine concern across her face.

I watched as her head began to lower. I realized she was about to look at my stomach which would lead her eyes toward my hard on. I quickly reached out grabbing her chin with my hand and holding it firmly. I was starting to panic now.

"Bella I am fine. I am probably just hot from walking over here." I hoped my voice did not sound as shaky as my insides felt.

"Oh." She scrunched her brow as she took a step away from me and walked back to the counter. I assumed she was making herself a bowl of stew. A few seconds later she return with a bowl and spoon in her hands as she sat next to me.

I blew on the steamy stew before I placed the spoon in my mouth. The stew was incredible. I had to give it to Bella the girl definitely had some cooking skills.

"Bella this is incredible." I complimented her cooking. I watched as her eyes sparkled.

"Thanks. Paul seemed to like it a lot too. I had to make him a bowl for lunch today." She smiled sheepishly.

I wasn't sure how to respond to that statement. After all I had accidentally spied on them this morning. Should I inquire if he was sleeping with her? No, that was not the sort of thing even a Priest would ask.

"Oh, did you have lunch with him today?" I tried to sound supportive of her relationship with Paul. I did not want her to pick up on my underlying jealousy. I was definitely happy for her but on the other hand I hated knowing someone else was making her so happy. I wanted to be the guy that made her smile. I wanted to be the person who made her blush.

I was confusing myself. One minute I wanted her to want me and the next minute I was praying she would find a distraction to keep her from wanting me. Was I bipolar?

"No. I was terribly busy today. I had several appointments." She shook her head as she put the spoon all the way in her mouth. I watch as she lick her lips. I found myself licking my own lips. I could not help but remember this was the very room we had shared that amazing kiss a few days ago.

Had it occurred to her? Probably not. She probably got kissed all the time. One kiss from me wouldn't exactly be life altering. No, a girl as beautiful and desirable as Bella had no problems obtaining male attention.

"I see. So did Paul take some soup home when he left last night?" I regretted the words as soon as the slip out of my mouth. Her eye brows shot up as she gave me a curious look. I knew she was wondering why I was so damn curious how Paul got a bowl of soup for lunch.

"How did you know he was over last night?" She put her spoon in her bowl as she stared hard at me.

"Well you said it was left over's. If you didn't take it to him then surely he took some home with him." I was praying to God to give me the strength to think fast on my feet. I watched as she seemed to accept this statement. Thank you God.

"Actually he came by this morning to pick it up. He left it here." She explained as she scoop up some of the stew and put it in her mouth.

"Oh." I wasn't about to say anything else. I had been lucky enough to get myself out of my earlier screw up. So what I saw this morning was not exactly a "morning after" scenario. He had just came by before he went to work. I felt tremendous relief settle over me.

"So where have you been lately? I was scared you might have been trying to stay away from me." Her eyes narrowed as she watch me closely.

"I..well…it wasn't like that exactly. Just been busy." I chuckled as I shove the spoon back into my mouth.

I guess Bella had seen my lack of presence in her life as my way of keeping distance between us which was honestly the truth. I did not however want to confirm it. I suspected that she would read more into it.

"Me too." She grinned as she dropped her head and was looking down at her bowl.

"So I take it things are better between you and Paul?" I ask trying to sound like just a friend who was curious about another friend's personal life.

"They were never bad between us." Bella corrected me.

"Oh. I just meant when we talked last you were not sure how you felt about Paul." I knew I was digging information about the couple's status but I hoped it did not sound like that to her.

"Oh that. Yeah, we are growing closer. He is really sweet." Bella glanced away.

I sensed that there was more to this story but I was not about to push her.

"I'm glad he makes you happy." I spoke from the heart.

"What about you, are you happy?" She turned the questioning around on me.

I sat there for a second considering my answer.

"Sure." I sat my spoon into the empty bowl.

"Why did you hesitate to answer?" She eyed me with a naughty grin on her face.

What the hell was wrong with her? Why did she do that? Was she enjoying teasing and tormenting the young priest? Was that her game?

"I am happy." I cried out defensively. My voice shrieked a bit.

"Okay. Damn." She laughed as she stood up taking her bowl and spoon to the sink.

"Father Jacob can you bring me your dishes." She asked innocently.

I stood up and proceeded toward her when I felt my cock throb. Bella turned and stared straight at my crotch. I nearly dropped the bowl. Did she know all along? Did she ask me to come across the room on purpose? Surely even she was not that evil?

"Yeah, I see that you are quite happy Father Jacob." Her face lit up, her eyes darkened, and her smile reach her ears. I noticed that her cheeks had turn a slight red shade.

"Damn it, Bella." I growled as I slam the bowl and spoon down on the table and began to storm out of her house.

"Jacob stop! Please." Bella pleaded as she chased after me. I was so humiliated and furious with myself. I should have known that Bella was too keen to not notice my beast about to rip through my jeans.

Her hand snaked around my wrist as she pulled on my arm.

"Stop it! It's okay Jacob." She pleaded harder as she pushed me up against the back of her sofa.

"No it's not Bella." My voice was low. I was truly humiliated. I was suppose to be a man who spoke to God. I was suppose to be the very example of how a godly man should behave, talk, think, and feel. This was not the proper behavior I had been trained to act. I was loosing control of my body, my mind, and my very soul. It was killing me.

"Jacob look at me." Bella's voice was gentle as she cupped my face in between her soft cool hands. I look up at her with shame all over my face.

"Your still a flesh and blooded man." Bella's voice was soothing to my wounded pride.

"No one can control how our bodies react. It's impossible. I just have to ask you one question Jacob." She paused as she gave me a nervous smile. I remained silent.

"Do you struggle with this all the time? I mean before you came home was this a problem?" Her eyes stared into my very soul as if she was trying to find the truth. She knew that I could lie if I wanted too.

I reach out wrapping my fingers around her tiny wrists. The contact of my hands on her cool skin instantly made my stomach flutter. If I was truthful to Bella I would have to answer that no one in all my ten years ever stirred up even a ounce of lust the way she had. Never. I had seen many beautiful women. I had even been hit on by a few. I always walked away gracefully and perfectly peaceful. Yet with this woman before me I could not seem to think straight. I wanted her. I wanted her so bad I ached when we were apart.

There had to be more to these feelings that just lust.

"No. Honestly Bella I have never come against something quite this powerful as you." I spoke the words softly and slowly. I watch as her face showed her confusion. She was not sure how to respond to my truthful answer.

"Why are you fighting against it?" She ask as her eyes glowed. I gulped hard.

"I have too." I said sounding desperate even to my own ears.

"No you don't. Maybe it's a sign." She replied as her hands pulled my face closer to hers.

"A sign?" I look puzzled.

"Yeah, maybe you were meant to feel this way about me." Our faces were a mere breathe apart. I knew we would kiss any second and as much as I knew it was wrong to do it I still allowed her to pulled me up against her as her lips brush against mine. Her lips were so soft that it reminded me of feathers.

Would this kiss be just as special as the first one? Would I still find myself drawn to her if we kissed again? Was it just the forbidden thought that tempted me so badly?

My curiosity outweighed my fears.

"Bella, my darling your going to be my undoing." I whispered as I capture her lips with my own and kissed her with all of my heart.

I eagerly slip my tongue in between her lips to stroke and tease and taste. I ran my hand down the side of her neck over her shoulder then circled one breast, then the other. I felt her body shuddered underneath my touch. I loved kissing her, loved plumbing the intimacy of her mouth, I wanted to taste all of her.

I shifted away, licking a trail down her throat.

"Please." It was almost a sob as I felt myself surrender to my shameless needs.

XXX


	10. Twisted Between Love and Lust

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything Twilight related. Just my naughty Father Jacob. :)

Rating: Mature-lemons, language

A/N: Thank you guys who let me know you are enjoying this story for the first time and second round. Hope you guys enjoy the changes.

FFG: Chapter 9: Twisted Between Love and Lust

BPOV:

"Please." Jacob whimpered as his lips continue to place gentle kisses down the curve of my neck.

I felt his hands slip underneath my blouse as they caressed and touch every inch of my stomach. I felt so light that I wondered if I had passed out and this was all a dream?

When the palm of his hand covered the top of my breast I felt the warmth of his hand. My body instantly began to absorb his heat like a rock from the sun. I was beginning to feel warm, warmer and then I was so hot that I felt a trickle of sweat trickle down my spine. Jacob was burning me up with his touch.

My heart was racing so madly that it hurt. My chest was aching but I didn't care. If I was going to die from a heart attack and it was in his arms then it would be worth it.

I felt the small metal latch in the front of my bra unsnapped. He was releasing my taunt breasts from the restraints of my bra. When his hands cup both of my breasts I cried out. I was conflicted. This was the sweetest torture. It was like being on a drug. It was so surreal. Every touch, every kiss, every movement between our bodies was pure erotic bliss.

I was starting to wonder if Jacob had lied to me? How could he be doing all these magical things to my body and have no experience at all? I simply couldn't believe that I was the one woman who could undo Jacob's vows to remain celibate. There was no way you could convince me that I was that irresistible to him? There was nothing special about me. I was just simply Bella. No. This was not possible.

My brain began to function at last. Stupid brain.

Bella what are you doing? Do you really want to be responsible for breaking Jacob's vows to God. It's not like he is being unfaithful to a girlfriend. He is being untrue to the almighty himself. Do you want that on your head? Do you want to face God someday and know that you were responsible for causing Jacob's soul to possibly burn in hell? Is the sex worth that much to you? Come on girl think about this. I know it feels so damn good and it feels so damn right but once it is over can you face the consequences of your actions? Can you face him knowing the terrible guilt he will suffer from?

A ripple of tremendous pleasure rolled over me,starting from my breasts, then my stomach, then my hips. I lowered my head to see Jacob trailing his finger over an ethereal blue vein until it disappeared under the dark areola. God he looked sexy as hell.

My fingers curled at my sides. His head dipped down, dragging his tongue over my nipple, then suckled until my body rose up so high I was on my tip toes. I cried out as my sweet core begin to tingle and I felt my panties soaked. It was incredible how his kisses and a little foreplay had me so drenched. I was totally loosing it. I grip his hair on the back of his head as I pressed my breast further into his mouth. I heard him moan causing me to climax so hard that I literally shuddered and spasm standing straight up on my feet.

"God I could suck on these forever. You taste so sweet Bella." He mumbled as his mouth search for the other one.

I was starting to feel tears glistening the back of my eye lids. As much as I truly wanted this with him I knew in my heart I could not do this to him. I should put a stop to this. It was not fair to him. I could handle the consequences but I did not think that a man as good hearted as Jacob could live with what he had done.

When all the strength I could muster I push him away from me. I heard the small plopping sound as my breast slip out of his mouth.

I could hear him panting for air. My hands quickly covered up my exposed breasts as I look up at him with heavy eyes.

I saw the confusion on his face. He wanted to go further. He was willing to do what I had dreamed about a million times. Not once in those fantasies did I ever stop him from touching me. It was insane what I was doing, I knew it. If it had been any other man I would not have stopped. This was Jacob. Father Jacob.

It was rather ironic, he was suppose to be helping me protect my soul and here I was doing the right thing to help save his soul.

"Jacob." I whispered as I snap my bra back and pulled my shirt down to cover me up.

"What? What's wrong?" He ask with a deep sexy voice.

"I'm sorry." I felt the tears stinging in my eyes. I knew that I was totally giving him mixed signals. It was so wrong of me but one of us had to stop this before we went too far, before we past the point of no return.

"Why are you sorry?" He coughed as he ran his hands through his hair. I could tell he was still frustrated. His cock was still hard as hell. It look so enticing and every fiber in me wanted to reach out and touch that bad boy but I took a step back instead. I had to put some space between us.

"I know I can be so damn confusing." I cried out as I pinch the tip of my nose.

"I will agree with that." He sighed long and loud.

"I brought this on. I should have not teased you. I …God Jacob I want you so bad that I am physically hurting. I just can't…I mean…it's wrong." I gulped hard as I watch his face express his own pain.

"I know what you mean." He reach down and shifted himself.

"Bella it's my fault." He continued as he smiled sadly at me.

"No. It's not really about fault. I mean we both wanted it. We both feel this connection between us." I cried out defensively. I did not want him to take this burden onto himself. It was ridiculous for him to believe that he was the one here who was suppose to be stronger. I saw us as only a man and woman, not a priest and woman. We both had desires, wants and needs. It did not matter which one of us wore a robe. This was just human instincts we were acting on.

"I hear you and I know on one level you are correct. Yet the priest…uh…the priest in me knows that I am the one who is weaker between us. I should be protecting you Bella. I should be showing you the way to God's love. Yet here I stood before you ravishing your body. I wanted you so damn badly that I think that I might have actually lost my…well…you know what I mean." Jacob's eyes began to turn so dark that they nearly look black instead of the lovely shade of brown that I had always adored.

"Jacob please don't beat yourself up over this. This is normal. This is what happens between men and women. I know that you have lived such a celibate life and I am pretty damn sure that you have stayed away from women in general or else it would not be so easy to seduce you." I slip my hands into my pockets as I stared down at my feet. I shuffled my feet as I felt warm tears slipping out of my eyes and landing on the floor by my feet.

"Seduce me? Is that what you have been doing Bella? " His voice roared as he laugh loud with anger. It made me tremble. I was nervous. I could tell I had pissed him off this time.

"Not exactly. I mean…yeah…the other day perhaps…but today I swear I was not." I cried out as I wiped away the tears from my face nervously.

He gripped my face hard with his hand as he stared straight into my eyes. I wince as the pain of his hand crushing my jaws so tightly.

"You can't seduce the willing Bella. Don't flatter yourself by thinking that for one damn second that you have some power over me." His voice was cold as ice as his eyes pierce my soul. I felt like he had just slam his fist in my stomach.

Jacob had never been cruel to me before in the past. This angry side of him was something new I had never experienced before.

"I knew it." My voice was filled with venom as I stared back at him. I found myself furious as hell with him. He had a right to be upset with me but he didn't have the right to be cruel like this.

"You knew what?" He snorted as he released my face from his hard grip.

"I knew that I was not the first woman you have touched since you took those damn ridiculous vows." I shouted at him as I walked away from him.

I wanted to put plenty of space between us. We were both growing angry with one another. I did not want him to hurt me. My jaw was already feeling slightly bruised.

"Are you serious?" He growled at me.

I just nodded my head as I stared rebelliously at him.

"YOU are the first woman Bella Swan. Do you see me as that weak? Do I come off as a pathetic man who only thinks with his dick? Let me tell you I've seen beautiful women in the past ten years that most men would die for and not once did it spark even an ounce of passion in me like this kiss did." He look at me with so much pain in his eyes that it crush my heart.

Maybe I had jump the gun with my conclusions. Maybe he had been honest with me after all.

"No. I just…damn it Jacob I just can't stand here and believe that I am something that special or unique. I'm plain, ordinary and I know all you see when you look at me is the girl I once was when you left me. How can a woman like me affect you like that when you just told me that beautiful women hadn't. I've never known you to lie to me but look at you. Why am I able to do that to you if they couldn't? " I pointed down to his swollen member.

He lowered his head as he suck in on his lower lip. Several seconds went by before he lifted his head back up and look across the room at me.

"I don't know why you think so little of yourself but let me tell you Bella, you are special in my book. I don't know what it is exactly about you but ever since I have return to Forks you are always on my mind. You are in my dreams. You are in my fantasies. I have never, ever, had to struggle so damn hard with lust before you came along. You might not want to believe this but there is something about you that makes me want to throw the robe aside and pounce on you like you're my last meal." He stated.

I felt my stomach sink deeper with each word that came out of his wonderful mouth.

Was it possible that Jacob felt more than lust for me? Was it true? Was I the only woman who could entice him? What does this mean? What were we suppose to do now? Where would this lead? Would we both be able to walk away from this strong undercurrent of desire between us?

"You just said it Jacob, lust. You feel lust for me. I want more than that. I want someone who can love me unconditionally and with all of their heart." I felt my heart breaking as he stood silently staring at me. His face was void of expression. I could not read him.

"I'm sorry Bella. I can't do this. All I know is that my body is attracted to you. I know that I adore you Bella. You are very special to me. But the type of love you are asking for …well, I just can't give you that." Jacob's voice was filled with anguish as he turn and walk out of my house with out saying another word to me.

I stood there frozen. I could not believe that he just pretty much told me that other than a physical attraction and a solid friendship he was not, no, he wouldn't give me more than that. I understood why. Hell, I even half expected this response from him. Yet it still hurt like hell to hear him say the words out loud.

XXX

BPOV:

A week later...

"It's not like I can't repaint it if I don't like it." I laughed as Paul frowned at the color of paint I had chosen for the kitchen.

"Honey, you want me to spend my whole day off painting your kitchen a color that your heart isn't set on. Let's try it on one wall and then if you don't like it we can go down to the hardware store and pick up something else." Paul rolled his eyes playfully.

"Okay." I caved. I knew I was being fickle today. When we had gone shopping I had my heart set on a cute pattern of wall paper I had seen in an ad but then when we arrived I started looking at the paint. There was so many color choices that my head began to spin from the possibilities.

Paul didn't mind waiting on me to choose but now that we were back at my house and he saw me frowning I knew he was starting to wonder if I really wanted to color the walls at all. I couldn't explain it but over the past week I wanted to change everything in the house. I even sold my old furniture and purchased a brand new couch and ottoman just because I was restless and had the extra money to spend. Normally I'm more like my father and enjoy the frugal side of me but lately I just had this itch to spend and change things either in my house or hell even about myself. I went and had two inches of my hair cut and had it colored a darker shade of brown. I spent a whole afternoon getting my hair done, a manicure and a pedicure. This was not my usual flair.

I use to dread all of these feminine activities and yet here I was proactively doing it.

"Leah asked if we wanted to go with her and Drew to the movies tomorrow night. Are you up for it?" Paul asked me as he began to stroke the paint brush up and down with a professional flair while mine looked blotched.

"Sure." I agreed easily. I couldn't explain it even to myself but going out with friends seemed better than staying in doing nothing but thinking about the last afternoon I spent alone in my house with Father Jacob.

"Good. I have to say I'm not sure what has gotten into you but I am definitely enjoying it." Paul teased. He leaned over and planted a gentle kiss on my cheek. Turning my head to face him I kissed him back on his lips.

I felt a small spark ignite in the pit of my stomach as his eyes burned into mine.

Paul and I hadn't been really sexually active since we began to date again. I knew he was being patient and waiting for me to give him the sign to move forward with us. I was pleased that he was allowing me to set the pace of our relationship. In the past, Paul had been the one who had pressured me into going as far and far as he wanted. I had seen a different side of him since then. He had really matured and grown up into a gentleman.

"I'm crazy about you." I whispered as I pulled my lips away from his.

His eyes glowed with a eery spark that warned me that he was falling for hard for me and I had to tread softly. I was crazy about him but I couldn't quite say if I was IN love with him just yet.

"I feel the same for you." His word choices eased my fears that he might expect too much from me too soon.

We dropped our paint brushes and threw our arms around one another as we shared a deeper and more passionate kiss.

He was rougher than Jake, his hands were more confident as they roamed my backside, sliding around my waist until they landed on my breasts. His hands pulled and grasped them with a strength that I knew also held experience in it.

"Mmm...yes..." I moaned into the back of his throat.

Paul pushed me gently backwards as his body crawled over mine. He lifted up enough so his body weight wasn't pressing too hard on me as he kissed me and unbutton my blouse. I soon felt the cool air on my chest before his head lowered and I felt his mouth covering my breasts, back and forth. My eyes were opened as I looked up at the ceiling and tried so hard not to let Jacob's face steal into my mind.

This was about me and Paul, not Father Jacob. He wasn't a possibility and he wasn't going to be anything more than a friend to me. Paul on the other hand was a possible future, a lover, a partner and who knew maybe even my husband someday. This was normal. This was natural. This was the way it was supposed to be between a woman and a man.

I didn't feel guilt when his cock pressed up against my inner thigh. I didn't feel horrible as his mouth devoured my breasts. I felt like a woman who was being cherished and possessed by a man who would offer me anything I would ever ask of him.

"I ...we should..." Paul suddenly set up, kneeling in front of me. Both of his eyes held the passion that consumed him.

"What's wrong?" I asked with alarm. Why would he stop now? Paul never stopped in the middle of our make out sessions. I was the one who normally had to put the brakes on.

"I want you Bella but I know if I keep doing this with you, eventually your going to want to stop and it kills me." Paul gasped for air, running both of his hands through his hair as he struggled to control the hormones that rushed through his veins.

"What are you telling me?" I frowned up at him.

"I'm telling you that as much as I love making out with you, the lack of release hurts me. I mean literally." Paul stroked his crotch showing me that he was stiff as a board beneath his tight denim jeans.

"Oh." I knew it was getting harder for him to resist pushing us past first base. He was a grown man and he had needs. I knew he wasn't trying to manipulate me into having sex with him but he needed more than kissing and feeling me up to help ease his sexual frustration.

"I'm not ready for sex yet but ….we could try something else." I chewed on the corner of my lip as I watch him consider my compromise.

"Such as?" He looked interested.

"First, help me up and let's go to my room." He helped me up off the kitchen floor. Holding his hand I led him into my room. I didn't bother with closing the door because we were alone.

"Lay on my bed." I ordered softly.

He was quick to follow my simple demands.

"Pull your jeans off." I took off my blouse and bra while he took his jeans off.

"What are you going to do?" he asked with eager anticipation.

"Shh...just lay back and relax." I whisper as I crawl up on the bed and kneel between his legs.

Taking him in my hand I slowly stroke his silky steel rod. My mouth waters as I watch his eye lids close and a soft moan slip between his lips.

Paul was enjoying my touch and surprisingly I found that I was excited by this.

Licking my lips to moisten them I leaned over him, my hair tickling his thighs as I slid my mouth around him and put him as far back in my throat as I could with out choking. His hips buckled as I slid my mouth up and down him while my hand cupped and kneaded his family jewels.

"Oh sweetness...Bella...yes baby...only you..." Paul groaned as he watched me enjoy myself by pleasuring him. I smiled seductively as I reached the tip of his mushroom head. I twirled my tongue around it, lapping at it like a lollipop.

"I want you to cum in my mouth." My voice was raspy with desire. I watched as his eyes widen with excitement and I knew it was turning in him on as I spoke dirty things to him. I loved that about Paul, I could let myself go when I was with him. I never had to feel ashamed or guilty for my sexual needs. He was more than willing to give me what I wanted, when I wanted it. I realized that this was where I should be. Paul was a good match for me. He could make me very happy if I just let him.

Ten minutes later I was rewarded for my hard work and had a mouthful.

"Where you going?" Paul gasped for air as I climbed off the bed and went straight to the bathroom.

"I got to brush my teeth." I answered as I grabbed my toothbrush.

"Was it that bad?" He ask with a hint of insecurity to his voice. I stuck my head out of the bathroom so he could see my face when I answered him.

"Not one bit baby but we have to finish painting that kitchen and cum breathe isn't going to be appealing to you later when you kiss me." I winked at him before going back to my task of cleaning my mouth out.

"What about you? Don't you want me to help you out?" Paul entered the bathroom as I was rinsing my mouth out with mouth wash.

"You can help me later. Right now I just want to work on that kitchen and then tonight you can take care of my needs so I can sleep like a kitten." I stroked his face with the back of my hand as I look at him with a spark in my eyes.

"I swear your the most amazing woman I know." Paul replied wearing a smile of a man who knew when he had found a good thing.

"I know." I replied with a smirk.

"Now come show me your skills again with a paint brush."

Two hours later we had managed to finish the one wall and I was happy with the results.

"So off or on?" Paul ask as he stepped back to admire our work.

"On. I like it." I said with true contentment in my voice.

"Me too." Paul circled my waist with his arm holding me tightly against him.

"So do you want to keep going?" He looked at the other walls.

"No, let's go grab a bite to eat. I'm starving and you deserve a meal for your hard work."

"I think you already rewarded me for my work." He smiled mischievously at me.

"Oh honey that was just one of the rewards." I teased as I grabbed my keys and purse.

We agreed the diner would be sufficient place to eat. We both were craving a good old juicy hamburger and fries. The diner made their food from scratch so much better than one of the fast food chains we also had in town.

Paul opened the door for me as we entered the cozy warm diner.

There was the usual customers inside. I saw my father and Seth in a booth.

"Hey there is dad and Seth." I pointed.

"Let's go see them." Paul pressed his hand gently on my lower back as he led me to them.

"Hey guys." I greeted them.

Both men smile affectionately at me.

"Hey sweetheart. Hi Paul." Charlie smiled warmly at him.

"What have you two been doing?" Seth frown at me strangely. My cheeks instantly turned bright red wondering if somehow he knew I had given Paul a mind blowing blow job earlier. I turn and look at Paul to see that he wasn't embarrassed at all.

"What do you mean?" I gulped hard.

"There is paint on your shirt and pants." He looked me over from head to toe.

"Oh. I'm repainting the kitchen." I laughed with relief.

"We are starving so we took a break." Paul explained.

"You guys can join us." Charlie scooted over to make room for me. Seth did the same for Paul.

"So what are you two up too? Where is Sue?"

Since my dad and Sue began dating she made a point of not letting my dad eat out so often. She was worried about his heart. Her previous husband had died from a sudden heart attack. I knew she adored my father and wanted to keep him in her life for as long as possible.

"Sue is out shopping for the wedding while me and Seth here are talking about the Fall festival coming up at the church. He has to find some help for a few booths the youth group is helping with." Charlie replied.

"Oh." I hoped that this wasn't Dad's subtle hint that he would like me to volunteer my time. I loved Seth and normally working for the church wouldn't bother me one bit but the thought of having to see Father Jacob wasn't something I desired any longer.

"Bella and I would love to help you out Seth." Paul smiled happily at Charlie.

I felt an urge to kick him hard but knew he would cry out in pain and give me away.

"Really? Thanks!" Seth exclaimed.

"Sure." I gritted my teeth together and flashed a Paul a look that let him know with out words he wasn't getting rewarded for this.

The waitress took our orders and we were soon served our food. I enjoyed talking to three of the most special men in my life. Each one of them loved and protected me in their own ways.I realized that these three men would have suffered if I had acted on my feelings for Father Jacob. The scandal would not only embarrassed them but it would have deemed me as unworthy of their love. I definitely made the right choice when I backed off and put things in perspective.

Now, if I could just remember that when I saw Jake in a few days and not allow my hormones to take over my common sense.

XXX


	11. Bella's Kiss

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything Twilight related.

Rating: Mature-Sexual scenes, languages and so forth.

Beta: Tonight I went solo, so if there are mistakes they are all mine.

A/N: Thank you guys for the support and love for this story even the second time around. xoxo

FFG Chpt. 9 Part Two: Bella's Kiss

BPOV:

"I think we should meet up." I begged. I didn't want to be at the community center even for a minute without Paul by my side. I wasn't feeling so strong today despite how I was starting to see my relationship with Paul as being more politically correct and morally too. Plus with Paul by my side, I wouldn't manage to do something stupid and damage our relationship.

I had a few dreams over the past week and hell, even daydreams about the kiss I had with Jake. I couldn't shake how wonderful his mouth and hands had felt on me. For someone who lived a celibate life, he had moves that not many could claim.

"I can't baby. This job has to be done before midnight tonight or I will have to pay for the overtime out of my own pocket." Paul explained.

"I...okay." I chewed on my lower lip, trying to fight back my urge to beg harder.

"I promise if I get done in time I will rush over, dirty and all." He teased her.

"Okay. Just be careful and if you can hurry up," I pleaded softly.

"I will baby," Paul vowed.

Hanging up my phone, I shoved it back inside of my purse while I contemplated how I was going to get past the next two hours without Paul by my side.

XXX

JPOV:

I wasn't in the best mood when Seth showed me the list of volunteers who would be at tonight's meeting. I was more than shock to see both Bella and Paul's name among the parishioners who volunteered their free time to assist me and the church of creating a fun filled festival.

"Should I get sodas too?" Seth looked at the refreshments he had set up for tonight's meeting.

"Sure." I didn't care what they drank as long as they listened and help come up with some brilliant ideas to make this a big success. It was my first time to head up a charity event. I was usually doing more of Seth's part.

"They're heading in." Seth called out as he brought in a small ice cooler filled with iced sodas.

"Okay." I straighten my collar and took a deep few breathes before making my way to the front of the room where I could see the crowd as they made their way to their seats.

I tried like hell not to search the crowd for one particular face. She would probably be close to Paul's side when they arrived. I was finally in my right frame of mind about our hit-n-miss relationship. I couldn't offer her the man she longed for. I had almost offered her my body and we both now knew that wasn't going to be enough for her and it would definitely end my career as a priest. Luckily, she had been strong enough to pull away before we both made a fatal mistake that could have hurt not only ourselves but people who loved and respected us both. I owed her for that.

"Father Jacob." Jessica Stanley strolled in wearing a determine look on her face with make up that was just a bit too much in my personal opinion.

"Hello Jessica." I put my best sincere fake smile on as I braced myself for whatever she had in store for me.

XXX

The meeting luckily didn't take as long as I feared. Bella I noticed had seated herself next to Leah and there was no sign of Paul. I wondered if they were having a squabble or if work was holding him up? I knew it was best for me to stay out of their relationship since I wasn't exactly bias.

"Do you want me to help you with the coffee?" Bella offered to help Seth refill the refreshment as everyone raced to them once I had drew the meeting to an end.

"Sure." Seth flashed her a thankful smile as Bella took the empty container and headed to the kitchen area.

I headed behind her but was stopped by Jessica who had suddenly appeared in front of me

"I'm glad everyone agreed to my idea of the kissing booth. I think with the right women put in place we could make quite a donation to the church. What do you think?" Jessica batted her eye lids, her lips curled up in a devious grin that made me want to puke. If this was her perverted way of trying to turn me on she was failing miserably at it.

"I think you should have several women lined up for it. I mean, personally I would hate to think of just one woman kissing the male community." I half joked. I also didn't think too many of the men in Forks would want to kiss just Jessica, hell now that I thought about it maybe half of them already had.

"I will. I will make sure there are plenty on hand. I mean, men have different taste in women, right Father Jacob. If you were a man. I mean you are a man of course but if you were one interested in women you might have a special preference." Jessica giggled.

I honestly wanted to laugh in her face. Why was she asking me about my preference in women? There was no way in hell that I would prefer her over any woman in this town. Jessica had good intentions but she was well known back in the days of exploring her options and that was saying it nicely.

"Yes, I suppose your right about men and their preferences. I need to go help Seth." I push her politely aside as I proceeded in the direction of the kitchen. I finally manage to get in the room when I spied Bella looking at her cell phone with a worried frown on her face.

"What's wrong? You late for something?" I asked casually. Bella jump a tab and then flash me a weak smile.

"No. I was hoping Paul would be done by now but he isn't." Bella answered with a numbness to her tone that broken my heart. It was as if we weren't even friends now.

"How are you doing? I've missed seeing you around." I hoped I didn't sound too needy. I really did miss her. She was like a breathe of fresh air. Her smile always warmed my heart.

"I'm good. Work has been busy." Bella made casual conversation with me. I watched as she picked at the hem of her sleeve. She was trying to keep from looking at me. It broke my heart that she seemed uneasy around me.

"Same here." I replied.

"Bella is the coffee ready?" Seth poked his head in the door looking anxious at us.

"Almost." Bella replied.

"Cool." Seth went back into the meeting room leaving us alone again.

"I should get this out there. People need their caffeine." Bella joked lightly as she reached out to grab the fresh pot.

"Bella, I hope you and I can still be friends. I'm sorry if the kiss we shared made you uncomfortable." I knew it hurt her for me to mention it but it had to be said. We had to clear the air between us so that we could get the friendship I valued deeply back .

"Father Jacob, it was a mistake. One I don't plan to ever make again. I'm happy. I took your advise and open my heart to someone who can give me the life I deserve." Bella's voice crackled and her eyes glared painfully at me.

"Good. You do deserve to be happy." I nodded my head and then fled the room. It hurt to know that Bella was finding happiness with someone who I cared for as a friend but didn't honestly deem worthy of a woman like Bella. I had seen Paul change since my return but I had a bad feeling that a tiger doesn't change all it's stripes, not even for true love.

XXX

BPOV:

I stayed behind to help Seth clean up. I had received a text from Paul saying he would meet me at my house later.I didn't really want to go home to a empty house tonight. My talk with Jake had stirred up memories I had hoped would fade when I saw him. I wanted to hate him. I wanted to look at him like an enemy but instead I saw the friend I too missed in him. I knew he was sincere with his words. I also knew he had good intentions by allowing me to move on with my life but it still irked me that he hadn't showed even one ounce of jealousy.

"I'm leaving do you need a ride home?" I offered Seth.

"I'm being picked up by Charlie. He just finished up his shift."

"Okay, well it looks like it's about to pour so I'm headed out. Call me later if you need me to help with anything else." I gave Seth a quick brotherly hug before racing to my vehicle.

I turned up the radio trying to drive away the images of Jake at the meeting. His body still stirred up my hormones and when he purposely made his way to see me I could still feel the sexual tension between our bodies. It was clear that despite our reasoning there was definitely a spark still between us.

I was a few blocks from the house when I heard a loud sound and then a quick jerk. Pulling over I climb out of my vehicle and looked at the front tire. I wasn't happy to find what I feared. A flat tire.

"Of course." I grumbled as I climbed back in the vehicle to call for assistance. Picking up my phone I was once again not too surprised to find that it had died. I hadn't charged it before I left for the meeting. So here I was stuck on the side of the road at 9 o'clock at night, as lighting shot across the darken sky and I had a flat tire. I debated on walking the rest of the way home and having Paul come retrieve it later after he came to my house or knocking on someones door for assistance when a motorcycle pulled up behind me.

I had a sense of doom hit me just as the first sprinkle did too. Yeah, the helmet came off of the rider and it was none other than Father Jacob.

"Flat tire?" He asked as he knelt down in front of my flatten tire.

"Can't get anything pass you." I joked.

"Do you have a spare?" He laughed.

I showed him where the jack and spare was and he proceeded to fix it while I leaned up against the driver side door, keeping a safe distance between us. My pride wanted to tell him to leave it alone but my dislike for being out in the open of a thunder storm prevented me from acting on it.

I could smell the approaching rain, soon the sprinkles was going to come down in a big flood. I closed my eyes as thunder rumble loudly around me. I jumped about a mile off of the ground and nearly ran smack into him as I twirl around to open the car door.

"Are you okay?" Jacob held me against him as I shivered nervously.

"I hate thunderstorms." I commented trying to sound casual about it when I was really scared out of my mind.

"When we were kids you got real scared once when your father was working late and all the lights went off. Rachel had us light up candles in the living room. You slept between us that night on a pallet in the living room. Charlie had to pick you up and put you in bed. "

I had forgotten all about that night. I had been so scared but thrilled that I had an excuse to sleep next to Jacob.

"It's okay. I'm almost done." I look at his shirt that was growing soak from the sprinkles. It showed off his six pack.

"I should get inside." I bit down on my lip as I look up into his eyes. I knew he could feel the way my body was reacting to his. My hands had clung to the front of his shirt when another loud rumble of thunder surrounded us.

"Yes, get inside." Jacob inhaled sharply as I released his chest and jump into my vehicle. A few minutes later Jacob crawled into the passenger side. I looked startle by his intrusion.

"What's wrong?" I asked curiously as the sounds of large raindrops smash against my window pane.

"I need to dry off a bit and let this hard part pass before I can drive home." He answered as he put the palms of his hands in front of the vents.

"Oh." I closed my eyes and leaned my head against the seat. He was drench. I felt awful for his discomfort and his white shirt was glued to his body revealing every muscle. I wanted so badly to reach over and take his shirt off and lick the rain from his bare chest.

"I think I have a shirt in the back if you need one." I reach behind me and found a old sweat shirt of Paul's.

"I'm okay." Jake shook his head.

"Okay, suit yourself." I shrugged my shoulders as I turn the radio on. I hoped the music might prevent us from saying anything that might lead us into a fight or worse going down memory lane.

"This is a nice song." Jake smiled softly. I just gave him a blank face. I couldn't be so close to him like this and not wish for more than friendship. The man was everything I ever wanted and yet everything I couldn't have.

"I guess so." I mumbled. I didn't want to sound so eager to talk to him. If we remained quiet we had less chances of starting up something neither of us could stop.

"Are you cold?" He reach out and took my hands in between his. His of course were far bigger than mind, they were also nice and warm. Rubbing his hands over mine, I felt a soothing heat between them. The man seem to stay warm all year around.

"Come here." Jake whispered as he pushed away loose wet strands of hair from my face. Our eyes lock, the heat between us intensified, and both of us felt the longing that still remain volatile and fierce.

I knew I should pull back but as our faces drew closer and his lips barely brush against mine I couldn't care less about our souls burning in hell someday in the future. Right now all I wanted to do was to taste his mouth.

Our lips slowly moved back and forth until his tongue darted inside of my mouth. I felt like I was suddenly suffocating as I reach around his neck pulling him closer to me. My mouth sprung to life as the kiss we shared grew passionate but tender at the same time. Hearing the sound of a car approaching we yank away from one another. Our hearts hammered madly in our chests.

I look in the rear view mirror and watched as the vehicle pull up behind me. I was glad we had both been half listening. A few seconds later a tapping sound pulled my eyes away from Jake's as I turn to see who had intruded on my kiss with Father Jacob and found myself looking into a set of dark brown eyes that belonged to my boyfriend.

"Hey, are you okay? "Paul frowned as he stuck his head further into the window and stared crossly at Father Jacob.

"Yes." I replied swiftly.

"I had a flat tired and Father Jacob arrived to fix it but this storm came fast and it wasn't safe for him to drive in it."I explained.

"Well, it's starting to let up now. I can put it in the back of my truck and give you a ride home if you like." Paul offered.

I didn't dare look at Jake. I knew I would give us away. My heart was still pounding furiously against my chest while I kept a steady face.

"Sure." Jake didn't say anything else. I felt like I was holding my breathe until the sound of his door slam behind him. Closing my eyes I suck in a long deep breathe.

"Hey, I will meet you at your place in a few." Paul had returned to remind me we still had plans for later.

"Sure." I pressed my lips together and put the car in drive. I couldn't resist looking out of the side mirror and saw Jake looking at me from the passenger side of Paul's truck. I wondered what was going through his mind. Would he do something stupid, like confess to Paul what he had really been doing with me besides assisting me with roadside assistance. Hopefully he was smart enough to keep his mouth closed. A man of the cloth or not, Paul would kill him for touching me.

I made it home in time to change my clothes and brush my teeth before Paul rang the door bell. I felt awful. I felt sick to my stomach. Not once but twice now I had kissed Father Jacob while dating Paul. What the hell was wrong with me? When would I learn to control myself? What kind of girlfriend did this make me? I had never been a cheater before. It wasn't my style. I hated cheaters.

"Hey." Paul started to throw his arms around me but I took a big step back.

"What?" Paul looked disappointed.

"Your wet. I just got dry clothes on." I reminded him as I glanced at his drench clothing.

"Sorry." Paul stepped in while I ran to the bathroom to retrieve a towel for him. Returning I handed him the towel and a dry shirt. He had a bad habit of leaving his clothes over at my place when we were painting the kitchen. I wasn't about to offer him a personal drawer. I knew that was the first step into moving into together. I was just fine with our living arrangements at the moment.

"I got Father Jacob safely back to his place. So what was going on with you two earlier?" Paul rubbed the towel over his head as he stared hard at me.

"Uh?" I felt like I was choking on air. There was no way he could have seen us kissing through the rain and smoggy windows.

"You two were awful quiet and Jake barely said two words to me." Paul handed me the towel while he removed his wet shirt and carried the dry one I had offered him into the living room where he sat down on the edge of my coffee table.

"Oh. I don't know. We were just talking about the meeting." I shrugged my shoulders sitting with my legs underneath me on the couch across from him.

"Was it that awful?" Paul laughed.

"No, it just...everyone wanted something new but no one could seem to agree on what that was." I wasn't entirely lying about that.

"Glad I missed that meeting." Paul's eyes glowed as he lean over and took my hands in his. I suddenly got a weak feeling in the pit of my stomach. I knew he was about to talk to me about something serious. I just hoped it didn't include anything about Father Jacob.

"Bella honey I think we need to talk." Paul scoop me up off the couch and sat me on his lap. My hands fell to my lap. I wanted to enjoy the feel of his warm muscular chest, the deep chocolate of his eyes, the smell of rain on his bare skin but instead all I could think was please lord don't let him see through me. If he knew that I had even a inkling of feelings for Father Jacob it would break his heart and he would go crazy with jealousy.

"What about." I tried to sound casual despite the trembling in my voice.

"I'm crazy about you. I like where we are but I was wondering when we might move things to the next level. When I'm this close to you, all I can think about is taking you into that room and licking you from head to toe. I need you Bella. I need to feel we are close enough now to share some more intimacy between us." Paul stated gently.

I felt like my insides just turn outside. Tonight was not the night I wanted to have this discussion. I just spent a few minutes in Jake's arms and I had never felt so alive. Here I was sitting on top of my boyfriend who wanted to share the same experience with me and I would rather leap off a ten story building.

"I don't know." I drop my head trying to find the right way to explain to him that as much as I cared about him I just still wasn't feeling the need to rush into sex with him.

"Why not? What's wrong with me? Are you not attracted to me anymore?" Paul gave me the puppy eyes.

"It's not that!" I playfully slapped his chest.

"Then why not?" Paul whined.

"It's just that when we had sex before you got a little...well...crazy on me. You acted like you owned me because you took my virginity." I was reaching for the only excuse I could find although it wasn't entirely too far fetched. He had been very protective of me once we had become lovers. If a guy even smiled at me he was up in the guy's face wanting to know why he thought it was acceptable to be looking at his girl like that.

"Sweetheart, I was a lot younger back then. I also thought that you like when I got jealous. Hell, I thought all girls liked it." Paul chuckled bitterly.

"No. We don't." I stroked his cheek softly and planted a quick peck on his lips.

"What if I promise not to act like that again, could you consider us making love?" Paul's hand stroked my upper thigh. I felt goosebumps shoot up on my skin.

"Not tonight." I crawled off of him and stood in front of him.

"Of course not tonight. But soon." He looked up at me with a deep longing that tore at my heart strings.

"I will think about it." It was all I could offer him.

"I'm going crazy Bella. I need you so bad." Paul stood up and pulled me into his arms. His kiss was hot and needy and I started to fall into his arms. I was feeling a spark building up inside of me but in my head I heard a voice warning me that until I resolved these feelings I had with Father Jacob it wasn't fair to move into a deeper relationship with Paul. I reluctantly pull away from him.

"I'm tired honey. I will let you spend the night if you agree not to try anything. I have a early call in the morning." I hoped this would ease any of his worries about the status of our relationship.

"Fair enough." Paul scoop me up in his arms and took me to my room. He plopped me down on the bed. I crawled under the sheets and watched as he threw off his pants and scooted in next to me.

"I'm going to wait forever if that's what it takes to prove to you Bella Swan that I"m right for you and that I can be the sort of man you can trust and love." he whispered in my ear as I closed my eyes and prayed that the Lord could help me find the strength to be the kind of woman that Paul deserved and not the wanton hussy who longed for the forbidden Father Jacob.

XXX

BPOV:

"So did you get the new dresses in?" I asked as I checked off the sheet of inventory items that Alice had me help her with.

"No. They are shipping them late to me. I'm starting to consider a new buyer." Alice grumbled.

"Hello Ladies." Leah came strolling int wearing a hot outfit that outline every curve and every line on her body from head to toe. I envied how naturally beautiful she was.

"Hey soon to be step sister." I teased as I put my paper underneath the clip board.

"So sweetie I got great news for us. I got the final list job duties for the festival and we get to work together at the kissing booth." Leah puckered up her lips making smooching sounds at me.

"Oh yea! I should so be bored then." I joked.

"What does that mean?" Leah looked confused.

"Hello! Look at you, who is going to pay to kiss me when your standing next to me." I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever! You're gorgeous when you want to be. You just need to fix yourself up a bit more. I mean seriously the jeans and t-shirts are okay for casual days but when you want to catch a man's eye you have to add a little spice. Try wearing a tight sweater and a short mini skirt." Leah offered her dressing advice.

"I have no problems picking up men. Hello, I am dating Paul." I batted my eye lashes with a smirk on my face.

" Paul isn't exactly the hardest guy to pick up." Leah mimic my facial expressions.

"What are you saying?" I suddenly found our playful chatter turning down a bizarre path. Did Leah and Paul have a shared past that I wasn't aware of? I was gone for four years.

"I'm not saying anything. But if you ever want to obtain something in a higher league you have to fix yourself up for them." Leah look away as I tried to read her face.

"Hey I think Bella does okay for herself but if you and Paul don't work out and you want something newer and fresher in this town then Leah has a point but for now your good enough just the way you are." Alice put her two cents in.

My pride began to sting while I wondered if they were trying to tell me that I wasn't meeting my full potential with my style or with my relationship with Paul.

"Well, I will try to fix myself up so I will be deem worthier." I half laugh but my heart wasn't really in it.

"Honey, your fine. Just don't think so less of yourself." Leah put her arm around my shoulder giving it a gentle squeeze.

Alice changed the subject as she and Leah went over the rest of the list while I fake being busy rechecking my list when I was really beginning to think about Paul's past while I was away and if they had a point about how I looked at myself. Jake had mentioned before that he saw something special in me and I had accused him of lying to me. What if I was wrong about it? What if there was someone prettier inside of me and I had just been hiding her away all these years?

"I got to run. I have a lunch date with Paul." I grabbed my purse and march out of the shop with out another word passing between us.

I walked the two blocks to the diner and couldn't shake the weird vibe I had felt for a few seconds when Leah made that comment about Paul. Was she trying to tell me something about her and Paul or about Paul and other girls while I was away? I knew it shouldn't bother me what he did while I was away. After all I wasn't entirely celibate while in college. We were broken up and whom ever he shared his time with wasn't any of my business and shouldn't have any bearings on our relationship now.

However, if he had slept with Leah, that was one person in particular I should have been made aware of. We were close friends and about to become step sisters. If Paul and I grew closer and possibly someday got married and I learned that he once slept with Leah it would hurt me not to mention make me uncomfortable. It would also create a awful insecurity. Leah had always gotten the guys first when we were growing up. Her being older was an advantage but she also had a sexier body. I knew she was more sexually skilled too. How could I compare against her with Paul? He would compare us, wouldn't he? I hated feeling like this. I hated over thinking everything.

After all, I was the one technically cheating on him with a old friend and our priest. How dare I act all righteous on him now? I had to tread on this subject very carefully before I brought it up. I knew I would mention it eventually. I was too damn curious by nature not to know the truth.

Walking into the diner I found him easily enough with our lunch already on the table.

"Hey there's my beautiful girl." Paul stood up and leaned over the table placing a kiss on my lips.

I suddenly felt less paranoid when I caught the way his eyes lit up when I walked in the room.

"Hey." I sat down and saw that he had ordered one of my favorite meals. Tuna sandwich with a side of potato salad and of course a soda.

"I hope you don't mind I ordered for you. I don't have much time." Paul explained for assuming what I would want to eat. Normally, it might have annoyed me but today I was more flattered that he knew me well enough.

"NO problem. I'm starving." I grabbed the sandwich and took a big bite to prove my hunger.

"Me too. Work is probably going to keep me late again tonight but tomorrow I'm all yours." Paul pick up his burger and took a big bite out of it.

"Good. I've been swamped at the shop too. I finished my morning shoots and Alice has me helping with inventory." I informed him.

"Sounds like fun." He joked.

"Tons." I mumbled as I chewed my food.

"So Leah stopped by the shop. It seems we will be working at the same shift at the kissing booth." I felt awkward suddenly bringing up Leah's name with him.

"Kissing booth?" Paul frowned at me.

"Yeah, it's one of the new things they finally agreed on at the meeting." I answered as I shoveled food in my mouth.

"You are okay with kissing the men in this town?" Paul placed his half eaten burger down on his plate.

"Uh, honey I'm giving kisses for money. It's for a charity." I laughed at his expression. He was acting like I was telling him that I was going to purposely go out and kiss other guys for no good reason.

"I know it's for charity but is it really necessary for you to work at that booth? Why can't you work at the pie booth?" Paul wiped the juices from his mouth while he stared at me with a serious look.

"Paul, stop over reacting to this. I will probably not get that many offers as it is and they will be from old men who will kiss me on the cheek or worse the lips." I shivered with disgust.

"So why do it at all?" Paul's tone continued to bug me.

"Paul, what's the big damn deal. I told you I'm working the same shift with Leah. Who would want to kiss me when her gorgeous body is next to me?" I glanced down at my ordinary frame of a body.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you acting like Leah is some goddess and your a mere peasant? Your just as beautiful as she is." Paul frowned at me.

I felt suddenly sick to my stomach. He didn't say that I was more beautiful than Leah. No, he said I was equally as beautiful as she was. So in my state of mind I'm thinking that he also finds her attractive. I knew we were about to turn our friendly lunch into a knock out fight and I also knew I could prevent it, if I truly wanted too but I didn't. I was still worried about his past with Leah and any other women of this town.

"I see." I sat my hands down on the top of the table as my eyes glazed with anger directed at him.

"What do you see?" Paul stammered.

"I'm not better looking than Leah but I still can't be allowed to give out kisses. Why not? Are you afraid that I might be a laughing stock?" I licked my lips as my face started to grow hot.

"Hardly! I just don't like the idea of other men putting their nasty mouths on you. Charity or not." Paul argued.

"Well, you don't have a say about who puts their lips on me. I knew you would act like this. This is why we aren't having sex." I blurted out a little too loud as I noticed a few heads turn in our direction.

"Bella, don't do this. Don't make me out to be the over jealous boyfriend because I'm uncomfortable with you freely giving out kisses to strangers." Paul ran his hands through his hair with frustration while I sat back in my chair and crossed my arms over my chest staring angrily at him.

"What about you? I'm sure you have kissed half the women in town?"

"What? Where the hell did you get that from?"

"Oh come on Paul, I was gone over four years. You can't tell me that you didn't sleep with anyone from around here. I probably know half of the women you've shared your bed with."

"Okay, first of all, yes, I had sex while you were away. I honestly thought we were over. I had this funny imagination that feared you would bring home some Ivy league beau when you graduated from college. I knew I had to move on. I won't lie and say I didn't spend all my nights alone while you were away but it wasn't casual sex. I actually had relationships."

"Really Paul?" I cocked an eye brow while my eyes pierced a hole through him.

"Okay, most of them were relationships." He laughed nervously.

"So you have had the chance to sleep and kiss with people from this town and I'm giving out pecks on the lips or cheeks for a charity cause. You want to judge me ?" I hoped my point was coming across his thick skull.

"Okay, you win." Paul threw his arms up in defeat.

"Good." I exhaled and gulp down my soda.

"I didn't know my sexual history bothered you so much?" Paul looked smugly at me.

"Shut up. I didn't say it bothered me. I know you had sex but it bothered me for you to act like what I was doing was equal to having an affair instead of what it really was. It's just a simple two hours of my time giving out kisses to people who might or might not want to kiss me."

"I hate to tell you this Bella Swan but you will have plenty of men in line wanting a taste of your lips." Paul reach out and took my hand and placed a soft kiss across my knuckles. My stomach sunk in as I realized that for the first time since we began dating again I was actually starting to feel something stronger for him than friendship. Why else would I be so damn jealous of his possible past with Leah?

XXX


	12. Saving Bella

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to Twilight. Just Father Jacob is my beautiful creation. lol

Rating: Mature: Sexual scenes and bad language

Beta/Pre-Readers: Mist and LuvinJ

A/N: Okay, so the new chpts are really long and so I had to split them up. Thank you guys for the wonderful feedback on the past 9 chpts. I hope for those of you who read the previous version appreciate the new chpts and some of the changes. XooX

FFG: Chapter 10 Part One

BPOV:

Paul was working late again and I was going stir crazy in the house. Grabbing my keys I jumped in my car and began to drive with no destination in mind. Driving helped me ease my troubles. Turning the music up and rolling down the windows I enjoyed the warm cool night air. It wasn't often that we got such a warm breeze this close to fall.

Looking up at the full moon I found myself thinking of how the waves would be splashing hard against the shore tonight. My hands turned the steering wheel in the direction of the beach. It probably wasn't the wisest thing to do this late at night but I just didn't have the energy to rationalize anything. I needed to expel some of this energy and get my trouble off of my mind.

Paul. Jacob. Both men had my head spinning with possibilities.

I hated feeling so fickle with Paul. One minute I was wanting him so close to me and the next I was pushing him a mile away. I just couldn't seem to place him in my heart. I mean, I loved him but I wasn't still feeling that "in love" sensation that you get when you know your with the right person.

Paul was a wonderful man. He had most of the qualities I needed in a man. He was hot, funny, strong, hardworking and importantly he was loyal. So why couldn't I feel more for him?

Would I have these doubts if Father Jacob hadn't come back? That was the million dollar matter how many times I search my mind and heart for answers about my relationship with Paul, I always came back to him, to Father Jacob.

My body still couldn't understand that Jacob was unobtainable and that no matter what I might feel for him there was no future for us. I had to become stronger. Learn to resist temptation. If Jake can do it, I knew I could too.

Of course Father Jacob had had better motivation to stay away from me than I did for him. I was a good catholic girl but these days I was finding myself despising God for putting such a delicious man on this earth just to take him away from me. It all went back to that forbidden fruit. When God created Adam and Eve he also put a tree covered with tempting fruit and then told them to never eat it. No surprise, the woman couldn't resist knowing why they couldn't eat of it. Here I am, another Eve reincarnated, wanting to know why I couldn't take a bite out of Father Jacob.

Argghh! This is madness. Just pure madness. Pulling into the vacant parking lot I parked my car and stared out at the beautiful waves while my favorite song played softly. Taking off my seat belt I grabbed a old blanket from the trunk of my car. Walking down to the beach I felt a warm rush of air hit me, creating a urgent need to slip into the water to help cool me off.

Setting my keys, phone and blanket down I kick off my shoes and slip out of my jeans. Looking around to make sure I was alone I ran into the cold waves that help to hide my half naked body. The water cooled my skin, eased my tension and I was filled with such a peace of mind as I dived under the water.

I had forgotten how great a night swim could be. Closing my eyes I let the water wash over me and push all my worries away. Feeling the need for air I resurface and gulp the night air into my lungs. Wiping away the water from my eyes I kick and twist while staring up at the full moon above me. The stars looked amazing, I know it's stupid but I reached up like I might actually touch one of them.

"God, why are you doing this to me? I just want to be happy and loved. Help me." I whisper to the ocean then dived back under. The pain in my chest is unbearable as I an image of Jake kissing me, our bodies intertwined, his lips so soft against me emerge from behind my eye lids. Coming up again I scream out furiously at the sky above me.

"Make it stop!" I cry out.

Of course there is no answer, no relief from the pain that consumes me. I splash around and let the waves push me back and forth. I look at the shore, my body grows tired when I spot someone jogging across the beach. A jolt of fear shot through me. Who would be out here this late for a jog?

Great I"m probably going to get kill for shouting at God.

I start to dive back under when a pain suddenly strikes me hard. I reach underneath the water and feel my calf tightening up. Not a good time for a cramp.

_Seriously Lord, this is how you punish me. I'm going to drown before I make it back to shore. Your going to teach me a lesson by what, drowning me? _

"Ouch!" I couldn't stop the tears or the shouting from the pain when a wave mauled me.

"Help!"Barely holding my head up as the pain grows excruciatingly painful fast.

I can't hold myself up, thrashing my arms I try to push myself further, closer to where I can hopefully stand up but it's of no use another large wave pulls me out instead of kicks in and I know if I don't get help son I might drown.

"Help!" I shout one more time before I slip underneath the dark murky waves. I can feel my body sinking fast as my lungs burn with what could be my final breathe of air in them.

Closing my eyes I pray for forgiveness for my sins and then I feel it, I feel the pull to the other side. My body no longer feels the coldness of the water but instead is growing numb. At least God was showing some mercy on my tainted soul, allowing me to die quickly.

XXX

JPOV:

I tried to drive out to my father's house tonight to see if he was home and confront him about our poor relationship but when I got half way there I suddenly felt the fear rush through me. I didn't want to be hurt again. I didn't want to see the disappointment in his eyes when he looked at me. I just wasn't strong enough to handle that.

Turning my bike around I started to make my way back to town when the beach caught my attention. I was so tensed that I knew once I got back home I wouldn't find sleep easily.

My tension wasn't just from the expectation's of being hurt by my father but also the desire I still carried for Bella. . Our kiss the other night in her car had made my blood boil. My body was once again begging for release. I had tried so hard to give her the distance and the freedom of a normal and sinless life but once we were in close proximity I always felt a great need to touch her.

It baffles me why it feels so damn good to sin with her. It's like having pain and pleasure all rolled up together. Bella was like a drug, a drug that seduced me and held me hostage. I knew this was partially my fault. I could fight it harder but I didn't. Each time we were near it was me who instigated the intimacy not her. It was me who reached out first. The surprising part for me was the fact that she didn't resist or even put up much of a fight. I could see it in her eyes the other night, just how much she still desired me and it turned me on. My cock had been so damn stiff, I feared I would cum in them before I made it home.

It was harder than hell to sit next to Paul and not let him see the guilt that covered me from head to toe. Paul was a good guy but I honestly didn't think he could make Bella truly happy, especially if she was so willing to kiss me back.

Bella and Paul had a growing relationship, with time it might bud into more. If it was real love however, then there still wouldn't be this connection between her and I. It was vain of me to think that I could fulfill her needs better than him. Still, if Paul was half the man he boasted to be then how come it was so easy to win her affection with just a kiss.

Feeling horrible for the directions of my sinful feelings I pulled over at the beach and decided a good jog might help purify my heart. Men thought sins were just from actions but they were also from something a simple as a though. Not all men create havoc or act out their cruel fantasies but most of them truly held sinful feelings and emotions in their minds, hearts and soul.

Jogging in the sand I spotted someones belongings as I drew closer I thought I heard a cry for help. Glancing out at the ocean I was admiring the dark fierce waves that pounded against the shore. A strange sound that was similar to a shriek broke my concentration and I was compelled to look closely at the scene before me.

A sudden burst of panic flooded my senses as I realized someone was possibly drowning. Without concern for my state of dress I rushed into the against the waves, I prayed I wouldn't be too late. I couldn't hear the victim anymore. Diving underneath, I swam and reach out into the murky water with relief I found an arm. Securing a hold on the body I managed to pull us both above the surface of the treacherous waves. The darkness of her hair covered her face and withheld her identity from me until I managed to get us both safely to shore.

Laying the victim on her back, I bent down to check if she was still breathing. Her chest was barely moving up and down.

The moon made a reappearance casting a bright light down upon her face when I was struck with the realization that it was my Bella who nearly drowned.

"Oh my God! Bella, Bella wake up." Tears stung my eyes as I struggled to remember my CPR training. Clearing her pathway I said a silent prayer as my lips covered her freezing lips. I felt her body start to shiver, giving me a sign that she was at least still among the living.

Bella choked and coughed as she turn to the side and water spilled out of her mouth. "Jake?"

"That's it, cough it all up."

A miracle. That is what it felt like I was witnessing as she open her eyes and look up at me with a thankful grin. What if I had not stopped here tonight? This could have had a different ending. I would have lost her. Bella, would have left this world if I had not been struggling with my feelings and decided to go for a jog.

"Ow." Bella groaned as she pulled her leg up. Looking down at her leg for a possible injury I didn't see any outward bruising or cuts. She must have cramp up while swimming. Placing her head on the sand I took her calf and began to rub. I suddenly took notice that she was practically naked before me. The wet panties and tank top barely concealed her most intimate parts from my greedy eyes.

Closing my eyes I fought against the incredible urges to do more than rub her calf. Feeling her body respond to my touch only made it harder to do. My cock grew hard, throbbing between my legs. My stomach twisted painfully, I pressed my lips tightly together to prevent a moan from spilling out.

"Yesss..." Bella whispered softly, pulling herself up onto her elbows and looked boldly into my eyes. Our eyes locked and I knew we were about to cross that line once again. I had came so close to loosing her tonight which made my desire to possess her body nearly impossible to resist.

"Don't stop. It is helping me...warm up." Bella moaned.

"Are you sure your warm enough?" I asked as my hand move up her calf, stopping at her upper thigh.

"Yesss...more..." Bella arched back as my hand gently stroked her flesh. Needing to be closer to her, I moved up against her wrapping her with the heat of my body. She trembled beneath me, her chest panting with excitement, her eyes never wavered from mine.

"You saved me." Bella whimpered as our lips lock together. I knew this wasn't right. I knew this would lead us down the path that we already agreed would ultimately cause us both pain and suffering.

In the back of my mind I heard the voice of reason but my body had a mind of it's own. The kiss grew intensely as her body drew closer to mine. Her arms circled around my neck, her fingers gripped at the small hairs.

My desire shifted into over drive. Bella twirled her tongue around mine, then suddenly she bit down on the tip of it creating a mixture of pain and pleasure to course through my veins. All resistance had been shattered. Grabbing her head between my hands I lost all sense of control. Pushing her backwards until she laid flat on the sand, covering her body completely with mine, her nails clawed into my back.

My knees nudge her legs apart, allowing me to grind my cock against her mound. It was a feeling of pure ecstasy. I couldn't stop if even if I wanted to. Every nerve ending exploded with heat and a tingling sensation that was truly the most gratifying feeling I had ever experienced.

I needed to taste more of her. Moving my mouth away I slid my tongue down the side of her neck. Nipping at the crook of her neck and shoulder. Her body vibrated from my touch. I felt a thrill with this knowledge that I was creating intense responses in her.

This encouraged me to go further. I was desperate to give her something that I knew she desired from me. Pushing up her shirt with trembling hands, I showed no trepidation as my mouth latched onto her harden nipple.

My other hand skimmed over her body to rest on the edge of her wet silky panties. Her hips arched upward, giving me the signal that she wanted me to touch her in her most intimate area. For one brief second I felt an ounce of guilt wash over me but I quickly pushed it out of my mind and heart.

Bella and I were growing tired of fighting this passion that kept flaring up between our bodies. Every time we tried so damn hard to remain just friends we managed to somehow find ourselves in this same predicament. This couldn't be just mere lust? Could it?

My fingers lifted up the material as they crawled down into the soft, silky crevice between her legs. I slid one finger between the moisten lips, feeling a warm juicy center that willingly allowed my finger to enter her with ease. Her body jerk upward, her hands clawing into my scalp.

"Yess...Oh yess...don't stop Jake. PLEASE don't stop." She pleaded with me to continue my exploration of her body.

Alternating between flicking my tongue and nipping at her nipple while my finger stroked her warm hot center I found my own cock pulsing and jerking against my drenched and binding jeans. I gazed up at her face as she climaxed from my hand and mouth, I knew it wouldn't be long before I found my own release.

"More...I need more..." Bella demanded. Taking my finger out for a second I heard her whimper. Replacing the one finger with two I heard her gasp with pleasure as I thrust them deeper and harder.

"Bella...oh damn..you feel like silk...hot, juicy silk."

My mind and body was reeling from the sounds that escaped her mouth while her body grinded against me. We were both experiencing and seeking gratification from the shared intimate act. Her pelvis arched high off the ground as a long, hoarse, groan echoed into the night.

Watching her body react sent my own into a blissful state. My entire body from my scalp to my toes tingled and I felt my cock jerk against my jeans as a shot of warm cum exploded from it. Rolling over onto my back, I stared up at the star filled sky trying to catch my breath and allowed myself to just enjoy what we shared without any remorse.

A ringing sound from a close distance crept into my head and slowly broke the spell between us.

"Not now..." Bella cried out with frustration in her tone.

"You should get it." I encouraged even though I didn't want this moment to end.

Bella rolled over onto her knees, pushing her self up she crept over to her belongings. Grabbing the phone she stared at the caller ID for a few seconds before she set it back down on the blanket.

"What's wrong?" I asked curiously as I sat up crossing my legs.

"Nothing's wrong. I just...don't want to talk to him or anyone at the moment." She turned her face, looking at me with a satisfied smile.

"Oh, was it Paul?" I felt my joy start to evaporate as it hit me that I had been disloyal to my friend. While he and I were as close as we once were, we were still friends and I was his priest. This wasn't something I would have normally done to a fellow friend regardless if I had been a priest or not.

"Yes. He and I are having a rough patch at the moment." She explained, kneeling down in front of me.

"A rough patch, uh? Honey, your relationship is sinking." I chuckled bitterly.

"Are you mad at me now? I didn't come out here with the intentions of nearly drowning. " Bella's eyes grew darker as her anger began to singe.

"I know that. I know that none of this had been intentional on your part. I just feel awful for Paul. He seems to be crazy about you and here I am taking advantage of you." I knew she didn't want to hear this from me but it was the truth. We had shared a moment of relief when I rescued her and perhaps the fear of how close I came to loosing her had forced my barriers down, allowing me to act out the way I had wanted for some time now.

"You didn't take advantage of me. I could have asked you to stop at any point but I didn't. I asked for more. I am not afraid or ashamed to admit that I enjoyed, no I loved what you did to me. These feelings are so incredibly intense between us. If I could feel this way about Paul, then we probably wouldn't be at odds with each other so much." Bella lowered her head, blocking me from seeing her face close up.

Reaching out I took her chin in my hand and tilted upward so I could look straight into her eyes.

"Bella, what's wrong? I mean besides the obvious." My lips curled up in an attempt to smile but my heart was aching unmercifully as I saw the sorrow buried in her eyes.

"I want to be in love with Paul, I really do but he just...sometimes he shows a side to him that makes me rethink our relationship. I know that love is supposed to have it's ups and downs but with us, it's more downs than ups." Bella explained sadly.

Her indecisiveness about her relationship with Paul doubled my guilt. I was not helping her move forward with her relationship. I was probably creating confusion in her heart which cause her to feel unsure about her natural feelings for Paul. I had to stop this. I had to be a better priest to her and to Paul.

"Your right, love isn't easy. It was created to test us. I think that you care a lot about Paul but these feelings that I've created in you have confused you. I won't deny that I have strong feelings for you and if things were differently I would probably fight for you. However, they aren't. So, I think you should try to give him more of a chance." A bitter taste rose from the back of my throat as I encouraged her to start a life with someone other than me.

"You don't get it. Paul is so damn jealous. He thinks he owns me. I feel like at times I can't breathe with I'm with him." Bella argue.

"Do you talk to him about these feelings?"

"Of course I have. It was one of the reasons I couldn't wait to get out of this damn town before. Paul would break a guys nose for just looking in my direction. He's better now but I can't help but be afraid that he might go off. You know, like something will just set him off." Bella shivered.

"He was that bad, uh?" A mental image of Paul going ballistic on some poor bystander made me cringe. I knew Paul was hot headed and often like a good fight but I had never seen him be the over jealous type before. Was it possible that his feelings for Bella were so strong he didn't know how to handle them? Or was he just that insecure about their relationship that he simply feared someone might win her away from him?

"Yeah." Bella pushed her hair behind her ears and chewed on the corner of her lower lip. I had to resist licking her lip and tasting her sweetness again.

"Why do you think he is so insecure?"

"I don't know. I try to prove to him he is the only guy but no matter what I do it's not enough. Maybe I'm just the wrong kind of girl for him? I feel like I bring out the worse in him." Bella inhaled sharply.

"Maybe you do." I saw her eyes shimmer with tears.

"I'm not saying you mean to create this extreme insecurity in him but something about you must set him off. How close are you two? Are you ….lovers?" I gulped hard as my stomach knotted up with tiny spikes embedded in my gut as I awaited her response.

"No. We were once. But since we started seeing each other this time I haven't been able to have sex with him. There is some...foreplay moments but never the full contact." Bella pressed her lips together, followed by a nervous smile. Her cheeks blushed and I felt an instinctive pull toward her. I wanted to tell her that she shouldn't be his lover if she was capable of being mine as well.

"Why do you think your holding back?" This had to be one of the most uncomfortable conversations I had ever experienced as a priest. I had heard some horrible and vile things in the past ten years through confessions but this was a very awkward moment that I personally had invested in.

"I'm afraid if we have sex he will think we are exclusive and I'm not sure if I'm ready for that." Bella admitted as she covered her face with the palms of her hands.

Pulling her in my arms I covered her cold body with the warmth of mine. I didn't really have the right words to tell her. She seemed to already know her heart where Paul was concerned. What I didn't understand was why she was still holding onto a man that she feared more than enjoyed.

"He isn't all that bad Jake. He can be sweet and so thoughtful. He is a good man. His heart is pure even if he frightens me and confuses my heart." Bella wept on my shoulder.

"Then don't worry about him possibly getting jealous until you are forced too. Let this work itself out. When he starts acting crazy point it out right away. Don't hide behind your fears. You are an amazing woman Bella, don't ever forget that."

"Thank you Jake. If you hadn't come along I would've been dead. I wouldn't be here confessing to you." Bella lifted her head back and look up at me. Her eyes glistened from the tears but I also caught a hint of a spark in them. Bella was an amazing woman and I was going to probably regret letting her go so easily someday.

"Let's get you home before you get sick. That warm air we had earlier is starting to cool off." I unwrapped my arms from her and stood up, taking a few steps back from her.

Bella grabbed her things and then side by side we walked to her parked vehicle.

"Jake, when we are like this it's so easy to forget your not just simply a man. I like this side of you more. I know you hate when we behave this way with one another but I don't regret it. It feels so natural." Bella meshed our bodies together and there was no resistance from me. My arms circled her waist. Our tongues explored each others mouth. The kiss made my heart fill with joy and my body literally ached for more of her. When she pulled away from me, I was left an emptiness I had never known before.

"I can't say it enough but thank you Jake." Bella gently kissed my cheek. I watched as she quickly got in her car and left the beach. The taste of her mouth, along with the excitement that it created in me, lingered in my heart and soul.

XXX

"We have to be there by noon to work on the booth. I just hope that Jessica isn't there. Yesterday I worked with her and the girl was doing her nails nearly the entire time. Thankfully your soon to be step brother was there and offered to help me." Alice growled. She was not a big fan of Jessica's. When we were in school together Jessica made it her life's mission to try and steal any guy we were dating.

"Sounds like typical Jessica." I rolled my eyes sarcastically. Alice roared with laughter. It was one of our favorite past times to rag on Jessica and her selfish behavior.

"Yeah, well, she better not think she is going to take all the glory for our achievements. I will make damn sure everyone knows how little she put into this project. Other than sparing us her lips for a couple hours the girl didn't do much else." Alice grunted.

"It's okay. As long as someone besides Paul pays for a kiss from me, I will feel a sense of accomplishment." I laughed as she rolled her eyes and swatted be on the upper arm.

"Bella Swan, there will be plenty of men who will line up for a taste of those lips." Alice winked at me.

I was laughing when Paul arrived wearing a very unpleasant frown on his face.

"Hey." I tried to hide the uneasiness that had began to curl up in my stomach.

"Hey. I came by last night but you weren't home. I tried to call you too." He knelt down in front of me. Alice stood up abruptly and took off under the pretense we needed more paint. What happened to helping your best friend out?

"I'm sorry. I went for a swim and when I got back I passed out." I swallowed hard as his eyes held flashes of anger.

"A swim? Where did you go for a swim?" Paul stroked my face with the side of his hand. Despite the loving gesture I knew he was seriously pissed off by the way he kept staring so harshly at me. He was trying to see if I was lying to him.

"The beach. I was at the beach." I hated the way he was making me feel so stupid and weak. Normally, I had more backbone with the guys I dated but not with Paul.

"Why would you go to the beach at night, Bella? You know how dangerous that is? What if you had drowned?" Paul exclaimed with sincerity in his voice .

"I...well, I found myself sharing the beach with someone so I was safe." What the hell was wrong with me? I did not need to bring Jake into this conversation, especially not when he was in one of his moods. It was crystal clear that he thought I was with another man last night.

"Who?" His voice no longer carried the gentleness it had before.

"Geez Paul. It was Father Jacob. He was out jogging and luckily he saw me drowning and rescued me." I stood up and glared down at him. He was soon standing up and towering me with a mixture of emotions crossing his face.

"Father Jacob, you mean you and Jake were out swimming at the beach at night?" Paul's voice grew stiff and I saw his arms flexing with a powerful tenseness that made my knees knock together.

"Stop it Paul. I wasn't with anyone. He just happen to show up and hello, he is a priest." I scoffed.

"He's still a man Bella. A man who has needs." Paul argued.

"Stop it right now or I swear we are sooo over." I crossed my arms over my chest while I stared back at him with equal anger of my own.

"Why? Why do you do this to me?" Paul reached out and grabbed my upper arm tightly. I flinch as the pain course up my arm, into my shoulder.

"Let me go." I broke his hold on me. His head dropped as he took a few deep breaths.

"Bella, I'm glad that he found you and saved you. I'm glad that you were with a priest and not some casual lover. I just hate the thought of something bad happening to you." Paul lifted his head exposing the raw emotions all over his face.

"I'm sorry that you feel you can't trust me." I couldn't say anymore to him. Turning on my heels I marched away, ignoring him as he called out my name. Jumping in my car I drove straight over to my dad's house where I knew he wouldn't dare follow me.

XXX

Alice arrived about a hour later to check on me. She had finished up what we were doing and cleaned up before she made her way over. She knew I would be at my dad's. She knew me often better than I knew myself.

"Hey, are you okay?" She threw her tiny arms around me when I broke down in tears.

"Yeah, I just hate how he is constantly thinking there is someone else." I explained. Okay, so there technically was someone else but he was not a real threat to Paul. He wasn't a threat to any man. Father Jacob would rather spend the entirety of his days on this planet celibate rather than in my bed.

"Sweetie, you guys have to work this out or go your separate ways. It kills me watching you suffer like this. But it also was painful to listen to Paul explain how much he loved you and felt like he was slowly loosing you." Alice cupped my face between her hands looking me straight in the eyes.

"I have to say Bella I wonder if he is right. You have been acting weird lately."

A lump formed in the back of my throat, how could I talk to her about something that would only create bigger problems for Jake and I? This really sucked that I couldn't talk to her like I did about everything else.

"I don't mean too. I just think that Paul wants something from me that I'm not capable of giving him."

"Honey, you two haven't had sex yet, have you?" Alice's eyes sparkled with mischievousness that I knew would soon be followed by something ridiculously dirty and involving sexual advice.

"No."

"Why not? What's the hold up? I know it's been months since you got laid last time, and lord knows when he had it last. You two are so sexually stirred up. You need to just do it and get past this fear of what ifs in that cute but worrisome head of yours." Alice kissed my forehead, stepping around me she made her way into he kitchen while I followed behind her.

"How can sex help us?" The girl thought sex was the cure to the common cold.

"I didn't say it would solve all your issues but I think he is so insecure because you haven't proven you want him in the way that men deem your suppose to show them love." Alice snorted rudely, while pulling out a glass from the cupboard.

"So your saying if I have sex with Paul he will suddenly lose these stupid jealousy issues? I don't think so." I shook my head in denial.

"Trust me, men like Paul need their egos stroked. Sex is the answer for them. It's lame but it's how they deal with shit." Alice poured herself a beer that she had grabbed out of Charlie's fridge. She marveled at how at ease Alice felt in her former childhood home.

"That's ridiculous. There is no way I am going to screw him so that he can feel more like a man!" I cried out.

"Uhmmm." Jumping ten feet off the floor and landing safely on my two feet I turned to find my father leaning against the door frame wearing a puzzled frown.

"What are you two doing in my house? And why are you talking about having sex with me right here?" He looked between us for an answer. We glanced back and forth between each other and then burst out laughing like we did when we were teens.

"Sorry Charlie, I was just trying to explain to your daughter how men need sex in order to fill like a woman wants them." Alice flashed me a evil wink when I turned to see my father turn beet red. It was a hilarious sight to behold.

"I think you two don't need me for this." Charlie bolted out of the room.

"You are so bad." I shook my finger at her.

"Seriously Bella, if you two had sex he wouldn't be so tense and maybe you could even relax some I'm not mistaken I think there might be a few cobwebs between your legs."

"Okay, so maybe I'm having a bad week but that doesn't mean I need sex." I laughed bitterly.

"Honey, you need to do something and fast or I will be forced to take that corn cob out of your ass with my own two hands."

Laughing nervously I followed her out of Charlie's as we parted ways and agreed that eventually I would have to face the facts. If having sex with Paul could help alleviate some of our problems and help me to stop secretly crushing over a man that never could be mine, then I would give it a shot.


	13. Oh, What a Tangled Web We Weave

Disclaimer: I do not own nor profit from anything Twilight related.

Pre-Reader: Dani and Mist

Rating: Mature-There is plenty of lemons and sexual language in this story.

A/n: I'm not Catholic so if I imply anything that isn't in compliance to the religion I apologise ahead of time. This is all based on fiction and nothing more.

FFG Chpt. 10 Part 2:

JPOV:

It was killing me today to see Bella from a distance. She was working with Alice on their booth and a big part of me wanted to seek her out but I didn't. I feared Alice would see the chemistry that Bella and I shared. Alice was not as easily fooled as other people might be. Alice and Bella went way back. They were inseparable as teenagers.

No, instead I hid away trying to focus on writing up the timeline for all the major events and mapping out where each booth would be located. It was a futile attempt. My thoughts kept going back to the night at the beach.

The taste of her skin, the way she had felt with my fingers buried deep within her, and the sound of her voice as she orgasm beneath me. It was one of the most incredible moments of my life. It was also one of my weakest moments too.

There was something so strong between us that it consumed me like a candle beneath a flame. I literally melted with each kiss and touch of our bodies. I had a feeling that Bella had enjoyed our forbidden tryst as much as I had but unlike me she didn't share my guilt. She saw me as a man and not so much the priest I was supposed to be. Of course my actions didn't really represent a man of the cloth. I was a total hypocrite. I walked about and acted as if I was worthy of the collar I wore but deep down I knew I was breaking my vows with each passing day. I wanted to open up and make a pure confession to Father Michael but I feared he might recommend sending me away and I wasn't ready to leave Forks. I didn't realized how much I had missed my hometown until I returned. There was so many familiar faces that took me back to some happier moments in my life.

My inner dialogue was interrupted when I heard my name being repeated. Looking up front the papers in front of me I was startled to find Paul standing next to my desk.

"Hey. Are you awake?" Paul snapped his fingers.

"Uh, yeah. Of course. Just concentrating." I lied.

"Good. I need someone to talk to." Paul's voice was filled with anguish. I stood up and looked out of the window to see if Bella was close by. I noticed that she was no longer helping Alice. This peaked my curiosity.

"Sure, give me a second and we can go for a walk." I didn't want to be close to any bystanders who might over hear our conversation. I wasn't sure what this was about but I was pretty sure it involved Bella.

We stepped out of the office and began walking toward the town's park.

"What's bothering you?" I wanted to get past this conversation as fast and painless as possible.

"It's Bella. She's been acting weird lately. I can't seem to make her see how important she is to me. I feel like she doesn't want me the way I want her." Paul sighed loudly.

"Why do you think that?" Gulping hard I prepared myself to listen to Paul's admissions as a priest and not as a man who was attracted to the woman Paul loved.

"She pulls away when we get close to...having sex." Paul chuckled awkwardly while turning his face away from me.

At any other point this moment would have been humorous watching Paul act like a nervous school boy but right now it wasn't so funny. I recalled Bella mentioning the other night about her fears of sharing her body with Paul and how it might only increase his possessiveness of her if they went that far.

"Why do you think she fears intimacy with you?" I didn't want to let him know that I already had the answers to that question. I was curious to hear his side of the subject. I knew from my years of counseling training that there was always two sides to every story, especially when they involved couples.

"I don't know. It's not like we haven't had sex before, you know." Paul shrugged his shoulders.

"What happened after you guys had sex? I mean did the relationship change somehow?" I hoped I wasn't being too obvious where my questioning was heading. I wanted him to draw his own conclusions.

"Nothing bad. I mean, not on my part. I felt closer to her. It made me see her as more than just another woman that I had scored with. I fell in love with her. I mean seriously fell hard for her." Paul exhaled loudly.

"What about Bella? Did she react or change after you two were intimate?"

"A little. I mean, she seemed to want to have sex again. WE did it a lot after the first time." Paul bragged.

I felt like punching him in the gut. Fighting back the strong emotions I was experiencing I took a few moments to gather the restraint I needed before I responded.

"Okay, but what about emotionally. Did your relationship end soon after these sexual encounters?"

"I...yeah a few months later she broke up with me and went away for college. But that didn't have anything to do with our sex life. I mean, shit she was going to be gone for four years and we both knew neither of us would be faithful during that time." Paul replied casually but I caught the flinch in his jawline as he thought of Bella with other guys while away at college.

"So you were sexually promiscuous while she was away. You were intimate with other women." This was interesting to hear for me. It showed me that these two had at least taken sometime apart to explore being in new relationships before they rekindled their old flame.

"Of course I dated. Hell, four years is a long time to wait on someone and when she first returned she dated that Hunter guy. He was a genuine asshole." Paul made a rude snort.

"Maybe while she was away she learned there was more to a relationship than just sex."

"I get that. But trust me, with me it's not just simply sex. I rocked her world. There wasn't one time that I left her wanting for more. I know this for a fact. We were good together." Paul grinned.

"Maybe when she was less experienced you were good enough for her." I regretted the words the moment they spilled out of my stupid mouth. Paul's head whipped around and glared curiously at me.

"Are you trying to tell me that Bella might not want me now because she is comparing me to one of her past lovers?" His voice bordered on pissed off and really pissed off.

"I can't answer that. Only she can. I'm just suggesting that perhaps she isn't sure what she wants now. Maybe the closeness you two share is enough for her and moving forward isn't what she feels comfortable with. You know lots of people discover they make better friends than lovers." I hoped I sounded like I meant well and not like some horny jealous guy who wanted to shove his face in the dirt. He acted so arrogant with his sexual skills that it was killing me not to reveal that Bella desired me way more than him. It was not only pitiful but down right sinful. Bella couldn't ever be my lover the way she wanted to be. In order for me to give her that I would have to give up my position at the church.

I wasn't ready to walk away. Not even for someone as beautiful and enticing as Bella.

"I can't be just her friend. I want her. I want to be the only man in her life." Paul vowed.

"Look, maybe your pushing her away by feeling like this. If she isn't ready you can't push her Paul." I warned him.

"I'm trying so damn hard but...I ….look I"m speaking to you as a Priest and not as one of my old school friends, okay. I mean we can make confessions outside of church too." Paul stopped abruptly as he looked suddenly deadly serious.

"Of course." I felt my stomach knot up as he glanced around before he look back at me.

"Anything we say can't be revealed, right. I mean you can't say anything to Bella about it." Paul chewed on the corner of his lip while shoving his hands deep in his back pockets.

"Exactly." Alarms began to blare in my head. Paul was making a confession and I was probably the last priest in the world he wanted to do that with. I was so damn drawn to Bella and this might not be something I could honestly keep a secret if she confided in me about her doubts.

"I fucked up. A few weeks ago I was out having a few beers when some of my friends. We had a job that kept us out of town for a couple of days when I came across a former lover of mine. She was looking hotter than sin and she was so trashed. We didn't intend on having sex but it just sorta of happened. I woke up and she was laying next to me. I felt awful. I mean, I love Bella. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I can't lose her but she wasn't helping me relieve these urges and I lost control and fucked up, big time." Paul's eyes misted over with tears.

I had to look away to fight back the urge to twice now hit him. How could he have cheated on Bella and then put pressure on her to have sex with him? Was he serious? What good would come of it? If they broke up now it would hurt a hell of a lot less than later when she did become intimate with him and learned of his disloyalty to her.

"Jesus. Paul, is that why you are pushing her so hard? Do you think if you two have sex , you won't have these urges to cheat on her again?" I tried to keep my voice steady although my heart was hammering against my ribs.

"I don't know. I mean, the girl wasn't a random chick. She and I dated. Well, we slept around a few times while Bella was at college. We never really broke things off but just simply stopped seeing one another when Bella returned home." He explained further but it didn't change the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach or change my view of him.

"Does Bella know about this other woman?"

"I ….don't think so." Paul exhaled sharply and shifted his feet from side to side. I was starting to think there might be even more back story to this scenario and he wasn't revealing this woman's identity because I knew her, or hell even worse Bella too.

"You two never talked about the lovers you shared while apart?" This surprised me. I would have thought Bella would demand to know who he had shared his bed with since she saw him last. It was either very mature of her or she was just not that attached to Paul to care. Either way they should have spoken about it. What if one of these women said something to Bella about their past relationship with Paul? How would she feel? Wouldn't she rather being prepared for such a embarrassing moment?

"She knew I dated and I knew she had. Why would we talk about a past that didn't involved us? I don't think I could stomach hearing her tell me about the men she had in her bed." Paul looked away with open content.

"Paul, you know that you sound like a very jealous lover. Do you lose your temper when you feel threaten by other men in her life?" I decided to just be frank and honest with him. It was pretty clear from his expression that he hated the thought that anyone had ever touched Bella besides himself so he just pretended it didn't happen.

"I hate it. I hate the way this urge to strike out at anyone who is closer to her than me." He admitted.

"Why do you think that is? Shouldn't you feel secure enough in your relationship with her not to feel so threatened?" I hoped he heard the meaning behind my words. If he was this insecure then he knew on a certain level that Bella wasn't in love with him and that their relationship wouldn't go very far even if they did have sex.

"Of course I feel secure with her but I know how great she is and how any other man would want her. I won't walk away from her this time. I won't let her slip through my fingers with out a fight. I've tried other women and none of them make me feel this way. Bella and I were meant to be together." Paul spoke with earnest and it nearly broke my heart. His love might be true for her but his body had betrayed him and her. If he truly wanted only Bella then no matter how much he drank that night he wouldn't have gone to bed with this mystery woman. No, he just didn't like the thought of losing her. Paul and losing wasn't compatible. The man always had a high competitive nature.

"Look, I know that you and Bella were at the beach together the other night and she mentioned she nearly drowned so I wanted to tell you thank you for saving my girl." Paul suddenly changed the subject on me and I was at a loss for words. I knew she hadn't told him everything we had done at the beach but it was still a bit scary to think she might have.

"No problem." I couldn't think of anything else to say.

"I know that she once had a big crush on you and if you hadn't come back as a priest I might have look at you as a obstacle between us but I don't have to now. I mean priest's don't go around stealing other guys girls." He laughed but I had a hard time laughing back.

"Right. Of course not." I mumbled turning away so he didn't see the truth in my eyes. If he only knew just how much of a threat I was he might crush me like a can.

XXX

BPOV

Two days later...

Sitting on the edge of the bed I glanced around the room anxiously. I wanted to surprise Paul when he arrived. He was expecting the usual date night. Home cooked dinner and a movie but instead I had slipped into my favorite black lingerie and lit up my favorite candle, changed my sheets and was ready to prove to him that I did love him and prove to myself I could be in a normal sexual relationship.

The door bell rang and I felt my hands trembling. Grabbing my housecoat just in case it wasn't him I slipped it on before racing to the front door.

Opening the door with a big smile plastered across my face I saw with relief that it was indeed Paul.

"Hey." Throwing my arms around his neck, I placed a big kiss on his lips then I took his hand and practically yanked him into the house, he kicked the door closed behind him.

"Wow, what's gotten into you?" He cried out surprised.

"Well, if things go right perhaps YOU will be in me." I opened my house coat letting it slide off of me and watched as his eyes nearly popped out of his head.

"Shit." Paul muttered as he stood with his mouth open and drool slipping out of the corners of his mouth. Licking my lips I crooked my finger, wanting him to follow me into the room. As I walked back into the room with Paul right behind me I felt my stomach fluttering nervously. It felt like the first time again. Ironically it was Paul who had taken my virginity and now here I was feeling like that same teenage girl who wasn't certain about what she was doing but knew she had to somehow ease the ache.

"Baby, you look good." Paul complimented me as he began to unbutton his shirt and admiring my body. Crawling onto my bed I turned and laid on my back as I look up at him.

"You like this old thing?" I teased as I pulled one of the straps down to give him a better view of my breast.

"I'm going to like it even better once it's off of you." Paul groaned throwing his shirt aside and then he kicked off his shoes and started to undo his pants.

"Then you better hurry." My words were creating the affect I had wanted it to but suddenly I felt my excitement run cold.

Crawling over me I could feel his hot hard cock graze my upper thigh and instead of wanting to jump his bones I felt this odd urge to beg him to get away. Shaking my irrational fears from my mind I reach up and cupped his face in my hands and kissed him.

The kiss drove some of my earlier awkwardness away but when I felt his hands touch my breasts an image of Father Jacob over me and touching me in the almost exact position made me feel ugly inside. My heart skipped an extra beat but it wasn't in the way that made a girl's head swoon.

"I love the way you feel." Paul murmured as he nipped playfully on my neck.

He wasn't exactly doing anything wrong but somehow it felt just plain old wrong. I felt suddenly uncleaned and cruel. Paul wanted me badly, but it wasn't enough to stir up my juices and get my motor running.

Somehow I had to find away past these odd feelings and prove to myself and to Paul that I was capable of being the lover he remembered and then our relationship could flourish. If not then I was afraid what he shared would simply fade away and die before it really had a chance to grow.

"Touch me." Paul pleaded in my ear.

Taking a deep breathe I forced my hand to go between our bodies and wrap around his cock. It felt smooth and silky but hard as steel. I wanted to feel something but it didn't spark anything in me.

What was wrong with me?

"Yeah baby, harder." Paul groaned as I pick up the pace. His hands roamed my body and I could hear him moaning from my touch. It was pleasing to me to know I still had this affect on him but my heart felt awful for not truly being in the situation with him. I wasn't doing this for the right reasons.

"You want this, don't you." It was more of a command that a question.

"Uhuh." I mumbled although my heart wasn't in it. I closed my eyes as his head dip down and I felt the material being forced aside so that his mouth could have access to my breasts. Closing my eyes I tried not to think about Father Jacob's face came flashing behind my eye lids.

I saw us on the beach and the way he had crawled over me and touched me and kissed me. I didn't want to think of Jake while Paul was doing this to my body. It wasn't fair to Paul.

"Mmm...you taste so damn good." Paul moaned into my chest and once again I heard Father Jacob saying something so similar to that. My eyes filled with tears as I pressed them tighter together. I couldn't do this. I couldn't be with one man while I thought of another. I needed help. I was definitely losing my mind.

Grabbing Paul's shoulders I started to push him away and I saw the confusion on his face when he look at me.

The door bell rang and I was filled with utter happiness that someone had intruded on our time together. I didn't want to have to explain to Paul why I suddenly wanted to stop when I was the one who had instigated everything.

"Now what! Ignore it." Paul growled as he nip on my neck. I giggled despite the relief I was feeling that I had an excusable reason to get him off of me so I could clear my head.

The door bell rang again followed by a loud knock.

"I can't. I got to go see who it is." I pushed him off of me and replaced my robe as I practically ran to the front door.

Taking a deep breathe before I opened the door.

"Seth?" I was surprised to find Seth standing in my door frame wearing a serious expression.

"I tried calling you but you must have your phone off. It's Charlie. Mom took him to the hospital. He had an accident and he is hurt real bad." Seth explained for his surprise visit to her door.

"Oh shit! What kind of accident?" I felt my earlier fears fly out of the door and a whole new set replacing it.

"He was out hunting with the guys and he slipped somehow and tumbled down and smack his head a few times before he reach the bottom." Seth answered.

"Let me get dressed." I flew to my room where Paul sat on the edge of the bed with a disappointed frown.

"My dad is at the hospital. I got to go. Sorry." I jump in a pair of pants and a t-shirt, slipping on my shoes.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Paul offered but I could see that he wasn't really in the mood to go anywhere with me. He was too upset that he didn't get to finish what I started.

"No, just lock up before you leave." I grabbed my keys and my phone before returning to Seth who drove us to the hospital.

The drive there didn't take long but it was enough time for me to wonder why Paul didn't put up a bigger fight to be there for me when I needed him the most. What kind of boyfriend let her walk away with she was clearly upset and her father's life was on the line? A shitty one, I supposed.

"Why is he here?" My heart froze when I saw Father Jacob out front talking to Sue.

"He heard about the accident from me. We were working together when mom called me." Seth replied.

"Oh." I prayed he was not going to say something along the lines of giving Charlie his last rites or I would have went crazy.

"Come on, let's go check on his status." Seth took my hand as he led us to Sue and Father Jacob.

My heart fluttered and my stomach felt queasy when my eyes met with Father Jacob's.

"Thank the lord you found her." Sue sighed heavily.

"Sorry I was charging my phone." I lied and I caught the flinch in Jake's jaw. He knew I was lying and that made me feel ten times worse.

Tears leak out of the corners of my eyes.

"Where is he? Can I see him?" I just wanted to see for myself that my father was indeed still alive and then I would want to know what was wrong exactly and how we were going to fix him.

"Sure, come on." Sue and Seth took my hands and led me into the hospital where I hoped that my father would soon make a full and quick recovery.

XXX


	14. Fathers and Sons

Disclaimer: I do not own nor profit from Twilight or anything related to it.

Beta/Pre-Readers: Mist and Dani

A/N: I hope you guys are enjoying the new version and for those who this is a first time read hope you like it as well. To those who have left such wonderful reviews, THANK YOU. It means everything to me when you let me know your reading and what you like about it. xoxo

Chpt. 11

JPOV:

"Are you okay? Do you need anything?" I asked when she walked out of Charlie's room wearing a semi relieved look on her face.

"I'm fine. I just...God that just scared me." Bella covered her face with the palms of her hands. I saw her body shake as the emotions she was feeling began to surface. She had been so brave in the room with her father and now that she was out of his sight she was falling apart.

"Shh...It's okay Bella." I pulled her in my arms. Her chest laid on my chest as she wept softly.

"I'm sorry." Bella lifted her head after weeping for a few minutes. I just smiled fondly at her. The girl was always apologizing for the simplest things.

"It's natural to feel shaken up. The doctor told me he would be okay in a few days. He had a close call with that head injury. I guess his head is tough as stone." I tried to lighten up the moment. I knew it had been terrifying for her see her father's head bandage up, his arm was in a cast and they had been concerned about possible internal bleeding when he first arrived. He had fallen down the side of a cliff and luckily had caught himself around a large boulder before he had pummeled off into the ocean beneath the cliff.

"He definitely has a hard head." Bella chuckled hoarsely as she step back and wiped her face.

"He's alot like my father." I slipped up. I saw Bella's weak smile turn into a concerned frown.

"Have you gone to see him yet?" Bella looked curiously at me.

"No." I knew it was useless to lie to her. Not that I wanted to anyhow. Bella was the one person I felt close enough that I could confide in besides Father Michael.

"Why not?" Bella gulped hard as she walk over to the waiting room area and sat down in a chair. Her eyes gazed over the chair across from her, inviting me to sit down and talk to her. I knew she partially wanted to discuss my relationship with old man to keep her mind off of how close she had came to loosing her own.

"Bella, my relationship with my dad is different than yours." I reminded her that unlike her bond with Charlie mine wasn't quite that close anymore. It hadn't been that way in sometime, if ever. My father was so wrap up in his feelings for my mother that he hardly paid much attention to me before her death. My sisters had always been granted his full attention. It use to make me so damn jealous but then I would remind myself just how close I was to my mother. Although the girls were also close to mom they all knew that I held a special spot in our mother's heart.

"How so? Your dad loves you just as much as mine does." Bella scoffed.

"I know that. I just...he...well, when mom died he pulled away even further from me. I can't explain it but we just sort of drifted apart. I thought he was just trying to manage being a single parent to a teenage son but then when I told him about my decision to go in the priesthood he went all ballistic on me. It was horrible Bella." I sighed heavily trying to push back the bitterness that often engulfed me when I recalled that day we argued nonstop.

"Jake, he was hurting. He probably felt like he was loosing you. You were all he had left. When you made the decision to go off and search for inner peace, it probably made him feel abandoned." Bella stated with conviction.

"How can you know that?" I stared curiously at her. Had she been out to my dad's and talked to him since I left? Were they closer now? I knew Charlie and my dad were best friends but that didn't mean my dad would confide his inner feelings to her. He was a very private man.

"I just do. Dad and him use to talk alot when you first left. He was pretty broken up. Dad revealed a little to me. I got upset when I learned that Billy was getting drunk all the time and didn't even want to leave his home." Bella explained.

I felt my stomach knot up. My dad sounded horrible. He hardly ever had a drink except when he watched the games. He wasn't the drunken type. He had to be terribly upset to drink himself in a stupor.

"I"m sure it was mostly about my mother. You know the world evolve around her in in his world." I reminded her.

"Some of it was about her but the other half wasn't. He really felt like he had screwed up somehow with you. I think he thought he had pushed you away."

"That's ridiculous. I mean...okay a little bit but that wasn't the reason I chose to follow this path."

"Maybe it wasn't the reason but it made it easier to leave." Bella pointed out a fact that was true and I couldn't deny it.

"You should go see him. Now." Bella stood up abruptly and took my hand, pulling me up.

"What? Now?" I felt my throat grow parch, a ton of bricks were tossing in my stomach at the thought of facing my father.

"Why not? You don't know how much time is left for you two to get past this." Bella's eyes scanned the hallway from where we had just walk out of.

"Bella, I understand you feared you nearly lost your dad today but I'm pretty sure my dad will out live us all." I tried to laugh and make light of it but it didn't come out so merrily.

"Jake. Stop putting it off. Go. Come on I will take you. If your afraid of him then I will protect you." Bella slip her hand in the crook of my arm and jerk hard. I was literally being pulled out of the hospital by her. For a girl who was no more than hundred and ten pounds soaking wet the girl had some major strength.

"This is wrong Bella." I argued as we step off the side walk toward her car.

"What? Come on quit being such a wus and deal with this. Don't you priests always tell us it's better to face our fears. Besides you have God in your corner. Even your father is afraid of the almighty." Bella laughed wickedly as she drug me to her car and shove me inside the passenger side.

"I'm not so sure about this Bella. Dad doesn't like for people to show up unexpectedly." I knew my argument was weak but I couldn't seem to express how scared I was to face the disappointment I knew would be on his face and in his heart when he saw me.

"Shut up Jake and relax. I will make something to eat. It always puts your dad in a good mood when he eats my cooking." Bella said.

"You cook for my dad?"

"When he comes over to Charlie's I cook for the both of them if I"m not too busy."

"Wow, every day I learn something new about you."

"Well, sweetie you've been gone a long time. There is so much more to the woman before you. You only knew the girl you left behind." Bella winked at me as she shove her foot on the accelerator and we made our way out to LaPush.

XXX

BPOV:

The drive hadn't taken us long and in order to keep to Jake's mind off of his fears I told him a little about my college experience. I had him laughing his ass off for the remainder of the trip. Once we made it to his father's house I saw the panic stricken look cross his face as he saw his childhood home. I knew he had to be thinking about his mother as well. The two of them had been so close. I had envied their closeness. Of course I knew I was lucky enough to have my dad in my life but it still irked me that Sarah would always have a place in Jake's hearts where as I had none.

I gave him a couple of minutes to regain his strength before I got out of the car and walked over to his door. When he stepped out I no longer saw the strong and courageous man that I had grown to know. No, instead I saw a young boy who trembled with fear. He wasn't scared that his father would somehow physically hurt him but we both knew how words were just as painful. He wanted so badly to get his father's approval and acceptance. I just hoped that Billy managed to be kind to him while I was there.

I didn't tell Jake how Billy had confided into my father how he had hated the way the church had robbed him of his son. It hurt Billy and his ego that his family name would cease to exist now that Jake had taken a vow of celibacy. He saw God as a thief. He not only stole his true love but his only son and there for he didn't want to go to a place to worship where all he felt was malice. Charlie saw his point of view but didn't agree with his resentment. He warned Billy that if he didn't let go of his anger toward God he might live to regret it someday.

I walked up to the front porch and softly tapped on the door. I could hear the sound of the television. A few seconds later the door opened and Billy looked startled to see me.

"How is he Bella? I got word that he was hurt." Billy cried out frantically.

"He is going to be fine." I realized he had heard about my father's condition.

"Oh man! I wanted to wring Collin's neck when he told me what happened." Billy growled.

"It's okay Billy. I brought someone with me. I hope that is okay." I pulled Jake over so that Billy could see who my visitor was. Jake and Billy locked eyes. I wasn't sure what to make of their silence.

Father and son. The two of them had so much in pain in their eyes. I knew that Billy wanted nothing more than to young his son but I also saw the familiar stubborn streak in his eyes.

"Wow. It's been what ten years?" Billy fumbled nervously with his hands.

"Yes." Jake spoke softly.

"Come in. Both of you." Billy push his chair out of the way so we could come inside.

"Billy, I thought I would make you guys something to eat. I'm starving." I rubbed my stomach.

I caught the look of panic from both of them.

"You two have alot to catch up on. I don't want to intrude on the reunion. OH, you should show him the albums. He has tons of pictures of his grandchildren." I saw Billy's smile finally make an appearance. Jake just stood there with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes shooting daggers at me.

"Come on over here." Billy wave him over to the couch while he went in search of the albums.

"It will be okay." I whispered before make a swift departure to the kitchen. I kept one ear open while they shared a safe conversation about Rachel and Rebekkah's children. I could hear the pride in Billy's voice as he told Jake everything he could think of about the family that Jake had left behind.

I was happy to find enough ingredients to make a decent shephard pie and a side salad with rolls. When lunch was ready I called them into the kitchen. Jake didn't look as scared but I could still see that his heart was aching as he followed Billy into the kitchen.

I hoped that by the time lunch was over the two of them would come to realize how they needed to put their past behind them and start over with one another. I knew they had both shared some horrible words before Jake left for the ministry. I didn't know all the details but I got a good enough picture from Charlie to know that Jake had not left in good terms with his dad.

Lunch went turn the conversation over to me several times. I told them about the jobs I had done and a few more I had lined up. Billy was being pleasant enough until we suddenly found ourselves discussing my relationship with Paul. I was suddenly the one uncomfortable at the table. I didn't know why but it felt wrong to discuss Paul with these two men. I wasn't in love with Paul and I feared they would both see it. I knew that like Billy, Charlie had hopes I would settle down and give him a couple of grandchildren before he was buried.

"I heard that Paul and you were dating again. Charlie is hoping you will settle down this time." Billy winked at me. My heart lurch in my chest. Jake looked away and I wasn't sure if he was upset about the thought of me and Paul getting married or how his father was bringing up the subject of marriage and children.

"I don't know where Paul and I are headed but I hope to get married someday." I wasn't lying entirely about the subject. I did want to get married but when I did, I wanted it to be the forever kind of love.

"That's good. You know you're an amazing woman Bella and any man would be lucky to have you. I swear every time you cook for me I fall in love with you myself." He teased.

I couldn't help but laugh at him. I glanced over at Jake who wasn't laughing but I saw the amusement on his face.

"You know Jake I still have some of your old tools in my garage." Billy turned the subject in a different avenue, surprising both Jake and me.

"Oh really. I would have thought you would have sold them off by now." Jake stated casually.

"I thought about it honestly. I just...hoped that someday you might come home and have some use for them. Maybe you can sell them at the charity event." Billy suggested.

"How about we go see what you have out there still." Jake offered.

"Go on, I will clean up." I encouraged. I wanted them to spend some more time together. I didn't want to intrude on their private moment but I did like being close by in case Jake needed me.

"Are you sure?" Jake look at the counter wearily.

"Jake, I can clean up a few dishes. It won't take me long." I smiled warmly at him.

"Okay." Jake nodded at his father who seem to be staring at the both of us with a puzzled look on his face.

"Dad?"

"Oh, sure. Be back soon Bella."

After they left I proceeded to clean up. I was feeling rather pleased with myself for getting these two men together and hoped it helped Jake to resolve some of his conflicting feelings. Twenty minutes later I heard voices raised when I stepped outside to check on them. I could hear Billy's voice the loudest which made me nervous. Making my way to the garage quickly I walked into a squabble between them.

"It's not that simple dad. I just can't walk away. I made a vow. I love what I do. I understand your pain. I wish I could ease it somehow but I can't. You can't expect me to do everything you want me too." Jake cried out.

"Why not? Doesn't the bible tell you to listen to your parents." He shouted furiously.

"That's not fair. I'm a grown man Dad, not some teenage boy you can boss around." Jake rolled his eyes.

"Jake it's a waste. You're a good man. You could do something else for the church and still have a family too. Do you hate me that much that you would be the one who stops the Black family name from continuing?" Billy's voice crack as tears filled his eyes.

"Dad, you can't expect me to go out and produce children just because you want the family name to go. I told you already that I don't want children. I want to do something more valuable with my life than just raise a bunch of kids." Jake ran his hands through his hair as he fought back his frustration.

I knew I had to jump in and quick before worse things were said between them.

"Hey guys. Sorry to interrupt but I just got a call that Charlie is awake and wants to see me." I lied straight through my teeth.

"Oh. I have to go." Jake smiled bitterly at his father.

"I meant what I said Jake. You should come get this stuff and give it to someone who can use it. It's a waste here." Billy grumbled as he made his way past us. I saw the tears shimmering in his eyes as he made his way back into the house with out another word to either of us.

I grabbed Jake's hand and squeezed it. Turning his head he look at me and I saw his own eyes were brimming with unshed tears. 

"It always comes back to children. He hates that I will be the last of the Black family name." Jake said. His voice was hoarse and rough. I didn't know what to say to that, so I just wrapped my arms around his chest and held him in my arms. I knew it wasn't much but it was what he had done for me earlier today and it had helped ease my pain.

"I'm sorry Jake. I really wanted you two to get along." I could hear his heart pumping madly.

"It's useless Bella. He will never understand why I feel the way I do or why I have to go against his wishes." Jake cupped my head in his hands. Leaning back I look up at him, for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me but instead his hands dropped from my head and he pulled me away from him.

"Take me home." He pleaded and then walked away.

I felt my heart shatter in a million pieces as I follow him out of the garage and to my car. It was clear that even Billy couldn't change Jake's mind about leaving the church and that made me realize how my love for him didn't stand a chance either.

XXX

JPOV:

I was restless and aggravated as we drove back to Forks. I just couldn't understand why my father had to ruin everything with his constant drive for me to have children.

We drove up to the front of Bella's house when I realized that I had been so deep in my thoughts and had ignored Bella the entire trip home.

"Why are we here?" I had expected her to drop me off at the church.

"Let's go inside for a few minutes." She smiled gently at me as she opened the garage and drove us inside.

"I don't think I can be good company Bella." I warned her as I got out of the car.

"I don't mind the silent treatment. Come in, you can help me with the cookies." Bella said as she made her way into the kitchen. I didn't argue. I just continue to do as she ask of me. It was starting to become a habit. Bella gave out orders and I followed them. I was definitely starting to act the role of a well trained boyfriend.

"Why are you making cookies?"

"I make them for Sue's book club once a month." Bella answered as she began to pull out the ingredients and a cook book.

"What kind are you making?"

Leaning against the counter I watched as she prepared everything and seem to move around the kitchen with such grace that you would've never known she was once a clumsy girl.

"Chocolate chip mint seems to be their favorites." Bella replied as she proceeded to measure the flour and fill the large mixing bowl.

"Sounds delicious."

"They are good. What are your favorites?"

"Mmm...I guess I'm still hooked on chocolate chip the most." I smiled as she turn to look at me with a puzzled look.

"What?"

"Chocolate chip. I thought your favorite was sugar cookies with butter cream icing." Bella snickered.

"I can't believe you remember that?" I was surprised she had remembered. My mother used to make them especially for me.

"Who do you think taught me to make cookies?" Bella laugh softly as her eyes shined.

"I keep forgetting how my mother touched so many other lives besides my own." I walk up to her and look down into the bowl. Taking my finger I dipped it in and suck the sugary sweetness.

"Not bad." I nodded with approval.

"Jacob Black, don't ever stick your finger in my batter again." Bella playfully scolded.

"Mmm...couldn't resist. Too tempting and tasty." My eyes widen as I found myself recalling another place that I had put my finger that had tasted just as good as the cookie batter.

"Can you reach down under there and pull out a couple of cookie sheets." Bella swatted my hand away when I attempted to take one more taste.

"You're no fun." I went in search of the cookie pans.

Pulling out a couple I took them to her. She handed me a spoon and then instructed me how to scoop up the dough and place it on the pan. It wasn't exactly hard to do and it was rather fun to bug her when I put the dough to close together.

"The cookies will cook into one giant cookie." Bella rolled her eyes.

"Sorry." I knew I was aggravating her and it was fun. I used to mess with her like this when she was a kid and I wasn't much older than her. Teasing Bella was a fun past time.

"Okay can you set the timer for ten minutes." She mumbled while putting the pans in the oven.

I grabbed the egg timer on the counter and set it.

"Now what we will do for the next ten minutes?"

"Well, you can help me clean up." Bella tossed a dish towel at me.

I reached for the bowl and pressed my fingers inside of it, stealing any bit of batter left.

"Seriously?" Bella snapped playfully. Reaching out for the flour she grabbed the bag but it slipped from her hands and hit the floor beside my foot. Flour flew into the air. I looked down and saw that my lower half was covered in it.

"Seriously?" I turned the word around at her as I gazed at her with a serious look.

She chewed on her lip for a moment nervously before kneeling down to pick it up.

I fell to my knees in front of her.

"You don't think you will get away with this so easily do you?" My voice remained cold but I was only playing with her. For a brief moment I saw fear flicker in her eyes. I was thrown by this reaction. Did she really think I was mad at her for this?

Grabbing a handful of flour I threw it at her, it landed all over her chest and face. She gasped in surprise.

"Oh no you didn't!" Bella cried out grabbing a handful and throwing it at me.

"Oh this is war!" I cried out with a laugh following it as we began to toss flour at one another, scooping it up from the floor.

We were laughing hysterically while we played like young kids instead of the two grown adults we were suppose to be acting like.

"Ow!" Bella threw her hands up in defeat as she squinted her right eye painfully.

"What's wrong?" I stopped by attack. She tried opening her eye but closed it shut.

"I think I got some in my eye." She answered.

I crawl up to her. I held her head still while I look at the injured eye.

"Open it up. I will blow it out." I offered.

"You might blow more in it." She argued.

"Don't be silly. Stop moving."

She finally open her eye just enough so I could blow softly in it. She winced. I hoped it helped and not made it worse.

"How was that?"

"I think you got it." Her eye lashes flicker a few times before she was able to keep both eyes open. I look into her eyes and she look into mine. We both began to smile at one another. It wasn't just the smile that warmed my heart. It was this simple moment I was sharing with her that made me feel so alive. Earlier in the day I had felt like crap. I was anxious and nervous and now here I was feeling like a young man who had no worries. Bella. Bella made me feel like this. Bella has this magical gift of reminding me of what it feels like to be just a man. No expectations, no responsibilities, no disappointments and most of all no judgement.

"Jake." Bella's voice was so soft I almost thought I imagined it. I watched as her tongue darted out licking, her silky smooth lips, her eyes turn a shade darker. I knew I was seeing desire growing in her eyes. My hands wouldn't move. I was still holding her face between them. Our lips were a mere few inches apart. I could kiss her and loose myself in her but what would it cost me afterwards? I wanted to stop these feelings and most of all I didn't want to confuse her but kneeling here with her this close was such a pure moment between us. How could I keep fighting this? She was so damn beautiful, even with flour covering her face. I wanted to taste her. I wanted to compare her to the delicious cookie dough.

"Bella...sweet...sweet..." My lips opened up as I leaned in closer to her. Closing my eyes I told myself that one kiss wouldn't kill me. One kiss would be just enough to ease this pain my body was suddenly being attacked with.

"WHAT the hell are you two doing?" A voice screeched from the door.


	15. Opening His Eyes

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to it.

Beta/Pre-Readers: Mist/LuvinJ

A/N: I"m so excited at how everyone is loving my new version of FFG! You guys who left reviews reminded me why I enjoy writing so much. I was in a bit of a funk with RL issues and the lack of responses on the site but last chpt you guys really brought me out of the dumps. Me and my muse Thank you! xoxo A

Chpt. 12 _**Opening His Eyes **_

BPOV:

His lips were so close that I knew we were about to share another magical kiss when I heard an unexpected voice interrupting us.

"What the hell are you two doing?" The voice screeched.

I closed my mouth shut and turn my head quickly toward the unwelcome visitor.

"This kitchen is a mess." Alice cried out just as the egg timer alerted them it was time to take out the cookies.

"Bella was throwing flour all over me." Jake joked as he stood up, reaching his hand down to help Bella up as well.

"I hope you didn't use any of that in the cookies?" Alice sniff the air while flashing us one of her sincerest smiles.

"You're not getting any." I wagged my finger at her as a warning. I knew Alice had a weakness for cookies.

"Why not?" Alice pouted playfully.

"They are for Sue's book group." I went in search for the broom and dust pan while Jake picked up the half empty flour sack.

"Damn her. Why can't you just bake cookies for no damn reason. I mean, I'm your friend and I get you jobs. Don't I deserve cookies." Alice set her hand on her hip as she flashed me an annoyed look.

"I tell you what, you stay and help me make another batch and you can have them. I'm tired of cooking for you when you can't even boil water." I teased her knowing she had no talent in the kitchen, what so ever. I seriously hoped her future husband could afford a chef. If not then he was going to be eating out every night. She was always telling me that the kitchen area of her house made her nervous.

"No fair I have to help cook them!" Alice shook her head.

"Why not? How are you going to bake cookies someday for your kids?" I continue to remind her that eventually she would be forced to learn.

"What kids? I doubt I will ever have those. I want a husband but kids are just not necessarily in my immediate future." Alice snorted.

"See, someone else who agrees that you don't have to have children in order to feel like your life is complete." Jake spoke up at last. He had been cleaning the counters off while I swept the floor up.

"You two make me wonder how mankind even exists. If everyone had your dislike of children then the world wouldn't continue to grow." I rolled my eyes at the both of them.

I didn't want to rush out and have kids but someday I did see myself experiencing motherhood at least once in my lifetime.

"I should go. I have to get things ready for the festival." Jake reach out and gave me a quick brotherly hug and kissed Alice politely on the cheek.

"You girls behave. Bella thank you for today. I will be by to check on Charlie tomorrow."

"Hold on and I can give you a ride."

"No need. I can walk. It's only a few blocks away." He smiled at me. I could see in his eyes that he was thankful for Alice's interruption. We had nearly kissed and I could see that it hurt him to be that weak. I couldn't understand how he believed so sincerely that being a priest was his calling when his body clearly desired more than what a priest could have.

I stood there silently for a few minutes before I glanced up at Alice who was wearing a strange look on her face.

"What?"

"What's going on with you two?" Alice whispered.

I laugh at her. She acted as if Jake was still in the house with us. I knew I had to tread softly with her. Alice was hard to fool. She was one of my closest friends and she knew me too damn well .

"I took him to see his dad today. It didn't go as well as I had hoped. So I brought him back here to bake cookies to keep his mind off of it." I explained while putting the cookies in a container to take over to Sue later.

"I came over here to check on you. Leah stopped by looking for you and told me about Charlie." Alice explained for her uninvited visit.

"Yeah, he is going to be okay. Scared the shit out of me." I grabbed a towel and began to pat off the flour that still remained on my face and clothing.

"I imagine so. So why did you decide to take Father Jacob out to see his dad?" Alice plop up on the clean counter and stared curiously at me.

"I feel badly for him. He isn't ever going to feel comfortable here if he is always dodging his father. I wanted him to face his fears. He's a grown man and shouldn't be afraid to tell his father how he feels." I answered. I open the fridge and pulled out a recent opened bottle of wine and poured us both a glass.

"I see. Your afraid if he feels uncomfortable he might run off again." Alice took the glass I handed her, taking a small sip of it. Her eyes remained on my face while I pretended to act like nothing serious was going on between Jake and me.

"I wouldn't say I was afraid exactly. I just know how much Billy is suffering too. It seems stupid." I sighed heavily.

"So you are just interested in helping a father and son renew their relationship. Nothing else. I mean I recall you having a serious crush on Jake once upon a time." Alice lick her lips and gave me one of her famous devilish smiles.

"NO! Don't even go there Alice. He is a priest. I'm with Paul." I tried to sound repulsed by where she was leading our conversation.

"I just think that perhaps you still carry a little spark for the guy who got away."

"Hardly! We are friends. Good friends. I enjoy his company. Nothing more." I drained my glass and watch her over the rim of my glass. She seemed to be buying it.

"Okay. So what happen with you and Paul. Weren't you two suppose to do the deed today?"

I almost choked on the wine as it slid down the back of my throat.

"It didn't happen. Charlie's accident interrupted us." I replied casually.

"You don't sound too disappointed."

"I"m not really. He kind of pissed me off when he didn't offer to go to the hospital with me. He acted pretty disappointed that we were being bothered."

"Jerk. Oh well, he was probably so rock hard that he didn't want to show up to see your dad in that condition." Alice joked.

"I don't know. I just know that I'm starting to think that this relationship isn't going to happen after all. I want to love him again but I'm honestly not feeling it." I revealed.

"You better end it before you have sex with him. You know how all obsessive he gets once he has sex with you." Alice reminded me.

"I know. Trust me I know." I sighed sadly.

We finished off the bottle of wine together before she took off. I went to bed early. I was exhausted from the emotional roller coaster I rode on today and just as my eyes began to close I saw Jake's face. I knew with out a doubt that Jake had intended to kiss me earlier and it frighten me just how much I hoped I got another shot at it.

XXX

JPOV:

I checked in on Charlie before I made my way back to the church. I was going to need a nap. I had barely slept a wink after I woke up from a dream. The dream had seemed so damn real that it excited me and terrified me at the same time.

"Hey you!" Bella waved as she ran across the parking lot beneath a orange umbrella.

"I just checked in on him. He seems to be in good spirits." I blurted out as she approached wearing a lovely smile. It appeared that one of us had a good night's rest.

"Really? I would have thought he had drove the nurses crazy by now." Bella laughed. Her eyes sparkled and her cheeks had a soft shade of pink to them despite the cool wet weather we were having.

"Oh he is. He just seems to be glad he is alive to do it." I joked.

"Now that sounds like my dad."

"How are you?"

"I"m fine." Bella's voice was weak as she stared boldly at me.

"What's wrong? You seem a bit different somehow?" I coughed nervously.

"What are you talking about?" Bella frowned.

"You seem over the top happy? Did Paul stay over?" I felt a tinge of jealousy strike me straight through the heart as a image of Paul touching Bella floated in my head.

"Umm...that isn't really any of your business but no he didn't." Bella shook her head and looked a bit unhappy by my stupid comment.

"Oh. Sorry. I just thought ….well...your cheeks are pink and your eyes are shining and I remembered when I saw them like that last time." I choked. I didn't want to remind either of us the last time I had caused the same reaction in her. It had been a moment of weakness and I knew she wasn't bringing it up in order to keep us from sharing another awkward moment.

"OHHH." Bella's whole face was now pink.

God, I'm such a moron. Why did I say stupid things around her?

"For your information I was just happy because Alice called me this morning to let me know that I had a big job offer in Seattle in a couple of weeks. It will pay nicely and I can have that vacation in Italy like I've always wanted." She explained.

"Italy, uh? Why Italy?" I would have seen her more of the Paris or beach scene not something as remote as Italy. Sure it was a beautiful country but for a young woman it didn't really inspire much fun.

"My great-great grandmother came from Italy. I wanted to see where my ancestors once resided." She answered with a eager grin.

"I didn't know that."

"There is a lot you don't know about me Jake." Bella's eyes sparkle again but this time I caught a glint of mischief in them. My cock went from limp to rock hard in thirty seconds. The woman was amazing. She didn't even have to try and she was already seducing me with just a look.

"I'm starting to see that." I agreed.

"I should go see him. The nurses will need a break from his ornery self."

"Sure." I stepped out from underneath the cover of her umbrella.

"You should go out with me sometime." Bella said suddenly. I stopped in my tracks and turn my head to look at her. What was she up too? Did she just ask me out on a date?

"What? Where?" I wasn't even going to pretend that I wasn't interested in spending alone time with her.

"Tomorrow. Are you free?"

"Yes."

"Good, I will pick you up at six." Bella turned and left me speechless in the misty rain.

I wasn't sure what she had planned for us but something warned me that I was going to like it no matter what. Bella was showing me a side of herself that intrigued me. She was also opening my eyes about the world around me. I had never missed being an ordinary man before I returned to Forks. Bella was either going to be my saving grace or my downfall. Either way it ended I knew it would be worth it.

XXX

BPOV:

Seeing Jake had made my already happy day ten times better. I was able to deal with my dad's grumpy attitude and encourage him that to heal faster so he could be released. He thought I had lost my mind. He reminded me how I hated hospitals as much a he did. It was true but at least I followed the Doctors orders so I could get the hell out of there. He was acting childish and I wasn't afraid to tell him.

When I left I went back to the house to make my special plans for Jake and I. I knew we could spend the day together with out any sexual tension between us. I wanted to show Jake he was safe around me. I wanted him to look at me as more than a friend but not so much a threat to his precious vows to the church and the almighty.

A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts. I answered the door to find myself staring at the last person I really wanted to see at the moment. I had already concluded that things between Paul and I were not going quite where I had hoped and I didn't think it was a good idea to keep him leading on.

"Paul."

"Bella. I'm so sorry for not getting here sooner. After you left yesterday I got an emergency call of my own. One of my guys got injured on the job and I had to run up to Port Angeles to check on him." He explained with sincerity in his eyes and holding onto a dozen of red roses.

I didn't have to heart to dump him tonight. I knew he was already looking for a fight from me.

"Is he okay?" I ask while leaning against the open door frame.

"Yeah. The fool nearly broken his neck. They don't know if he will walk again however." Paul answered as his eyes filled up with tears.

It was breaking my heart to watch him react in such an unusual way. Paul normally didn't display his fears or cry in front of me. This was definitely new territory and I wasn't prepared how to handle it.

"I'm sorry Paul. Come in." I stepped back allowing him access to my house.

"It was crazy Bella. His wife was there and she was weeping hysterically. I barely held it together. She's six months pregnant and suppose to be on bed rest. The doctors warned her to go home. I stayed. I warned him like a million times to put two ladders up there and he ignore me and now he might never walk again." Paul's voice was raspy as tears trickled down his face.

"Shhh...it's okay." Circling his neck with my arms I held him while he cried.

There was no way I could break his heart now. No, I would just have to wait until there was a better time for it. As much as I cared about him there was no way I could continue to pretend that my feelings ran as deep as his.

"Come on. I will get you a beer." I pulled him to the couch and took off into the kitchen to get him a beer that I kept stocked for days like this.

When I returned he held the roses up to me.

"I know they aren't your favorites but it was all I could find." He handed me the flowers. I went back into the kitchen and set them in a vase with water. Setting them on the table in the hallway I went back to his side.

"Paul, I'm sorry about your friend." I knelt down in front of him.

"It's not your fault. How is your dad?"

"He is going to make it. He broke a rib and had some head injury that luckily didn't require surgery. "

"That's good. I know I acted like a jerk by not jumping up and running out with you. I was just...well...I was just a little frustrated. Sexually, I mean."

"I know." I laugh with him.

"Do you? I love you so damn much Bella. It hurts me when I know I disappoint you. I try so hard to be the man you need." Paul set his beer down and reach out cupping my face between his cool hands.

"Paul, it's okay." I gulped hard when I saw his face drawing nearer to mine.

When his mouth began to ravish mine I wanted to push him away but there was something nice about being needed. I caved in and gave him what he desired from me. Kissing Paul was pleasant enough but it didn't hold a candle to Jake's kisses.

"I want you Bella." Paul's voice was deep and thick like molasses.

"Not now. Not tonight. I'm tired." I saw the anger cross his face before he change into hurt .

"Do you want me at all?" Paul's hands fell away from my face, he gripped his knees as his eyes pierced mine.

"Of course." I felt bile rising in the back of my throat. I hated lying. I especially hated lying to someone who cared so much about me.

"Then why are you pulling away from me?"

"I don't know Paul. I like you but ….I ...don't love you." The truth suddenly erupted from my mouth. I covered my betraying mouth with both of my hands as he stared painfully at me.

"What? Are you serious?" he stood up abruptly. I nearly fell back on my ass as I moved quickly away from him.

"Yes. I want to be with you Paul but I'm not sure what that means." I wasn't entirely lying to him at this point.

"Your not sure what it means? How can you not know what I mean to you?" Paul cried out angrily.

"I just know that there are times when I don't feel as strongly about you."

"Bella, I love you. I thought you loved me too."

"I did. I mean, I thought I did but now I'm not so sure." I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair. I braced myself for a full onset attack from him.

"When you are sure call me." Paul spoke softly but his voice was filled with venom.

He marched out of my house with out another word or look at me. It was weird but I was almost sure that he would throw a bigger fight about my lack of love for him. What did this mean? Was it possible he had already figured out what I didn't know until now?

Wiping the single tear that had managed to spill out of the corner of my eye I made my way back to my office and continue to make my plans for Jake and I. I refused to let myself cry. It was my fault if I had lost Paul forever. It was me that was the fickle one. It was my heart that didn't seem to be happy with everything he had to offer. Nothing seemed to pleased me as much as spending time with Jake did.

XXX

JPOV:

Six o'clock took forever to arrive. All day I paced back and forth while checking my watch for the time. I was anxious and nervous about our date. If it was even a date at all. I was being ridiculous about the entire situation. I couldn't possibly be out on a date. I was a priest. Priest don't date.

A knock on the door brought me out of my inner debate. Bella stood before me in casual clothing. Her hair was down the way I loved it. She reach down and took my hand, yanking me out of my room.

"Come on Jake. It's time to have fun." She squealed like the teenage girl I once knew.

There was no point of arguing with her. She was the leader today and I was her follower. I would gladly go and do anything she asked of me.

XXX

"You bowl like a girl!" I laughed merrily.

"I am a girl. Shut up!" Bella threw a handful of popcorn at my face. Opening my mouth I caught several pieces.

We had been spending the evening bowling and arcading in Port Angeles. It had been one fun and adolescent thing after another. I was enjoying the hell out of it. It had been so long since I allowed myself to do frivolous things. In the past I often found myself suffering with guilt when I was this happy. How could I be so happy when so many suffered in life? It was such a conflicting battle as a priest. You knew you should be out helping others instead of enjoying all the blessings you had been given. Yet you still wanted some enjoyment in your own life too.

"Where to next?" I took our balls and put them up when our game ended.

"One more final stop." She clapped her hands together with such genuine happiness exposed all across her face. For a moment I was breathless. She was enjoying each activity as much as I was. She didn't once complain about a thing. Even when I beat her in every game we played.

"Where too?"

Bella took my hand in hers and drugged me out of the bowling alley and down a block or two before we stopped in front of a coffee shop.

"I say we get us some coffee and a muffin." Her eyes widen with joy.

I couldn't help but laugh with her. Her excitement was contagious. We went inside and got our food and drink and then went to sit outside. It was a pretty decent night. There was plenty of stars to be seen and the air was cool but not cold. We sat drinking our coffee and nibbling on our muffin while we talked about people we knew in school and where some of them had gone off too. It was great just sitting there talking like two friends. There was no pressure and no sexual tension what so ever.

"So where is Paul tonight?" It occurred to me that she hadn't mentioned Paul once through out our evening together.

"We are sort of on hold." Bella wrinkled her nose with a distasteful look.

"On hold?" I wasn't sure what that meant exactly. They were either together or not.

"He confronted me about my feelings for him and I admitted I wasn't so sure if I loved him." Bella sat back in her chair and looked up at the stars. I could tell she was uncomfortable discussing this with me.

"Oh look they have a live band over there." Bella pointed across the road where two guys stood on the street corner playing music.

Bella jumped up and ran across the street. I wasn't sure why she thought watching two average people playing a guitar was so fascinating.

Once I got closer I was impressed with the guy's vocals. The song was nice also.

"Do you remember when we shared our first dance?" Bella turn sideways looking at me with glimmering eyes.

"Barely." I wasn't lying. I remembered bits and pieces of my past. When I left Forks I pretty much pushed everything I knew deep down beneath my conscious. It was easier to accept my new life and my responsibilities if I let go of everything I once knew.

"Let's dance." Bella reached out and took my hand and slid her other hand around my neck and began to sway with the music. She had rythmn but she also had two left feet.

"Ow!" I cried out as she stomp on my foot.

"Sorry." Bella laughed hysterically.

"Hold on." Lifting her up I placed her feet on top of mine so I could lead us and prevent her from stomping all over my feet.

"Now isn't this nice." Bella murmured.

Her head laid against my chest as we moved slowly back and forth with the bittersweet love song. Holding her was nice. Being with Bella felt so natural. She was beautiful in a down to earth type. She didn't pretend or lie to win your attention.

When the music stopped we continued to dance until the sound of a car horn brought us back to reality.

"Jake, I should get you home." Bella licked her lips and pressed them tightly together.

"Okay." I didn't see any point in refusing. She had planned the entire evening and I had enjoyed every second of it.

Our drive back to Forks didn't take too long but the silence that lingered between us was almost deafening. I sense she was thinking hard about something.

"Your mother's birthday is coming up. Your dad will go to the cemetery to put flowers on her grave." Bella suddenly broke the silence.

I felt my heart lurch in my chest when she made the unexpected announcement.

"I know." I mumbled as I look out of the passenger side window trying to keep myself from tearing up.

"I only brought it up because with my dad's injuries he won't be able to take Billy out there this year. You should offer." Bella stated matter of fact.

"Ummm...not so sure if that's such a good idea." I gulped hard.

"Jake you have to stop this. You two love one another and I know Sarah wouldn't be pleased with the way you two have handled her death. She wanted more than anything for you guys to be close." Bella sniffled.

Turning my head I looked over at her. It was dark in the car but I could make out a stream of tears flowing down her cheeks.

"Bella, honey, why are you so upset?" All night she had been bubbly and full of laughter and now she was weeping. I would never understand women.

Bella pulled into the church parking lot and got out of the car before answering me.

"I can't figure out how you can act as if this is what she would have wanted for you." Bella walked over to my side and took my hands in hers.

"What are you talking about?" I didn't like where this conversation was leading nor the way she was looking so disappointed at me.

"How can you think that your mother would have preferred you locking yourself away in the church than living a normal life? Sarah and I would joke about mine and your future. Not once did she see you as a priest." Bella exclaimed.

"What did she see me doing then?" My voice grew hoarse.

"Once she predicted you would be a doctor because you were always so helpful and you enjoyed playing with your medical kit she got you when you were a young boy. Then another time she saw you as a veterinarian instead because you enjoyed taking care of animals." Bella answered.

"What about you? What did she see in your future?"

"She saw me getting married and having kids and then I would either start up my own bakery or do something creative like writing." Bella smiled sadly.

"But you didn't choose any of those possible futures." I pointed out.

"No, but I did find a creative outlet. I'm a photographer. I do plan on getting married and having those kids once I find the perfect man for me, for my future children."

"Are you trying to tell me that you agree with my father that I'm wasting my life?" Anger began to boil up in me.

"No. Your good at what you do but I believe you could do so much more."

"I don't think either of you understand that if I decide to leave the church it's not that simple as quitting a job. I made promises. I signed a contract agreeing to give my life to God. How could I just walk away from that and still manage to live with myself?"

"Jake, you wouldn't be the first man who decided to stop being a priest. I don't want you to quit if it's what YOU want to do but don't lie to yourself and say it's what your mother would have wanted." Bella placed her hands on my chest, sliding them up until they circled around my neck.

"Jake you're a special man and you have so many talents. I don't want you to wake up one day and realize you wasted your life because you couldn't get past the grief you felt for your mother's death."

"I won't." I argued but I knew it sounded weak.

"Then kiss me Jake. Kiss me and tell me that you don't feel anything for me. Because if you were meant to be a priest then I wouldn't affect you."

My heart skipped a beat, my pulse escalated. She was giving me a challenge that I feared I would loose. It would be wiser of me to ignore the dare and to explain that although I was a priest I was still tempted by the world. When I looked into her eyes I knew I wouldn't be wise tonight. Moistening my lips I lean in and gently brushed my lips against hers. They were so soft and still held a hint of her blueberry muffin. I couldn't resist nibbling on her lower lip before my tongue outlined her lips.

Closing my eyes, my tongue explored her mouth. My heart was racing, my body was taunt with passion but what startled me the most was how I felt as if this was where I belonged. Bella's body pressed up against mine, our mouths entwine, our hearts beating simultaneously, there was no way I could deny my feelings for Bella. It startled me because for the first time since our reunion I felt something pull me to her that was more intense than a sexual attraction. I was in trouble. I could fight off temptation. I could prevent myself from being seduce but what I couldn't stop myself from doing was falling in love.

Somehow Bella Swan had managed to make me fall in love with her and it terrified the hell out of me.


	16. Hardest of Hearts

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything Twilight related:

Rating: M

Pre-Readers: Mist/LuvinJ

A/N: Thanks guys for the wonderful feedback and hope you have gotten a chance to see the new video. Love to hear what you think of did a fabulous job. It's harder to create a video with a storyline such as this one. xoxo August

Chapter 13: Hardest of Hearts

JPOV:

I pulled away gently. We both were panting. The kiss was just like the others, filled with a strong desire and heart felt intentions. It had made me ache for something that I wasn't willing to let myself have. Bella. All of her. I knew it would be easy to fall into her arms and do what came natural but then what kind of priest would I be. I just needed to find my inner strength. Bella's eyes stared deeply into mine. I couldn't let her see what I was of us needed to complicate our lives anymore than necessary.

"Bella, we can't do that." I turned away from her, running my hand down the back of my neck.

"What? Kiss? Because it seems to me that you were really getting into it." Bella laughed nervously under her breathe.

"Bella, I'm a man. Anyone but me should enjoy kissing you. I'm not the kind of man who has the right to kiss you." I continue to keep my back toward her.

"Jake, damn it, you have to see that this is a sign that you weren't meant to be a priest. If you can enjoy kissing me then clearly..."

I cut her off real kick before she went any further with her statement. I knew where this was leading and honestly I was tired of defending myself.

"Stop it now! Stop it Bella! You're just like him. I'm tired of having to apologize for wanting to be a better man. For wanting to do something worthwhile with my life. So sorry, that I can't live up to your expectations. I'm not that guy you fantasies about. I'm not the one who is going to scoop you off of your feet and promise you forever." I snarled.

I knew I was being a bit cold and ruthless but honestly I was sick to death of having to tell her and my dad why I wanted to do what I was doing with my life. It wasn't any of their business. Damn it. Why couldn't they just accept me for who I was and stop trying to create me the way they saw fit?

"I...fine be like that." Bella cried out furiously.

Turning around I could see she was fighting back tears but I didn't look into her eyes for more than a second. I knew it would break my heart and soon I would resort to apologizing and then we would end up hugging and of course that would lead to more kissing. Physically we had to stay apart. It was one thing when I thought I was just fighting a simple attraction but now that I knew deep down that my feelings ran much deeper, there was no way I could allow myself to go any further with her. Eventually we would hit the point of no return. How could I live with myself if I broke the most sacred vow of celibacy? I couldn't. I would be forced to resign.

"Bella, please understand you're a great girl but I don't want you."

Bella gasped loudly. Darting my eyes downward to look at the asphalt beneath me while she stood there speechless. I had no other choice but to lie to her about how I truly felt. If she thought for even one second that I was in love with her, she would become relentless in her pursuit of tearing me away from the church.

"Good night Jake." Bella's voice was weak and it sent a million knives straight through my heart as I walked away from her. I didn't bother to look back. I heard the car start up and her driving away. Grabbing the door handle, I took a long deep breathe of air and knew tonight would be a very restless one.

XXX

"Are we celebrating or pissed off." Alice plop down in a chair next to Bella whom she found sitting a table with about ten shot glasses covering the top of it.

"Both." Bella laughed loudly.

"Uh?" Alice had a bad feeling ever since Bella called her and told her she needed a friend to drive her home tonight because she had plans on getting smashed. Bella wasn't the type to get drunk out in public. She normally did that sort of thing in the confinements of her own home.

"I swear men say we are complicated creatures but really they are the complication." Bella slurred.

"Okay, so this is a man bashing festival." Alice chuckled and wave at the waitress to bring her a drink.

"Of course it is. What else would I be this drunk about?" Bella slam the empty shot glass down in front of her.

"Is that a trick question?" Alice teased.

"I think I need to give up on men entirely."

"Honey, what has he done now?" Alice knew Bella was going to break up with Paul. It was just a matter of time. They didn't go together too long with out ending up in a fight or argument of some sort. In the short time she dated him back in their Sr. year they were constantly bickering over something. Now, years later, they seem to still bring out the worse in one another.

"Who?" Bella looked at Alice with a confused expression.

"Paul. I'm assuming you two broke up again."

"We did. He didn't like it one bit either." Bella snorted rudely.

The waitress drop off two more shots for them.

"Of course he didn't. He thinks he is madly in love with you."

"Why? Why would he even want me? I seem to repel the good ones and compel the bad ones."

"We all go through a bad streak. Eventually you will find the right one."

"You think so? Cause I thought I had and now it seems he doesn't want me." Bella threw her back and suck down every drop of her drink.

"Paul doesn't want you?" Now Alice was the one sharing a confused look.

"Oh he wants me but I think he wants something that he has imagined in his little old head. I mean, he thinks I'm this angel but I'm not. I'm hardly perfect. I can be downright mean."

"Hahaa...honey you're far from being mean." Alice giggled.

"Oh I can be. I'm also selfish. I want what I can't have."

"What is it that you want Bella?" Alice was starting to think there was more to this conversation than she knew. A major component was missing and she wasn't sure how to get Bella to tell her when she was in her inebriated state.

"I don't know!"

"I think you know what you want but your too damn scared to go and get it. Too many dangers, perhaps." Alice cocked an eyebrow as she studied Bella's face closely.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Bella laughed rudely, waving her hand at the waitress for another round.

"Where were you tonight before you got here?" Alice had a strange feeling that Bella was more interested in Father Jacob than she was willing to admit to her or herself.

"I was out."

"Out? With whom?"

"What is with the damn 21 questions? Let's just get drunk, already."

"Bella Marie Swan, you and I both know that you..." Alice was cut off before she could finish her statement when two men approached the table. Both of them looked vaguely familiar and the smiles they wore weren't sinister looking but Alice was sober enough to know they were up to trouble.

"Aren't you Paul's girlfriend?" The tallest one ask.

"I'm his ex-girlfriend." Bella snorted and look at Alice with a puzzled smile.

"Why?" Alice had a bad feeling these two weren't over at their table for a kind social call.

"Well I guess we don't have to tell you he can't be trusted."

"Who are you guys?" Alice asked.

"I'm Bernard and this is Frank. We used to work for Paul. He cheated us out of some money. I shouldn't have been too surprised. I mean, he has a beautiful thing like you and he still had a wandering eye." Bernard shook his head with a disgusted look on his face.

"What do you mean?" Alice continued to do all the talking while Bella gulped down each drink the waitress dropped off at their table.

"You mean you don't know about the other girl?" Frank cried out.

Bernard nudge his friend hard in the ribs.

Alice stood up and grabbed both by the arm and led them away from the table. Bella was too drunk to care about anything at the moment but if these two guys gave her a reason to care or feel any emotion at all she could be a train wreck in a matter o f seconds.

"Tell me what you know and don't leave out anything." Alice warned them both.

XXXX

BPOV:

The room seemed to spin around each time I opened my eyes. Closing them tightly I felt my stomach rumbling with a threatening sensation. I was not going to vomit, no matter what my body felt like. Vomiting was not my favorite past time.

The aroma of coffee swirled around me. Lifting my head slowly, I peeked open one eye to see Alice entering the room.

"Morning Bella." Alice sat carefully on the side of the bed. She extended her hand to offer me the coffee. I took it greedily. Sipping on it fast despite the scorching of my tongue.

"There is some aspirin beside the bed." Alice informed me.

"Thank you. God, my head is pounding and my stomach isn't feeling too hot either." I moaned as I scoot over to retrieve the aspirin.

"Honey, I haven't seen you drink that much, well, ever." Alice chuckled softly.

"Sorry. I had only meant to have a bit of fun." I lied. Drinking like I had been was not for fun but more of a suicide mission. I knew better but my heart was breaking and drinking seem to numb the pain.

"Well, you had some. I had to have a little help getting you out of the bar. You started stripping and dancing for everyone."

"What?" I nearly dropped my coffee.

"Just kidding. But you did pass out on me." Alice laughed at my shock.

"Damn. Hope Dad doesn't hear about this."

"Well, it's a small town."

"True." I cringed.

"Do you remember anything from last night?

"Not really. Wait, there was two guys who came up to the table and they were talking about Paul. What was up with that? I gathered they didn't like him."

"Well, they had a lot to tell me. I"m not sure how much stock to put in it. I mean they felt slighted by Paul over a business transaction that they thought they were shorted on." Alice sighed loudly.

"What did they say?" I noticed Alice wiggle slightly and knew she had information she was still debating on sharing with me. We had been friends long enough that I was able to gather things from her physical actions and depict what was going on that crazy head of hers.

"I'm not sure if you really want to hear it or if you need to hear it now. I mean you two are over." Alice shrugged her shoulders.

"Damn it Alice, what did they say." I pulled my legs over the side of the bed so I was sitting right next to her. My body screamed at me to lay back down but I resisted. I needed to know what Alice knew.

"They said that when you first started dating Paul again he had a one night stand with a girl while he was out of town."

"Okay. We were not exclusive back then." I felt a little less frantic now.

"She was a former lover he had been secretly seeing for years now. On and off according to them. She is local." Alice gulped hard as she turn to look at me. Our eyes lock and saw the fear that shined through her eyes.

"Who?" I knew this was going to be the part that she feared I was going to be the most upset about.

"Look, I swear I had no clue about them. I mean when we left for college I came home as often as you did. She never told me anything about it." Alice threw her hands up defensively.

"WHO!" The roar of my own voice made my stomach nearly lurch. Covering my lower stomach with my hands, my body trembled in pain.

"Leah." Alice spoke so softly that I thought for a moment I might have misheard her but when she look me in the eyes I knew I had not.

"That...no...she hates..." I jump off the bed and raced to the bathroom. Falling to my knees I felt my head explode, my heart shatter and my stomach spilled out.

XXX

"I think we should use the lodge for the reception. It's free." Charlie threw his two cents in.

"Really? I mean, we are having the wedding at the church and keeping it simple so I would like something nicer for the reception." Sue suggested.

"What do you have in mind exactly?" Charlie frowned nervously as Sue's eyes brigthen up.

"Alice offered to decorate the Town's gazebo and can get permission to set up tables and chairs." Sue replied.

"Outdoors? Are you sure with our crazy weather?"

"She already thought about that. She has tents she can put up as well." Sue rubbed her hands together excitedly.

"Okay. If that is what you want then who am I to argue?" Charlie wrapped his arm around her waist and gave her a tender peck on the lips.

"Thank you." Sue smiled warmly at him.

"Anything for you."

"If you two are done with the kiss fest I'm going into town." Leah rolled her eyes playfully at them.

"What? We are waiting on Bella. We need to get both of your decisions on the bridesmaids dresses." Sue pouted.

"Honestly, I don't care what we wear. I just want you two to get hitched." Leah replied dryly.

"Leah, your mother wants your opinion so you aren't whining the whole day about the dress." Charlie knew how Leah tended to bitch and whine about everything, especially these days.

"Fine. Where is Bella? Isn't she supposed to be the one who is always on time." Leah snapped.

"I'm sure she is on her way." Sue frowned at her daughter. She knew that in the past Leah was jealous about how Bella had been able to go to college and leave Forks while Leah had stayed behind attending the community college. Sue unfortunately did not have the money that Leah would required to attend a state college and her grades were not exactly the best either so a scholarship wasn't an option. Bella had studied hard and made plans for college early in High School while Leah was too damn boy crazy and of course when Jake and her had broken up she was a train wreck for months. She had went on a party spree that Sue had feared would end up with her daughter dead or pregnant. She knew Leah wasn't the angelic virgin that every mother wanted to see in their daughters.

"I hear her car." Charlie announced.

"I hope she brought that book. I'm ready to get this over with."

"Leah you make it sound like a chore rather than participating in your mother's special day." Charlie growled. He loved Leah and Seth like they were his own kids but he wasn't going to tolerate Leah ruining this for her mother.

"I'm sorry. I just haven't been feeling well." Leah 's face turn a shade paler.

"Are you sick?" Sue placed her hand on her daughter's forehead.

"I don't know. I just feel awful. I've been nauseated all morning." Leah whimpered .

"Did you eat something bad?" Charlie asked.

"Not sure. It's been like this for a few days." Leah explained.

"Oh." Sue looked nervously at her daughter but before she could ask her further questions I entered the room. I had paused for a second before entering the room. I had to put on my game face or at least pretend I still was ignorant about her affair with my ex boyfriend. Sue and Charlie did not need to hear about this, at least not yet.

"Hey honey. What's with the sad face?" Charlie wrapped his arms around me giving me a quick warm hug.I had noted that since Charlie begun dating Sue he had become more physically attentive. In the past he dislike displays of affections. We had always had a understanding that we loved each other very much and did not need to prove it with hugs and kisses.

Today, however, I was in need of it.

"No sad face. Just a bit hung over." I knew if it came from me it would be better. Like Alice said before it was a small town.

"Hung over?" Sue looked astonished.

"Yeah, had a few too many drinks at the bar last night with Alice." Sitting at the kitchen table I placed the dress book between Leah and me. I noticed that she hadn't spoken a word since I entered the room. She took the book and flip through the pages that I had put markers on. I had chosen the few I liked and hoped she agreed on at least one of them.

"What was the occasion?" Charlie asked as he stared curiously at me. He knew I wasn't the type to publicly get drunk.

"Just girls night out." I didn't want to reveal too much just yet.

"I hope you don't plan on doing that often?" Charlie's voice warned me that he wasn't pleased with my actions but he understood I was an adult and would do what I wanted either way.

"I won't." I crossed my heart and gave him one of my best smiles, knowing it would ease the tension between us.

"Good." He was appeased.

"So what do you think of the dresses I chosen?" I gave Leah my attention. Her facial expressions told me she didn't care too much for most of my choices. A surge of anger rush through me. If Charlie and Sue hadn't been in the room I was pretty sure I might have exploded on her.

"Some are cute but can't we have a little sexy also? I know you like to wear your clothing less flashy than me." Leah's eyes casted over my t-shirt and jeans. The palm of my hand itch to slap her across her smug face.

"I don't mind sexy." My voice shook but I continue to smile.

"What about this one?" Sue pointed to the last dress that was labeled with a sticky note.

"I like that." Leah exclaimed.

Rolling my eyes I wasn't too surprised. It showed the most cleavage of all the dresses I had chosen.

"I'm fine with it." I closed the book and stood up.

"Are you sure?" Leah looked startled.

"Of course I'm sure. I only have to wear it for one day. If Sue approves then I'm willing and happy to wear it for her special day." I beamed brightly at Sue and my dad.

"Thank you Bella." Sue kissed me lightly on the cheek.

"Anything for you guys. So did you talk him into the park area for the reception?"

"I did." Sue smiled brightly.

"Good. Then I will tell Alice to start the preparations. We only have a week before the big day." I warned them. Wondering how they had put off a lot of the arrangements until the last minute.

"I know." Charlie flashed Sue a knowing smile.

"Okay. Well, I should go then." I turn to walk away when Charlie stopped me dead in my tracks with his next question.

"When were you planning on telling me that you broke up with Paul?"

Man, bad news flies fast in this town.

"I'm sorry I did not really think you would care."

"You and Paul broke up? Oh honey, I'm so sorry." Sue looked deeply concerned.

My lips turned up in a crooked smile as my eyes landed on Leah's face.

"I'm not sad about it. I think it was one of the smartest moves I have ever made."

Leah flinched but no one but me noticed it.

"I thought you guys were going to make it work this time?" Charlie ask.

"Dad, I care about him but I want more from a man than he can offer." Again Leah flinched and her lips pressed tightly together. I had hoped she would make some shitty comment either for or against Paul but she remained silent which told me everything I needed to know.

"If you're happy about it then I am too." Charlie winked at me.

"I'm thrilled." I waved good-bye and left the house as fast as my feet would carry me.

Driving away from the house I smiled sadly on the way back home. Leah was supposed to become my stepsister in a matter of a week. She was a close friend or at least I had seen her as one. Her betrayal hurt me not because I loved Paul but because I had loved her.

XXXX

It had been two days and I hadn't seen nor heard from Paul or Jake. I was starting to think I had turned invisible somehow.

"Seth could you run and get me some more tape?" I asked as we walked around the booths putting up the price lists.

"Sure." Seth walked off.

I was trying to remain calm although I had accidentally drove by Paul's house and seen Leah's car parked outside of it. It caused me to nearly threw up before I got around the corner. Leah's betrayal seem to go much deeper than I had imagined.

"Hi Bella." Jake walked up cautiously. He had noticed she had been more quiet than usual today while she worked. Even with Seth by her side she had hardly spoken more than three words to him. Something was bothering her and he had debated internally on if he should approached her about it.

"Hi ,Father Jacob." I made my comment harsher than I had intended. I had enough on my emotional plate and didn't need to add his recent rejection to it.

"You're doing a good job." Jake chewed on his lower lip as he continued to stand close by.

Sitting down the clip board I turned to gaze at him for a few seconds before I opened my mouth.

"Father Jacob I'm really not in the mood for chatter." I hoped he understood that now was not a good time to have a "friendly" talk with me. I wasn't in the mood to pretend that we were only friends. We both knew very well that we shared an attraction to one another as well as a connection but he was the only one who wanted to pretend it didn't exist. Not me.

"Okay. Then why don't we have some confession time. You seem pretty upset." Jake offered.

"Seriously?" I looked around at the open field we stood in surrounded with festival booths and carnival rides.

"Seriously. We don't have to be in the church for you to talk to me about what is bothering you."

"Jake, I'm a little hurt right now. I've recently learned that someone I cared deeply for isn't as good of a friend as I had thought."

There I said it. Sure, I wasn't giving him alot of information to work with or names but it didn't matter anyways. It wasn't like he could fix me or my tattered heart.

"What did they do?" Jake asked with sincerity in his voice.

"I don't want to talk about it. I just hope that the saying "what goes around comes around" has some true meaning. Because both of them deserve to rot in hell." I spatted.

"Bella you don't mean that." Jake reached out and took my hand. I jerked it away.

"I do." My voice was as cold as my heart.

"Let me help you."

"YOU! Don't think for one moment that I haven't forgotten how you hurt me either. I might walk around here and smile at you like everything is fine between us but really deep down I still hurt over what you said to me." I wanted him to understand I hadn't forgotten how he pushed me away even if his body had proven his words a lie. He had been rock hard against my waist when he kissed me. It wasn't the first time his body had reacted that way from our closeness.

"Bella, I'm sorry about that." Jake tried to reach for my hand again but I pulled it behind my back and stared into his eyes.

"I am tired of people hurting me and thinking that they can just say they are sorry and everything is resolved. I'm so tired of being the nice girl. I hate how I'm constantly being walked over."

"Bella you're wrong. You're a strong person who has a heart of gold. If your being taken advantage of then you should block those people from your life." Jake stepped away from me.

"I plan too but not before I get them to confess."

"Honey, don't you know vengeance isn't an answer. It will only create more pain for you and the people you aim to hurt."

"I just can't take this pain anymore." My heart ached. If Alice had withheld the truth from me then I would have still been in the dark about Leah and Paul. Alice had proven herself a worthy friend and I knew it had been difficult for her to tell me.

"Bella, who are you talking about. Maybe I can help you more if you give me more details." Jake reached for my hand for the third time but this time I allowed him to take it.

"I can't tell you. I just...it...I hate them." Tears spilled down my cheeks.

"Well, how can I help you then?" Jake ask.

"Don't. Don't try to help me. Just let me go. I have to handle this on my own." I saw Seth heading our way. Wiping my eyes and sniffling I recovered my exposure.

"Good. You found some." I grabbed the tape and walked away from the both of them with out another word spoken to either of them for the rest of the day. All I could think about the rest of the day was how I was going to force Leah and Paul's into telling me about their affair and why they hurt me.


	17. Say What You Need To Say

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight nor anything related to it.

Rating:M

Pre-readers: Mist/LuvinJ

A/N: Hope you enjoy the chpt. It will be at least a week before I have time to post another one. Happy New Years! xoxo A

A/N/N: I was multi-tasking while writing this chpt. So I apologize ahead for any errors you might find. xox

Chapter 14: Say What You Need To Say

JPOV:

_***** I walked into the room and instantly my heart was filled with love and my eyes misted with tears of joy and pride. Bella was sitting up in the bed holding our bundle of joy in her arms. I stepped closer to them, trying to be as quiet as a mouse. I knew it was silly but I didn't want to disturb the sleeping newborn. Looking down at the tiny pink face of the most precious baby I had ever seen and then up at the woman who had made it all possible, I felt tears trickling down my face. Bella had done an amazing job with the delivery and now she was acting as if she was born to be a mother from the start. I rubbed my hands nervously up and down the sides of my pants while standing there looking the both of them in awe and extreme awkwardness. **_

"_**What are you afraid of?" Bella chuckled softly. Her eyes were so soft and tender as she stared at me with matching pride. **_

"_**I don't know." I admitted, followed by a sheepish smile. **_

"_**Come here. She won't bite you." Bella offered her hand to me, with our hands clasped together, I sat next to the bed and continued to watch our baby sleep like an angel in her arms. **_

"_**She's so perfect." I spoke softly as I gently reached up to stroke her silky unblemished cheek. **_

"_**Just like her father." **_

"_**Hardly," I winced. **_

"_**You're perfect for me and for her." Bella's tone was stern but loving at the same time. **_

"_**How can you say that? I broke my vows to conceive her. We might both burn in hell for this, Bella." I saw her smile disappear and the tenderness in her eyes replaced with a fierceness that caused me to tremble inwardly and outwardly. **_

"_**Are you telling me that God will punish us for creating a life that we both love?" **_

_**I was speechless not sure how to explain the internal battle I was struggling with at the moment. I was thrilled and yet frightened. **_

"_**If he does then your God doesn't deserve your devotion or love." Bella snapped harshly. **_

"_**Bella don't say that!" I cried out fearfully. **_

"_**Why? What is he going to do to me? Stop being so afraid, Jake, and wake up! Do you hear me wake up!" Bella shouted furiously as the baby woke up crying loudly. **_

"Jake, dude! Jake wake up. You're going to be late." Seth nudged harder.

"What?" I set straight up looking around confused at where I was. I looked around the room and then it dawned on me that I had taken a nap in the office. We'd been working since the sun came up to get ready for tonight's festival. I was feeling nervous and exhausted by three o'clock and Seth suggested I take a quick nap and he would wake me up a hour before it started.

"What were you dreaming about?" Seth asked curiously.

"Why?" I asked defensively.

"You were crying." Seth pointed at my face.

Reaching up I felt the wet streaks that still covered my face. Standing up I went to the mirror that hung on the back of the office door. I looked awful. Flashes of Bella, a baby and her screaming that God wasn't worthy of me came flooding through my mind. My heart hammered roughly in my chest.

"Seriously are you going to make it?" Seth smack my shoulder with his fist lightly.

"Yeah. Bad 's all." I walked around my desk and pulled out a wipe and a extra comb. Quickly I wiped my face clean and comb through my hair before leaving the office to face the challenges that still laid ahead of me outside.

XXX

BPOV:

The crowd began to trickle in and within a hour of opening the festival was filled with citizens of Fork and other surrounding communities. I ran errands for the other booths while patiently waiting for my turn to fill in the kissing booth. I kept a smile on my face despite the rage that grew in the pit of my stomach. I spied Paul here and although he came alone I saw the way he had smiled at Leah when he passed her on his way to the cotton candy stand. Something had happened between them and I was going to prove it.

Turning around to pick up a empty cup, I ran smack into a hard chest. Looking up slowly, I saw that the barrier belonged to Paul. His eyes glimmered but he showed a blank face. Normally he would be smiling at me and making some snide remark about my clumsy nature. Instead he just stood there speechless and staring at me.

"Hey." I gulped hard when he remained like a statue for several more seconds.

"Hey." He let out a deep breathe.

"Are you having fun?" I ask. What else could I say exactly? Sure, I wanted to ask him if he was sleeping with my future step-sister but doubted he would answer me honestly and this wasn't exactly the place for a confrontation.

"I guess." He shrugged his shoulder, tore off a chunk of the sticky candy and put it in his mouth.

"Good." I snapped.

"What about you?" He asked as I started to take a step away from him.

"I guess." Giving him a weak smile before I walked away.

Seeing him look at me like I was a stranger was painful. I wasn't in love with him but we did share a past. We were once very close and now it felt like we were miles away. Learning that he had possibly betrayed me made the break up more final for me but it didn't stop me from hurting. Did he love Leah? Were they more than lovers? Could it be possible that Leah loved Paul? If so, then why had she stepped aside so easily to let me have him? None of it made sense. I just had to learn the truth or else I would never be comfortable around either of them again.

XXX

I was making my rounds. I waved, smiled, greeted each person that made a point to knowledge me. I saw Bella not far away and it seemed she was trying to talk to Paul. They were looking at one another more than talking. Then she walked away. I couldn't see her face but I saw Paul's. He looked awful.

I felt a small wave of guilt wash over me. Bella had fallen out of love for Paul because she carried a torch for me. A flame that I had tried to blow out.

I went back to my duties trying to keep my mind off her but my eyes were constantly scanning the area for her. When I finally found her at the kissing booth, a flicker of excitement shot up and around my body at the thought of having an excusable reason to kiss her.

When I approach the girls with the excuse of making sure everything was running smoothly, I felt the tension between Leah and Bella at once.

"So you want to make a wager that I can get more kisses than you?" Bella's voice challenged Leah.

"Whatever! Come on honey you're pretty but guys here know that I have the hottest lips in town. Right guys!" Leah called out playfully.

Bella laughed loudly and then she wiggled her finger back and forth to a few men standing not far away. Three guys stood together, two of them push the smaller one forward.

"Go on Colby, she won't bite." The teased their young friend. The young men looked to be around 18 to 20 years old.

"Um...hello." Colby stood about 5'9 with dark blond hair and dark brown eyes. He wore a pair of khaki pants and a button-up green shirt. Bella watched as he shoved his hands deep in his pockets and swayed back and forth nervously.

"Colby? Is that your name?" Bella ask. Her voice was soft as satin, she fluttered her eye lashes and made the poor boy blush from head to toe.

"Yes." He gulped hard. His Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he chewed on his lower lip.

"Colby, I'm Bella. We are providing you guys with kisses for a buck. How many kisses would you like Colby?" Bella licked her lips several times while poor Colby nearly hyperventilated.

"Well?" Bella reach her hand out for him. He took three fast steps closer to her.

"I have five dollars I could spare." He mumbled.

"Put it in the jar and pucker up, Colby." Bella smiled tenderly at him.

"Okay." Colby put the money in the jar and gazed over at Leah who rolled her eyes at him.

"You don't have to kiss me." Colby started to step away.

"Colby get back here. I can't take your money unless you let me kiss you." Bella walked around the booth and took his hands in hers. Then she reached up and cupped his face in her handled him like a delicate flower. Standing closer to him, she kissed him five times very gently on the lips. When it was over, he opened his eyes and a giant grin covered his face.

"Thank you!" He moaned.

"Woahhh! Lover boy!" His buddies called out.

"Anytime Colby." Bella winked at him before leisurely strolling back to her booth. Her hips swayed side to side. I felt my body tremble as I watched her lovely backside.

"So you still want to bet on how much I can earn?" Bella asked looking at Leah.

I was confused by the sudden anger between the future step-sisters.

"You're on." Leah laughed and then began to call out to the men that soon line up.

"Bella, what's going on with you two?" I walked up behind Bella and whispered in her ear. She jumped and almost smacked her head into my face.

"You scared me." She placed her hand over her chest.

"Sorry."

"It's okay."

"So what is the problem?" I looked over at Leah who was eagerly placing kisses on any man who step up to her booth.

"Nothing. Excuse me I have a service to provide." Bella put her attention back towards her paying customers and began placing soft kisses on anyone who put money in her jar.

I knew that Leah was capable of winning this bet. Bella was too much of a good girl and so most men desire the unobtainable like Leah. She was always the sexy girl in school. She didn't have to try hard at it either. She just had this natural way of showing off her body while her hands and mouth did some amazing things. Of course those forbidden moments were shared between us before I decided to take a celibate path. Blushing and feeling suddenly hot, I loosened up my collar while I walked over to Leah's side.

"Why are you two making this a challenge? What is the problem? You two look like your fighting about something." I knew Leah pretty well and she didn't take a challenge unless she was pretty confident she could win.

"We aren't fighting?" Leah frown at me.

"Uh, you two are acting oddly." I couldn't put my finger on it but I knew these two normally didn't perceive each other as rivals.

"Odd? Us? She is going to be my step-sister in a few days. I love the girl. What's there not to love about her?" Leah spoke sweetly but her eyes lit up dangerously. Yeah, something was definitely going on between the two of them. I just had to figure it out before a possible cat fight commenced.

"Really? Well, why do I get a feeling that you're jealous of Bella?" I whispered so that only she could hear me. I had to stand up extra close to her so that Bella couldn't hear our private conversation.

"Are you kidding me? Why would I be jealous of her?" Leah snorted rudely. Looking around me so she could stare at Bella before reaching my eyes again.

"Bella is a wonderful young lady. She has accomplished a lot with her life. She is also very attractive." I pointed out the obvious things that made Bella special in any guys eyes.

"Okay if you say so. I just ….she thinks she can have anything she wants." Leah replied after giving a customer a quick kiss on the cheek.

"How so?" Now I knew I was finally getting somewhere.

"She is a good friend, Jake, and I do care about her, but it pisses me off the way she throws aside men like they were yesterday's clothes." Leah confided.

"Huh? I didn't know Bella had an extensive number of men in her life?" I glanced over my shoulder to see Bella had a large line of male suitors waited patiently for a kiss. Had I missed something while I was away? Did Bella really go through men so hastily?

"She doesn't have a lot of experience but she just...she doesn't know a good thing. Okay. Now either get in line so I can kiss you or leave me alone." Leah turned to look at me. Our faces were barely an inch apart. Her eyes were glossy and I could smell her signature perfume of lavender and jasmine.

"You know it's for a good cause. Besides it's not like you haven't kissed me before." Leah laughed lightly.

I laughed with her. It was true that we had shared many kisses before.

"Come on be a sport. It's not like I'm going to tongue you." Leah winked at me.

"If I do, will you come to confessions and tell me what's really bothering you?" I offered a compromised.

"Sure." I saw fear in her eyes although she had sealed the pact with a shake of our hands.

Walking to the end of the line, I saw Bella's eyes land on me. Bella's face exposed her disappointment that I had entered Leah's line and not hers. There was no way I could stand before Bella and kiss her lips without everyone seeing how deep my true feelings went for her. I couldn't resist the temptation of pulling her into my arms and kissing her with pure unadulterated lust.

It didn't take me long to reach my turn for a kiss. I pulled out my wallet and started to put a buck in her jar when she shoved my hand away.

"This one is on the house. I think you have earned a kiss with all of your good deeds." Leah's mouth curled up into a devious smile. Reaching out she pulled me closer to the booth and kissed me long and hard on the lips before I could react. I heard people cheering her on behind me.

Our kiss didn't create even an ounce of a spark. No butterflies in my stomach. My body didn't even react to it. I just wanted to get away from her. Once she released me from her grip, I glanced over at Bella who was watching the crowd clapping victoriously at me.

"That wasn't necessary, Leah." I growled low.

"Oh I think it was." Leah glanced over at Bella who look like she wanted to flee. Her eyes locked with mine and I saw the pain, the anger and most of all a look of betrayal. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Way to go Father Jacob!" The young men I worked with called out to me. I rolled my eyes playfully at them.

"You better hurry up guys before these two are done for the night." I played along but it was killing me to see the pain I had accidentally inflicted on her.

"You better hold up to our bargain." I warned Leah before I took off.

"I can't wait to see you again." Leah called out to me.

I knew Bella had heard her and was probably thinking that Leah and I were up to no good. I would have to find her later after everything came to a close so I could explain to her why I kissed Leah instead of her.

XXX

BPOV:

Watching Jake and Leah kiss had made me sick to my stomach. It took every ounce of strength I could find not to walk over to her and yank her away from him. Her mouth defiled him. She wasn't worthy of his kisses.

The fact he stood in her line however, prove to me that he intended to keep a safe distance between us and prevent any more physical contact. Tears tickled the back of my eye lids. I managed to hold it together and put my mind on beating Leah instead of contemplating on why he would prefer to make a public scene with the likes of her instead of me.

Our two hours went by quickly. Jessica was my replacement. She was coating her lips with chap stick as she brought her jar and sat it next to mine.

"Are you ready to go count?" Leah smirked at me.

I had a sinking feeling she had beat me not once but twice. She had been the lucky one to win Jake's attention years ago and tonight she had been granted another kiss from his luscious lips.

I took my jar and made my way to Jake's office where we were to put all our money. Neither of us spoke a word until we were alone.

"Let's count it." Leah sat down and pulled out hands full of bills while I did the same.

When we both reach the bottom and tally our numbers we look at one another and it was clear that we both had something to prove to one another.

"Well?" Leah exhaled loudly.

"You show me your number." We had wrote it down on a posted it note.

Leah showed me her pink paper that held a number barely more than mine. She had won by less than three dollars.

"Here." I shoved it at her and started to rush out of the office but she called out to me.

"Why are you so pissed off at me?" Leah asked.

"Excuse me?" I drop my hand away from the door knob my body turning half way toward her.

"Come on Bella the moment you got in that booth with me tonight you had an attitude toward me." Leah stated.

"No I did not."

"Yes you did! Jake could even sense it." Leah replied with an angry grin at me.

"Whatever! I just don't feel good." I lied.

"I'm not either actually." Leah admitted covering her stomach with her hands.

"What's wrong with you?"

"I'm having stomach issues. Usually it just happens in the morning." Leah explained sitting back down in her seat.

"In the mornings huh? Sounds like morning sickness. You're not pregnant are you? I mean, you haven't been seeing anyone special lately have you?" I watched as her face turned nearly green.

"Of course not! I mean I've had a few lovers but nothing serious." Leah stammered.

"A few uh? Sad Leah that you can't seem to stay with just one man." I knew I was being cruel but at the moment I was annoyed with her. I just wanted her to tell me that she'd been sleeping with Paul for sometime now. Why was she hiding it exactly? Paul and I were over now. She had no reason to withhold the truth from me.

"You're one to talk." Leah lifted her head and winced softly.

"Excuse me? I have dated only two guys this past year. I didn't sleep with Paul this time. I can count on both hands how many lovers I have shared my bed with. Can you?" I was cutting beneath the belt but my anger was taking control of me. I kept hearing a voice in my head warning me to shut up before I said something I couldn't take back but my mouth refused to listen.

"Are you calling me a whore?" Leah gasped with outrage.

"No. I'm just saying you have no right to judge me."

"Fine. I need to leave." Leah stood up and walk past me with out another word exchanged between us.

God what was I afraid of? Leah would tell me the truth if I just confronted her about it. Why was I acting so damn childish?

XXX

JPOV:

I was pleased to see several people had remained behind voluntarily, to help pick up the trash. Walking through the area, I made sure all money had been picked up and all booths were locked until we could take them down.

I came around the last booth when I ran smack into Bella, who was holding a bag of trash, smashing it against her. Red, brown and blue liquid's trickled down her blouse. It was definitely going to be hard to get those stains out.

"I'm so sorry."

"Of course you are!" Bella's voice was cross as she threw the bag down onto the ground.

"I didn't see you. Most of the lights are off and you came around at the same time I did." I argued defensively. Ever since I told her we could be nothing more than friends she had been a real cranky ass.

"I know what happened Jake. I was involved in the same collision as you. Except your clothes are still dry and clean, unlike my." She waved her hand in front of her chest where the stain was soaking into her blouse.

"Let's go to my office. I have a few extra shirts I keep there." I took her hand without hesitation and drug her behind me like a child. Once we were inside my office, I let it go and began to rummage through my drawer to locate a decent shirt for her to wear. Finally I managed to find a blue t-shirt that was clean. Lifting it up, I sniffed it to make sure it smelled okay as well.

I turned to hand it to her when my eyes nearly bulged out of my head and my mouth flew wide open.

"What?" Bella stood in front of me with a blank expression and shirtless. Her white cotton bra with a cute bow between her supple breasts exposed for my hungry eyes.

"Here." I shoved her the shirt and covered my eyes. I probably looked immature to her but it was shocking to see her act as if undressing in front of me was such a casual thing.

"Jesus! Open your eyes. You've seen breasts before Jake." Bella exhaled and she didn't hide the resentment in her voice.

I removed my hand slowly and gaze at her face, fighting the temptation to stare at her chest. My blood boiled, my heart was thumping and my cock was rock hard.

"You know for a man who doesn't desire sex, you sure get hard easily." Bella took a step towards me and I saw her eyes grow heavy with passion.

Shaking my head, I tried to remember why looking at her and longing for her touch was so wrong? My mind went blank.

Bella's hand lifted up and tenderly stroked the side of my face.

"You try so hard to be so professional, but when I'm near you , you crumble, Father Jacob. I think you care more for me than you'd like to believe." Bella's voice lured me in and her lips bewitched me. I wanted to kiss her so bad. I wanted to throw her on top of my desk and ravage every inch of her seductive body.

"Don't be ridiculous." I managed to say while choking back the urge to moan. Bella slip her fingers underneath the thin straps and pulled them down both shoulders and arms. Her hands then suddenly disappeared behind her back.

My knees were jerking back and forth. I was suffocating on the passion that hung in the air between us.

"My doctor doesn't get a hard-on every time I see him. I wear a lot less than this in front of him. Why do you think he isn't as turned on by me as you clearly are." Bella's eyes darted down at the center of my legs. I reach out to cover up my erection. It was useless to hide at this point, but for whatever reason, I felt it was wrong for her to be aware of the state I was in when she was this close to me.

"Look at me. Tell me that if I were any other woman you would still feel the way you are right now." Bella let the garment fall to the floor.

"Bella, this...this is wrong. So wrong." I coughed hard. The air was thickening and my head was spinning and I felt as if the whole room was spiraling out of control.

"No. This is right. This is normal. This was how we were supposed to be."

I closed my eyes hoping somehow when I open them again she would be gone and I was only enduring another painful fantasy of her.

Her hands pulled mine away from my crotch. She replaced them with her own. My pants were the only obstacle between her skin and mine.

"This is proof you want me Jake."

Her free hand tunneled over my chest and around my neck until it was secured at the back of my head. Her fingers threaded through the short hairs, gripping it hard enough to bring tears to my eyes. Her eyes locked with mine, the look she was giving me was indescribable. Her body so close to mine, her hand rubbing up and down over my cock was simply a sin but I honestly couldn't give a damn about her soul or mine. I just wanted to relish in these feelings of sinful pleasure.

Gradually my face lowered closer to hers, fastening my mouth on hers, I took all she had to offer and didn't think about the consequences.


	18. Confrontation

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything related to it.

Rating: R-Very mature scenes, sexual activity and language

Pairing: Bella/Father Jacob

Beta: Jessipooks

Pre-Readers: Mist/Dani

Chapter 15: Confrontation

I could kiss her forever. The silken heat of her mouth and the sweet taste of it became my undoing. Once, I thought if I kissed her, my need would go away, but now I knew kissing her forever was not going to be long enough. I kissed her again and again, each kiss led into deeper, much more erotic kisses. She followed willingly, kissing me back while her hand slid down to yank my shirt out of my pants. Slowly her hand slipped underneath the shirt to touch my bare skin, the smoothness of her small hands made me moan inwardly.

My body jerked, hardened and shuddered with such need, but I couldn't stop kissing her.

"Your skin is so warm." Bella moaned between kisses.

My hands guided themselves to her breast, where I cupped them both enjoying the heaviness of them in my hands. Flicking and twirling her harden nipples between my thumbs I was rewarded with the sounds of her moans.

Slipping her soft slender hands inside my waist band, she grasp my shaft and for a second I felt her hesitate but it wasn't for long. Feeling her stroking me up and down with urgency sent me into overdrive.

The whole room began to spin behind my closed eye lids. Bella was creating a fire in me that I had hoped had been vanquished years ago when I made my vows.

"If you didn't feel something for me would your body react like this? I have to ask myself are you just another horny guy or do you feel the magic between us? I know you want me but the question is will you take what I'm offering you."

I nodded my head in agreement while squeezing her breast hard . My body grew tense and I felt the tingling sensation that warned me I was about to explode .

"Bella, no...please..." Opening my eyes I reached out to prevent her from experiencing my seed spilling into her hands but she refused to budge.

"It's okay Jake. Don't fight it... just give in to temptation just this once. " Bella pleaded.

Swallowing air, I tried to breathe but the feelings were maximised and my heart was pumping blood at near death speed.

At last my release came, where moments ago I had experience total bliss, now I was left with only regret and shame.

Bella's hand released me and I let out a long breathe of air.

"See, now you know how it feels when you touch me. This is told me once you didn't give into the temptations of the flesh easily. I have proof now that you are just a man. You can lie to yourself but you can't lie to me anymore."

She was right and it bothered me. The only problem now was convincing her that despite how much I loved her, I wasn't ready to give up everything I believed in.

"Bye Jake." Bella re-dressed herself and walk out of the office leaving me speechless and frustrated.

XXXX

BPOV:

"I"m serious, you look like hell today. What's up? Are you sick?" Alice squinted her nose and looked at me like I had just ripped one.

"No. I'm just tired." Rolling my noodles around my fork, wondering why I even bother to order food when I had no appetite.

"Oh. How late did you stay to help clean up with Father Jacob?" Alice cocked an eye brow.

"How did you know I stayed late?" I dropped my fork.

"Look, I told you before, I know you like him. I'm not judging but I could totally see you finding any excuse you could to spend extra time with him. I also noticed how upset you got when he stood in Leah's line and not yours." Alice replied, scrunching her lips together.

"I'm not going to lie and tell you that I"m not attracted to him but he's a priest and nothing...and I mean nothing, will change his mind about that. Speaking of Leah, I have some things I need to drop by Paul's place. I'm thinking about just confronting him about what I heard. What do you think?"

"Well, honestly, you should. You and Leah are going to be step sisters in a few days and you don't need to start off with secrets between you. If he confirms it then you should talk to Leah about it. Maybe she wasn't aware you two were officially dating again when it happened."

Alice brought up a point I hadn't considered before. What if it had been one of those messed up one night things and she later found out we were dating again and felt so awful about it that Leah made Paul promise her he wouldn't tell. Leah had never done anything cruel to me on purpose before this.

"Alright then. I will call you later." I dropped a ten on the table and left before I lost my nerve.

XXX

Leah walked into the church with a solemn look on her face. She had made a promise to Father Jacob and she prided herself on keeping her word when she gave it. Today of all days, she needed to speak to a priest. She received some unnerving news that would possibly tear her soon to be family apart.

She had never planned for this. She never saw herself being in this situation. Tears glistened her eyes as she made her way to the front of the church where she saw Father Jacob on his knees.

Leah took a seat in a pew and waited for him to finish his prayers while she said a few of her own silently.

Jake turned and saw Leah with her head bowed. He was happy to see her. The tension between her and Bella had weighed heavily on him. They would soon be officially family and he didn't want to see them starting out like this.

"Leah." Jacob spoke softly as he sat down next to her. He watched as she lifted her head, her eyes slowly opening as she smiled sadly at him.

"Hi. I wanted to keep my word and come see you." Leah explained her presence here today.

"I'm glad you're here." Jake patted her hand.

"Me too." Leah answered as a single tear trickled out of the corner of her eye.

"What's wrong?" Jake asked with compassion in his voice.

"I messed up. I mean it's bad Jake. I don't know how I allowed this to happen to me." Leah wiped away the tear while cocking her head to the side thus allowing their eyes to lock.

"What do you mean?"

"Where should I begin?" Leah snorted sarcastically before continuing. "I got involved with a guy that I thought would entertain me until I found someone who was worthy of me. It was fun at first and then he started to act oddly. He liked me more than I had wanted or expected so I pulled away. We quit seeing one another and luckily he seemed okay with our break up, so I moved forward with my life. Then I saw him with his ex girlfriend and suddenly I found myself jealous. Which is weird because I really didn't think I cared for him."

Jake remained quiet while she took a few deep breathes.

"I got drunk and ended up at a bar where I found him. It seemed that he and his ex weren't exactly hitting off things the way he had hoped so I flirted with him and we ended up in bed together. A few day later I saw them together and they were holding hands and smiling at one another. It was a clear sign to me that he wasn't over her and that what we shared was nothing more than two people sexually attractive to one another. No real depth. So I kept my mouth shut and never told anyone about us." Leah exhaled loudly as more tears began to trickle down her face.

"So do you think you care for him after all?" Jake wondered who this mystery guy was. Why would she keep his identity a secret from him? Was it possible he knew the guy?

"I do. I found out today that I'm pregnant. I'm going to have his baby in six months." Leah sobbed, covering her face with her hands.

"Oh." Jake was stunned. He never would have seen this confession coming from Leah.

"He isn't with her at the moment but I know he still loves her and he obviously never felt anything for me. How am I suppose to tell him about this? What about my Mom, Jake? She is going to be so disappointed in me." Leah cried out in despair.

Jake wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him as she wept.

"Your mom will love you no matter what. Who is this guy? You need to tell him about the baby. Maybe he will want to do what's right by you and marry you." Jake knew it was a long shot but he had to give her hope that this guy, despite his lack of feelings for her, might want to make amends for hurting her and putting her in this predicament by marrying her and giving their child his name.

"I don't want to tell you Jake, not yet. I need time to absorb all of this and discuss it with him before I blurt out to the whole world who knocked me up." Leah chuckled bitterly.

"Does Bella know about this? I know you two are having some sort of disagreement." Jake wondered if Bella was mad at her for getting pregnant and bringing shame onto their family or if they were fighting about something entirely different.

"NO! She has no clue and I would like to keep it that way. She is going to be so mad at me Jake."

"Why are you two fighting then?" Jake pushed.

"I don't know exactly. She has been acting strangely. I'm afraid she might know somehow but is waiting on me to tell her. I can't Jake. It will hurt her." Leah stood up abruptly, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

"Why would your pregnancy affect Bella?" Jake's instincts told him that Leah's secret lover was somehow connected to Bella.

"I...it's...just let me do this my way. Do not tell her or my mother anything." Leah pleaded.

"Fine. You need to confront the guy first of all and then you need to go to your family with this. Families stick together when one of their own is in need. I'm sure Charlie will put a fright in the guy and make sure he stands by you. Whatever is going on between you and Bella, you need to work it out and soon. You two are expected to stand by your parents sides as they say their vows in a few days." Jake stood up and put his arms around her once more.

"I will." Leah promised.

"Good." Jake watched as she walked away. He began to search through all the confessions he had heard since he arrived, hoping to place one of them as Leah's potential lover. He was having a hard time adding Bella to the scenario. Why would Leah's pregnancy cause Bella to be upset? Then it dawned on him. Paul. Paul had admitted that he had cheated on Bella when they first started dating and how horrible he felt about it. Was it possible that Paul was Leah's secret lover and future father to her unborn child? It was the only thing that made sense. Rubbing the palms of his hands over his face he sighed heavily. If this was true then Bella would definitely have a reason to be angry with Leah, not to mention the strain it would put on the new family unit.

Charlie and Sue would be forced to take sides between their daughters. Leah was wrong for sleeping with Paul but Bella had admitted to Jake that she didn't love Paul the way he deserved to be loved.

A baby would be born soon and no matter how it was conceived, it would need both of his or her parents to help bring it up in this world. Could Bella handle Leah and Paul's relationship despite the lack of love she felt for him? He had been her boyfriend at the time of conception. Would she allow her pride to get in the way, instead of looking at the truth of the situation. She never loved Paul and it seemed that Leah might be in love with him. The right thing for Bella to do was to let Paul and Leah have a chance at happiness while she found her own. Jake just worried that Bella would be so embarrassed and disappointed in their betrayal that she wouldn't be able to let it go. This could definitely split the newlyweds in half and it could cost Charlie and Sue their future happiness.

XXX

BPOV:

"Hey. I thought you might need this." Standing in front of Paul and looking at his sober expression made me wonder if I was crazy to think that he had actually slept with Leah while we were dating. He look like a man who was still nursing a broken heart. A broken heart that I contributed to.

"Thanks." Paul took the box from me and sat it on the small table inside his doorway. He leaned against the door frame staring hard at me.

Wrapping my arms across my chest I tried to think of the best possible way to ask him without insulting him if I was wrong. I concluded there was no real way to ask with out sounding offended rather it was true or false.

"What's wrong Bella? Something on your mind?" Paul asked as his eyes lock with mine.

"Look, I know I broke things off with you and I get it if you don't want to talk to me but I need to know something. A few nights ago some guys that used to work with you told me that you cheated on me." I closed my mouth quickly and studied his face for any signs if he was going to lie to me. His head dropped and his eyes were glued to the pavement beneath our feet for several minutes before he lifted it up and answered my question.

"You and I went out on one date and hadn't discussed if we were exclusive yet. She showed up at a bar where I was hanging out. I didn't plan it, neither did she. I was drinking but I could've stopped things but I didn't."

Closing my eyes I felt my stomach twisting like a pretzel. He had been honest enough to tell me what I needed to hear but it still stung my pride.

"How long have you and Leah been lovers?" Opening my eyes I dared him to continue telling me the truth.

"I hadn't slept with her in over a year. We were never in a relationship. We just messed around a bit." Paul replied.

"Were you ever going to tell me about her?"

"I ….no. I was hoping you would never learn the truth about it. She didn't want you to know either." Paul explained.

"Why not?" My cheeks grew hot as I stared boldly at him.

"It didn't mean anything and it was never a threat to us. I loved you and always had. She understood this and we agreed it might make you feel uncomfortable when we were around one another if you knew the truth." Paul answered.

"Are you kidding me? You slept with her while you were begging me to fall in love with you."

My heart raced as the embarrassment of the situation grew stronger. All this time my future step sister and my boyfriend had kept their past affair a secret from me.

"What I did in the past while you were away was none of your business. I didn't ask you about your lovers. Granted the night I slept with ….her...was wrong because I really did want to make our relationship work this time but here we are now, broken up." Paul pointed out.

"I just hate the fact that you two withheld something that important from me." Scratching my head I turned to walk away but Paul grabbed my hand and stopped me.

"I did care about her but she made it clear to me from the start that she wasn't looking for anything real. I accepted it for what it was, just like I'm accepting how you don't love me and never will."

Paul's words broke my heart. He was right, I would neverlove him in the way he deserved. He had made several valid points and I was going to have to find away to accept what happened and move forward with my life. If Paul and Leah wanted to continue their affair behind closed doors that was their business and no longer mine. Who was I to judge them when I desired a man who loved God more than me.

XXX


	19. Unresolved Issues

Beta: Jessipooks

Pre-reader: Mist and LuvinJ

Song Choice: Away From The Sun by Three Doors Down.

A/N: Sorry for the delay guys! Started my new class for the semester and have a "yearbook" deadline coming up before Spring break. Also in the works of a new story line and working with LuvinJ on the sequel of Wayward Souls. So basically I'm quite busy. LOL. But I love every second of it. Thank you guys for hanging in there and for enjoying the new version of FFG! xoxo August

A/N: You guys need to come to one of the sites where I put my videos, playlist and sexy banners for this story. You can find them on .com or .com. Just give them my name if you need an invite! xoxo A

Chapter 16: Unresolved Issues

Sweat seeped through my tank top while I jogged an extra mile this morning. Music blared in my ears, pushing my body to the limits to try and keep from thinking about the problems that had kept me up last night. I tossed and turned through out the night, so after hours of no sleep I decided to try and run off the stress that was preventing me from a good nights rest. After nearly a mile into it, my mind drifted back to the same scenario.

Paul was a jerk and Leah was selfish. They belonged together like cheese and sauce on a pizza. Why should I let their past affair affect me? It was my decision to end things with Paul. If I was honest with myself, I cheated on Paul with Jake on more than one occasion. There was no reason to feel like I had been cheated out of a perfect romance or bright future with Paul. The bottom line was simple. Paul and I were not meant to last. Where Paul and Leah went with their relationship was up to them. The only problem that I could honestly have with themwas the lack of trust.

"Hey." A loud voice and two hands on my upper arms cause me to jerk upright and scream.

"OHHH shit! Damn it Jake!" Yanking out the ear plugs and panting for air, I glared unhappily at him.

"You ran right past me." Jake laughed.

"So? That doesn't give you the right to grab me like that, especially from behind."

"Sorry. I called out your name and even waved at you but you continued to run right past me." Jake explained.

"Did it occur to you that maybe I had nothing to say to you?" My voice was harsh even to my own ears. We haven't crossed paths since the night of the carnival. I wasn't intentionally trying to ignore him but I didn't want to throw myself at him either. My feelings for him were still the same and his reasoning for not wanting to be with me were.. Seeing him only reminded me of what I couldn't have. It stung my pride and it pissed me off.

"I apologize. I just was wondering why you are up this early?"

"Uh?" I frowned at him.

"It's just now 6 am. You normally don't run until around 7." Jake answered with a knowing smile.

"So your what, stalking me now?" Again I was sounding like a jerk but I couldn't stop the words or the anger from spewing out of my big mouth.

"Of course not. If I were, would I be out here this early?" Jake pointed out.

"Fine. Whatever." Putting one of the ear pieces back in my ear I started to jog away but his hand reached out and circled around my wrist, stopping me cold.

"Jake?" Looking into his eyes I pleaded silently with him to just let me go. Between the lack of sleep and my difficulty with understanding why my friend and ex boyfriend had become lovers made me irritable.

"What's wrong?" His voice was deep and his eyes warned me that he wasn't going to let me go until he got an answer.

"I'm pissed off, I'm tired, I'm confused and I've recently learned that two people whom I trusted went behind my back and became lovers. So, you see why I don't feel like chit chatting with you."

"Who are we talking about?" Jake released my hand.

"Leah and Paul. It seems that while I was chasing you behind Paul's back, they hooked up." I snorted rudely.

"Oh." Jake's eyes broke away from mine and glanced down at the ground.

"Why aren't you more surprised? Hello? Paul. Leah. Two people who openly hated one another." His head lifted as his eyes once again locked with mine.

Of course he was a priest so one or both of them probably already confessed their sins to him. I understood it was his profession to hear people's secrets and to keep them confidential but it still felt like such a blow. Was I the only person who was unaware of their new found lust for one another?

"I'm sorry Bella but I couldn't say anything." Jake answered gently.

"I...this...it's crazy! How could this have happened? Why would they go and do something so stupid? She doesn't even love him." My hands clench up in fists by my side.

"Bella, I don't think either one of them planned for this to happen. Life takes us down some unexpected detours. We can't ponder on the "whys" but have to accept what is. They will need to work this out. They both walked into this thing as adults and now they have to pay the consequences like adults." Jake stated in a voice that was filled with years of wisdom beyond his age.

"Consequences? I don't think either one of them understand how much this hurts me. I trusted them. Leah is going to be my step sister in a matter of hours. How could she sit by my side at dinner and pretend that she never did anything to possibly hurt me?"

"Honey, they know what they did was wrong and I'm sure they thought by not telling you, it would hurt you less. However, now they will have to face more than your wrath. Sue and Charlie won't be pleased." Jake reached out, took my hand and gave it a quick supportive squeeze.

"I seriously doubt my dad or Sue are going to freak out like I am." I cried out like a rebellious child.

"How can you say that? Sue isn't going to be pleased that her daughter might have to raise a child without a father in it's life. She wanted her daughter to find a man worthy of her." Jake announced.

Pulling my hand away and covering my opened mouth,I let out a low whimper.

I had known about the affair but no one mentioned to me about a baby. Was Jake certain about this?

"What's wrong? You knew about the baby, right?" Jake's cheeks burned with a light rose color as tears filled my eyes. Shaking my head "no" I continued to breathe through my nose while I struggled to believe what I was hearing for the first time.

"Oh great! I just assumed if they told you about the affair they told you about the baby. Leah told me she was going to speak to Paul first and then the family. I assumed since you knew, she had spoken to you personally about the baby." Jake rubbed his forehead with a frustrated look on his face.

"I can't believe this. They are having a baby. Together." My heart literally felt as if it was tearing in half. How was I expected to become apart of a family where my new stepsister would bear the child of my ex boyfriend. A child she conceived while I was dating him.

"Please don't say anything to anyone. Not yet. How do you know about the affair?" Jake grasps my upper arms in a tight grip as he looks into my eyes.

"Paul confessed. I confronted him and he admitted they were lovers." I answered.

"He probably doesn't know about the baby yet." Jake sighed heavily.

"How can he not? Why wouldn't she tell him?" My body trembled beneath his touch.

"She doesn't think that they share the kind of love that you two did and she understands that he will no doubt resent her for it. Neither of them really planned for it. Bella, you don't love Paul. You told me this yourself. This pain you're feeling right now is not from a broken heart. Your pride is bruised. Your trust has been broken but you will heal and you get the chance to walk away from it, a better person. They don't get to walk have a child to raise together for the rest of their lives. They won't get to escape their sin." Jake's words eased my pain and I knew what he was saying was true. Paul and I were never going to be much of anything and this was more about my own selfish pride than my heart.

"I know." My head fell into his chest, his hands released my arms and were replaced around my waist as he held me tightly.

I felt his lips brush the top of my head as I sobbed like a spoiled child.

"Sue is going to be pissed." I sniffled.

"Paul will suffer." Jake chuckled.

"I just don't understand how two people can just hook up without any romantic feelings." I confessed. I had a few lovers but there was love in each intimate act. I thought I shared something special with each of them.

"We are talking about Leah and Paul, right?" Jake joked.

"True." I pulled back enough to lift my head and look up at him. He continued to embrace me and I enjoyed the warmth and love I felt coming from him.

"When are they going to tell Sue and Dad?"

"After the wedding." Jake replied.

"Good. They have enough on their plate with the wedding." Laying my head back onto his chest, enjoying the sound of his heart beating against my ear.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jake asked with sincerity.

"Yeah." I mumbled, gripping him tighter.

"You have to let them work this out Bella and although you have every right to feel betrayed by them, you have to remember judgement is not your call. They will deal with the day of reckoning just like you and me." Jake kissed my head again making butterflies in my stomach.

"Okay." I agreed.

A sound of a car approaching made us both realize that we were out in public and he was holding me in his arms. I felt him release me and watch as he took a steady step back.

"You should hurry home. It looks like it might rain." Jake winked at me and without another word between us he jog away.

My legs felt like rubber. Knowing there was no way I could endure the torture of running, I walked the rest of the way home and found myself feeling less sorry for myself. Jake was right after all, I had a right to be hurt but now they had their own shares of problems to deal with. I wouldn't add to the drama when they were already knee deep in enough of it all on their own.

XXX

PPOV

Leah had called me twice last night and left two text messages. She wanted to meet up today. When she ask to meet early in the day I knew she was not trying to offer me a booty when she required some of me, she would want to meet up late at night at the Old Pine Inn.

I drove to the park where she requested my presence and hoped this meeting wouldn't be about Bella. After Bella had revealed to me she knew of Leah and I's past relationship, I decided not to warn Leah about it. I figured if Bella wanted to confront her friend then that was between them.

"Took you long enough." Leah snapped as she stomped her foot.

"Sorry, you should know by now that I'm not much of a morning person." I snorted.

"Whatever. Look we need to talk." Leah crossed her arms and wrapped them across her chest.

"Speak. I'm here."

"Look, I know you and I were not exactly in a deep relationship or anything but we have a problem." Leah exhaled sharply.

"I know already."

"You do?" Leah choked.

"Sure. Bella came to see me yesterday and confronted me about us." I replied.

"Uh?" Leah blinked her eyes and her mouth dropped open.

"Yeah, she knows that we slept together when I first started dating her. She was pretty pissed but she handled it pretty well." I explained.

"You. Got. To. Be. Kidding. Me." Leah emphasized each word with a deep voice.

"What? That's the news you were going to tell me, right?"

"No! Damn it! This goes from bad to worse." Leah ran her fingers through her hair, gripping the sides of her head like she was experiencing a headache.

"What are you talking about?" I was confused and a tiny bit frighten.

"Paul. Trust me what I'm about to tell you is not a joke." Leah's eyes fell to the ground before she continued.

"I'm pregnant." she mumbled.

Leaning my head closer to her I hoped I had misheard her.

"What?"

"I'm pregnant Paul. It's yours." Leah's eyes locked with mine and I could see in them that she wasn't kidding. Glancing around the park, I felt light headed and then suddenly I felt as if I was falling down.

"Shit!" Leah cried out as I landed face down on the ground.

XXXX

BPOV:

Today was our last fitting for our bridesmaids dresses and I was so relieved the big day was almost upon us. All the meetings and shopping reminded me of why I didn't want to have a big wedding someday. I like things simple. Sue's wedding was less complicated than most that I had to work with.

Grabbing my purse and checking my hair I started to leave my house when the door bell rang.

I didn't want to be late for the fitting.

Opening the door I was prepared to send the uninvited guest on their way until I saw who it was.

Leah. Why was she here? We were supposed to meet at the tailors.

Her eyes were blood shot and her make up smudged. Two things I rarely saw on her unless she was hung over. Hoping like hell she was not drunk I step back allowing her to enter.

"Please tell me your not drunk." I exhaled rudely.

"No. I wish." Leah muttered walking past me.

"You do know we are supposed to get our dresses fitted for the final time in...ten minutes." I glanced at my watch.

"I know. I think we need to talk first." Leah sat down on the arm of my sofa.

"What in the world do we need to talk about, that can't wait?" I really didn't want to have this discussion with her. I already knew about the affair and I already understood what had occurred afterwards and knowing all of this didn't change a thing between us. Sure, my trust in her was lessened and my heart was damaged by the embarrassment of it all but she was going to be my step sister in two days. There was no point in hating her. Knowing she was stuck with Paul was enough punishment in itself.

"Paul told me you know about what happened between us but I don't think you know the whole story." Leah's eyes brimmed with tears.

Pressing my lips tightly together I tried not to let my face show the truth. Jake hadn't intended on telling me about the baby, it just slipped.

"So tell me." I sat down across from her and tried to be patient while she gave her side of the story. Once she revealed the pregnancy part, I really didn't have to feign shock. It seemed more real hearing it come out of her mouth.

"I'm hurt you two withheld your relationship from me when I returned. I mean, if nothing else we are friends Leah. You knew you could've told me and I would have been okay with it. I didn't own Paul. Once I left town, he was free property to anyone who would have him but when I returned and you knew we were going out, then you crossed a line. It hurts me to think that I might not be able to trust you." I stated with conviction.

"I know. I just...when I saw you two, it bothered me. I thought what I felt for him was nothing more than casual sex but when he looked at you, I was suddenly filled with jealousy. I don't do jealousy Bella. I'm not that sort of girl but with him I am. What does that mean?" Leah sobbed.

"I would have to say it means you have feelings for him. I think you two should give each other a shot at a real relationship. Shoot, you will be bringing a baby into the world and it deserves two parents." I reached out and squeezed her hand, hoping to give her a little encouragement.

"Do you? Do you think I should give him a shot? I know he is mad at me right now. He fainted when I told him. That's where I came from." Leah explained.

"Are you serious? He fainted." I couldn't hold back my laughter. The thought of Paul fainting was just too much.

"Flat on his face." Leah giggled, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"So what happened after that? Did he offer to help you?" I hoped he had been man enough to do the right thing.

"Not exactly. He pretty much said he would call me later and took off." Leah sniffled.

"Oh honey. He's probably just in shock." I wrapped my arms around her and gave her a big warm hug.

"Trust me I'm still in shock." Leah laughed.

"We will get through this. With or with out him." I promised her.

XXXX


	20. Dancing with Desire

Chapter 17: Dancing With Desire

Disclaimer: Do I really need to say it again, "I own nothing but Father Jacob" LOL

Rating: M

Beta: Jessipooks

Pre-reader: LuvinJ/Mist

A/N: Thank you guys for taking the time to read and review this story. Hoping for those of you who are reading the new version enjoy this one as much as you did the original one. Thank you for your kindness and patience. xoxo August

BPOV:

Everything was arranged perfectly. Not one detail was over looked. I knew Alice had gone over everything a million times days before the ceremony was planned. I just hoped I was able to do my part. Normally when I was at a wedding I just stood on the sidelines and took pictures but today I had a bigger role to play. I was walking down the aisle as a bridesmaid.

After getting my self half way ready, I raced over to my dad's house. I knew he was probably freaking out. He had been a bachelor for so long that I feared he might grow old alone. Sue was perfect for him, although they would have never found this love had her first husband, Harry, not was very fond of Harry and they spent a lot of time together. My father told me shortly after he began dating Sue that he had never seen her or thought of her as more than Harry's wife before his death.

My father was a honorable and loyal person. He believed in honesty and treating people in a fashion you would want in return. He struggled with his new found desire for Sue. He felt guilty, as ifhe was betraying his deceased best friend. Sue fortunately felt the same way and made a compromise with him that they wouldtake things slow and if it didn't work out then they could just stop and remain close friends. Luckily, they both found themselves feeling less guilty and more in love.

Leah and Seth agreed that they were a good couple. Seth had always thought of my dad as asecond fatherin his life so the adjustment wasn't hard for him. Leah agreed to let them date but swore she would never call Charlie, Dad**.**

Dad didn't want to replace Harry in their lives but he did want to share his life and love with them. I was so proud of him. He was finally opening up. The man who practically raised me on his own was at last finding his own happiness and although there was probably no chance of them having children together, our family was big enough.

"You look exceptional dad!" I gasped as I gazed at him in a designer suit. Dad was more comfortable in flannel shirts and jeans. This was a rare occasion to see him so dressed up.

"I clean up well." He shrugged his shoulders casually but his expression was of pure smugness.

"I hope you don't spill anything on this." I teased as I pick off a loose piece of hair from his sleeve.

"You're one to talk. Haahaa...try not to fall on your face." He joked.

"Dad! You probably jinxed me now." I smack his arm playfully.

"We make a pair don't we." He laughed while wrapping his arm around my shoulders andpulling me into his arms. Standing in his embrace I felt love surround me and fill my heart. My dad was a special guy and I knew I could always count on him.

"Yes, we do." I whispered, fighting back the happy tears that filled my eyes.

"I love you Bells." I felt a soft kiss on top of my head as I squeezed him tighter.

"I know. I love you too." I pulled away not wanting to ruin our moment by me breaking down in tears in front of him. I was truly happy for him.

"So when do I get to see you in that stunning dress I've heard so much about?"

"When I walk down the aisle." I wink at him. Picking up my bag I started to make my way to the front door.

"You will always be my number one girl." Dad called out to me. Stopping in mid step I turned toward him with a big smile on my face.

"I know." Dad wanted to assure me that although he was now joining himself to Sue that I was still just as important in his life. It was funny how he could pick up on my inner fears with out a word passing between us. We were alike like that. We didn't have to say much to understand one another.

"Good."

Blowing him a kiss I turn back around and left the house feeling better about their pending nuptials and my place in his life.

"Wow! It was so beautiful." I smiled affectionately at my new step brother Seth who, like me, had tears glistening in his eyes as we watch our parents walk out of the church.

"It was. It's time to go celebrate. You better save me a dance." Seth put his name on my pretty dull dance card for the evening.

The wedding had gone off smoothly. The only moment that I'd grown worried about a possible disaster was when I spied Paul arriving at the last minute.

I hoped that Leah hadn't spotted him yet. Iknew she was still a basket case about her pregnancy and how she was going to break the news to Sue and Dad.

"Are you ready to go enjoy some good cake and wine?" Jake walked up and held out his hand to me.

"I suppose I'm due some fun." I replied hesitantly as I slowly extended my hand to him.

He had those damn dimples working over time as I gazed into his eyes and felt my body growing warmer with each second he stood in front of me.

"You definitely deserve some fun." He agreed as our hands lock together.

We started walking down the aisle toward the front doors when I took a side way glance at him and was struck with how great it would be to walk like this as husband and wife instead of the priest and single girl.

"Where's your car?" He darted a look at the partial empty parking lot.

"Oh crap! I rode over with Leah." Smacking my forehead hard I felt so goofy for not remembering my earlier arrangement with Leah. She was driving Seth and his date over to the park and I had planned on walking so I could get a fresh breathe of air. I had already foreseen my possible melancholy mood with my dad getting married and starting a new life. Now, however, I found myself not feeling assad but actually relieved. My dad was going to be okay. I no longer had to bear the burden of taking care of him. He had someone who was willing to devote the rest of her life totaking care of him.

"You want to ride on the back of my bike?" Jake's eyes sparkled like the stars over us.

"I would love to." There was no way I could walk away from the challenge. He knew I had an adverse fear of motorcycles.

"Cool." Walking side by side we reach his motorcycle park on the backside of the church. He presented me a helmet that I just laugh at.

"I'm not messing up my hair."

"What? Come on I bet helmet hair is cute on you." He teased.

"We are going like twoblocks. I think you can drive me safely there with out the need for a helmet."

"Your life, not mine." Jake chuckled.

"Just get on." Pulling my skirt up I mange to somehow straddle the bike with out exposing all my private girlie parts.

"Yes dear." Jake climbs on in front of me, my hands circled around his waist as the roar of the motorcycle sent immediate terror straight through me.

"Hold on tight!" He revved up the engine as my legs clenched tightly onto the bike and myarms formed a steel grip around his waist.

Leaning my head against his back, no words were possible at the moment. It was silly but after seeing so many disturbing pictures of motorcycle wrecks over the years I was deeply freaked out.

Jake drove as slow as snails but it still didn't stop me from holding onto him for dear life.

**XXX**

Everyone was enjoying themselves at the reception. I was happy to see Alice finally starting to relax now that the cake had been cut and served. I made a mental note to myself to go out and get Alice a fabulous thank you gift for doing so much for my Dad and Sue when I spotted Paul walking toward Leah.

Leah had kept quiet for most of the night. I knew she was quietly pondering on how she was going to reveal to the newly happy couple that they would soon become grandparents for the first time.

A small part of me whimpered quietly as I watch the two of them walk away from the crowd together. Paul would soon be all hers. I shook the petty jealousy from my mind and heart and made my way to where Father Jacob stood smiling at the guests as they danced and frolics around him.

"Let's dance." I sat my fourth glass of champagne down on the table next to him.

"I don't know." He didn't look too pleased with my suggestion.

"Priests are allowed to dance. Look at Father Michael dancing with Ms. Grady." I pointed out how the older priest seemed to be having a grand time with the recent widow.

"Okay." He relented and we made our way to the dance floor. With Jake I seem to have two comfortable feet instead ofthe two left feet I would normally have while dancing. We looked at one another and smiled affectionately.

"You dance better than I remember." He winked at me.

"I had lessons from one of the best dancers in Forks." I teased.

"It seems you have been practicing while I was away." His grin filled me with happiness and a surge of warmth flowed through me.

"I never give up on anything." I warned him.

His smile faltered for a second and I felt the way his body tensed up with my last remark. I hated when he did this. He was trying to keep a safe distance between us and it wasn't working on me.

"Time to say good-bye to the newly weds." Alice's voice interrupted the music.

"Let's go." Jake took my hand and we walked toward the front of the reception area.

The sound of Leah's voice grabbed my attention. Turning my head in her direction I saw Paul with his hands in his front pockets and the look of anger on his face.My eyes quickly averted to look for her response and I could tellshe was just as displeased as he was.

"Go on. Be there in a second." I pulled my hand away from his and walked in the unhappy couple's direction.

When I approached them, I could tell neither of them really wanted me to be there but that didn't stop me.

"What's going on?" I looked directly at Paul with venom in my voice.

"Nothing. We were just talking about how to tell everyone." Leah answered while my eyes stayed locked with Paul's.

"What is the real problem?" I knew Paul's facial expressions well enough to know he wasn't nervous about telling everyone but something was bothering him.

"Bella this is between Leah and me." His voice was stern and cold.

"She is my sister now Paul." I reminded him while crossing my arms over my chest.

"I know that. It's still not your concern." His voice remained harsh.

"Funny. I see two people standing off in the corner looking pissed off at the world while our parents prepare to leave for their honeymoon. I think it's a concern for me." My voice grew colder as his jaw flinched.

"Paul wants me to get a DNA test before I announce he is the father." Leah blurted out causing Paul to gaze at Leah with intense embarrassment.

"Are you serious? You expect her to keep quiet through out her pregnancy about the true identity of the father of her baby." My voice shrilled as my hands curled up into fists.

"Bella, it's okay." Leah mumbled. Looking at her I saw the tears in her eyes.

"What if it's not mine?" Paul cried out defensively.

"I think Leah knows who the father of her baby is Paul. By asking her to do this your accusing her of being a slut." I shouted at him.

"Hey. You guys need to go say good-bye. Everyone is looking for you." Jake stepped up behind me, causing me to jump slightly.

"Come on Bella." Leah took my hand and forced me to leave the men behind.

"This is bullshit Leah." I whispered to her.

"I know hon. It's okay. Really. Paul will see soon enough that this is his baby whether he wants it or not." Leah replied sadly as we both forced a smile on our face for the crowd and our parents.

**XXX**

After their parents left, Bella made herway back to the reception area to finish her conversation with Paul howeverhe had rush out a few seconds after the girls left. I caught Bella's attention and tried to calm her down with a warm smile but I could see she was still terribly upset.

"I swear men are such pigs. How dare he ask her to hide this from everyone!" Bella grounded her teeth together, her eyes darting around to try and locate Paul.

"Bella, Paul is right this is between him and Leah." Gripping her shoulders gently I spoke softly and slowly to her.

"I know this pregnancy is between them but his stupidity and selfish behavior affects Leah and Leah is family." She argued. "There is no way in hell I will let him hurt her any further."

Bella's eyes were glazed over from drinking I knew she was going to make abad situation worse if I didn't do something to stop her and soon. Most of the guests had left following Sue and Charlie's departure.

I did the only thing I could think of that would calm her down. I kissed her. Not once but twice. The taste of the wine still lingered in my mouth mixed with the flavor of her.

"Bella I should get you home." My throat was parched. Kissing Bella always left me thirsty for more.

"What?" Bella eyes opened.

"Home. Let's go. Alice thought it would be best if you went home and got some rest. It's been a long day."

"I should go home." Bella nodded her head in agreement but I saw something dangerous flicker in her eyes.

We strolled quietly to my bike. I tried to get the helmet for her again but like earlier she refused it.

"I want to drive." Bella climbed onto the bike and gripped the handles with a devilish smile acrossher face.

"NO! Not tonight. You've been drinking." I reminded her that I was the sober one.

"Fine." Her delectable lips pouted. "Can I at least ride in the front?"

Letting out a long deep breathe I knew I had no other choice but to give her what she wanted. My main goal here was to get her home safe and far away from the departing wedding guests. Bella's attack on Paul was pretty low key but I knew there was always people lurking close by, ease dropping, when these things happened. I just hoped no one heard too much.

"Okay but you'd better behave." Shaking my finger at her as if I was scolding a child I climbed on behind her. My nose was attacked at once by her scent. A lingering smell of vanilla and lavender filled my nostrils. Inhaling deeply I wiggle my nose as a loose piece of hair tickled me.

"Take your time. No hurry." Bella squealed, rubbing her ass up against my pelvis.

I took a long gulp of air before I rev up the motor and despite her request, I was going to try and get her home in a hurry.

Her body was pressed up against me. It felt as if she had melted into me. Her hands suddenly were no longer holding the handle bars but wrapped behind her and around my backside. She was using me as an anchor while leaning her head back with her eyes wide open. Bella smiled up at me first and then casted her eyes upward at the starry sky above our heads.

"This feels so good. I feel like I'm flying." Her voice was loud and clear despite her inebriated state.

Trying to concentrate on the road in front of me I answered her with a smile.

"Mmm...this feels great." Bella's hands gradually moved up my backside and then circled around my neck causing me to suck in my stomach from the unexpected feel of her so intimately against me.

Bella was always surprising me. This was a side of her that I had never seen before. She was acting so carefree and it filled me with joy.

She was a perfect mixture of innocence and seductress that kept my head spinning, my heart pounding and my manhood in constant state of arousal.

"You feel so warm." Her lips curled up in a devious grin.

"Hold onto me Bella." My voice was husky and deep with warning. She was acting impulsively and it frighten me a little.

"I try to but you don't seem to like it." Bella giggled like a young child pleased with their own joke.

"Seriously." I growled as her hands suddenly were no longer holding onto me but were now down by her side. Glancing down I watch as she places her hands on my upper thighs and clenches them with enough pressure to make a tingling sensation course up my spine.

I lost my breathe when her hands carefully glided a cross the raging bulge in my pants.

Keeping my eyes forced in front of me I was satisfied to see we had managed to make it to her house with out an accident. Slowly I pulled into her driveway while her hands continuing to massage my hardness. Breathing erratically I turn off the bike and take her hands off of my crotch.

"Bella lets get you inside."

"Inside what? Me?" Bella licked her lips enticingly.

"You know better. Come on." Removing myself from the bike first I took her hand to help her safely off next.

"You're no fun Jakey. I miss the old days when you were spontaneous and always willing to try new things." Bella commented sadly while giving me her hand freely.

"You make me sound old and outdated." Laughing softly I reach out my hand for her house keys.

"I don't have them." Bella's face widen in fear as it suddenly occurred to her that she had left her keys in her purse which was in the backseat of Leah's car.

"Do you have a spare key hidden?"

"Nope. Dad says it's not really safe to do." Bella answered.

"How do you suppose we get inside then?" Scratching my head I try to formulate a plan on how to get us inside.

"Oh I know! I have a window in the back that won't lock." Bella exclaimed happily.

"Okay you have a broken lock which isn't safe but you won't keep a spare key for emergencies?"

"I had plans to get it fixed but I'm always so busy." She shrugged her shoulders wearing a casual smile.

"Let's go check it out."

I followed her to the back yard where she showed me the window. Of course it was a higher than all the other windows. It was at least seven feet off the ground.

"See, harder to get in than you thought, uh?" Bella smirked.

"Smart ass. How are WE going to get up there?" Rolling my eyes I look at her with a equal smirk.

"You could lift me up?" Bella pulled her skirt up and shook the high heel shoes off of her feet. "I don't weigh much."

"True but if I can manage to get you on my shoulders, can you reach it and crawl through?" I frowned up at the window trying to figure out if this was a fruitless task.

"We won't know until we give it a try." Her eyes betrayed that she was talking about more than our present situation.

Bella hiked up her skirt and knelt on the ground. With gentle ease she crawls on top of my shoulders.

"Okay." Bella called out. I stood up straight and carefully walked to the side of the house.

"I"m going to need to stand straight up to reach it. Don't move." She warned me.

I stood as still as a marble statue.

"Got it." Bella shouted excitedly as I heard her push the window pane upward.

"Be still." Bella giggled as I felt her feet step off of my shoulders. Leaning my head back I saw that she was half way through the window and was also privy to the sight of her black thongs. My face wasflush with embarrassment but I couldn't remove my eyes. For one thing I had to make sure she got safely inside the house and secondly I was excited at the sight of her bare backside.

"Are you okay?" I shouted up at her when she disappeared inside the window.

"Yeah. Give me a second." Bella leaned out the window, peering down at me.

"Alright well good night." I waved at her and made my way back around to the front of the house when suddenly she appeared in front of me.

"Don't go yet! Please." Her eyes were filled with longing.

"It's late Bella. You should get some rest." A major struggle inwardly begun. On one hand I wanted to spend more time with her. Her mood was contagious. I felt lighter and less burden but on the other hand, I knew that Bella was wanting something from me that I could not afford to give her.

"I will get some rest later. Come inside and I will make us some coffee and cookies." She pleaded.

Looking behind me at my bike and then back at her I knew in that moment I had already made up my mind.

"Okay but I have to go soon." I conceded.

Bella grabbed my hand and yanked me inside. No sooner had the door closed behind us I was faced with Bella turning her back toward me and asking a simple request of me.

"Could you unzip me please. I need to get out of these clothes."

I was struck with a sudden vision of her completely nude in front of me. I took a long gulp of air.

"Sure." My hands swayed nervously as I felt the cold metal zipper and hesitantly I pulled down. Feelings of pleasure and naughtiness engulfed me as I gazed at the bra and underwear she had on underneath it. The dress easily fell to the floor. Closing my eyes I feared that when I reopened them Bella would be turned facing me and all my resistance would shatter.

Bella didn't understand how difficult she was making this for me. Or did she? Was this some sort of game she was playing? A few minutes ago I could have sworn she was drunk but now I felt like she had complete control of her senses.

If this was a game for her just how far was she willing to play it?

Opening my eyes I saw something unexpected. Bella was gone. Now I was completely confused by her actions. Hearing the sounds of slamming drawers down the hall I let out a long deep breathe of relief.

Heading to the kitchen I felt a moment of guilt wash over me. Here I was suspecting of her some devious plot to get me alone so she could seduce me when it hadn't been her plan. Grabbing the empty pot I walked over to the sink and filled it up with water. Turning to replace it I found Bella leaning in the door way wearing a red silky robe that barely went to her knees.

"I'm so glad you decided to stay. I've never felt so alone as I do tonight." Bella's words filled me with fear and a feeling that only Bella brought out in me, lust.


	21. Surrender

Disclaimer: I think we know how this works.

Rating: Mature

Beta:Jessipooks

Pre-readers: LuvinJ and Mist

Song Inspiration: RED by Natalie Walker

A/N: Hope you guys can forgive me for taking so long and hopefully this will tide you over until I have more time to write a new chpt. Love ya bunches...xoxo August

Fallen From Grace Chpt. 18: Surrender

BPOV:

"_What do you mean?" _Jake coughed nervously.

Standing in front of him I felt my robe loosening up and slipping down my shoulder. Jake's eyes wander to where my flesh was exposed. Shifting my weight I knew it would cause the silky material to fall further and this time it would reveal my taunt breast.

Jake gulped hard, real hard.

Curling my lips up in a seductive manner, I whisper**, **"What's wrong Jake? You act like you've never seen a breast before? I thought all priests were immune to the temptations of the flesh."

"Bella, please cover yourself up." Jake pleaded.

"Why? I'm in my home." I snickered. A small part of me knew I wasn't playing fairly but I was tired of trying to reach him with words. It was time to throw off the gloves and get down and dirty.

Jake stepped up closer to me and I saw the depths of his desire equal to my own.

His hand shook as it reached out at me. Closing my eyes in anticipation of his touch I was quickly filled with disappointment when he covered me up. My eyes flew open, reaching out to grab his hand before he could pull away I placed it on my breast.

"See, this feels good. It's not going to hurt you Jake."

"No. I can't do this Bella." Jake pressed his eye shut.

"Well, I can and I will."

Raising up on my tip toes, I intertwine my fingersat the base of his neckand I pull him down so that I could kiss him. Whenour lips smashed together, my heart broke when he didn't respond. How many times would I put myself into this position? When would I learn that Jake was never going to give me what I wanted. How could he be so damn strong with his convictions when it was clear to me that he felt something?

Releasing my hold on him I turn and walk away. Tears brimming in my eyes, my throat scratchy and the embarrassment of being rejected was just too much.

"Maybe you should just go. I was a fool to think that there was still a man under that collar." Keeping my back toward him I struggled to keep the tears at bay until he ran away like he always did.

The fragrance of him mixed with the passion I was indulging in continued to linger in the air. The sounds of his foot steps echoed on the wooden floor as he made his way to the front door.

**XXX**

**JPOV: **

Grabbing the door knob I found myself not able to turn it.My hand just sat there like it had a mind of it's own. The muffled sounds of her sobs echoing in my ears only made this harder. How could I leave her in this state? Why do I keep putting myself in these situations? Was this more than a test? Could there be more purpose to what was going on between us? Bella had a way of making me feel alive, so damn alive.

Exhaling long and deep I turn my head and saw her leaning against the counterwith her head hung low.

This was the moment I had always feared would come between us since the first moment I laid eyes on her after all these years. I wanted Bella and she wanted me. My faith and my vocation was the only thing that stood between us.

Pushing all thoughts and reason from my mind I swiftly made my way back to the kitchen. With out hesitation I grab her, turn her toward me and kiss her with all the pent up emotion and frustration that coursed through my body.

My hands traveled around her backside cupping both of her ass cheeks and pressed my hardness against her. A soft moan slipped between our mouths as I pulled her upward, her legs circled around my waist and locked together.

Our mouths never parted as her breasts pressed up against my chest, creating a mixture of pain and passion in me. I carried her to the bedroom. The door was still left open making it easy for me to enter with her straddling me.

Taking her arms and untangling our bodies I sat her down on the edge of the bed. Our eyes locked and our lips were swollen as my hands reach up to my collar. There was no way I could do this until I had removed the symbol of my faith. I was about to break my most sacred vow.

"Jake maybe..." Bella's face suddenly filled with doubt as I took off the collar.

"No. Don't try to change my mind now." My voice was harsh and scratchy as I kissed my collar and spoke a silent prayer then gently placed it on her dresser. Turning back to face her I realized her robe had fallen open again and her body laid exposed before me. My eyes feasted on her while I unbutton my shirt and drop it to the floor. Her eyes widen with appreciation. A smugness filled my soul. Working out all these years appeared to pay off. Her eyes starved to see me as much as mine had for her.

A burst of carnal desire tore through me. I was going to give her everything she had been pushing so hard for. I wasn't as experienced as she was but I had enough dirty dreams of late to know what I wanted to explore with her. She was going to feel me in every way possible. There was no room for romantic notions at this point. The girl, no the woman, had pushed and pushed until she broke me and now she was going to pay for it.

If she thought that I could stop myself now then she was an absolute fool.

Kicking off my shoes and slipping off my socks I stood up and slowly unbutton my trousers and enjoyed watching her painful anticipation. Was she drooling? She was going to be on her knees soon that was a definite in my mind. All the different positions and scenarios that I had lustfully dreamed of began to spill into my head. My body grew hot as I kicked my pants to the side. Standing in front of her with just my black boxers on with my hands uncomfortably on my hips, I fought back the urge to freak out like a teenage girl. I could do this and I was going to do it. Tonight would change our lives.

Bella scooted to the end of the bed, her hands trembling as she reached out to touch me. My chest burned as the oxygen shot through my hand lingered down my chest until they landed on the edge of my boxers. Trying hard not to flinch when I felt her pulling the material away from my flesh.

Closing my eyes, my head falls back as she releases me from the boxers and her hand circles around me immediately. Sucking in a deep breathe, the feel of her warm smooth hands exploring me from the tip down to the weight of my sack, my whole body grew tense with anticipation. .

"Ohh..." A moan escapes my lips, leaning my head downward I open my eyes to see Bella's mouth opening and then slipping over the tip of me.

"Geeezz...yesss..."

"Mmm...you taste so good." Bella whispers as she releases me from her mouth for a moment and then returns to giving me oral satisfaction.

Reaching down my hands entwine in her silky hair as my body takes over and my hips thrust back and forth. Hearing her gag only pushes me over the edge and my grip grows stronger and my movements harder and deeper into her willing mouth.

Not wanting to find my release too soon I push her away.

There was no romance in what we were doing. It was pure sexual bliss. The thought of this shot my adrenaline to a high peak. I had been literally screwing her mouth with my hardness and it turned me on.

"Holy moses." I exhale.

The sound of her whimper when I removed myself from her mouth was priceless. My ego was inflating and my heart was swimming with joy. Bella wanted me and it felt so damn good to have the feeling reciprocated.

"Mmm...you taste so good Jake." Bella informs me. Releasing my grip from her head, I take a step back trying to regain my breathe. Standing up in front of me her hands circle around my neck and standing on her tip toes she kisses me on my cheek.

"Why did you make me stop? ." Bella replies with a sultry voice.

"I'm not ready to find my release just yet." I admit.

Shoving her back against the bed, she falls clumsily onto her back, a soft giggle escapes her lips while I crawl over her.

"Are you..."

"Stop it. No talking." Interrupting her before she says something that could possibly ruin the moment. If I thought about or began to consider the consequences this would never go any further. Tonight I planned on exploring a side of me that I had repressed for far too long.

"Okay." She sighed softly. I started trailing kisses down the side of her neck until I reach her tongue circled around her harden pebbles, back and forth then nip playfully before sucking them into my mouth.

Lifting my head up so that my eyes could look upon her delicate pale body is when a sudden burst of need slammed into me. This was all for me. Bella. My sweet little Bella was willing to give me a part of herself, a part that once I took, I would never be able to give back. We would always have this moment and with that thought I felt tears mist my eyes. Fighting back the urge to weep like a pansy, I brought my thoughts back to the situation and with full enthusiasm I continued to explore her body with my hands and tongue.

Bella's moans and cries of enjoyment push me forward and gave me the courage to do what I had wanted to do since the day I returned and saw the woman she had grown up to be.

She was bringing back the man in me. The breathing, flesh, sinful man. My heart ached, a sharp, dagger like pain that made me know it was not going to be easy loving her from afar, having her, belonging to her. I would have one hell of a time hiding my true feelings about her when we were in public. I would no longer be able to hide how I felt about her either. So many secrets. So many lies.

Ecstasy.

Bliss.

Passion.

Want.

Need.

Love.

So many emotions that would take a will of God to hide from her and the rest of the world. I just prayed that I managed to keep my sanity when it was all said and done.

Seeing the desire building up inside of her I made the move to give her some release. Pulling her legs apart, I position my head between her legs. Her scent made my blood boil and my heart to hammer excitedly against my chest. Slowly my tongue darted out, licking and sucking on her in hopes that I was doing it right. I had a little bit of experience in this area before I gave up my sexual desires to become celibate. Feeling her body shake beneath me I knew it was having a commendable response from her.

The taste of her sweet nectar on my tongue and the feel of her thighs rubbing against my head and the sides of my face made me lap her up with great vigor.

"Ohhh...Jake...yea...right there. Yes. There." Bella instructed between her panting.

Tasting her was like enjoying my favorite piece of candy. Sweet and so sinfully delicious.

Moving my tongue down lower until I found her burning center, I push my tongue into her very core. This made Bella's hips lift up. Grabbing her legs I held on while she shook uncontrollably.

"It's...it...I can't stop cumming..." Bella cried out, her hands fisted in my hair while her hips buck madly.

Picking up the momentum my tongue went back and forth between her swollen nub and her juicy core until her lower body jumped straight up off the bed. Her breathing was loud and heavy as she let out a long groan. Licking my lips I was smiling inwardly and outwardly at the knowledge that I had brought her the pleasure I would soon be seeking for myself.

Leaning back on my knees I look down at her. Her eyes were partially opened with a large satisfied grin on her face.

"Oh wow Jake! I didn't think ….I mean...most men who have way more experience can't do what you just did." Her cheeks began to grow a soft shade of pink. Laughing softly I wondered why she was suddenly acting all embarrassed and shy?

"It's a natural talent, I guess." I wiped her juices from my chin and lips and gave her a smug grin that made her laugh whole heartily.

"You definitely have talents." Bella agreed quickly making both of my heads large.

"Let's see how far my talents reach." I whispered, taking her hands to pull her up in a kneeling position in front of me, our faces close together as I cupped her face in my hand and kissed her with all my heart. The passion and love we shared seem to flow between us like an electric current. From the tip of my toes to my hair follicles, a warm tingling sensation course through me. Bella was everything I once would have looked for in the perfect woman. Now, here she was wanting me and willing to live with the regret that would soon follow what we were doing.

**Dear God please understand I do not mean to hurt you by committing this sin willingly. I need to know if this is where I should be or if my early decision was the right one after all. I will go and seek repentance for this act against you and my sacred vow. I love her God. I have to seek out the truth about us and how we feel together. If there is more to these feelings than desire then I need to know now before I live to regret what could have been and spend the rest of my days in the church, filled with resentment and jealousy in my heart. **

Her hands traveled up and down my backside, pressing our chests together and all the fearful thoughts that had begun to creep into my head instantly vanquish.

Wrapping her arms around my neck, she pulled me down on top of her, as she fell back onto the bed. My years of celibacy were about to be wasted and I honestly felt over joyed at the idea that Bella Swan was the one to take my virginity after all this time.


	22. Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Rating: Mature audience

Beta: Jessipooks

Pre-readers: Mist/LuvinJ

Song Inspiration: Say It To Me Now by The Frames

A/N: Hope you guys understand why this chapter turns out this way. Don't worry too much, Father Jacob will end up giving his heart to our Bella but for now he has other things to consider. xoxo August

Fallen From Grace Chapter 19: Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Covering her body with mine I look deep into her eyes and what I saw made me tremble. Bella wanted me, physically and emotionally. I could not afford to let her think that this meant I was willing to give up my career and jump into the role of being her boyfriend. Sure, I wanted to be her lover at the moment but what laid ahead was still uncertain.

Covering her mouth with mine, I closed my eyes and prayed that Bella would forgive me. The taste of her mouth, the feel of her tongue warring with mine took a hold of me.

Passion.

Excitement.

Happiness.

These were the emotions that swirled in the pit of my stomach. My head was spinning with all the possibilities of what it would feel like to be buried deep inside her. Prodding her legs apart I angled myself in between them. I knew I was rushing things along but I couldn't bear the thought of waiting a second longer. It was now or never. I was on the edge of erupting before we even got started.

"Bella I need you, now." I pleaded.

Bella lifted her legs up and circled them around my waist. It made it easier for me to position myself so that I slipped inside of her with one thrust. Sparks flew behind my closed eyes as I savor the silky warmth of her core wrapped tightly around me.

It was more than I had imagined. It felt ten times better than my hand or her mouth around it. Pulling it out, I heard her gasp. Opening my eyes I felt a surge of power rush through me. Bella wanted me back inside of her. Her eyes were partially open, she look up at me and I could read in them how much she needed me to give her more. Knowing that I was in control of her pleasure made my ego amplify.

"Please Jake...it's okay you can do it." Bella's voice was as soft as silk on my skin.

"I know I can." My voice came out forceful.

Taking the tip I slipped inside of her, rotating my hips as I pushed against her inner walls and her moans filled the room. Leaning down I suck on each of her nipples as I leisurely entered her her hips I dove into her with forceful thrusts. Her nails sunk into my unexpected pain and the pleasure combined created a vortex of gratification that sent my impending orgasm into over drive.

Without delay I felt myself lose all control and I exploded. Submerged inside of her I felt her warm juices combine with my seed and knew in this moment that I would never, ever forget how phenomenal this experience was.

My body collapsed half way across hers, both of us panting for air while our hands touched one each others. I had a moment of regret when I considered how fast it took me to find my release. There was no doubt in my mind that Bella had experienced longer sessions than this but to my credit, it was my first time. With practice I could learn to withhold longer but that would require us to do this again. This was a once in a lifetime moment for me but could I possibly endure it again and keep my heart out of it?

**XXX**

**BPOV: **

The feel of his heart thumping against my arm made me shiver inwardly. Okay, it hadn't gone quite the way I had imagined but it was good all the same. Jake's release came faster than I had wanted but I understood that his lack of experience had been the problem but beggars couldn't be choosy. Jake had finally surrendered to my desire and that was enough for now.

"Are you okay?" I ask tenderly.

"Yeah." Jake exhaled long and loud.

"It was wonderful." I knew men liked to hear how well they performed.

"Yeah." Jake repeated.

"Are you sure your okay?" Lifting my head to get a better look at his face I saw that his eyes were in a deep hazy state.

"Yes Bella. You didn't break me." Jake pulled out of me, leaving me filled with an empty ache. I watch as he rolled over onto his back next to me. How could this happen? We just experienced something beautiful and exciting. Why was he acting like we just shared a milk shake instead.

"I need a drink. Would you like one?" I sat up, putting my back toward him as I fumbled around to find my robe and slip it back on. Suddenly I felt insecure about my body. It was stupid of me to feel like that but I did none the less.

"Sure." Jake said in a solemn tone.

Licking my lips I tied my robe tightly closed. Jumping off the bed I forced my legs to work. Making my way to the kitchen I laid my hands on the counter top and felt warm tears trickle down my face. This was supposed to be the happiest moment of my life and instead I felt like I had done something horrible. Jake wasn't reacting the way I had envisioned he would. In my fantasies, he was suppose to hold me in his arms and tell me that what we had shared was life altering for him and express to me how it had shown him that I was his perfect other love for one another would be realized and we would vow to become husband and wife one day soon.

The reality was Jake was laying in my bed, probably thinking how he had just broken his most sacred vow for something so feeble. How could I have not seen this possibility before? Why did I allow myself to believe that sex would change Jake's views of his future dreams or hell even prove that our love was just as special as his devotion to his precious church?

Wiping the tears that stained my face, I grabbed two bottles water out of the fridge and muster up my last ounce of strength to return to the room.

Entering the room I saw that he was still laying in my bed with a blanket covering his lower half.

"Here." I bent over the bed to hand him the drink then made a fast run to the bathroom. I quickly used the bathroom and then washed my hands and face while trying to think of something to say to him once I return to the room, again.

I was confused and defeated. If this hadn't proven anything to him what could anything I said possibly change his mind?

"Are you okay?" Jake called out.

Looking at my face in the mirror I saw the anguish in my eyes. I had to pull it together before he saw through me. He would think that his performance had been lacking and that would only create a insecurity in him that I did not want to be responsible for.

"I'm fine. Just washing up." I called back. Looking back at myself I forced a smile on my face. There was no way I could undo what was already done. It was pretty much a jump or sink situation and I had no one to blame but myself.

Closing my eyes I pull in my inner strength and walk to the bed where I sat on the edge and took a few drinks from my water. Jake sat up in the bed. I could feel his eyes burning into my backside.

"Bella, I'm sorry if I did something wrong." Jake's hand reached out to touch my shoulder gently.

Turning my head I gave him a sweet smile and made sure that the pain I felt was hidden deep down. "You didn't do anything wrong. I meant it when I said you were wonderful."

"Okay. Why do I feel like your not as pleased as me? I was afraid that reality would be less fulfilling than the fantasy**. **." Jake smiled warmly at me.

"Is that what you're feeling? I mean did you not like it as much as you thought you would?" My heart hammered against my chest. Was he trying to tell me that I had displeased him somehow?

"It was everything I imagined and more." Jake's eyes stared sincerely at me.

"Then why does it feel like we are both...well...not quite as close as we should be." I carefully chose my words so that I didn't create an even more awkward situation between us.

"I don't know what you mean? I feel very close to you." Jake took my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze to show confirmation of our closeness.

It was pitiful.

Tears filled my eyes. I suck in my breathe, trying to hold back my silly insecurities.

"No you don't." I slid my hand out of his and put it back on my lap.

"How can you say that? I still care very deeply for you. Hell, I would have thought that what I had just sacrificed for you would be enough proof." Jake's voice grew deep and I heard a hint of anger in his tone.

"I'm just tired Jake. It's been a long and emotional day." I stood up next to the bed and hoped he got the subliminal message that it was time for him to leave before we ended up having a fight that both of us would later regret.

"Are you kicking me out of your bed?" Jake joked as he rolled out of the bed and quickly put his underwear and pants on while I turn away to give him some privacy.

"It's not like that. I just think we both need to get some rest before we talk further about this." I explained, holding my breathe as I force the tears to stay at bay for a little longer.

"Bella, why are you acting like this?" Jake was suddenly in front of me, his eyes casted a look that clearly showed his frustration and confusion with me.

"Come on Jake, I'm just tired." I kept up the pretense that sleep deprivation was making me act childish and insecure but we both knew that I was hurting.

"I understand." Jake cupped my face in his hands, then brushing his lips softly across mine he stared deep into my eyes. "I'm sorry if this didn't give you what you wanted."

"Stop it. Just stop trying to make me feel like this is about my disappointment." Anger suddenly shot up from the pit of my stomach and burned me from the inside out. My face was flush as I stared back at him with raw animosity.

"I gave you what you asked of me. You received my body and I took yours. What else did you expect from this union?" Jake asked.

I felt my heart shatter like a broken mirror. He had the audacity to stand there and talk to me in the same tone he used to preach to someone.

"Get out. Just get out." My hands curled up into fists as I shoved them against his chest.

"Bella. Stop it. Tell me why you're so mad? I want to understand." He continued to talk with a calm monotone that only intensified my state of anger. Slamming my hands against his chest once, twice and three times, I hoped it would give him enough clue that I wasn't in the mood for any of this.

"I want you to go. Just leave. It's what you're good at." I knew my words were cruel and hoped like hell they burned into his heart.

"Excuse me?" His features turn from understanding to a state of anger that matched my own.

"You know what I mean Jake. You do what is best for you. You don't care how much it hurts those who love you. So leave. Go on. I don't want you here. You were right. Your much better at being a priest than being a man." Pushing past him I made a dart to where his coveted collar laid and threw it at him.

"Bella, I never intended to hurt you. I gave you what you ask of me. I still care about you." Jake bent down and picked up the collar. When he stood back up, his eyes were as dark as night.

"You say the words but actions speak louder." Stomping my foot with my hands on my hips I stared him down.

"Are you upset that I finished too soon?" He honestly looked perplexed by my reaction.

"Jake you were decent enough okay. It was your first time and most guys don't last long. You were perfect in every way that mattered. I'm not unhappy about your performance. I'm unhappy with how you reacted afterwards. No one has ever made me feel as insecure as you have. There...are you satisfied? You have my confession now get the hell out of my house." My voice was loud and stern.

It wasn't lost on me that his eyes had filled with tears. Biting on the inside of my cheek, forcing myself not to react to his puppy eyes and his sadness when I was the one who had every reason to be pissed off and sad.

"I truly didn't mean to make you feel unworthy Bella. I will never forget what you shared with me. Never." Jake grabbed the rest of his clothing and stormed out of the room leaving me alone at last. I stood there waiting for the sound of the front door closing. The echo of it carried into my room and like a balloon that had the helium let out of it, I slid down to the floor. Falling to my side, with my knees up to my chest I cried until at some point exhaustion took over and I fell into a deep dreamless sleep.

**XXX**


	23. Father Jacob's Confession

Disclaimer: I do not own or profit from this story or anything related to Twilight

Rating: M

Beta: Jessipooks

Pre-readers: Mist/LuvinJ

A/N: Okay I changed of the style of Point of View with this chapter. Sorry if this confuses anyone. I struggled with whose point I wanted to write more, Father Michael or Father Jacob. Hope you enjoy it despite my odd writing style. Thanks for the love ladies. Xoxo August

Fallen From Grace: Chapter 20: Father Jacob's Confession

JPOV:

Sitting on the edge of my bed with my hands pressed together I found myself in great need of counseling. My head and heart are pounding and I just couldn't get the image of her sad eyes out of my mind.

_Bella, my sweet Bella. Why are you so mad at me? I broke my vow for you. I gave you all I had. Why don't you think I love you. Shoot. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone and now I know this and it frightens me. _

_If I could just let go of everything I worked for then it would be so easy to be her man. To be the sort of fellow that would make her smile every day and warm her bed each night but I can't be that man. Or can I? _

_What is real and what is fantasy? I can't seem to remember why it was so important for me to be a priest anymore. I could still help others without being a priest. So why am I playing this role? _

_NO! I can't allow myself to be tempted. I know what lies in my heart. I want to serve God. I want to be apart of something bigger than myself, but I also want to spend my days and nights with her. I want to make her laugh, listen to her fears and hold her safely in my arms. I want to give her the sun and the moon. She has a way of making me feel like anything is possible when I'm near her. _

_Is she an angel or a devil in disguise? _

_Why would God put her in my path if not to test my loyalty? _

_I have failed him. I gave up my innocence for a taste of the forbidden fruit and damn it, it was juicy,sweet and purely sinful but yet almost heavenly. _

_How can I pretend that I never experienced something so beautiful and pure? _

_How does one go back to being ignorant? I can't see how I will ever forget that blissful moment when we both became one. Our bodies,hearts and souls intertwined and the sounds of angels sang in my ears. _

_I know that God intended sex to be a wonderful gift between two people who loved one another so why does it feel like my skin is scratchy and I want to just crawl out of it? _

Tears of anguish flow down my face and drop onto the floor beneath me.

Lying back onto the bed, closing my eyes, I find myself drifting to sleep and hoping that when I wake up everything will be clearer and I can see the light at the end of the dark tunnel that I've lost myself in.

XXX

"Father Jacob can I see you for a second." Father Michael knew that something had been bothering his young brother and he hoped that Jacob would could voluntarily to seek counseling. When it appeared he wouldn't and he had noted the dark circles under Jacob's eyes for two days in a row, he knew it would be up to him to discover what had the young man so troubled.

"Hi Father Michael." Jake walked up to the pew where his superior sat holding his rosaries.

"How have you been?" Father Michael studied his face closely.

"I...well...I don't know really." Jake's shoulders slumped forward as he sat down next to Father Michael. Clasping his hands together he placed them in his lap and look up at the cross that hung on the center of the wall.

"You're lost. How can I help you son?" Father Michael looked at the cross also and listened patiently.

"I am indeed lost. I fear I have fallen off my righteous path. I have committed a sinful act against my church and God." The confession slowly slipped out between his pursed lips.

"Would you like to indulge me by telling more of this sin?" Father Michael braced himself for the worse.

"I have...been with a woman." Jake exhaled and then covered his face with both of his hands.

"A woman. Mmmm...interesting. Did she seduce you or did you seduce her?" Father Michael chewed on the corner of his lip, remaining calm despite the shock he was feeling inwardly. Father Jacob had never shown any flirtatious behavior before now. He couldn't fathom what or who had corrupted the young man. He had always been so faithful and confident in his calling.

"A little bit of both." Jake admitted

"Was this the first time you've been with a woman?"

"Yes." Nodding his head in agreement.

"What was it about her that tempted you?"

"I...she is so wonderful. She is like a breathe of fresh air. She knows me better than I know myself, I'm afraid. I tried to resist her feelings for me. I even counseled her in looking for love elsewhere but she wouldn't give up on the idea of us. I couldn't fight it any longer and gave her what she was seeking in hopes that she would see that I couldn't give her more than my body."

Father Michael's head slowly turns toward me. Looking into his eyes I expected to see damnation and displeasure but that wasn't what I found. No, instead he had a look of sadness and sympathy that shattered my heart.

"I know I am weak. I will understand if you put in a request to send me away from here. I won't fight it." Dropping his head down, Father Michael saw the tears that trickled slowly down his face.

"Jacob." Father Michael place a hand on his shoulder andsqueezed it gently. "It's okay. You wouldn't be the first man to fall for in love with a woman. Adam listened to Eve and although his brain knew better, his heart led him. He wanted to please her and in doing so he paid for his sins. I have a feeling that if Adam could do it all over again he would make the same decision. We might be men of the cloth but we are fallible. We are flesh and blood."

Jake listened closely to his mini sermon and was starting to feel the burden of guilt lifted from his shoulders.

"You are at a fork in the path where you need to ask yourself, why this woman? What is it about her that could make such a righteous and noble man break his sacred vows? Was it for love or was it just lust? If you answer lust then yes, you have dishonored yourself but if you find yourself in love with her, then you need to reconsider being a priest."Father Michael swallowed hard, he knew his last statement would scare Jacob but it had to be said.

In his years in the church he had seen several men discover that they no longer desired a life of commitment to their God and church but instead wanted to go back to being an average Joe with a wife and family. He didn't see them as lesser men. He felt more disgust at the ones who wore their suits and pretended to be honorable but longed for a life that wasn't suitable for their calling. No, he would rather see Jacob lead a normal life than to remain here and carry envy in his heart.

"I can't imagine not being here. I love being a priest. It's part of who I am." I exclaimed.

"Yes, it's a part but not entirely you. Jacob, when you joined you were very young and impressionable. You had found life to be saddening and greatly disappointing. I fear you went into the church hoping to find answers and faith in something you knew could never fail you. It's true that our father loves us and will always forgive us but he also knows what lies in our hearts. Staying here and not giving all of your heart to the father would make you a hypocrite."

"Are you saying I should quit the church?" Jake ask with a startled look. Jake felt a mini anxiety attack coming over wanted to be with Bella and he wanted his place in the church.

"You can't be two men Jacob. Do you love her? Could you see yourself being her husband, her soul mate? When you are with her, do you feel complete?" Father Michael saw the answers in his eyes.

"Yes. I hate it but I can see a wonderful future with her. I know that she would make me happy. I know that together we could face life's challenges but I hate to think that the last ten years of my life was spent for nothing." Jake explained why it was so difficult for him to just throw off the collar and walk away with a carefree smile in his heart.

"Nothing? How can you say it was for nothing? Did you not find what you came looking for in the first place? Your heart was wounded. You didn't understand how life could be taken so easily or why God would steal such a wonderful person from this world. Now you know. You know our God loves us but he has a plan for each of us." Father Michael patted me on the back and then stood up.

"I was supposed to go on a trip to Colorado tomorrow. It was to be a retreat that I earned. I think you should take it. I think the time away will give you time to clear your head and heart. You need to make a decision about your life. Don't think that for one second I or anyone else you've work with will see you as a weaker man for leaving the church."

"I can't go. You deserve to go on that retreat." He shook his head and you could see the defiance in his eyes.

"I can go on another one soon. I won't be able to rest knowing your here and troubled. Go. Take a week off and enjoy yourself. Leave your collar here and be a man Jake. Do what men do. See if that is the world you belong in, again." Father Michael put his hand up in front of my face, not allowing me to argue further.

"Go on, get packed. The flight leaves out at five in the morning." Father Michael walked away leaving him with his troubled thoughts.

A few minutes later Jake stood up and went to his room and packed. Knowing Father Michael was right, even if it he didn't like it. One of the reasons he had enjoyed being around Bella so much was due to how normal she made him feel. She had reminded him of his old life, before he joined the the church. He hated her for it and yet loved her too. She might not have intended on pushing him into a corner but now he was there. He couldn't come out of it until he made a decision that would either bring him closer to God or closer to her.

XXX


	24. You Can Only Run So Far

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Twilight related.

Rating: Mature

Beta:Jessipooks

Pre-readers: Mist/LuvinJ

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy the chapter and would love to know what you think about the direction of the story. xoxo August

Fallen From Grace Chapter 21: You Can Only Run So Far...

BPOV

My nose was raw and my throat felt like it had been scraped with sandpaper. For three whole days I had locked myself away in my room. I told everyone who cared enough to call and check on me that I had come down with a severe head cold. It worked magnificentlyand I was finally left alone.

Alone.

The word itself made my heart shatter into tiny slivers of glass. It was going to be the one word that defined my future.

The only person I wanted, okay hoped, would actually come by and interrupt my silent heartache was Jake. He didn't call, visit, or hell even email me. Each day that passed without a word from him only made my misery worse, if that was possible.

Opening my laptop I checked my dad and Sue had sent me a few pictures of their honeymoon. I smiled warmly as I looked at their happy tan faces. It appeared that Sue had managed to get Charlie out on the beach and darken him up a bit.

Laughing softly I closed it and put it aside.

There had to be a way for me to get past this. I had never been the kind of girl who wept over a guy for more than a day and yet here I was three days into my "poor me" pity party.

"You've got to pull yourself together." I said out loud to myself.

Grabbing a handful of tissues I blew my nose, forced my legs to move and get myself out of bed. Standing in front of my mirror I saw a pathetic girl who was wasting away over a guy who didn't deserve her. I hated how my brain was functioning rationally while my heart was feeling the loss of what could have been.

"Exactly. Could HAVE been. Snap out of it Bella! You know he isn't coming back to you. He got what he wanted and now he's moved on. Just like any other guy!" Screaming at the mirror helped ease some of the anger that had been festering in me.

"Okay, I was worried about you being passed out and delirious on cough medicine but I never thought I would find you in this condition." Alice announced with a couple of bags in her hand.

Turning and jumping about ten feet off the ground at the same time I looked at Alice with fright.

"What the hell Alice! How did you get in here?" I shouted at her, holding my hand over my bruised heart.

"Umm...hello spare key under the mat and I came to make sure my best friend and wonderful photographer was alive." Alice replied casually and then walked past me dropping the bags on the bed.

"I'm alive. Now you can go." I replied rudely.

"What's going on? Leah has been acting weird and now you. Talk to me." Alice ignored my rudeness and made herself comfortable on the bed.

"I don't want to talk about it. I can't." I swallowed hard, feeling the soreness in my throat and the throbbing of my headache returning with full force.

"Sure you can. Just tell me and I bet you will feel much better. Whatever it is you've been hiding from me, it's starting to take atoll on you physically." Alice's eyes glanced over me before returning to my face.

Looking down I realized I had been wearing the same pajamas for three days. My hair felt greasy,I was paler than usual and red eyed.

"Look, you know I would normally tell you everything but this is something that could cause a lot of problems for the other person involved." I explained.

"So you and Father Jacob did something finally about the sexual tension between you two?" Alice cocked an eyebrow and then clamped her hands together over her chest. Her eyes were burning a hole right through me.

I wished a hole would suddenly open up in my bedroom floor and suck me in it. How in the world had she figured it all out so quickly? Sure, she admitted to having an attraction to him but she never revealed how far that attraction had gone before now. Then there was the fact that no one would have believed that Jake had succumbed to my evil ways, yet Alice did. Would anyone else see it?

"How?" I whispered.

"Come on Bella, I know you. You're crazy about him plus I saw the way he looked at you the other night at the wedding, when he thought no one was watching. It was pretty clear to me that he returned the same feelings for you." Alice shrugged her shoulders with an impish grin on her face.

"Right! If only he had returned my feelings. He shared his body with me, nothing else." I snorted rudely before the dam opened and tears began to pour out of my eyes.

Alice crawled off the bed and wrapped her arms around me. 

"Shh...shhh...it's okay honey. Tell me exactly what happened and maybe I can help you figure it all out." Alice spoke soothingly.

"There's really nothing to figure out. We had sex. Amazing sex, well it would have been nice if it had lasted longer but under the circumstances I knew he was excited." Shaking my head to try and focus on the conversation and not the images of our bodies intertwined and the feel of his skin on mine.

"Anyways, afterwards, he acted like we had just spent an hour playing Monopoly together." I exhaled sharply.

"What did he say?" Alice pulled away and stared at me curiously.

"Nothing. I offered him some water and he took it and then he seemed to need some reassurance of me that he performed well. Then the next thing I knew we were arguing and he made me feel like shit. He kept saying how he sacrificed his calling by having sex with me."

Alice shook her head while giving mea bewildered look.

"Is he giving up his priesthood?"

"NO! Are you kidding me? He isn't going to give up his calling for me. He pretty much made that clear when he left my house and hasn't spoken to me in over three days."

"Have you tried calling him or gone by the church to see him?"

"Why would I? I didn't do anything wrong. I tried showing him that we were good together and that if he chose me he could have so much more than his precious church. I'm done. I'm so done with him. I wish I could leave town for a while."

"Well, I actually have a job you could do that is out of state if you're interested." Alice clapped her hands together and gave me a bright smile.

"Seriously?" Finally I was starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Seriously. Mrs. Abbot's daughter is having her wedding reception at a lodge in Colorado and she wondered if you would be willing to go. She loved the work you did with their family portraits and is willing to pay for your room as well as a nice lump sum for the pictures."

"OH MY GOD! That would be so fucking fabulous. I have to get out of this town and away from him." I shouted excitedly.

"Look, I understand your need to leave but remember when you return he will be here. You two need to sit down and talk about what happened. If he isn't willing to change his situation then sweetie you got to let him go and move forward with your life. Girl, I can't believe you slept with a priest but because I love you, I know that you will do the right thing from this point on."

Rubbing my sore eyes I found myself smiling despite the pain that still lingered in my broken heart.

XXX

JPOV:

The flight took off without problem and a couple hours later, I landed at my a cab I found myself parked in front of the lodge that was my hideaway until I could find the answers I was seeking.

I debated on whether I should have called or left a letter for Bella, explaining why I was leaving town so suddenly but I found myself not finding the right words to express what I was feeling for her, about us or anything else for that matter.

Father Michael offered to talk to her if she came by the church. I seriously didn't see that happening anytime soon. I knew she was angry and resentful toward the church because she felt like it was holding me back from being her lover. It was true of course but it was also my choice to make.

Once I got the key to my room, I found myself looking around in awe. This was my first real vacation since entering the priesthood. Sitting on the edge of the queen size bed I looked at the wall in front of me and tried to figure out what I was going to do with all this free time I suddenly had on my hands.

I found myself thinking about her and how sad she looked when I left her. I couldn't stop the images of her naked body and how great it felt to finally touch her and experience the joys of sex for the first time. It was definitely far better than I had imagined. It made sense to me now why so many people often came to confess their sexual sins. However, I was pretty sure what we experienced wasn't just merely sex but what people called making love.

My heart felt something the entire time we performed the act. When I looked into her eyes I saw love in them along with lust. I hoped that she saw the love I felt for her as well.

Closing my eyes I laid back on the bed and allowed myself to replay every second and feel every touch we shared together. Several minutes later I was sinfully hard as a rock and my body was begging for release.

XXX

BPOV:

Making my way up to the ski lodge was easy enough but finding someone to help me with my bags wasn't so easy. There were tons of people waiting in line to receive their room keys. It appeared there was a convention of some sort going on. I hoped it wasn't a convention filled with geeky guys who worshipped some ridiculous show or book.

After standing in line for ten minutes I finally got my key and went up to my room.

Mrs. Abbot and her family were due to arrive the following day. I did not want to wait a day longer. It had been five days since I had heard from Jake and I found myself falling into a deep stage of depression**.** It wasn't like I had reached out to him but I thought he would have been the bigger man by now and reached out first.

Alice suggested I go by the church but I refused to step into the place. Honestly I feared I might be struck down by lightning or balls of fire would strike the ground for the horrible sin I had committed.

Changing my train of thoughts, I walked into my room and was very pleased to see how lovely everything was. The fireplace in the sitting room made my heart soar. I loved fireplaces and being at a ski lodge with snow made it even more enticing. Putting my things away in my bedroom I decided to go in search of the dining room area. I had barely eaten anything over the past week and my waistline was starting to show signs of it. I was shocked at how loose my pants were becoming when I pulled a pair on this morning.

Grabbing my key I headed to the elevator and waited for it to open up. My mood was starting to feel better and I hoped maybe I would find a handsome distraction while I was on this trip. No one would ever replace Jake in my heart and although I wanted him to be my lover, I had enough sense to know that the chance of that ever happening again were slim to none. Maybe a quick romp with a stranger might help inflate my badly bruised ego.

The elevator doors opened and standing in front of me was the last damn person I expected to see.

"No way." My voice croaked and my heart began to hammer madly.

"I agree." Jake looked back at me with an equal look of shock.

We stood there staring at one another. Finally the doors began to close and I had a choice to either get on the elevator or wait for another one.

"Are you coming?" He asked.

My breath was ragged and my body was still feeling the affects from the shock of seeing him.

"No." I turned and walked down the hall in search of the stairs.

"Bella. Bella, come on..." Jake shouted but I ignored him.

Opening the door marked staircase I rushed down the first level of stairs before stopping to lean against the wall and finally breathe again. .

"Why?" I felt the tears trickling down my face as I shook from the pain that was piercing straight through my heart.

_**Okay Bella, you got to pull yourself together. He is here and you are here. Face it. Deal with it. You can do this.**_

It was time to deal with the consequences no matter how damn much it hurt.

XXX


	25. Opening Doors

Disclaimer: I do not own any of Sm's characters, I just play with them.

Rating: Mature!

Beta: Jessipooks

Pre-readers: Mist/LuvinJ

A/N: I just want to tell you guys how great the reviews have made me feel. I'm so happy to see that there is someone out there enjoying the new version of this story. xoxo August

Fallen From Grace Chapter 22: Opening Doors...

JPOV

My heart was pounding in my chest as I watched her flee down the hall. Why was she here? How did she know where I was? Did she come here for me? Well, if she did then why would she run away? No, there had to be another reason for her to show up here.

The elevator doors closed and I took a step back. My head was filled with so many thoughts and questions that it made me nauseated.

I left Forks to get away from her and yet here she was in Colorado and at the same lodge. This all seemed too surreal. The elevator doors open and I was half hoping she would be standing there but when I cautiously stepped out there was no one.

Looking around the lobby area my heart began to ache with such a deep sorrow. In those few seconds that I saw her I had felt more joy than guilt. The past twenty-four hours since I had arrived I couldn't seem to shake this overbearing sense of loneliness. It was such a foreign feeling for me. I've always gotten along just fine on my own but now, that I was far away from home and my church, I found myself lost.

What was I supposed to do? Every day I had a purpose. Here on this vacation of sorts I had no purpose other than trying to figure out whether or not I wanted, no deserved to remain in the priesthood. Father Michael had given me his words of wisdom and I knew he gave them to me from his heart but I couldn't shake this feeling of guilt. I broke my vows. It really didn't matter if I did it for lust or for love. It was a sin no matter what color you painted it.

Scratching the back of my head I looked around the room in hopes of spying Bella but I found no clue of her whereabouts or reason for being here. I dug out my cell phone from my coat pocket and dialed Father Michael's number to see if he knew why she might be here.

The call went into voicemail.

"Really?" I suspected he was ignoring my calls. He probably feared I was going to try and convince him I wanted to return home.

Turning toward the front doors I started to make my way out and head towardsmy original destination which was to a small book store that I overheard a woman telling her friend had some really good books on sale. If I was going to be stuck up in my room for the latter part of this trip, I thought I might stock up on some light reading.

I started to leave when I felt the need to look around the lobby one more time. I spotted her heading into the dining room area. My heart nearly leapt right through my chest. Looking back at the doors I debated on what to do next. Leave or go after her?

My feet moved forward and before I knew it, I was only a few feet away from her. She wasseatedat a table and a waitress was already taking her order. Sucking in my upper lip, I made myself continue forward with my goal of sitting down with her.

"Thank you." Bella smiled at the waitress.

"Hello Bella." Sitting down in front of her I saw the fear in her eyes.

"Hello Father Jacob." Bella gulped hard, fidgeting with the napkin in front of her.

"I...well...I'm not Father Jacob at the moment." I coughed nervously.

Her head shot up and she gave me a bewildered look.

"I'm on retreat. Taking my first vacation in...well ever** ...**so I left the collar back home." I tugged at the black sweater I had chose for today's outing.

"Oh." Bella's eyebrows scrunched together.

"Here you go miss." The tall waitress with dark brown hair sat a cappuccino and a muffin in front of Bella. Her eyes casted over me and then her smile lifted even higher.

"Can I get you something sir?" She offered.

"I would like the same as her please."

"Okay." She looked between Bella and me for a moment before leaving our table. Bella looked like she was ready to run at any second. I'm sure the waitress wondered if I was bothering her somehow.

"So you're on vacation. How nice." Bella bit into her muffin, keeping her eyes lowered.

"Yeah. Father Michael thought it was overdue."

"Well, you work very hard and everyone deserves some time off."

"Why are you here?" I was dying to hear her excuse for being here. I'm a man who believes in signs and this one was loud and clear from the man up above. He obviously put her back in my path to see if I wanted her more than my passion to serve him.

"I'm actually working, no vacation for me." Bella picked up her drink and sipped on it.

"Oh. It's a great location to take pictures. Everything is so beautiful here."

The waitress appeared at my side and placed my order in front of me. She continued to frown between us.

"Thank you." I smiled politely.

"Your welcome. I'm over there if you need anything further." She look directly at Bella with her statement before she walked away.

"I think she thinks I'm bothering you." I chuckled uneasily.

"You are." Bella's head lifted and her eyes locked with mine. I saw the anger and pain screaming from them.

"Bella. I'm sorry about what happened. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I've never been in that position before."

"That's stating the obvious." Bella's eyes shot out daggers at me.

"I honestly don't understand what I did wrong."

"Jake it didn't seem to mean as much to you as it did to me."

"Are you kidding me? It was the best night of my existence."

"Funny, that's not how I remember it. You acted like you couldn't get out of my house fast enough."

"I was scared Bella. Come on...I just broke a vow, a vow that I took very seriously. You might not care about consequences for your actions but I do. It's part of who I am. If you can't see that then maybe you don't know me as well as you thought you did." My voice grew hoarse and I looked down to see my hand curled up in a fist next to my drink.

"I get it Jake. I get that you felt awful for being with me but I never forced you to do it. You made that choice. I hate how you make me feel like I'm not good enough for you." Bella's eyes brimmed with tears.

"How can you say that? I'm the one who isn't good enough. I'm supposed to be the strong one but that night I let go of everything I knew, just to have you."

"That's just it. You had me but now you don't want me."

"I do WANT you. I want you so damn much that it literally hurts to be this close to you and not touch you or kiss you. You are all I can think about since that night."

"Then why didn't you call me or come by to check up on me? You're not acting like a man who wants me. You ran off Jake. I gave you a part of me and you gave me nothing in return. Why can't you see how good we are together?" Her voice was filled with raw pain and a single tear trickled down her face. Reaching across the table I caught it before it dropped from her chin.

"I can see it but I just don't know if I'm ready to commit to us. I would have to give up so much of myself and my life. You're asking me to abandon everything I've worked so hard for." I hoped she understood that I had a lot on my mind and a lot to consider. She was thinking with only her heart and not considering the consequences of such a life altering decision.

"I get that. I'm not that selfish that I don't comprehend the weight of your decision. It comes down to this, Jake. You need to decide who you love the most. I know it sounds awful to ask you to love me more than God and I'm probably going to burn in hell for it but I need you to choose me."

"I want that more than anything Bella but I'm afraid. I'm so scared." My voice cracked.

"Scared of what?" Bella moaned.

"I'm scared that after I leave the church that something bad will happen. What if I choose you and then something bad happens to you?"

Bella gasped, covering her mouth with both of her hands as she stared at me with shock.

"I'm serious. I don't want anything bad to happen to those I love. I can't take it Bella."

Bella reach out and took my hands.

"Honey, God didn't take your mother from you because you did something bad. It was just her time to go. We all have an expiration date on this planet. It doesn't matter how faithful we are, we all have to go when it's our time."

I knew she was right but it didn't take away my deep seeded fears.

"I know but I still can't help but wonder."

"Jake, I promise you that if God is going to take me now or fifty years from now it won't matter if you're a priest or not."

"I know but...what would I do with my life Bella? I've done nothing but this for the past ten years. Sure, I have a couple of college degrees but I won't be able to work with the church nor will I ever be able to attend it again.."

"There are other religions out there that we could try." Bella spoke with earnest.

"If I leave, how could I look at myself and not feel like a quitter." I whispered anguishly.

"Because you would be leaving for love Jake. You didn't commit any horrible sin. You did the most natural thing and fell in love. Or did you?" Bella's cheeks suddenly turned pink as she sucked in her breathand waited for my answer with sheer terror in her eyes.

It dawned on me that Bella wasn't aware of how deep my feelings ran for her. I had never used the word "love" when I spoke of my feelings about her. Thinking back to our earlier conversation I realized I used the word "want" quite often. My feelings ran deeper than just "want", heck I was totally in love with her.

Bella stood up abruptly, rummaging through her purse she set some money down and began to march away from the table. I was speechless. My head was telling me to take a second and think, really think before I chased after her. My heart was begging with me to just go with my gut and go after her and stop trying to overthink everything. Sitting as still as a statue I was aware of the waitress picking up Bella's tab and clearing off her area but I couldn't move or give her a sign that I was actually alive.

"Sir? Sir are you okay?" Her voice shook with nervousness.

"UH?" I finally broke out of my state of denial and looked up at her.

"Are you okay?" She repeated.

"I sure hope I will be." I pulled out my wallet, threw down my payment and rushed out of the room.

XXX

BPOV:

My eyes wouldn't stop filling with tears while I rush to the elevators. I had to get to my room. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I was feeling like such a fool for just assuming that he loved me.

_**God! How stupid can I be? I just assumed that because he slept with me it meant he was in love with me. Guys sleep with women all the time and that doesn't necessarily mean they have any feelings for them. Geez! How naive can I be? It's not like I haven't gone through this before? **_

"Bella wait!"

My pity party was interrupted by the sound of Jake's voice. The elevator doors opened as I turned my head to find Jake running toward me. Looking back at the vacant elevator I debated on if I should give him a chance to explain his feelings for me or if it would be better to just leave before he could cause more damage to my already crushed ego.

I started to step in the elevator but he stopped me dead in my tracks with what he said next.

"I love you Bella. Don't leave me." He shouted.

The people who were gathered in the lobby all turned and looked at the commotion.

"What are you doing?" I cried out.

"I'm telling you Isabella Swan that I love you." Jake replied.

"Are ...are you sure?" I gulped, my stomach was starting to flutter with a thousand butterflies.

"Let me show you just how sure I am." Jake whispered before pulling me into his arms and kissed me with all the love he possessed.

"Oh Jake." I let the tears break free. They were happy tears.

"Your room or mine?" Jake asked.

"Uh?"

"I want to show you Bella how much I love you. So choose your room or mine?"

"Mine." I answered and couldn't help but quiver with anticipation when I realized that today I was blessed with Jake's love and in a few minutes his body as well.

XXX

A/N: This story is not over by no means. Jake still has to make the decision to leave the church and if he does what will they do? How will everyone respond to his choice? Plus Paul/Leah still have to tell her parents the news of her pregnancy. Will Paul stand by her side or will he leave town as fast as he can? How will it end for our two star crossed couples. Can they find love even when everything seems to be against them?


	26. Divine Coincidence

A/N: Okay, ladies here is the update that some of you have requested. I want to give out a big "shout out" to Diving Belle for the wonderful outtake/oneshot that she wrote to inspire me. It did help me get my head back into this story and another thank you to Dani, LuvinJ, who helped me work out the plot bunnies in my head so that I know where this story is heading and how to end it so hopefully you guys will enjoy it. Xoxox A

Song Inspiration: Hold Me Now by Thompson Twins-A blast from the past!

Chapter 23: Divine Coincidence

JPOV:

We barely made it to her room with our clothes on. Bella was clawing at my garments, nearly shredding them as she took them off of me. I eagerly did the same with hers. We couldn't get naked fast enough.

I felt my heart pounding in my chest like a person trapped beneath the sea in a boat, hoping to be heard just in time before they were lost forever.

Our bodies began to entwine, explore and feel what came so naturally for us.

I gave a strangled groan as her fingers slowly curved around my hardness.

"I can't get enough of this." She moaned while stroking it from top to bottom.

Burying my face into the curve of her neck, I silently prayed that she meant those words.

"Is that a promise?" My voice was raspy and rough.

"I promise." She breathed.

I thought I was prepared for what would come next but it still caught me by surprise. It wasn't just what she was doing to me, but how it made me feel that made it so intense.

Her lips brushed against my nipples, my sternum, the small depression between my abs and then behold she was on her knees. Her warm, wet mouth covered my erection, sending goose bumps up and down my spine.

My fingers threaded through her soft curls as her hands cupped me with a knee-buckling touch.

"Oh...Ohhhh..."

Bella ignored my moans and pulled me deeper into her mouth. My eyes closed and my head fell back as the waves of pleasure washed over me.

I struggled to keep my climax at bay as she squeezed and licked me with an unrivaled enthusiasm, that I've never experienced.

I wanted this to last longer than a handful of blissful strokes.

"Bells...honey...enough." I groaned, lowering myself until I was on my knees before her.

She smiled with smug pleasure.

"Do you not like it?" she teased.

"I like it too much and you know it." I replied with a heavy breath, my hands running up and down the curve of her back until my hands located her sweet ass cheeks, giving them a good smack before circling back around to her front.

With tender care, my thumbs brushed over the tight peaks of her my fingers to savor the curves of her breast, I found myself totally intrigued by the texture of her skin.

Never before had I ever lusted over a woman's breast the way I did hers. I couldn't get enough of them. They reminded me of warm silk with a faint tingle of pulsing life that made my every instinct roar with need.

Bella slid her hands up my bare arms to my shoulders before our eyes locked.

"Are you okay Jake?" she questioned softly.

"Each moment you are near, I forget about everything but you." I confessed. "If I could lock those doors and block out the rest of the world, I would, just so I didn't ever have to share you with anyone or anything."

"Are you scared of what will happen with us once we walk out those doors?"

Her fingers slid over my shoulders and down my back.

"Not nearly as much as it should." I replied, before my lips skimmed down her slender nose and brushed over her mouth.

Unwilling to brood over this strange obsession I had for Bella, I claimed her mouth in a hungry kiss.

In this moment I was ready and willing to forget the world and the ultimate choice I would have to make outside that door. All I wanted to think about and concentrate on was Bella and me. How we felt now at this moment was all that mattered. I was going to live day by day and not worry so much about the consequences until it was time to face them.

XXX

"Wow, that was amazing." Bella sighed happily and a little out of breath.

"You are amazing." I kissed the tip of her nose before rolling over onto my back.

" I swear for a virgin you have moves that I've never seen." Bella moaned.

"Haha. If you say so. I love that you are trying to make me feel good. The only experience I've had before you was in my dreams. "

"Well, I've never known someone who learns as fast you do." Bella rolled over and ran her hand over my chest.

"Mmm...that tickles." I laughed softly.

"So no regrets?" Leaning up on her elbow she looked straight into my eyes.

"None. Being with you is like dying and going to heaven."

"Oh really! My turn to hear some flattery, uh." Bella giggled.

"I'm serious. Being with you makes me happy in ways I never imagined." I pushed a loose piece of hair behind her ear before pulling her down toward me.

"Me too." She whispered, licking her lips.

"I should order us some food. I don't know about you but I'm starving." Pulling myself up off the floor I made my way to the phone.

"What are you in the mood for?" I asked as I dial for room service.

"What time is it?" she yawned.

"Five." We had spent most of the night making love and taking small naps in between.

"English muffin and strawberry jam."

I gave them our order and then crawled back onto the floor with her.

"What is on our agenda for today?"

"Well, unlike you I'm here for work so I have to get dressed and be at the wedding by eleven."

"Oh. Too bad." Pulling her on top of me I feel the heat growing between her legs from the mere contact of our bodies.

"But I will have plenty of time to spend with you afterwards. So don't go too far." She pouted playfully.

"I won't. I will probably be passed out in the bed." I joked but in truth I probably would be. She had worn me out. I never knew that sex could take so much energy.

"How long do you plan to stay on this business trip?" I asked curiously.

"As long as you are here, I'm here." She said with clear certainty.

"I think we might never return to Forks." I chuckled, her laughter following mine.

"Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we should start a new life for us, somewhere away from Forks." Her smile was sincere but I could see the seriousness of her words in her eyes.

"Honey, what about your family? Would you really leave them behind?"

"You did it. I'm sure I could too."

It hurt me to hear her say something so true. I had left my family many, many years ago but not one day went by that I didn't wonder what they were doing and how they were faring in their lives. She probably thought that I had no guilt or remorse for deserting the people who had raised and loved me unconditionally but I did.

"It's harder than it seems, Bells." I warned her.

"It's called weekends and holidays. We could still see them and maybe they would even come see us." She suggested.

"Let's just get through today and the next before we make any hasty decisions about our future." I saw the flicker of pain in her eyes before the knock on the door interrupted our moment together.

"Let me up woman." I rolled her over and jumped up on my feet. Grabbing the robe I had brought with me, I covered my nakedness up before I open the door.

"Here you go. Thank you sir."

"Thank you." I gave him a tip before closing the door. Turning around I saw Bella had already slipped on the customary robe that the hotel offered and was already in a chair by the small dining room table. Pushing the cart to her, I took off the lids covering our food and smiled as she nearly pounced at the fresh warm food.

"Save some for me." I sat down across from her and placed my plate in front of me and said a prayer before I scarf down my share of the food.

I noticed that Bella was awful quiet.

"Are you okay?" I asked as she sipped on her second cup of juice.

"I'm fine. I just...it was kind of weird watching you pray over your food."

"Oh. It's a habit." I shrugged my shoulders casually.

"I know." She smiled politely.

"I'm still human Bella and I've had many years of training and discipline. I can't just forget and pretend I don't know how to respect and honor God." I hoped she didn't think I sounded rude but I wanted her to understand that even if I gave up my priesthood that I would never stop acting like a man who honored his heavenly father.

"I know. I wasn't mad about it or even offended. I just...I did almost forget you are a priest." She explained nervously.

"Well, that might not be the case for much longer." I reminded her that I was giving us serious consideration. I honestly couldn't see how I could remain in a position where I was suppose to set the example of godliness when I was breaking the rules myself.

"What time is it? I really want to take a small nap before I have to jump in the shower." Bella yawned, lifting her arms above her head.

"You have time for a quick two hour nap if you like." I informed her.

"Good. I'm going to crawl up in that bed and fall asleep. Don't wake me up until my alarm goes off." Bella planted a chaste kiss on my forehead before she walked past me and climb into the center of the bed and literally passed out.

I finished my meal before curling up with her. Closing my eyes I thought about how far we had come and still had to go before either one of us could really know how much we loved one another and just what exactly we were willing to sacrifice to keep that love.

XXX

I slip my arms under her legs and lifted her up in my arms. Our lips met as we shared a deep kiss. She was so damn tasty. If the world had a food shortage I could survive on just Bella's kisses. With her arms wrap loosely around my neck we stood kissing for several minutes before I released her lips.

"I think someone missed me." Bella replied with a big grin on her face.

"Well, you have been gone for six hours." I pointed out.

"Sorry, I had to take pictures a hour before the wedding, through the hour wedding, and then stay for the reception. Lord, I was so worn out that when I came back, I went to my room and passed out on my bed." She explained.

"I was starting to think maybe you caught a flight and left town." I joked.

"Never."

"So what should we do with our free time?" Wiggling my eyebrows and licking my lips I waited on her to response.

"Well, for starters you could put me down on my own two feet and then we could talk about food. Believe it or not I'm hungry." Her stomach growled on cue.

"Okay. Where too?" I placed her gently on her feet as requested.

"Well, we could start off eating downstairs and then bring our appetites back up here for desert." She cocked an eyebrow and flashed me a sinister smile causing my shaft to harden.

"I like your game plan." Grabbing her hand I pulled her out of the room and led us to the elevator.

"Jake! Woah! What's the rush?" She laughed.

"I have a serious sweet tooth." I replied.

Bella's face turned beet red, making me laugh inwardly and outwardly.

"Then by all means let's hurry."

Dinner went by pleasantly fast. We had our waitress put our deserts in to go boxes and flew up to our room.

I've never enjoyed cream pie so much in all my life.

XXX

APOV:

Flipping through my mail I didn't noticed Father Michael as he entered the post office and accidentally ran into him.

"I'm so sorry." My mail slipped through my hands and fell to the ground.

We both bent down to retrieve it.

"How are you Alice?" Father Michael asked.

Father Michael often reminded me of my father. He always wore a contented expression.

"I'm good. How are things with you? I noticed that Father Jacob isn't around." I couldn't resist asking about his whereabouts. No one had seen him days.

"No, he is on a sabbatical. He deserved some rest and a little fun in his life. He works hard and I think it will do him some good to get away." He replied.

"Oh. Where does a priest go for vacation?" I couldn't help but laughing as images of priests in their robes walked about in places like Vegas or on the sunny beaches of Florida popped into my head.

"Well it depends on the priest really." He chuckled.

"Where did Father Jacob go?" I knew I was being quite the noisy body but hey Bella was my best friend and I wanted to give her some info on her man when she returned from her trip.

"I sent him to Colorado. It's not exactly the most happening place, as you young people say, but it's so serene and beautiful this time of the year."

I nearly choked on my tongue. Seriously. Colorado? Was this a sign of God's sense of humor?

"Oh wow. I sent Bella Swan to Colorado for a wedding shoot."

Father Michael looked a bit shook up when I mentioned her name. Oh man! Did he know about them hooking up? No, he couldn't or else Jake would have been thrown out of the church already.

"Interesting." He smiled but I could still see a small amount of concern in his eyes.

"It's a big state. I'm sure they aren't in the same town or even hotel." I laughed but it didn't quite go as far as I had wanted it too.

"Precisely." He agreed but I could sense that we were both wondering if we could be wrong and if this was some celestial plan of God's or just purely coincidence that our forbidden lovers had accidentally found one another far, far away from home.

XXX


End file.
